The Project Gutenberg eBook of Fragments from France, by Captain Bruce Bairnsfather.
The Project Gutenberg eBook of Fragments from France
This ebook is for the use of anyone anywhere in the United States and
most other parts of the world at no cost and with almost no restrictions
whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms
of the Project Gutenberg License included with this ebook or online
at www.gutenberg.org. If you are not located in the United States,
you will have to check the laws of the country where you are located
before using this eBook.
Title: Fragments from France
Author: Bruce Bairnsfather
Release date: July 2, 2008 [eBook #25951]
Language: English
Credits: Produced by Juliet Sutherland, Emmy and the Online
Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net
*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK FRAGMENTS FROM FRANCE ***
G. P. PUTNAM'S SONS
NEW YORK AND LONDON
The Knickerbocker Press
1917
Transcriber's Note: Where text is included in a cartoon and a closer look would be
aid in readability, links are provided to larger images. These links are indicated
by underlines on the caption title providing your browser supports such linking.
HEN Tommy went out to the great war, he went
smiling, and singing the latest ditty of the halls. The
enemy scowled. War, said his professors of kultur
and his hymnsters of hate, could never be waged in the Tipperary
spirit, and the nation that sent to the front soldiers who sang and
laughed must be the very decadent England they had all along
denounced as unworthy of world-power.
I fear the enemy will be even more infuriated when he turns
over the pages of this book. In it the spirit of the British citizen
soldier, who, hating war as he
hated hell, flocked to the
colours to have his whack at
the apostles of blood and iron,
is translated to cold and permanent
print. Here is the
great war reduced to grim and
gruesome absurdity. It is not
fun poked by a mere looker-on,
it is the fun felt in the war by
one who has been through it.
CAPTAIN BRUCE BAIRNSFATHER.
Captain Bruce Bairnsfather
has stayed at that
"farm" which is portrayed in
the double page of the book;[4]
he has endured that shell-swept "'ole" that is depicted on the cover;
he has watched the disappearance of that "blinkin' parapet" shown
on one page; has had his hair cut under fire as shown on another.
And having been through it all, he has just put down what he has
seen and heard and felt and smelt and—laughed at.
Captain Bairnsfather went to the front in no mood of a "chiel
takin' notes." It was the notes that took him. Before the war,
some time a regular soldier, some time an engineer, he had little
other idea than to sketch for mischief, on walls and shirt cuffs, and
tablecloths. Without the war he might never have put pencil to
paper for publication. But the war insisted.
It is not for his mere editor to forecast his vogue in posterity.
Naturally I hope it will be a lasting one, but I am prejudiced. Let
me, however, quote a letter which reached Captain Bairnsfather
from somewhere in France:
"Twenty years after peace has been declared there will
be no more potent stimulus to the recollections of an old
soldier than your admirable sketches of trench life. May
I, with all deference, congratulate you on your humour,
your fidelity, your something-else not easily defined—I
mean your power of expressing in black and white a condition
of mind."
I hope that this forecast is a true one. If this sketch book is
worthy to outlast the days of the war, and to be kept for remembrance
on the shelves of those who have lived through it, it will
have done its bit. For will it not be a standing reminder of the
ingloriousness of war, its preposterous absurdity, and of its futility
as a means of settling the affairs of nations?[5]
CAPTAIN BRUCE BAIRNSFATHER
This picture was taken at the Front, less than a
quarter of a mile from the German trenches.
Captain Bairnsfather has come "straight off the
mud," and is wearing a fur coat, a Balaclava
helmet, and gum boots. Immediately behind
him is a hole made by a "Jack Johnson" shell.
When the ardent Jingo of the day after to-morrow rattles the
sabre, let there be somewhere handy a copy of "Fragments from
France" that can be opened in front of him, at any page, just to
remind him of what war is really like as it is fought in "civilised"
times.
Captain Bairnsfather has become a household word—or perhaps
one should say a trench-hold word. Who is ever the worse for a
laugh? Certainly not the soldier in trench or dug-out or shell-swept
billet. Rather may it be said that the Bairnsfather laughter
has acted in thousands of cases as an antidote to the bane of
depression. It is the good fortune of the British Army to possess
such an antidote, and the ill-fortune
of the other belligerents
that they do not possess its
equivalent.
A Scots officer, writing in the
Edinburgh Evening News, hits the
true sentiment towards Bairnsfather
of the Army in France
when he writes:
"To us out here the
'Fragments' are the very
quintessence of life. We
sit moping over a smoky
charcoal fire in a dug-out.
Suddenly someone, more
wide-awake than others remembers
the 'Fragments.'
Out it comes, and we laugh[6]
uproariously over each picture. For are these not the
very things we are witnessing every day, incidents full of
tragic humour? The fed-up spirit you see on the faces of
Bairnsfather's pictures is a sham—a mask beneath which
there lies something that is essentially British."
In a communication received by Captain Bairnsfather an eminent
Member of Parliament writes: "You are rising to be a factor
in the situation, just as Gillray was a factor in the Napoleonic
wars." The difference is, however, that instead of turning his
satire exclusively upon the enemy, as did Gillray, Captain Bairnsfather
turns his—good-humouredly always—on
his fellow-warriors. This habit of ours of
making fun of ourselves has come by now to
be fairly well understood by even the most
sensitive and serious-minded of our continental
friends and neighbours. It hardly needs nowadays
to be pointed out that it is a fixed condition
of the national life that wherever Britons are
working together in any common object, whether in school, college,
profession, or even warfare, they must never appear to be regarding
their occupation too seriously. Those who know us—and who,
nowadays, has the excuse for not knowing us, seeing how very
much we have been discussed?—understand that our frivolity is
apparent and not real. Because we have the gift of laughter, we
are no less appreciative of grim realities than are our scowling
enemies, and nobody knows that better in these days than those
scowling enemies themselves.
Their hymns of hate and prayers for punishment have been
impotent expressions of exasperation at our coolness, deliberation,[7]
and inflexible determination—qualities they had deluded themselves
before the war into believing would prove all a sham before
the first blast of frightfulness. They told themselves that, a war
once actually begun, the imperturbable pipe-smoking John Bull
would be transformed into a cowering craven. More complete
confusion of this false belief is nowhere to be found than in these
"Fragments." It ranks as a colossal German defeat that successive
bloodthirsty assaults upon us by land, sea, and air should
produce a Bairnsfather, depicting the "contemptible little Army,"
swollen out of all recognition, settling humorously down to war as
though it were the normal business of life.
"Fed up"? Yes, that is the word by which to describe, if you
like, the prevalent Bairnsfather expression of countenance. But
the kind of weariness he depicts is the reverse of the kind that
implies "give up." Au contraire, mes amis! The "fed-up"
Bairnsfather man is a fixture. "J'y suis," he might exclaim, if he
spoke French, "et il m'embête que j'y suis. Je voudrais que je n'y sois
pas. Mais j'y suis, et, mes bons camarades, par tous les dieux, j'y
reste!"
If the enemy should read in the words "fed up" a sign that our
tenacity is giving out, he reads it wrong; grim will be the disillusionment
of any hopes he may build upon his misreading, and
even grimmer the anger of those whom he may have deluded.
These verdammte Engländer are never what they seem, but are
always something unpleasantly different. We are the Great Enigma
of the war, and in our mystery lies our greatest strength. Let
us be careful not to lose it. Those who would have us simplify
ourselves upon the continental model, and present to the world
a picture of sombre seriousness, are asking us to change our[8]
national character. Cromwell asked the painter to paint him,
"warts and all." Bairnsfather sketches us—smiles and all. And
who would take the smiles off the "dials" of the figures you will
see on the pages that follow?
Where to Live—[ADVT.]
IN ONE OF THE CHOICEST LOCALITIES OF
NORTHERN FRANCE.
TO BE LET (three minutes from German trenches), this attractive and
WELL-BUILT DUG-OUT,
containing one reception-kitchen-bedroom and UP-TO-DATE FUNK
HOLE (4ft. by 6ft.), all modern inconveniences, including gas and water.
This desirable Residence stands one foot above water level, commanding an
excellent view of the enemy trenches.
EXCELLENT SHOOTING (SNIPE AND DUCK). —Particulars of the late Tenant, Room 6, Base Hospital, Bonlog c.
Owing to dawn breaking sooner than he anticipated, that inventive fellow,
Private Jones, has a trying time with his latest creation, "The Little
Plugstreet," the sniper's friend.
Colonel Fitz-Shrapnel receives the following message from "G. H. Q.":— "Please
let us know, as soon as possible, the number of tins of raspberry
jam issued to you last Friday."
No. 99988 Private Blobs (on sentry-go) feels that he has at last stumbled across the true explanation of that
somewhat cryptic expression, "There'll be dirty work at the cross-roads to-night!"
Private Sandy McNab cheers the assembly by pointing out (with the aid of his pocket almanac) that it is
Friday the 13th and that their number is one too many.
Never has Private Smith's face felt so large and smooth as when he hands
his Captain the following message at what he feels is an unsuitable moment:
"The G.O.C. notices with regret the tendency of all ranks to shave the upper
lip. This practice must cease forthwith."
Owing to the frequent recurrence of this dream, Herr Fritz von Lagershifter
has decided to take his friends' advice: Give up sausage late at night and
brood less upon the possible size of the British Army next spring.
Valuable Fragment from Flanders: It All Comes to This in Time.
"This interesting fragment, found near Ypres (known to the ancients as
Wipers), throws a light on a subject which has long puzzled science, i.e.,
what was the origin and meaning of those immense zigzag slots in the ground
stretching from Ostend to Belfort? There is no doubt that there was some
inter-tribal war on at this period."—Extract from "The Bystander," a.d. 4916.
In Nineteen Something: General Sir Ian Jelloid at Home.
Having picked up this cherished possession for a mere song at a sale near
Verdun, the General has now let his country seat, "Shrapnel Park," and
says he finds the new abode infinitely cheaper, and not a bit draughty, if you
keep the breech closed.
That indiscriminating orb, the moon, gives Private Scattergood a saintly
appearance, sadly out of keeping with his thoughts. He's filling 100
sandbags at 11 p.m.
Every familiar feature of the Film is happily caricatured by Captain Bairnsfather
in his amusing page of pictures. The hero, the heroine (with smile), the
villain, the heavy father, all of the most approved pattern—everything down to
[93]the meticulous inaccuracy characteristic of the American film in matters of
detail, is shown with the good-natured sarcasm befitting a master of satire as
well as of humour, while the story tells itself with breathless enthusiasm.
The Whip Hand.
Private Mulligatawny (the Australian Stock-whip wonder) frequently causes a lot of bother in the enemy's trenches.
"Here with a loaf of bread beneath the row, A muttered curse, but ne'er a whine, and thou— Beside me, singing in the wilderness, The wilderness is Paradise enow."
Private 9998 Blobs has always thought a machine for imitating the sound of
ration parties (and thus drawing fire) an excellent idea, but simply hates his
evening for working it.
"An almost extinct amphibian, first discovered in Flanders during the Winter
of 1914-15. Feeds almost exclusively on Plum and Apple Jam and
Rum. Only savage when the latter is knocked off."
Private Wm. Jones is not half so annoyed at accidentally falling down the
mine crater as he is at hearing two friends murmuring the first verse of
"Don't go down the mine, Daddy."
Private Smith (late Shinio, the popular juggler) appreciably lowers the protective
value of his section's shrapnel helmets by practising his celebrated
plate and basin spinning act.
If Only They'd Make "Old Bill" President of Those Tribunals.
"Well, what's your job, me lad?"
"Making spots for rocking-horses, sir."
"Three months."
"Exemption, sir?"
"Nao, exemption be ——d! Three months' hard!"
(In this cartoon Captain Bairnsfather refers to the report that the corpses of
German soldiers fallen in battle were utilised in a Corpse-Conversion Factory for
the purpose of providing fats for the Fatherland.)
What particularly annoys Lieutenant Jones, R.F.A. (who thought he could
get a better view from the belfry), is that irritating prediction which keeps
passing through his head, "The curfew shall not ring to-night."
You will never quite realise how closely we are bound to our French Ally
until you have had the good fortune to travel on one of those "leave" trains—six
a side, windows shut, fifty miles to go, and eighteen hours to do it!
In that rare and elusive period known as "Leave" it is necessary to reconstruct the "Atmosphere" of the front
as far as possible in order to produce the weekly "Fragment."
ROLLS-DAIMLER, 1917.—Four-seated Coupé body (très coupé). Hardly been
used, beautifully finished (almost completely). One dickey seat (very dickey),
detachable rims (two already detached). Only driven 10 miles (Albert to
Gommecourt). Excellent shock absorber (has absorbed any amount). In exceptional
condition. £650 (or good bath chair). BARGAIN.—Captain Somepush,
No. 2, Red Cross, Rouen.
Merely a Warning.
To those who may be contemplating picking up a Government car cheaply
after the war. Insist on seeing photograph. Don't be satisfied by just
reading the advertisements.
Transcriber's Notes:
With the three noted exceptions, punctuation anomalies were retained to
match the original drawings. The exceptions are in the books printed
explanations, not in any cartoon.
Page 5, period added to illustration caption ("Jack Johnson" shell.)
Page 112, single opening quote changed to double. ("You wait till I)
Page 125, period added to title of picture to match rest of format (That
Provost-Marshal Feeling.)
Pages 92 and 97 were halves of the same comic. They were reattached to
aid readability.
*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK FRAGMENTS FROM FRANCE ***
Updated editions will replace the previous one—the old editions will
be renamed.
Creating the works from print editions not protected by U.S. copyright
law means that no one owns a United States copyright in these works,
so the Foundation (and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United
States without permission and without paying copyright
royalties. Special rules, set forth in the General Terms of Use part
of this license, apply to copying and distributing Project
Gutenberg™ electronic works to protect the PROJECT GUTENBERG™
concept and trademark. Project Gutenberg is a registered trademark,
and may not be used if you charge for an eBook, except by following
the terms of the trademark license, including paying royalties for use
of the Project Gutenberg trademark. If you do not charge anything for
copies of this eBook, complying with the trademark license is very
easy. You may use this eBook for nearly any purpose such as creation
of derivative works, reports, performances and research. Project
Gutenberg eBooks may be modified and printed and given away—you may
do practically ANYTHING in the United States with eBooks not protected
by U.S. copyright law. Redistribution is subject to the trademark
license, especially commercial redistribution.
START: FULL LICENSE
THE FULL PROJECT GUTENBERG LICENSE
PLEASE READ THIS BEFORE YOU DISTRIBUTE OR USE THIS WORK
To protect the Project Gutenberg™ mission of promoting the free
distribution of electronic works, by using or distributing this work
(or any other work associated in any way with the phrase “Project
Gutenberg”), you agree to comply with all the terms of the Full
Project Gutenberg™ License available with this file or online at
www.gutenberg.org/license.
Section 1. General Terms of Use and Redistributing Project Gutenberg™
electronic works
1.A. By reading or using any part of this Project Gutenberg™
electronic work, you indicate that you have read, understand, agree to
and accept all the terms of this license and intellectual property
(trademark/copyright) agreement. If you do not agree to abide by all
the terms of this agreement, you must cease using and return or
destroy all copies of Project Gutenberg™ electronic works in your
possession. If you paid a fee for obtaining a copy of or access to a
Project Gutenberg™ electronic work and you do not agree to be bound
by the terms of this agreement, you may obtain a refund from the person
or entity to whom you paid the fee as set forth in paragraph 1.E.8.
1.B. “Project Gutenberg” is a registered trademark. It may only be
used on or associated in any way with an electronic work by people who
agree to be bound by the terms of this agreement. There are a few
things that you can do with most Project Gutenberg™ electronic works
even without complying with the full terms of this agreement. See
paragraph 1.C below. There are a lot of things you can do with Project
Gutenberg™ electronic works if you follow the terms of this
agreement and help preserve free future access to Project Gutenberg™
electronic works. See paragraph 1.E below.
1.C. The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation (“the
Foundation” or PGLAF), owns a compilation copyright in the collection
of Project Gutenberg™ electronic works. Nearly all the individual
works in the collection are in the public domain in the United
States. If an individual work is unprotected by copyright law in the
United States and you are located in the United States, we do not
claim a right to prevent you from copying, distributing, performing,
displaying or creating derivative works based on the work as long as
all references to Project Gutenberg are removed. Of course, we hope
that you will support the Project Gutenberg™ mission of promoting
free access to electronic works by freely sharing Project Gutenberg™
works in compliance with the terms of this agreement for keeping the
Project Gutenberg™ name associated with the work. You can easily
comply with the terms of this agreement by keeping this work in the
same format with its attached full Project Gutenberg™ License when
you share it without charge with others.
1.D. The copyright laws of the place where you are located also govern
what you can do with this work. Copyright laws in most countries are
in a constant state of change. If you are outside the United States,
check the laws of your country in addition to the terms of this
agreement before downloading, copying, displaying, performing,
distributing or creating derivative works based on this work or any
other Project Gutenberg™ work. The Foundation makes no
representations concerning the copyright status of any work in any
country other than the United States.
1.E. Unless you have removed all references to Project Gutenberg:
1.E.1. The following sentence, with active links to, or other
immediate access to, the full Project Gutenberg™ License must appear
prominently whenever any copy of a Project Gutenberg™ work (any work
on which the phrase “Project Gutenberg” appears, or with which the
phrase “Project Gutenberg” is associated) is accessed, displayed,
performed, viewed, copied or distributed:
This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere in the United States and most
other parts of the world at no cost and with almost no restrictions
whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms
of the Project Gutenberg License included with this eBook or online
at www.gutenberg.org. If you
are not located in the United States, you will have to check the laws
of the country where you are located before using this eBook.
1.E.2. If an individual Project Gutenberg™ electronic work is
derived from texts not protected by U.S. copyright law (does not
contain a notice indicating that it is posted with permission of the
copyright holder), the work can be copied and distributed to anyone in
the United States without paying any fees or charges. If you are
redistributing or providing access to a work with the phrase “Project
Gutenberg” associated with or appearing on the work, you must comply
either with the requirements of paragraphs 1.E.1 through 1.E.7 or
obtain permission for the use of the work and the Project Gutenberg™
trademark as set forth in paragraphs 1.E.8 or 1.E.9.
1.E.3. If an individual Project Gutenberg™ electronic work is posted
with the permission of the copyright holder, your use and distribution
must comply with both paragraphs 1.E.1 through 1.E.7 and any
additional terms imposed by the copyright holder. Additional terms
will be linked to the Project Gutenberg™ License for all works
posted with the permission of the copyright holder found at the
beginning of this work.
1.E.4. Do not unlink or detach or remove the full Project Gutenberg™
License terms from this work, or any files containing a part of this
work or any other work associated with Project Gutenberg™.
1.E.5. Do not copy, display, perform, distribute or redistribute this
electronic work, or any part of this electronic work, without
prominently displaying the sentence set forth in paragraph 1.E.1 with
active links or immediate access to the full terms of the Project
Gutenberg™ License.
1.E.6. You may convert to and distribute this work in any binary,
compressed, marked up, nonproprietary or proprietary form, including
any word processing or hypertext form. However, if you provide access
to or distribute copies of a Project Gutenberg™ work in a format
other than “Plain Vanilla ASCII” or other format used in the official
version posted on the official Project Gutenberg™ website
(www.gutenberg.org), you must, at no additional cost, fee or expense
to the user, provide a copy, a means of exporting a copy, or a means
of obtaining a copy upon request, of the work in its original “Plain
Vanilla ASCII” or other form. Any alternate format must include the
full Project Gutenberg™ License as specified in paragraph 1.E.1.
1.E.7. Do not charge a fee for access to, viewing, displaying,
performing, copying or distributing any Project Gutenberg™ works
unless you comply with paragraph 1.E.8 or 1.E.9.
1.E.8. You may charge a reasonable fee for copies of or providing
access to or distributing Project Gutenberg™ electronic works
provided that:
• You pay a royalty fee of 20% of the gross profits you derive from
the use of Project Gutenberg™ works calculated using the method
you already use to calculate your applicable taxes. The fee is owed
to the owner of the Project Gutenberg™ trademark, but he has
agreed to donate royalties under this paragraph to the Project
Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation. Royalty payments must be paid
within 60 days following each date on which you prepare (or are
legally required to prepare) your periodic tax returns. Royalty
payments should be clearly marked as such and sent to the Project
Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation at the address specified in
Section 4, “Information about donations to the Project Gutenberg
Literary Archive Foundation.”
• You provide a full refund of any money paid by a user who notifies
you in writing (or by e-mail) within 30 days of receipt that s/he
does not agree to the terms of the full Project Gutenberg™
License. You must require such a user to return or destroy all
copies of the works possessed in a physical medium and discontinue
all use of and all access to other copies of Project Gutenberg™
works.
• You provide, in accordance with paragraph 1.F.3, a full refund of
any money paid for a work or a replacement copy, if a defect in the
electronic work is discovered and reported to you within 90 days of
receipt of the work.
• You comply with all other terms of this agreement for free
distribution of Project Gutenberg™ works.
1.E.9. If you wish to charge a fee or distribute a Project
Gutenberg™ electronic work or group of works on different terms than
are set forth in this agreement, you must obtain permission in writing
from the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation, the manager of
the Project Gutenberg™ trademark. Contact the Foundation as set
forth in Section 3 below.
1.F.
1.F.1. Project Gutenberg volunteers and employees expend considerable
effort to identify, do copyright research on, transcribe and proofread
works not protected by U.S. copyright law in creating the Project
Gutenberg™ collection. Despite these efforts, Project Gutenberg™
electronic works, and the medium on which they may be stored, may
contain “Defects,” such as, but not limited to, incomplete, inaccurate
or corrupt data, transcription errors, a copyright or other
intellectual property infringement, a defective or damaged disk or
other medium, a computer virus, or computer codes that damage or
cannot be read by your equipment.
1.F.2. LIMITED WARRANTY, DISCLAIMER OF DAMAGES - Except for the “Right
of Replacement or Refund” described in paragraph 1.F.3, the Project
Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation, the owner of the Project
Gutenberg™ trademark, and any other party distributing a Project
Gutenberg™ electronic work under this agreement, disclaim all
liability to you for damages, costs and expenses, including legal
fees. YOU AGREE THAT YOU HAVE NO REMEDIES FOR NEGLIGENCE, STRICT
LIABILITY, BREACH OF WARRANTY OR BREACH OF CONTRACT EXCEPT THOSE
PROVIDED IN PARAGRAPH 1.F.3. YOU AGREE THAT THE FOUNDATION, THE
TRADEMARK OWNER, AND ANY DISTRIBUTOR UNDER THIS AGREEMENT WILL NOT BE
LIABLE TO YOU FOR ACTUAL, DIRECT, INDIRECT, CONSEQUENTIAL, PUNITIVE OR
INCIDENTAL DAMAGES EVEN IF YOU GIVE NOTICE OF THE POSSIBILITY OF SUCH
DAMAGE.
1.F.3. LIMITED RIGHT OF REPLACEMENT OR REFUND - If you discover a
defect in this electronic work within 90 days of receiving it, you can
receive a refund of the money (if any) you paid for it by sending a
written explanation to the person you received the work from. If you
received the work on a physical medium, you must return the medium
with your written explanation. The person or entity that provided you
with the defective work may elect to provide a replacement copy in
lieu of a refund. If you received the work electronically, the person
or entity providing it to you may choose to give you a second
opportunity to receive the work electronically in lieu of a refund. If
the second copy is also defective, you may demand a refund in writing
without further opportunities to fix the problem.
1.F.4. Except for the limited right of replacement or refund set forth
in paragraph 1.F.3, this work is provided to you ‘AS-IS’, WITH NO
OTHER WARRANTIES OF ANY KIND, EXPRESS OR IMPLIED, INCLUDING BUT NOT
LIMITED TO WARRANTIES OF MERCHANTABILITY OR FITNESS FOR ANY PURPOSE.
1.F.5. Some states do not allow disclaimers of certain implied
warranties or the exclusion or limitation of certain types of
damages. If any disclaimer or limitation set forth in this agreement
violates the law of the state applicable to this agreement, the
agreement shall be interpreted to make the maximum disclaimer or
limitation permitted by the applicable state law. The invalidity or
unenforceability of any provision of this agreement shall not void the
remaining provisions.
1.F.6. INDEMNITY - You agree to indemnify and hold the Foundation, the
trademark owner, any agent or employee of the Foundation, anyone
providing copies of Project Gutenberg™ electronic works in
accordance with this agreement, and any volunteers associated with the
production, promotion and distribution of Project Gutenberg™
electronic works, harmless from all liability, costs and expenses,
including legal fees, that arise directly or indirectly from any of
the following which you do or cause to occur: (a) distribution of this
or any Project Gutenberg™ work, (b) alteration, modification, or
additions or deletions to any Project Gutenberg™ work, and (c) any
Defect you cause.
Section 2. Information about the Mission of Project Gutenberg™
Project Gutenberg™ is synonymous with the free distribution of
electronic works in formats readable by the widest variety of
computers including obsolete, old, middle-aged and new computers. It
exists because of the efforts of hundreds of volunteers and donations
from people in all walks of life.
Volunteers and financial support to provide volunteers with the
assistance they need are critical to reaching Project Gutenberg™’s
goals and ensuring that the Project Gutenberg™ collection will
remain freely available for generations to come. In 2001, the Project
Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation was created to provide a secure
and permanent future for Project Gutenberg™ and future
generations. To learn more about the Project Gutenberg Literary
Archive Foundation and how your efforts and donations can help, see
Sections 3 and 4 and the Foundation information page at www.gutenberg.org.
Section 3. Information about the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation
The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation is a non-profit
501(c)(3) educational corporation organized under the laws of the
state of Mississippi and granted tax exempt status by the Internal
Revenue Service. The Foundation’s EIN or federal tax identification
number is 64-6221541. Contributions to the Project Gutenberg Literary
Archive Foundation are tax deductible to the full extent permitted by
U.S. federal laws and your state’s laws.
The Foundation’s business office is located at 809 North 1500 West,
Salt Lake City, UT 84116, (801) 596-1887. Email contact links and up
to date contact information can be found at the Foundation’s website
and official page at www.gutenberg.org/contact
Section 4. Information about Donations to the Project Gutenberg
Literary Archive Foundation
Project Gutenberg™ depends upon and cannot survive without widespread
public support and donations to carry out its mission of
increasing the number of public domain and licensed works that can be
freely distributed in machine-readable form accessible by the widest
array of equipment including outdated equipment. Many small donations
($1 to $5,000) are particularly important to maintaining tax exempt
status with the IRS.
The Foundation is committed to complying with the laws regulating
charities and charitable donations in all 50 states of the United
States. Compliance requirements are not uniform and it takes a
considerable effort, much paperwork and many fees to meet and keep up
with these requirements. We do not solicit donations in locations
where we have not received written confirmation of compliance. To SEND
DONATIONS or determine the status of compliance for any particular state
visit www.gutenberg.org/donate.
While we cannot and do not solicit contributions from states where we
have not met the solicitation requirements, we know of no prohibition
against accepting unsolicited donations from donors in such states who
approach us with offers to donate.
International donations are gratefully accepted, but we cannot make
any statements concerning tax treatment of donations received from
outside the United States. U.S. laws alone swamp our small staff.
Please check the Project Gutenberg web pages for current donation
methods and addresses. Donations are accepted in a number of other
ways including checks, online payments and credit card donations. To
donate, please visit: www.gutenberg.org/donate.
Section 5. General Information About Project Gutenberg™ electronic works
Professor Michael S. Hart was the originator of the Project
Gutenberg™ concept of a library of electronic works that could be
freely shared with anyone. For forty years, he produced and
distributed Project Gutenberg™ eBooks with only a loose network of
volunteer support.
Project Gutenberg™ eBooks are often created from several printed
editions, all of which are confirmed as not protected by copyright in
the U.S. unless a copyright notice is included. Thus, we do not
necessarily keep eBooks in compliance with any particular paper
edition.
Most people start at our website which has the main PG search
facility: www.gutenberg.org.
This website includes information about Project Gutenberg™,
including how to make donations to the Project Gutenberg Literary
Archive Foundation, how to help produce our new eBooks, and how to
subscribe to our email newsletter to hear about new eBooks.
CAPTAIN BRUCE BAIRNSFATHER.
CAPTAIN BRUCE BAIRNSFATHER
![Where to Live—[ADVT.]](images/illus009.jpg "Where to Live—[ADVT.]")
"Where did that one go to?"
That Evening Star-shell.
"They've evidently seen me."
Situation Shortly Vacant.
The Tactless Teuton.
"Well, if you knows of a better 'ole, go to it."
A Proposal in Flanders.
No Possible Doubt Whatever.
"Gott strafe this barbed wire."
So Obvious.
The Fatalist.
A Maxim Maxim.
Our Adaptable Armies.
A.D. Nineteen Fifty.
Frustrated Ingenuity.
Keeping His Hand In.
"—— —— these —— —— rations."
Dear ——
The Eternal Question.
Directing the Way at the Front.
The Late Comer.
The Innocent Abroad.
"There goes our blinkin' parapet again."
"The Spirit of our Troops is Excellent."
The Things that Matter.
The Soldier's Dream.
The Thirst for Reprisals.
The Ideal and the Real.
"Watch me make a fire-bucket of 'is 'elmet."
"That 16-inch Sensation."
That Sword.
What It Really Feels Like.
"My dream for years to come."
Coiffure in the Trenches.
Another Maxim Maxim.
Our Democratic Army.
Never Again!
Thoroughness.
That Hat.
Springtime in Flanders.
The Dud Shell—Or the Fuse-Top Collector.
"What's all this about unmarried men?"
The Historical Touch.
His Initiation.
When One Would Like to Start an Offensive on One's Own.
Trouble With One of the Souvenirs.
The Conscientious Exhilarator.
The Nest.
Those Superstitions.
The Professional Touch.
Happy Memories of the Zoo.
Observation.
Immediate and Important!
His Dual Obsession.
The Communication Trench.
Letting Himself Down.
Old Saws and New Meanings——By Bairnsfather.
Nobbled.
The Intelligence Department.
Valuable Fragment from Flanders: It All Comes to This in Time.
In Nineteen Something: General Sir Ian Jelloid at Home.
In and Out (I).
In and Out (II).
Pushfulness at Plug Street.
His Secret Sorrow.
The Hard Lines of Communication.
The New Submarine Danger.
War!
A Matter of Moment.
The Saint.
Those Tubular Trenches.
Con Moto Perpetuo.
Real Sympathy.
Entanglements.
"LEAVE."
There are times when Private Lightfoot feels absolutely convinced that it's going to be a War of Exhaustion.
Chat on 'Change.
The Whip Hand.
Christmas Day: How it dawned for many.
"Under the spreading chestnut tree the village smithy stands."
Augusts Three.
Overheard in an Orchard.
The Offensive.
"The Imminent, Deadly Breach."
Telepathy.
Trouville-sur-Somme.
Omar the Optimist.
"Where do yer want this put, Sargint?"
Coming to the Point.
A Castle in the Air.
The Freedom of the Seas.
In Dixie-Land.
Alas! Poor Herr Von Yorick!
Those Signals.
His Christmas Goose.
Urgent.
The Candid Friend.
The Long and the Short of It.
"Old Moore" at the Front.
Supra-Normal.
That "Out Wiring" Sensation.
Natural History of the War
Things that Irritate.
Still Keeping His Hand In.
Those —— Mouth-Organs.
Those Raiders at the Seat of War.
Romance, 1917.
Modern Topography.
"There Was a Young Man of Cologne."
In the Support Trench.
It's the Little Things that Worry.
That Periscope Sensation.
At the Brewery Baths.
A Miner Success.
Birds of Ill Omen.
If Only They'd Make "Old Bill" President of Those Tribunals.
Down at the Ration Dump.
The Glorious Fifth.
This Muddy War.
Unappetising.
The Tourists, 19..?
Alas! My poor Brother!
Can-Tank-erous.
Curfew.
Getting the Local Colour.
The Ghost of Dead Pig Farm—19..?
George versus Germany.
A Puzzle for Paderewski.
"Substitutes" in the Field.
Leave.
Merely a Warning.
