% -*- mode: tex -*- coding: utf-8 -*-
% Converted from RST master
%
\documentclass[a5paper]{book}

\usepackage{polyglossia}
\setotherlanguages{english}

\usepackage{xltxtra}

\defaultfontfeatures{Scale=MatchLowercase}
\setmainfont{Libertinus Serif}
\setsansfont{Libertinus Sans}
\setmonofont[HyphenChar=None]{DejaVu Sans Mono}

\usepackage{calc}
\usepackage{graphicx}
\usepackage{alltt}
\usepackage{float}

\usepackage{array} % longtable uses array if loaded
\usepackage{longtable}

\usepackage{booktabs} % typographical tables
\newcommand{\otoprule}{\midrule[\heavyrulewidth]}

\usepackage{lettrine} % dropcaps
\usepackage[implicit=false,colorlinks=true,linkcolor=blue]{hyperref}
\hypersetup{pdfcreator={Ebookmaker 0.12.48}}
\hypersetup{pdfauthor={Clarence L. Cullen}}
\hypersetup{pdftitle={Taking Chances}}
\usepackage[open,openlevel=1]{bookmark}

\tolerance 10000  % dont make overfull boxes
\hbadness 1000    % warn if badness exceeds 1000

\catcode`@=11     % make 'private' LaTeX variables public
\catcode`\^^J=10  % don't let empty lines end paragraphs
\catcode`\^^M=10
\catcode`\"=12    % no electric quotes

\setlength{\textwidth} {\paperwidth  * 7 / 9}
\setlength{\textheight}{\paperheight * 7 / 9}

% round textheight to baselineskip
\small\normalsize
\advance\textheight by .5\baselineskip
\divide\textheight by \baselineskip
\multiply\textheight by \baselineskip
\advance\textheight by \topskip

\setlength{\topmargin}     {\paperheight / 9 - \topskip - \headsep - \headheight - 1in}

\setlength{\evensidemargin}{\paperwidth / 9 - 1in}
\setlength{\oddsidemargin} {\paperwidth / 9 - 1in}

% \setlength{\fboxsep}{0pt} % fbox used for debugging

\let\par=\endgraf % elude macro parameter protection

\begin{document}

\newcommand{\parindentamount}{24pt}
\setlength{\parindent}{\parindentamount}
\setlength{\parskip}{0pt}
\setlength{\parsep}{0pt}
% \setlength{\topsep}{0pt plus6pt}
\setlength{\footnotesep}{0pt}

% relax float restrictions
\renewcommand{\topfraction}{.85}
\renewcommand{\bottomfraction}{.7}
\renewcommand{\textfraction}{.15}
\renewcommand{\floatpagefraction}{.66}
\renewcommand{\dbltopfraction}{.66}
\renewcommand{\dblfloatpagefraction}{.66}
\setcounter{topnumber}{9}
\setcounter{bottomnumber}{9}
\setcounter{totalnumber}{20}
\setcounter{dbltopnumber}{9}

\setcounter{LTchunksize}{10000} % process tables in one chunk

% latex always wants a numeric parameter to \footnotemark and \footnotetext
% hack to get latex to accept any string as footnote label
\def\@xfootnotemark[#1]{%
   \begingroup
      \unrestored@protected@xdef\@thefnmark{#1}%
   \endgroup
   \@footnotemark}

\def\@xfootnotenext[#1]{%
  \begingroup
     \unrestored@protected@xdef\@thefnmark{#1}%
  \endgroup
  \@footnotetext}


% headers

% HACK! to avoid a page break between labels and section title
% standard secpenalty is -300
\@secpenalty = 0

\setcounter{secnumdepth}{-1} % no automatic section numbering
% \setcounter{tocdepth}{1} we don't use auto toc at present

% \def\pgpageno#1{\marginpar[\hfill\fbox{#1}]{\fbox{#1}}}

% \def\pglineno#1{\@mparswitchfalse\marginparsep-24pt\marginpar{#1}}

\def\sd{\dp\strutbox}

\def\pgpageno#1{\strut\vadjust{\kern-\sd\vtop to \sd{\baselineskip\sd\vss\vbox{\hbox to 0pt{\hss\footnotesize(#1)\kern 18pt}\null}}}}

\def\pglineno#1{\strut\vadjust{\kern-\sd\vtop to \sd{\baselineskip\sd\vss\vbox{\hbox to \hsize{\hfill #1\kern 24pt}\null}}}}

\floatstyle{boxed}
\newfloat{topic}{tbp}{loc}
\newfloat{sidebar}{tbp}{los}

\long\def\centerleft#1{%
  {\sbox\@tempboxa{#1}%
  \ifdim \wd\@tempboxa >\hsize
    #1\par
  \else
    {\centering #1\par}
  \fi}}

\setlength{\belowcaptionskip}{\smallskipamount}

\def\raggedright{%
  \let\\\@centercr
  \advance\rightskip\@flushglue
  \parindent\z@}

\def\centering{%
  \let\\\@centercr
  \advance\rightskip\@flushglue\advance\leftskip\@flushglue
  \parindent\z@\parfillskip\z@skip}

\def\raggedleft{%
  \let\\\@centercr
  \advance\leftskip\@flushglue
  \parindent\z@\parfillskip\z@skip}

\renewenvironment{verse}{\parindent\z@}{}

% insert vertical spacing
\def\vs#1{\vspace{#1\baselineskip}}

% one line of verse
\def\vl{\advance\leftskip48pt\hskip-48pt}

% define environments for most of the
% standard building blocks of a book

\def\startenv{%
  \thispagestyle{empty}%
}
\def\endenv{%
}

\newenvironment{container}{}{\par}

\newenvironment{coverpage_env}{\startenv}{\endenv}
\newenvironment{frontispiece_env}{\startenv}{\endenv}
\newenvironment{titlepage_env}{\startenv}{\endenv}
\newenvironment{verso_env}{\startenv}{\endenv}
\newenvironment{dedication_env}{\startenv}{\endenv}
\newenvironment{plainpage_env}{\startenv}{\endenv}
\newenvironment{contents_env}{}{}
\newenvironment{foreword_env}{}{}
\newenvironment{preface_env}{}{}
\newenvironment{introduction_env}{}{}
\newenvironment{prologue_env}{}{}
\newenvironment{epilogue_env}{}{}
\newenvironment{glossary_env}{}{}
\newenvironment{bibliography_env}{}{}
\newenvironment{index_env}{}{}
\newenvironment{colophon_env}{}{}
\newenvironment{pgfooter_env}{}{}
\newenvironment{pgheader_env}{}{}
\newenvironment{appendix_env}{}{}

\newdimen{\tablewidth} % helper

% \tracingpages=1

\frontmatter

\thispagestyle{empty}

{\noindent}
{\centering
{\LARGE\strut{TAKING CHANCES}}
\endgraf}
\par

% this is the default PG-RST stylesheet

% figure and image styles for non-image formats

% default transition

% default attribution

% -*- encoding: utf-8 -*-
\label{pg-header}%
\hypertarget{pg-header}{}%
{}

\begin{english}
\begin{container}
\begin{pgheader_env}
\vs{2}
{\noindent}
\noindent
This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or
re-use it under the terms of the \hyperlink{project-gutenberg-license}{Project Gutenberg License}
included with this eBook or online at
{https://www.gutenberg.org/license}.
\par

\label{pg-machine-header}%
\hypertarget{pg-machine-header}{}%
{}

\begin{container}
\vs{1}
{\noindent}
\noindent
Title: Taking Chances
\par

\noindent
Author: Clarence L. Cullen
\par

\noindent
Release Date: September 19, 2011 {[}EBook \#37477{]}
\par

\noindent
Language: English
\par

\noindent
Character set encoding: UTF-8
\par

\label{pg-start-line}%
\hypertarget{pg-start-line}{}%
{}

\vs{1}
{\noindent}
\noindent
*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK TAKING CHANCES ***
\par
\end{container}

\label{pg-produced-by}%
\hypertarget{pg-produced-by}{}%
{}

\begin{container}
\vs{4}
{\noindent}
\noindent
Produced by Roger Frank, Mary Meehan, and the Online Distributed Proofreading Team at {http://www.pgdp.net}.
\par

\end{container}
\end{pgheader_env}
\end{container}
\end{english}

\vs{1}
\begin{verse}
{\vl {\noindent}

{\centering
{\LARGE\strut{BY}}
\endgraf}
\par}
{\vl 
{\centering
{\LARGE\strut{CLARENCE L. CULLEN}}
\endgraf}
\par}
\end{verse}

\vs{1}
\begin{verse}
{\vl {\noindent}

{\centering
{\Large\strut{AUTHOR OF}}
\endgraf}
\par}
{\vl 
{\centering
{\Large\strut{"Tales OF THE EX-TANKS."}}
\endgraf}
\par}
\end{verse}

\vs{1}
\begin{verse}
{\vl {\noindent}

{\centering
{\Large\strut{G. W. DILLINGHAM COMPANY}}
\endgraf}
\par}
{\vl 
{\centering
{\Large\strut{PUBLISHERS}}
\endgraf}
\par}
{\vl 
{\centering
{\Large\strut{NEW YORK}}
\endgraf}
\par}
\end{verse}

\vs{1}
\begin{verse}
{\vl {\noindent}

{\centering
{\scshape{{\Large\strut{Copyright, 1898-1899-1900, By}}}}
\endgraf}
\par}
{\vl 
{\centering
{\Large\strut{THE SUN PRINTING AND PUBLISHING ASSOCIATION.}}
\endgraf}
\par}
\end{verse}

\vs{1}
\begin{verse}
{\vl {\noindent}

{\centering
{\scshape{{\Large\strut{Copyright, 1900, By}}}}
\endgraf}
\par}
{\vl 
{\centering
{\Large\strut{G. W. DILLINGHAM COMPANY.}}
\endgraf}
\par}
\end{verse}

\begin{container}
\vs{1}
{\noindent}
{\centering
――――
\endgraf}
\par
\end{container}

\vs{1}
\penalty-300%
\label{section-1}%
\hypertarget{section-1}{}%
\vspace*{50pt}\thispagestyle{empty}
{\noindent\interlinepenalty \@M\normalfont\Huge\bfseries%
{\noindent}
CONTENTS}

\unskip\vskip 40pt\nobreak

\begin{container}
\begin{contents_env}
\begin{itemize}
\item[] {\noindent}
\hyperlink{introductory-note}{INTRODUCTORY NOTE.}\par

\item[] \hyperlink{this-wiretapper-was-color-blind}{THIS WIRETAPPER WAS COLOR-BLIND.}\par

\item[] \hyperlink{whooping-a-race-horse-under-the-wire}{"WHOOPING" A RACE-HORSE UNDER THE WIRE.}\par

\item[] \hyperlink{just-like-finding-money}{JUST LIKE FINDING MONEY.}\par

\item[] \hyperlink{this-son-of-fonso-was-of-no-account}{THIS SON OF FONSO WAS OF NO ACCOUNT.}\par

\item[] \hyperlink{hard-luck-wail-of-an-old-time-trainer}{HARD-LUCK WAIL OF AN OLD-TIME TRAINER.}\par

\item[] \hyperlink{story-of-an-almost-combination}{STORY OF AN "ALMOST" COMBINATION.}\par

\item[] \hyperlink{red-donnelly-s-streak-of-luck}{"RED" DONNELLY'S STREAK OF LUCK.}\par

\item[] \hyperlink{and-red-beak-jim-took-the-tip}{AND "RED BEAK JIM" TOOK THE TIP.}\par

\item[] \hyperlink{the-game-of-running-ringers}{THE GAME OF RUNNING "RINGERS."}\par

\item[] \hyperlink{experiences-of-a-verdant-bookmaker}{EXPERIENCES OF A VERDANT BOOKMAKER.}\par

\item[] \hyperlink{the-man-who-knew-all-about-touts}{THE MAN WHO KNEW ALL ABOUT TOUTS.}\par

\item[] \hyperlink{a-copper-lined-cinch-that-did-go-through}{A "COPPER-LINED CINCH" THAT DID GO THROUGH.}\par

\item[] \hyperlink{he-coppered-his-wife-s-hunches}{HE "COPPERED" HIS WIFE'S "HUNCHES."}\par

\item[] \hyperlink{a-race-horse-that-paid-a-church-debt}{A RACE HORSE THAT PAID A CHURCH DEBT.}\par

\item[] \hyperlink{a-seedy-sport-s-string-of-horses}{A SEEDY SPORT'S STRING OF HORSES.}\par

\item[] \hyperlink{this-telegram-was-signed-just-bub}{THIS TELEGRAM WAS SIGNED JUST "BUB."}\par

\item[] \hyperlink{story-of-a-famous-pat-hand}{STORY OF A FAMOUS PAT HAND.}\par

\item[] \hyperlink{great-luck-at-an-inopportune-time}{GREAT LUCK AT AN INOPPORTUNE TIME.}\par

\item[] \hyperlink{card-playing-on-ocean-steamers}{CARD-PLAYING ON OCEAN STEAMERS.}\par

\item[] \hyperlink{this-dog-knew-the-game-of-poker}{THIS DOG KNEW THE GAME OF POKER.}\par

\item[] \hyperlink{wind-up-of-a-train-game-of-poker}{WIND-UP OF A TRAIN GAME OF POKER.}\par

\item[] \hyperlink{queer-pacific-coast-poker}{QUEER PACIFIC COAST POKER.}\par

\item[] \hyperlink{the-proper-time-to-get-cold-feet}{THE PROPER TIME TO GET "COLD FEET."}\par

\item[] \hyperlink{cato-was-just-bound-to-play-poker}{CATO WAS JUST BOUND TO PLAY POKER.}\par

\item[] \hyperlink{finish-of-an-educated-red-man}{FINISH OF AN EDUCATED RED MAN.}\par

\item[] \hyperlink{the-uncertain-game-of-stud-poker}{THE UNCERTAIN GAME OF STUD POKER.}\par

\item[] \hyperlink{this-man-won-too-often}{THIS MAN WON TOO OFTEN.}\par

\item[] \hyperlink{the-nerve-of-gamblers-at-critical-moments}{THE NERVE OF GAMBLERS AT CRITICAL MOMENTS.}\par

\item[] \hyperlink{the-insidious-game-of-squeeze-spindle}{THE INSIDIOUS GAME OF SQUEEZE-SPINDLE.}\par
\end{itemize}
\end{contents_env}
\end{container}

\begin{container}
\vs{1}
{\noindent}
{\centering
――――
\endgraf}
\par
\end{container}

\vs{1}
\penalty-300%
\label{introductory-note}%
\hypertarget{introductory-note}{}%
\vspace*{50pt}\thispagestyle{empty}
{\noindent\interlinepenalty \@M\normalfont\Huge\bfseries%
{\noindent}
INTRODUCTORY NOTE.}

\unskip\vskip 40pt\nobreak

{\noindent}
To the man who, at any period of his days, has been
bitten by that ferocious and fever-producing insect colloquially
known as the "horse bug," and likewise to the
man whose nervous system has been racked by the depredations
of the "poker microbe," these tales of the turf
and of the green cloth are sympathetically dedicated. The
thoroughbred running horse is a peculiar animal. While
he is often beaten, the very wisest veterans of the turf
have a favorite maxim to the effect that "The ponies
can't be beat"—meaning the thoroughbred racers; which
sounds paradoxical enough. Poker, too, is a mystifying
affair, in that all men who play it appear, from their own
statements, to lose at it persistently and perennially.
There is surely something weird and uncanny about a
game that numbers only losers among its devotees. However,
poker-players are addicted to persiflage. The
genuine, dyed-in-the-wool, blown-in-the-bottle pokerist
rarely acknowledges that he is ahead of the game—until
the day after.\par

These stories, which were originally printed in the columns
of the New York {\itshape{Sun}}, belong largely to the eminent
domain of strict truthfulness. If they do not serve to
show that the "horse bug" and the "poker microbe"
are good things to steer clear of, they will by no means
have failed of their purpose; for the writer had nothing
didactic in view in setting them down as he heard them.\par

{\raggedleft
{\scshape{Clarence Louis Cullen}}.
\endgraf}
\par

{\scshape{New York}}, {\itshape{Sept. 1, 1900.}}\par

\penalty-300%
\label{this-wiretapper-was-color-blind}%
\hypertarget{this-wiretapper-was-color-blind}{}%
\vspace*{50pt}\thispagestyle{empty}
{\noindent\interlinepenalty \@M\normalfont\Huge\bfseries%
THIS WIRETAPPER WAS COLOR-BLIND.}

\unskip\vskip 40pt\nobreak

\vs{1}
\begin{verse}
{\vl {\noindent}

{\centering
{\itshape{And His Visual Infirmity Cost Him \$15,000 and His Reputation.}}
\endgraf}
\par}
\end{verse}

\vs{1}
{\noindent}
"I went down to New Orleans a couple of months ago
to get a young fellow who was pretty badly wanted in my
town for a two-months' campaign of highly successful
check-kiting last summer," said a Pittsburg detective
who dropped into New York on a hunt last week. "I
got him all right, and he's now doing his three years.
I found him to be a pretty decent sort of a young geezer,
although a born crook. I don't remember ever having
had such an entertaining traveling mate as he was on the
trip up from New Orleans. Before we started I asked
him if he was going to be good or if it would be necessary
for me to put the bracelets on. He gave me an on-the-level
look and said:\par

"'No, I don't think it will. But I pass it up to you.
I don't want to throw you. All I ask is, don't give me
too much of a chance if you keep the irons off of me. I
wouldn't be jay enough to try a window-jumping stunt,
but don't give me a show to make either one of the car
doors. If you do I may have to give you a run for it.'\par

"Well, I could see that he would be all right without
the cuffs, and so I didn't put 'em on him. He rode up with
me in the sleeper all the way from New Orleans to Pittsburg—I
let him do the sleeping, though, of course—and
he had a drink when I did and played quarter ante when
I did, and none of the rest of the passengers were any
the wiser. He was a clinking good talker and he told
me a lot of interesting stories of queer propositions that
he had been up against. For instance, when we were running
through the Blue Grass region of Kentucky, he
turned to me and asked me where the blue grass was.
I told him that the term blue grass was largely ornamental,
and that, while the grass down there was no
doubt high-grade and the limit as fodder for thoroughbreds,
I thought it was mostly green, like the grass the world
over.\par

"'Well, I'm blooming glad to hear you say that,' he
replied. 'It proves that I'm not color blind on the whole
gamut of colors, anyhow. If you'd said there really was
blue grass in these fields we're running through, I'd have
given myself up as a bad job in the matter of distinguishing
colors. But as long as the grass is green like other
grass—well, there's some hope for me.'\par

"'Color-blind, eh?' I asked him.\par

"'Yes, I guess I am, more or less,' he replied. 'I
never knew it, though, until last spring, and it cost me
\$15,000 to find it out.'\par

"'Expensive information,' said I. 'How'd it happen?'\par

"'If you'll undertake to forget about it by the time
we get to Pittsburg, I'll tell you,' he said. 'I was fooling
around one of the big towns—one of the biggest
towns on this side of the Mississippi—last spring, when
I met up with a couple of wiretappers that got me interested.
They were the real kind—not fake tappers who
rope fellows into giving up coin just by showing 'em
phony instruments in shady rooms, but professionals, who
really knew how to tap the wires and pull down the
money. They had been working together for some time,
and when I happened to meet them they had just pulled
off a swell hog-killing up in Toronto and had two or three
thousand each in their clothes. They had only recently
struck the big town, and, as they had never operated there
before, they didn't have to do any sleuth dodging. Neither
did I, although I was doing a bit of business in the
check line occasionally, and was about a thousand to the
good when I met them. We hitched up together, the
three of us, for a drosky whirl, and then they told me
that, while they made it a rule not to let outsiders into
their game, they thought I was good enough to be admitted
to a good thing that they were about to pull off.\par

"'One of the largest and best patronized of the poolrooms
of the town was 'way on the outskirts of the city.
The duck that runs it is worth close on to a million, and
the ticket writers have instructions never to turn any
man's money down, no matter how big the sum or how
lead-pipey the cinch he appears to have. Lumps of
\$20,000 and \$30,000 have frequently been taken out of
that poolroom on single tickets, and it's one of the few
poolrooms where track odds are given.\par

"'My two new pals had sized up the layout, and when
I met them they already had things fixed to pull down a
few comfortable wads. They had rented a vacant frame
cottage about 300 yards across a big vacant lot from the
poolroom, and, by a little night work—they were both
practical wiremen, as well as expert telegraphers—had
got the wire into a room on the second floor of the house
all right. It was prairie land all around and slimly frequented
territory, and they had no trouble in rigging up
the wire paraphernalia, which they carried alongside a
picket fence to the porch of the cottage, and thence upstairs.
They had the thing all tested, and every dot and
dash that reached the poolroom registered also in the second
floor of that cottage.\par

"'One of the fellows had formerly worked in a poolroom
himself and he had the race code down as pat as
butter. They took me out to have a look at the layout, not
because they wanted a dollar out of me, for they were on
velvet, but simply because they both seemed to take a kind
o' shine to me, and it surely looked good. I spent two or
three afternoons in the second floor front room where the
layout was fixed, and the chap who was expert with the
racing code broke the report direct from the track a dozen
times and sent it in himself, after having mastered the
operator's style at the track end of the line, and the poolroom
operator was never a bit the wiser. It was good, all
right, that layout, and when they were all ready to begin
work I was in on the play.\par

"'We decided to make the first killing on the day the
Belmont Stakes were to be run for at Morris Park. I
was against their starting it off on such a big stake event,
especially as the race looked to be such a moral for Hamburg,
but they said stake events were as good as selling
races in their business, and so we had a little rehearsal
and stood by. My end of the job was to happen in the
poolroom. I was to locate there by a dust-covered window
that looked out of the poolroom across the big vacant lot
to the frame cottage where the layout was installed and
wait for the signal. The signal was to be made by means
of a handkerchief waved in the air by one of the fellows
from the window. The color of the handkerchief was to
tell the name of the winner. For instance, if Hamburg
won a white handkerchief was to show at the second-story
window; if Bowling Brook captured the stakes a
yellow handkerchief was to be the signal, and so on.
When I got the signal I was to put the money down on
the winner, the tapper was to hold the result from the
pool operator for five minutes to give me time to get the
money down, and then I was just to wait for the poolroom
operator to announce the race. It was the easiest
thing in life, and it would have gone through with a rush,
not only on that race, but on a whole lot of other ones
later on, if I hadn't been color blind.\par

"'I was on hand in the poolroom on the afternoon that
we were to do business and I put a few dollars down on
the first races at Morris Park, just for the sake of getting
the ticket writers used to my face and to avert suspicion.
I had a pretty fair line on the horses in training then and
I won two or three out of the bets that I played simply
on form. The fourth race on the card was for the Belmont
Stakes, and after the third race had been confirmed and
the first line of betting came in on the stake race I lounged
over to the dust-colored window and looked uninterested.
But I had the tail of my eye on the window of that frame
cottage all the time, nevertheless. I had \$2,000 of my
pals' money in my clothes and \$1,000 of my own. I was
a bit nervous, but I knew that I had a pipe, and I also
knew that the poolroom people had mighty little show to
get next. I had all kinds of a front on me then, and a
\$5,000 or even larger bet was, as I say, not so unusual in
that poolroom as to scare 'em or cause 'em to become suspicious.\par

"'Well, the second line of betting came in, with Hamburg
the natural favorite at 4 to 5 on in the betting,
Bowling Brook 4 to 1 against and the rest at write-your-own-ticket
figures. The poolroom took in thousands of
dollars of Hamburg money, for nobody in the
big crowd that surged about the poolroom could figure
any other horse in the race to have a chance. I
myself thought it was a sure thing for Hamburg,
but I wasn't playing thinks, but cinches, and so I just
stood at that window and waited for the signal. I was, I
suppose, somewhat excited internally when I thought of
the possibilities of the game, but nobody knew it. The
poolroom operator announced, 'They're at the post at
Morris Park,' and then I knew that 'ud be the last direct
communication he'd have with Morris Park until after
the running of the Belmont Stakes. I leaned there on that
window, with one hand resting on my chin comfortably,
waiting for the flutter of the handkerchief away across the
vacant lot. The sun shone brilliantly, and the window of
the frame cottage was in plain view, and I didn't figure it
as among the possibilities that I could make a mistake.\par

"'Well, when the whole crowd in the poolroom had become
sort o' mute with expectancy and the betting at the
desk was almost over, I got the signal. It was the quickest
flash in the world, a white handkerchief, as I was perfectly
positive, nervously waved three times from the second-story
window of the frame cottage. I didn't see my
pal waving the handkerchief—only the flutter of the
white handkerchief which announced that Hamburg had
won. So, without any apparent excitement, but in the
laziest kind of a way in the world, I just yawned, stretched
my arms, and remarked to a few fellows standing nearby:\par

"'"What's the use of doping over the race. It's a pipe
for Hamburg. I'm going up and put a couple of thousand
on Hamburg."\par

"'So I walked up to the desk, passed over six \$500 bills
and said "Hamburg." The ticket writer took the money
without any visible emotion and wrote me a ticket. Then
I walked out among the crowd to hear the calling off of
the race, which I knew would happen within three or four
minutes.\par

"'"They're off for the Belmont," the operator shouted
in about three minutes, and then said I to myself, "What
an exercise gallop for Hamburg! What a dead easy way
of picking up large pieces of money!"\par

"'I wasn't worried even a little bit when Bowling
Brook was 'way in the lead in the stretch.\par

"'Hamburg's just laying in a soft spot right there,
third, and when it comes to a drive, how cheap, he'll make
a crab like Bowling Brook look!\par

"'Then the operator, after the ten seconds' delay following
the announcement of the horses' positions in the
stretch, called out:\par

"'"Bowling Brook wins!"\par

"'Say, I'm not an excitable kind of a duck, nor dead
easy to keel over, but, on the level, my head went 'round
and I had to grip hold of a chair top when I heard that
announcement. I couldn't make it out. It seemed out of
the question. I knew that my two pals hadn't dumped me,
because hadn't I played \$2,000 of their money? At first
I thought the operator made a mistake, and I waited with
a spark of hope for the confirmation of the race. The confirmation
came in. Bowling Brook had walked in, and
Hamburg had been disgracefully beaten.\par

"'An hour later I met my two pals downtown. They
greeted me with grins, and held out their hands for the
thousands.\par

"'"Thing didn't go through, did it?" I said to them.
"Where was the mistake, anyhow? What was the white
handkerchief—Hamburg's signal—waved for?"\par

"'They looked at me savagely. They were positive
that I had tricked them—that I had really played Bowling
Brook with the money and was holding it out on them.\par

"'"White handkerchief be blowed!" said the man
that had given the signal, pulling a light yellow handkerchief
from his pocket. "What color do you call this?"\par

"'Well, then I saw how the mistake had been made,
and that I had made it. In the brilliant sunshine I had
mistaken the light yellow handkerchief for a white one,
and it was up to me. They didn't give me a chance to get
in a word, though, for they believed, and believe yet, I
suppose, that I had thrown them, and they both hopped
me at once. I had to put up the fight of my life, but I
downed them both finally with the aid of a chair and a
spittoon, and got away. That's how I lost \$15,000—counting
the winnings we'd have made had I played
Bowling Brook that time—by being color blind.'"\par

\penalty-300%
\label{whooping-a-race-horse-under-the-wire}%
\hypertarget{whooping-a-race-horse-under-the-wire}{}%
\vspace*{50pt}\thispagestyle{empty}
{\noindent\interlinepenalty \@M\normalfont\Huge\bfseries%
"WHOOPING" A RACE-HORSE UNDER THE WIRE.}

\unskip\vskip 40pt\nobreak

\vs{1}
\begin{verse}
{\vl {\noindent}

{\centering
{\itshape{A Novel Method of Treating Sulky Thoroughbreds That Often Works Profitably.}}
\endgraf}
\par}
\end{verse}

\vs{1}
{\noindent}
"I see they hollered an old skate home and got him
under the wire first by three lengths out at the Newport
merry-go-round the other day," said an old-time trainer
out at the Gravesend paddock. "Don't catch the meaning
of hollering a horse home? Well, it's scaring a
sulker pretty near out of his hide and hair and making
him run by sheer force of whoops let out altogether.
This nag, Kriss Kringle, that was hollered home at Newport
a few days ago, is a sulker from the foot-hills. He
was sold as an N. G. last year for \$25, and at the beginning
of this season he prances in and wins nine or ten
straight races right off the reel at the Western tracks,
hopping over the best they've got out there. Then he
goes wrong, declines to crawl a yard, and is turned out.
They yank him into training again awhile back, put him
up against the best a-running on the other side of the
Alleghanies, and he makes 'em look like bull-pups one
day and the next he can't beat a fat man. He comes near
getting his people ruled off for in-and-out kidding, and
then, a couple of weeks ago, or maybe a bit less, he goes
out and chews up the track record, and gets within a second
of the world's record for the mile and three-eighths,
I believe it was.\par

"Then, Tuesday they have him in at a mile and a sixteenth,
with a real nippy field, as Western horses go. The
right people, knowing full well the old Springbok gelding's
propensities, shove their big coin in on him anyway,
and take a chance on him being unable to keep up
with a steam roller after his swell race a while before, and
the whole crowd fall into line and bet on Kringle until
the books give them the cold-storage countenance and
say, 'Nix, no more.' Then they get up into the stand
and around the finishing rail and they see the aged Kriss,
who's a rank favorite, begin like a land crab, when he
usually goes out from the jump and spread-eagles his
bunch. They begin the hard-luck moan when they see
the sour son of Springbok trailing along third in a field
of five, and they look into each other's mugs and chew
about being on a dead one. Turning into the stretch, the
old skate is a poor third, and stopping every minute, a
plain case of sulks, like he's put up so many times before.
The two in front of him have got it right between them,
when Kris comes along into the last sixteenth, still third
by a little bit, and then the gang let out in one whoop
and holler that could be heard four miles. It's 'Wowee!
come on here, ye danged old buck-jumper!' and
'Whoop-la! you Kringle!' from nearly every one of the
thousand leather lungs in the stand and up against the
rail, and the surly old rogue pins his ears forward and
hears the yelp. Then it's all off. The old \$25 cast-off
jumps out like a scared rabbit at the sixteenth-pole. The
nearer he gets to the stand the louder the yelping hits him
and the bigger he strides; and he collars the two in front
of him as if they were munching carrots in their stalls,
and romps under the string three lengths to the good.
That's what hollering a horse home means. It's a game
that can only be worked on sulkers. The yelling scares
the sulker into running, whereas it's liable to make a good-dispositioned
horse stop as if sand-bagged.\par

"I've seen the holler-'em-in gag worked often at both
the legitimate and the outlaw tracks, and for big money.
One of the biggest hog-slaughterings that was ever made
at the game was when an Iroquois nag, a six-year-old
gelding named McKeever, turned a rank outsider trick at
Alexander Island, Va., in 1895. The boys that knew what
was going to happen that time surely did buy it by the
basketful for a long time afterward. McKeever was
worth about \$2 in his latter career, and not a whole lot
more at any stage of the game, according to my way of
sizing 'em. As a five and six-year-old, he couldn't even
make the doped outlaws think they were in a race, but
his people kept him plugging away on the chance that
some day or other he might pick up some of the spirit of
his sire, the royal Iroquois, and pay for his oats and
rubbing, anyhow. When he was brought to Alexander
Island in the spring of '95, and tried out it was seen that
he was just the same old truck-mule. One morning,
after he'd been beaten a number of times by several Philadelphia
blocks, when at 100 to 1 or so in the books, his
owner had him out for a bit of a canter around the ring,
with a 140-pound stable boy on him. A lot of stable boys
and rail birds were scattered all around the infield, assembled
in groups at intervals of 100 feet or so, chewing
grass and watching the horses at their morning work.
This old McKeever starts around the course as if he's
doing a sleep-walking stunt. The boy gives him the
goad and the bat, but it's no good. McKeever sticks to
his caterpillar gait, and his owner leans against the rail
with a watch in his mitt and mumbles unholy things
about the skate. There's a laugh among the stable boys
and the rail birds as McKeever goes gallumphing around.
Then a stable lad that's got a bit of Indian in him leans
over the rail just as McKeever's coming down, and lets
out a whoop that can be heard across the Potomac. McKeever
gives a jump, and away he goes like the wind.
It looks so funny to the rail birds along the line that
they all take up the yelp, and McKeever jumps out faster
at every shout. He gets to going like a real, sure-enough
race horse by the time he has made the circuit once, and
he keeps right on. The owner gets next to it that it's
the shouting that's keeping the old plug on the go, and
he waves his arms and passes the word along for the
boys to keep it up. McKeever does six furlongs in 1:14
with the assistance of the hollering, and the owner takes
him off the track, gives him a look-over and some extra
attention, and smiles to himself.\par

"Then he pushes McKeever into a six-and-half furlong
race on the following day. He stations about twenty
or twenty-five rail birds, all of 'em stable boys out of
a job, in the infield, and hands them out their yelling instructions.
McKeever is up against one of the best fields
of sprinters at the track, and he goes to the post at 30
to 1 and sticks at that. His owner puts a large
number of his pals next to what's going to happen,
and not a man of them plays the good thing at the
track. They have their coin telegraphed in bundles
to the poolrooms all over the country. McKeever
gets out in front, and he hasn't made more than
a dozen jumps before one of the kids inside the rail
throws a whoop that makes the people in the stand put
their hands to their ears. McKeever gives a swerve and
a side step, and away he goes like the Empire State express.
A hundred feet further, when he's four
lengths in the lead, and the others, including the even
money shot, nowhere, a couple more rail birds shoot out
another double-jointed yell, and McKeever jumps out
again like an ice-yacht. He gets the holler at every 100
feet of his journey, the rail birds not taking any chances
on his stopping, although after the first furlong he is six
lengths to the good, and the result is that McKeever simply
buck-jumps in, pulled double, with eight lengths of
open daylight between him and the even money shot. The
owner looks sad, like a man who hasn't put a dollar down,
and says real hard things to McKeever when the horse
is being led to his stable. When he gets him inside his
stall, though, the hugs and loaf sugar that fall McKeever's
way are a heap. The old-time poolroom people
will tell you yet how they had to turn the box, a good
many of 'em, the day that McKeever was hollered home
at old Alexander Island.\par

"And, talking about Alexander Island, there were
some funny ones yanked off over there, sure enough,
some of them almost as funny as a few that happened over
in New York at the legit tracks this passing season.
Without hurling out any names, I'll just tell you of how
a plunger who has been a good deal talked about this
year, on account of his big winnings, got the dump-and-the-ditch
at the hands of a poor-but-honest-not owner at
Alexander Island in the same year of 1895. This plunger
wasn't such a calcined tamale in those days as he is now,
but he was some few, and he generally had enough up
his sleeve in order to keep him in cigarettes and peanuts;
which is to say that he had a winning way about him,
and access to everything that was doing at that outlaw
track. He dealt in jockeys quite a lot, giving them their
figure with a slight scaling down, according to his own
idea of what was coming to them for being kind to him.
He was wise and he was haughty, and toward the wind-up
of that Alexander Island season he fell into the notion,
apparently, that things had to be done his way or the
kickers fade out of the game.\par

"This poor owner that I'm talking about went on to
Alexander Island with an ordinary bunch of sprinters, all
except one filly, that was real good, but a bit high in
flesh, and not ripe. It was a filly that could as a matter
of fact beat anything at the track, being right and on
edge, and she had the additional advantage of not being
known all about. The poor owner has his own boy
along with him, and he's pretty hard up. He sticks this
filly in a six-furlong event, with the idea of really going
after the purse, which he requires for expenses. He
knows that the filly isn't right, but he dopes it that she
can beat the lot pitted against her, anyhow, and he really
means her to win. He tells his boy to take her right out
in front and get as good a lead as he can, so that in case
her flesh stops her the rest'll never be able to get near
her. That's the arrangement right up until post time.
The filly—well, suppose we call her Juliet—is not very
well known at Alexander Island, and she has 5 to 1
against her.\par

"Now, it happens that this plunger knows all about
Juliet being, as I say, a pretty fast proposition, but he
doesn't think she can win in her condition, and, anyhow,
he has something doing on another one in the race; he has
so much doing in the race, in fact, that all the rest of 'em,
except Juliet, are dead to the one he has picked to play.
The plunger digs up the owner of Juliet and says to him:\par

"'My son, your baby won't do to-day.'\par

"'She'll make a stab, though,' said the owner. 'I need
the cush, being several shy of paying my feed bills. The
game has been throwing me lately. She's going to try.'\par

"'You need the purse, hey?' said the plunger. 'That's
not much money. Only \$200, ain't it? How'd \$500
do?'\par

"'Spot coin?' asks the impecunious owner.\par

"'Spot coin after my weanling gets the money.'\par

"'You're on,' says the poor-but-honest-not owner.
'I'm not any more phony than my neighbors, but it's a
case of real dig with me just now. Juliet'll finish in the
ruck. Are you cinchy about the one you've got turning
the trick?'\par

"'It's like getting money in a letter,' says the plunger.\par

"'All right,' says the poor owner, 'you can walk
around to my stall and push me the five centuries after
they're in.'\par

"The poor owner saw his boy, and Juliet's head was
yanked off, with the boy's toes tickling her ears. She
could have won in a walk, short of work as she was, but
the boy had a biceps, and he held her down so that the
plunger's good thing went through all right.\par

"After the race the plunger, who had made a great
big thing out of it, hunted up the poor owner and beefed
about the \$500. He said that he hadn't been able to get
as much money on his good one as he had expected and
asked the poor owner to compromise for \$300. The
plunger's poor mouth doesn't tickle the poor owner a
little bit, but he is a pretty foxy piece of work himself,
and he takes the three hundred without letting on a particle
that he thinks it a cheap gag. The plunger goes
away thinking he has the poor owner on his staff for
good, and the poor owner makes sundry and divers resolutions
within himself, to the general effect that the next
time he does business with that plunger he'll know it.\par

"Well, the poor owner doesn't race his good filly again
for a couple of weeks, and all the time she's getting good.
He gives her her work at about 3 o'clock every morning,
in the dreamy dawn, so that nobody gets onto it just how
good she is getting. He shoots her in about two weeks
after he has been dickered down by the plunger. He
knows that she's going to win, and with his other skates
he has picked up nearly a thousand wherewith to play
the Juliet girl to win. On the day before the race the
plunger comes to him again.\par

"'I see you've got that nice little girl of yours in to-morrow,'
he says. 'How good is she?'\par

"'She's got a show for the big end of it,' says the poor
owner.\par

"'Um,' says the plunger. 'Well, she'll only be at 5 to
1, whereas I've got a cinch in that that'll be as good as
15 to 1. Do you think we can do a little business?'\par

"'On a strictly pay-in-advance basis, yes,' says the
poor owner, chewing a straw. 'Maybe I'll be able to see
my way to delivering the goods for a thousand down.
Otherwise I win.'\par

"The plunger made a terrific beef, and tried persuasiveness,
oiliness, bull-dozing the whole works, with the poor
owner.\par

"'Why,' he says, 'I can buy all the Juliets from here
to Kentucky and back for a thousand.'\par

"'Yes,' says the poor owner, 'but you can't shove a 15
to 1 shot through every day, either. Let's not talk about
it any more. You've got my terms. Thousand down,
right now, and Juliet will also ran. No thousand,
Juliet walks, and I'll get the coin anyhow by betting on
her.'\par

"He got the thousand two hours before the race was
run. The poor owner looked Juliet over, and called his
boy into a dark corner of the stable.\par

"'Take her out in front, son,' he said, 'and tow-rope
them. Don't let 'em get within a block of you. I'll send
your mother a couple o' hundred after you fetch her
home.'\par

"'She'd win with a dummy on her,' says the kid.\par

"Then the poor-but-honest-not owner takes the thousand
he already has in his kick, and the thousand the
beefing plunger has given him, and spraddles it all over
the United States on Juliet at from 5 to 7 to 1.\par

"Juliet wins by fourteen lengths, and the plunger,
with his mouth twitching, hunts up the owner of Juliet.
All he gets is a line of chile con carne conversation, and,
finally, a puck in the eye.\par

"'Do others or they'll do you' isn't the way they used
to teach it when I went to Sunday-school," concluded
the old-time trainer, "but there are occasions when the
rule just has to be twisted that way."\par

\penalty-300%
\label{just-like-finding-money}%
\hypertarget{just-like-finding-money}{}%
\vspace*{50pt}\thispagestyle{empty}
{\noindent\interlinepenalty \@M\normalfont\Huge\bfseries%
JUST LIKE FINDING MONEY.}

\unskip\vskip 40pt\nobreak

\vs{1}
\begin{verse}
{\vl {\noindent}

{\centering
{\itshape{A Bottled-up Cinch That Came Off at One of the Chicago Tracks.}}
\endgraf}
\par}
\end{verse}

\vs{1}
{\noindent}
"The first bet that I ever put down on a horse race,"
said a horse owner and trainer at an uptown café the other
night, "was on a horse that stood at 100 to 1 in the betting.
It was also the first race I ever saw run by thoroughbreds.
I was clerking in a Long Island City grocery
store for \$8 a week at the time, and I didn't know a race-horse
from a ton of coal. I got a couple of my fingers
crushed between two salt fish boxes one morning, and I
had to lay off from work. I didn't want to hang around
my room, and didn't know what to do with myself, and
so when a no-account young fellow I knew suggested that
I go over with him to Monmouth Park and have a look at
the races, I fell in with the proposition. Besides the
remains of my previous week's pay, about \$3, I had \$20
saved up out of my wages, and I kept this in one \$20 note
in my inside vest pocket. After paying for round-trip
tickets for my friend and myself, and for two tickets of
admission to the race grounds, I was practically broke
with the exception of a few cents, for I didn't count the
\$20 as available assets. I intended to hang on to that unbroken.
Well, I found that all my sporty friend wanted
of me was to have me pay his way on the train and into
the grounds, for he promptly lost me as soon as we got
by the gate. I felt pretty sore at this treatment, not that I
wanted his help, for I hadn't the least idea of doing any
betting with my savings, but I didn't cotton to the notion
of being played for a good thing and then thrown that
way.\par

"I walked around among the crowd with my hands in
my pockets, wondering a good deal over the dope talk
of the ducks that knew all about the horses and their preferred
weights, distances, riders, and so on; it was all
Greek to me then. Finally I was shouldered and jostled
into the betting ring. It wasn't long before I began to
rubberneck at the prices laid against the horses on the
bookies' blackboards. Although I didn't know anything
about the nags then, I found out afterward, when I had
made a study of the game and got a little next to it, that
this race I made my first bet on was composed of a cheap
mess of fourteen selling platers. They were at all kinds
of prices, from 4 to 5 on to 100 to 1 against. The latter
price was laid about three of 'em. I didn't exactly understand
what the 100 to 1 meant, and so I asked a fellow
standing near by to explain it. He looked me over out of
the slants of his lamps, thinking, probably, that I was
stringing him. When he saw that I was a green one he
told me that the 100 to 1 meant that if a 100 to 1 shot won
that I had put a dollar on I'd be \$100 ahead of the game.
This looked pretty good to me. I didn't know anything
about horse form or horse quality then, and I thought that
one of 'em had just as much chance as another to win.
So I picked out the 100 to 1 shot whose name I liked best
and elbowed my way up to a booky's stand to put a dollar
down on it, holding my \$20 bill tightly gripped in my
hand. I passed the twenty up to the bookmaker—he went
broke, and has been a dead 'un for a good many years
now—and said:\par

"'Give me a dollar's worth of that fourth horse from
the top—that one with the 100 to 1 chalked before his
name.'\par

"The booky looked down at me contemptuously, without
accepting the twenty I proffered him, and said:\par

"'I don't want no dollar bets.'\par

"Well, this made me feel pretty cheap, especially as all
of the ducks back of me, waiting to pass up their fifties
and hundreds gave me the laugh. I didn't like to be shown
up in that public way. I was just as sore at that time
about being made to look like thirty cents as I am to-day.
So I did a bit of lightning thinking. 'Twenty's a big
bunch to me,' I thought, 'and I've had to hop out of bed
at half past 3 in the morning to go to meat market a good
many times to get it together; but I'll be hanged if I'm
going to let this fellow get away with his idea of making
me look small, even if I haven't got a show on earth.' So
I passed the bill up to him again, saying:\par

"'All right, there, billionaire. Just gimme \$20 worth
of that fourth horse from the top, with 100 to 1 chalked
before his name.'\par

"I was chagrined to find that this strong play didn't
help me a little bit. The booky only grinned as he chanted,
'Two thousand dollars to \$20 on the fourth one from the
top,' and the chap that wrote me the ticket grinned back
at him, and the crowd behind me again gave me the
hoarse hoot, loud and long continued. I'll bet I was blushing
on the bottom of my feet when I snatched the ticket
and hurried away from that booky's stall, with the
chuckles of the hot-looking members ringing in my ears.
Well, my horse walked in.\par

"When I went to cash my ticket for \$2,020 the booky
sized me up, with all kinds of wrath in his eyes.\par

"'A good make-up you've got for a Rube,' he said to
me. 'You're good. That's the most scientific commissioner
act I've seen pulled off up to date, and I've been
at this game ever since Hickory Jim was a two-year-old.'\par

"I didn't know what he was talking about. The word
commissioner was particularly mysterious to me, but I
wasn't going to let him put it on me again, and I like to
have drove him crazy with the slow grin I gave him. He
chucked the bundle of \$2,020 at me, and I just walked
backward with it in my hands and grinning at him. He
was the maddest-looking man I ever saw, before or since.
I didn't go back to my grocery job, nor did I hop in and
slough off my \$2,000 on a game I didn't know anything
about. I didn't play another horse that year, but went in
and made a study of the game, going to the tracks every
day to see 'em run and to think the whole institution over.
It has taken me all of the years that have passed since to
find out that the study of horse racing don't amount to a
row of spuds, that study doesn't beat the game. I simply
had a series of lucky plays after I figured it that I knew
all there was to be learned about horse racing, and those
plays put me on the velvet I've had to a greater or less
extent ever since. I don't often play them now—I've got
a fairly nifty string, and I run 'em and let the other fellows
do the guessing.\par

"What set me to thinking about this first play of mine
was a letter I received the other day from an owner, who's
racing his string down at New Orleans, about the win of
that plug Covington, Ky., the other day. The price laid
against Covington, Ky., was at first 150 to 1, and the
rail birds in the know battered it down to 60 to 1 at post
time, throwing all kinds of misery into the layers when
the plater romped in, after being practically left at the
post. My friend says in his letter that a big bookmaker
declined to take a dollar bet from one of the wise rail birds
on Covington, Ky., at 150 to 1, and that the young fellow
got chesty, dug into the pocket where he kept his silver,
found \$2 in quarters and halves, and handed the \$3 to
the bookie on Covington, Ky., to win. The layer took the
money and it cost him \$450. The bookie, my friend writes
me, has been poked in the ribs over the thing by his fellow-layers
ever since.\par

"I don't often pay any attention to good things," continued
the turfman, "and it's rarer still that I am compelled
to regret my indifference to the bottled-up cinches,
but, in common with about 3,000 other people, I overlooked
a proposition at Lakeside last fall that caused me
several minutes' hard thinking. I didn't lose any money
over it, but it's hard to think of the inside chance I neglected
on that occasion to make an old-fashioned hog killing.
I had four or five of my three-year-olds out at Lakeside
and was pulling a purse down with 'em once in a
while, and depending on the purses to keep me even with
the game and strong for hay money. I wasn't doing any
betting; I took my confirmed indifference to good things
along with me to Chicago, and I think now, looking back
at the season, that I made a bit of a mistake in doing so,
for if there's any place in the country outside of the outlaw
tracks where good things do have a habit of going
through right often, then that place is Chicago. I didn't
profit by any of 'em that were made to stick last fall, however,
although I saw many a sure thing soaked down from
20 to 1 to 4 to 1 at post time, and then come in romping
with all the money. A lot of men I knew out at Lakeside—fellows
with small strings, none of which ever won or
got in the money—were on all kinds of velvet by giving
ear to the inside good things, but they didn't make me
jealous a little bit. I'm in the game for keeps, and that's
more than can be said for the good-thing players.\par

"Anyhow, for all that, I'm still regretting that I overlooked
this chance I'm speaking of. I was in a Dearborn
street hang-out for racing men one night, along toward
the wind-up of the racing season, when a boy came inside
and told me a man out at the front door wanted to see me.
I went out and found a drunken stable hand waiting for
me. He was employed as a general stable roustabout by
the owner of a California string, and I had befriended the
man in the paddock a few days before when he was engaged
in a rum fight with another stable hand. He was
getting the worst of the scrap when I stepped in and
pulled his antagonist off of him. It didn't amount to anything,
this, but the tank stable hand that was waiting for
me outside of the Dearborn street place in the rain seemed
to feel grateful to me for it.\par

"'Hello, Bill,' said I to him, 'what's up?'\par

"'Got fired this afternoon,' he replied.\par

"'Broke?' I asked him.\par

"'I didn't hunt you up to touch you, boss,' he said. 'I
got a good thing I want to give to you. You've been
square to me. The good thing's to come off to-morrow,
and nobody's on. I'm preaching on it because I've been
dropped from the track just for getting a skate on, and
because I want to put you next, that's been on the level
with me.'\par

"'You can pass me up,' I told the man. 'I don't play
the sure ones, you know.'\par

"'But this is ripe, and it's going to happen,' persisted
the man. 'It's a baby. It's a looloo. It's a cachuca. It's
that filly Mazie V. in the two-year-old race to-morrow.
You know who's stable she belongs in. I heard the chaw
about it this afternoon before I got fired, and they didn't
get on to it that I was listening. Mazie V.'s going to walk
in to-morrow. No dope, but she's fit. She worked three-quarters
in .15 flat early yesterday morning when nobody
was looking, and she's on edge. They're going to burn up
the books with it. I know that nobody can tout you, and
I'm not trying to tout you. But here's a chance, and I
came down to let you know.'\par

"Well, of course I had to thank the man, but I couldn't
help but grin at him at that.\par

"'How long have you been rubbing 'em down?' I
asked him.\par

"'I've been around the horses since I was ten years
old,' he replied.\par

"'And still so easy?' I couldn't help but say. 'Well,
I won't say anything of what you've told me so as to queer
the price, if there's any play on Mazie V., but, of course,
as for myself, I pass it up; thanks all the same to you.
Need any money?'\par

"No, he didn't want any money, he said. He had
simply hunted me up to put me on to one of the best
things of the meeting, and he shambled off.\par

"When the books opened for that two-year-old race
the next day, Mazie V., a clean-limbed filly that had never
shown a particle of class, opened up the rank outsider in a
big field, which included some very fairish two-year-olds.
I looked the books over, not because I was betting, but
just out of habit, and I saw that every nag in the race was
being played but Mazie V., the 150 to 1 shot.\par

"'If they're going to burn the bookies out on Mazie
V., I thought, amusedly, 'it's a wonder the stable connections
don't take some of this good 150 to 1.'\par

"As I was thinking this over, the ex-stableman who
had hunted me up with the Mazie V. good thing the night
before plucked me by the sleeve. He was several times
as drunk as an owl, and I didn't care to talk with him.\par

"'Are you down?' he asked me, lurching. 'Because 'f
you ain't, you're campin' out, an' that's all there is to it.'\par

"'Go and take a sleep,' I told him, and passed on. But
he didn't want any sleep. Instead, he drunkenly mounted
a box that he found in the betting ring, and started to
make an address to the hustling bettors.\par

"'Hey!' he shouted, 'if you mugs want to git aboard
for the barbecue, play Mazie V. She's going to be cut
loose. She's a 1 to 10 chance. She's going through. It's a
cinch.'\par

"The crowd guyed him.\par

"'It's so good,' shouted the poor devil, 'that I just
put the last \$8 I got on earth on her to win—not to show,
but to win. Hey! I'm not touting. I'm trying to give you
all a win-out chance. You needn't think because I ain't
togged out that I'm a dead one on this. Even if I have got
a load along, why'——\par

"Just then somebody, probably an interested party,
kicked the box from under the man and he went sprawling.
That closed him up. The crowd roared, but not a
man in the gang, of course, put down a dollar on Mazie
V. If any of the pikers had even a dream of doing such a
thing the stable hand's drunken recommendation of the
filly switched them off. Just before the horses went to the
post the \$5 bills of people that weren't pikers, but stable
connections, went into the ring in such quantities on
Mazie V. that she closed at 100 to 1 in a few of the books,
and at much smaller figures in most of the others.\par

"Well, the way that little filly Mazie V. put it all over
her field was something ridiculous. The race was something
easy for her. There was nothing to it but Mazie V.
She got away from the post almost dead last, and then
picked up her horses at leisure, revelling in the heavy going,
and, loping up in the last sixteenth, walked in with
daylight between her and the favorite. It was one of the
killings of the Chicago racing season, and the books were
soaked to over \$20,000 on \$5 bets.\par

"'That certainly is hard money to lose, to say the least,'
I heard poor Mike Dwyer mumble on the day that he took
1 to 15 on Hanover, putting down \$45,000 to win \$3,000,
and Hanover got himself disgracefully beaten by Laggard.
And that's what I think about that Mazie V. good
thing—hard money not to have won."\par

\penalty-300%
\label{this-son-of-fonso-was-of-no-account}%
\hypertarget{this-son-of-fonso-was-of-no-account}{}%
\vspace*{50pt}\thispagestyle{empty}
{\noindent\interlinepenalty \@M\normalfont\Huge\bfseries%
THIS SON OF FONSO WAS OF NO ACCOUNT.}

\unskip\vskip 40pt\nobreak

\vs{1}
\begin{verse}
{\vl {\noindent}

{\centering
{\itshape{But When He Did Take It Into His Head to Run One Day, the Bookmakers Were Damaged.}}
\endgraf}
\par}
\end{verse}

\vs{1}
{\noindent}
An old-time trainer, who is trying out a bunch of
yearlings and keeping up a lot of old campaigners out at
the old Ivy City track near Washington, was chewing
wisps of hay the other afternoon and thinking aloud.\par

"One of the things that I can't exactly figure out," said
he, "is whether I'm a ringer-worker or on the level. That
proposition has been bothering me a heap in the middle of
nights right along since the fall of '87. I got into the center
of a game then that has kept me apologizing to myself
ever since. And, then, again, that plug wasn't a sure-enough
proper ringer. And I didn't put him over the
plate, either. My end of it was only to cop out a few,
and all I had to do was to——\par

"Well, anyhow, I went down to a yearling sale in Kentucky
for the man I was training for in 1885. There were
some Fonso bull-pups to be auctioned off, and the boss
wanted a Fonso or two. You remember Fonso, don't you?
He's the old nag, a great one in his times, who got the
blue ribbon only the other day at the age of twenty-three
for being still the finest specimen of a thoroughbred in
Kentucky. The boss wanted a couple of Fonsos and I
went after them. I got him two and myself one. The one
I got was the worst-looking he-scrag that ever wore
hoofs. He was out of a good mare, but he upset all the
calculations of breeding. He was the worst seed in looks
that ever I clapped my eyes on; and I've been fooling
with yearlings for a quarter of a century. He was an
angular swayback, leggy, low-spirited, thick-headed, and
as fast as a caterpillar. Yet I bought him. I didn't expect
ever to make anything out of him, but I was pretty
flush then, and I didn't want to see a Fonso pulling a dray
if there was a chance in a thousand of making anything
out of him. That colt was a joke. The whole crowd gave
him the hoot when he was led into the auction ring, and I
couldn't hold down a grin myself when I sized up the poor
mutt of a camel, the worst libel on a great sire that ever
crawled into an auction ring for a bid. The whole gang
jeered me when I offered \$100 for the skate. I didn't
blame 'em. But I led the colt out, put him in a stall, and
then went back to the sale. I got two high-grade Fonsos
for my boss, and they won themselves out for him twenty
times over in the next three years. But they don't figure
in this story.\par

"I went at my freak Fonso right away to see if anything
could be done with him. I devoted more time to that
one than I did to any of my two-year-olds or three-year-olds
in training, hoping that he might have something up
his sleeve and that it could be dug out of him with careful
handling. It was no go. I couldn't get him to do a quarter
in better than 35 seconds. Bat or steel had no effect on
him. He had a hide like a rhinoceros, and he made the
exercise boys weary. Here was a colt born a Fonso, out
of a mare that had been of stake class when in training,
that was no better than a truck-horse, and at the end of
two weeks I gave him up. A circus came along to Lexington,
where I had my string, and with the circus, in
charge of the performing horses, was an old trainer friend
of mine from the St. Louis track who had been chased
into the show business by a long run of hard luck. I took
him out to look over my bunch, and when he came to the
Fonso colt he laughed.\par

"'Where did you get that world-beater?' he asked me.\par

"'Oh, that's a Fonso colt that I picked up down the line
at a sale a while back,' I told him.\par

"He didn't exactly call me a liar, but he looked as if he
wanted to. Then I told him all about the colt. Like most
trainers, he had the blood and breeding bug pretty bad
under his bonnet, and he tried to throw it into me that I
wasn't giving the colt a fair shake. Told me a lot of stuff
that I already knew about some great racehorses that
couldn't get out of their own way as yearlings, and tried
to convince me that this Fonso thing of mine was liable
to fool me up a whole lot as a two-year-old.\par

"'Well, he doesn't get oats at my expense until he's
ready to race,' said I. 'If you think his chances at next
year's stakes are so devilish big, he's yours for a quarter
of a hundred.'\par

"'I've got you,' said my friend with the show. 'I'll
take him along, anyhow. It's worth that much to a man
to be able to say to himself as he smokes his pipe after
his work's done that he's got a Fonso colt of his own. And
I'll bet you an even \$100 that I get one race out of that
swayback, anyhow, before he's two years older.'\par

"I didn't take him. I was disgusted with my hundred
dollars' worth of Fonso, and I was glad to get the \$25
that my friend in the show business gave me for him. He
took the mutt away with the show, and I forgot all about
that sentimental purchase of mine for a couple of years.\par

"I hadn't any killing luck during those two years. In
fact, the game went against me pretty strong. Most of the
string that I had in training went wrong or showed themselves
platers, and when the boss decided to quit racing I
was up against it completely. I had two or three platers
of my own that made their oats money and a little more,
and these I raced on the St. Louis track, pulling down a
purse once in a while, and getting second money often
enough to keep me in coffee and sinkers. When the St.
Louis game closed down at the end of September, a number
of us that had small strings struck out for the bush-meetings
in nearby States. I shipped my three to a metropolis
on the banks of the Missouri River where a State
fair was about to be held and where \$200 purses were offered
for running races. I figured my three lobsters to be
as good as any for the bush-meetings, and I calculated on
getting one or two of the purses at this State Fair.\par

"I got into the town—they call it a city out there—with
my horses three days before the State Fair was to
begin. On the day that I got there a circus that had been
exhibiting in the town for two days wound up its season
and started East for its winter quarters. I saw the
boarded-up wagons passing through the streets on their
way to the freight depot. I was watching the dead procession
when my circus friend, the man on whom I had
worked off my no-account Fonso colt, picked me out of
the crowd and came up to me. The circus moving out
was the one he had been attached to when last I saw him
and sold him the colt.\par

"'Hello,' said I, 'how many stakes have you pulled
down with that one up to date?'\par

"He dug his hands into his pockets and grinned but
made no reply.\par

"'Have you still got that colt?' I asked him.\par

"'Yep,' said he.\par

"'Going to take him along with you to the show's winter
headquarters?' I inquired.\par

"'Sh-sh-sh!' said he. 'I'm not going along with the
show. I quit 'em here. Season's over. I've got some business
here next week, anyhow. I'm going to race that
Fonso on the Uncle Tom circuit, beginning with the State
Fair here.'\par

"Of course, I couldn't do anything else but prod him,
and I did.\par

"'Fact,' said he, seriously. 'Got him entered in the
first race on the card—mile.'\par

"'I've got one in that myself,' I told him. 'Shall we
fix it up between us?' I added, just for fun.\par

"'You might do worse, at that,' said he, sizing me up
out of the tail of his eye. 'I'm going to win in a walk.'\par

"Then I hooted him a good deal more, of course. He
let me get through, and he then took me off into a corner
and told me some things.\par

"'That plug like to have broken my heart ever since I
got him,' he said. 'I've had him in four or five times already
at the bush meetings, but he was never one, two,
three, until the last time, when he took it into his head to
run when they got into the stretch and was only beaten
a nose by a pretty fair bush plug. This was two months
ago. The trouble with this Fonso colt you sawed off
on me is that he's a sulker. He's got the speed in his
crazy-shaped bones, but he won't let it out. Well, between
you and me—and I put you next because I know you
want a dollar or so as bad as I do—I'm confident that
with a douse out of a pail and a bit of a punch with a
needle just before post time, he can beat anything out this
way. He's out at the Fair grounds now, and I worked
him a mile in .48 this morning. He roars like a blast
furnace, but his wind is all right, nevertheless. He's still
as ugly as ever, if not uglier. I put you next, because it
might be a good thing for you to scratch your nag out of
that first race and cotton to your cast-off. There'll be a
big price on account of his wheezing and his ragged
looks.'\par

"'How did you enter him?' I asked. 'As a Fonso?'\par

"'Not on your natural,' said he. 'Any old thing's
eligible, and I simply told 'em I didn't know the mutt's
breeding, that I had him along with me in the show, and
just had an idea he might run a little.'\par

"Well, son, the winter was beginning to loom up, and
I wasn't ulstered and swaddled out for it. I went out to
the Fair grounds with my friend and looked over the
Fonso freak. My friend called him Star Boarder, because
he'd been eating circus oats and hay for two years without
ever doing a lick of work to pay for his fodder. The
colt had, of course, filled out and lengthened, but he was
still as homely a beast ever I clapped an eye on. We
had him led out on the six-furlong track, and an exercise
boy who weighed about 145 pounds took him over the
course at top speed. The nag did it in 1.21, and the
performance tickled me. The colt had a crazy, jerky, uneven
stride, and seemed to go sideways, but he certainly
got over the ground lively with that weight up. I saw
the chance, and I needed the coin.\par

"'Can he keep that gait up for the mile?' I asked his
owner.\par

"'He wants four miles,' he replied. 'His roaring is
a bluff.'\par

"'Count me in, then,' said I. 'He'll walk in that
race. I'll scratch mine out.'\par

"We went along the line and looked over the other
horses, especially the twelve that were entered for that
first race, and, although there were some good-lookers in
the bunch, they had been campaigned heavily for months,
and were a jaded lot. I scratched my pretty fair horse
out of that first race. Then I sold the poorest nag of my
three platers to a banker in town for a stylish saddle
horse. Got \$400 for him. I wanted the money for betting
purposes.\par

"There was a big crowd out at the Fair grounds on
the day the racing began. Four books were on, all of
them run by representatives of big gambling houses in
town. My friend had the Fonso colt taken out of his
stall and slowly trotted around the track about three-quarters
of an hour before the first race, that in which
the horse was entered. The gathering crowd in the
stand laughed over the horse's awkward, climbing gait
and clumsy appearance. That's what we wanted 'em to
do. We wanted the price, or the horse would have been
kept in his stall.\par

"Only seven of the field originally entered for the race
went to the post. Now, I didn't have anything to do
with conditioning Star Boarder, and I never belonged to
the syringe gang, anyhow; I kept strictly away from the
paddock and the barns before the race, because I didn't
want to see anything. But the way that Fonso colt, with
all his clumsiness, held his head up and pranced around
as he was going to the post, with a pretty fair boy that
I brought along with me from St. Louis on his back, by
the way, was certainly great. Dope makes a horse about
as perky as three drinks of whisky makes a man who's
been off the booze for a long while. The trouble is that the
dope doesn't last so long in a horse as it does in a man,
and I was pretty anxious for a prompt start, so that the
dope in this homely cast-off of mine wouldn't die out.\par

"The betting on Star Boarder opened at 15, 6, and 3.
There was an even-money favorite, a horse that had pulled
down a number of mile purses at St. Louis, a 2 to 1
shot, and the others slid up to the nag my friend and I
wanted to have win; Star Boarder being the rank
outsider at 15 to 1. I put my \$400 down on him with the
four booked all three ways, \$200 to win, \$100 for the
place, and \$100 to show. In the morning my friend
handed me \$200 of his savings from the circus business
to bet. I played his coin \$100 to win and \$100 a place.
I had hardly got the money down before I heard a big
whoop of laughter from the stand, and I rushed out to see
what was the matter. Star Boarder was running away.
There had been a false break, and the fool plug had kept
right on going. He had a mouth like forged steel, and the
boy couldn't do anything with him. I stood and damned
Fonso and all his tribe to the last generation, and I could
see my friend in the paddock shaking his fist and grinding
his teeth.\par

"'Oh, well,' said I to myself, 'it's all off, and it serves
you bully good and right for not racing your own plugs
and letting these con and dope grafts go to the devil.'\par

"The horse went the full length of the course before
he was pulled up, and then he was roaring and wheezing
like a sea-lion. The crowd laughed, and the books gave
the post-time bettors all the 60 to 1 against Star Boarder
that they wanted—which, of course, was none.\par

"I went back to the paddock then, while the horses
were gyrating at the post, and found the brute's owner.
I laid him open.\par

"'To blazes with casting up!' he said. 'Isn't the
last of my cush on the skate, too?'\par

"I felt like ten cents' worth of dog's meat when I
slunk back to the stand to see 'em get off. After fifteen
minutes' delay at the post—the starter was a farmer—and
Star Boarder blowing like a sand-blast and the foam
standing all over him from that little six-furlong sprint,
away they went in a line, Star Boarder in the lead! Star
Boarder at the quarter by a length! Star Boarder at the
half by a length! Star Boarder at the three-quarters by
two lengths! Star Boarder in the stretch by three lengths!
And if that dog-goned, knock-kneed, bone-spavined, no-account
maiden Fonso colt didn't just buck-jump under
the wire by six clear lengths of open daylight, you can feed
me hay and carrots until the next spring meeting and I'll
only say thank you kindly, sir!\par

"I can't, as I say, make out whether that was a case of
ringing or not. Anyhow, it was up to the State fair people
to make the holler if any was coming, wasn't it? They
didn't. The Rube bookmakers did, but they weren't sustained,
and they had to dive into their satchels. Star
Boarder is over in Anne Arundel County, Maryland, to-day,
pulling an old lady around in a phaeton, and still
holding down the distinction of being the homeliest son of
one of the handsomest sires in the history of the American
stud."\par

\penalty-300%
\label{hard-luck-wail-of-an-old-time-trainer}%
\hypertarget{hard-luck-wail-of-an-old-time-trainer}{}%
\vspace*{50pt}\thispagestyle{empty}
{\noindent\interlinepenalty \@M\normalfont\Huge\bfseries%
HARD-LUCK WAIL OF AN OLD-TIME TRAINER.}

\unskip\vskip 40pt\nobreak

\vs{1}
\begin{verse}
{\vl {\noindent}

{\centering
{\itshape{He Salts a 100 to 1 Shot Away for a Good Thing and Is Steered Off.}}
\endgraf}
\par}
\end{verse}

\vs{1}
{\noindent}
"Washington, as I remember it, was a pretty nice
old jogger of a town," said an old-time trainer who got
in at Bennings, the race-track near Washington, a few
days ago with a well-known string of horses in preparation
for the spring meeting there. "I'd like to have a
look at it again by daylight. Got in this time after dark
and came right out here before sunrise. First time
I'd hit Washington for five years—since the fall meeting
at St. Asaph in 1894. I surely would like to have
another look around Washington. But I guess I'll have
to pass it up. I'm not hunting for bother nowadays."\par

The paddock in which he stood is only a few minutes'
run by train from Washington. It seemed odd, therefore,
that he did not step on a train and run over to Washington,
since, as he said, he hankered for another sight
of it. He was asked about this:\par

"Well," he replied, "I'm waiting for five fellows that I
used to know over in Washington to die. When they've all
cashed in, maybe I'll have a chance to look around Washington
again. But I understand that they're all alive
and on edge now, and I don't exactly feel like running
into them. I know that I'd never be able to square myself
for a thing that happened down at St. Asaph during
that fall meeting in 1894, so what's the use of stacking
up against the bunch and wasting wind?\par

"I had a small string of dead ones at that St. Asaph
meeting. I didn't get oats money out of them. That
year was the frost of my life, anyhow. I started
in around the New York tracks in the spring with
a bundle of three thousand or so that I had hauled
down by backing 'em out on the coast during the winter
meeting, and I began to melt before the leaves commenced
to show up on the trees. There was nothing doing for me.
I couldn't get down right. Nearly a dozen good things
that pals of mine with strings had got into the pink
of it to send over the plate at long prices wound up
among the also rans and the crimp those things took in
my wad was something ridiculous. I only handled a few
horses during the summer meetings that year on the
metropolitan tracks. They were all crabs and did no
good. So I had to plug along by shying a ten or twenty
into the ring when I heard of something that looked nice.
I couldn't even make this clubbing game go through.
The books got two out of three of my slips of the green,
and I got to wondering how it would feel to drive a
truck. They certainly had me down that year.\par

"When the fall meeting at Morris Park wound up
I had \$200 and a headache. I was figuring on how I
could take this down to the winter meetings in the South
and run it up to something worth while, when the owner
of the bunch of dead ones I spoke of came along and
asked me to take 'em down to St. Asaph and try to get
a race or two out of them. I knew they were lobsters,
all of these horses, and I was ugly enough to tell the
owner that when I wanted a job handling cattle I'd go
down to West street and get one, with a sea voyage to
Glasgow or London thrown in. There wasn't a horse in
the lot that could beat my old aunt in Ireland over the plate
for money or marbles; but I decided to take them down
to St. Asaph anyhow, just for the sake of keeping on the
inside of the game and finding out if there was anything
going on that would enable me to run that small shoestring
of mine into a tannery. So I took them down to
that Virginia clay course across the Potomac and fixed
them up the best I knew how. They wouldn't do. St.
Asaph was getting some good horses straight from the
Eastern tracks then and my platers were never in the
hunt—never one, two, six, in fact. Worse than that, the
books began taking my little \$2 and \$5 bets away from
me right from the getaway, and I could see a winter
ahead in New York with all the trimmings cut out. I
met a dozen or so of pretty square chaps in Washington,
business men that liked to see 'em run and that used
to ask me occasionally what I thought. I landed most
of them right on several dead good things without ever
getting a dollar on myself from want of nerve, my pile
was so low, and they made good, all right, when these
things went through. But I was bunking up with such
a hoodoo that I sloughed off even this rake-off, and when
the thing happened that I am going to tell you about
I only had \$70 left out of the cozy cush I had started in
the season with.\par

"Now, I've been at this game, on both sides of the
fence, for more than twenty years, and, if any man is,
I'm dead next to the fact that the horse game is hard
and craggy. I never yet was guilty of looking upon the
running game as something easy. Yet I'm bound to admit
that I often get what you can call, if you want to, a
hunch on a horse. Something that a plug does in his
running, even if he doesn't get near the money, takes
my eye, and from thinking about it I get a hunch on
him. I don't get a hunch like this every day, or every
week or month, for that matter, but I've noticed that
these hunches of mine have gone through nine times
out of ten during the past twenty years or so. Well,
there was a horse called Jodan that had run in two or
three six-furlong sprints at Morris Park that fall, and
I had liked his work. He was out of the money in both
of those races, but I liked the way he went at his work.
That horse Jodan looked to me like he had it in him.
These two Morris Park races had been captured, one,
two, three by good ones, and I could see when I had a
chance to look Jodan over in his stall that he was short
of work. The string to which the horse belonged had
a poor trainer, and I knew that a good trainer could get
some six furlong races out of Jodan. I had a hunch on
Jodan, and I fixed it in my head that if ever the horse
got into the hands of a good trainer and was brought
around right for the six-furlong distance, he'd get a
piece of my money, no matter what company he was up
against.\par

"Well, along toward the close of the St. Asaph meeting
Jodan turned up at the track with another trainer
handling him—a man who had as good a knack of conditioning
horses as ever I met up with, and an old chum
of mine. I rubbed up with him before he had been on
the track fifteen minutes, and asked him what he was
going to do with Jodan.\par

"'I am going to try him out in the first three-quarter
event I can squeeze him into,' he told me, 'and I wouldn't
be surprised to see him get a piece of it. His right fore-leg
is a bit bum, but if it holds together I don't see
why the fellows I know shouldn't get a bite off a real
good thing in Jodan. He's got a turn of speed, and I've
got him dead right. The only thing that worries me is
that swollen knee, and I'm doing my best at patching
that up.'\par

"I told him of the hunch I'd had at Morris Park on
Jodan, and he told me to stay with it, and he'd attend
to his end of it to help me out.\par

"'There'll be all kinds of a price on him when I send
him to the pump,' he said, 'and I'll let you know in time
just how he is.'\par

"Well, that hunch just grew and grew on me. The
Washington chaps that I had met and pushed along with
the good things that I didn't have the sap to play myself
heard from me on the Jodan question. I told them
that I had him up my sleeve and to stand by. They had
never heard of the horse and they almost side-stepped
when I told 'em he was as good as any of them over a
three-quarter route—that he had never been got right.
There were a lot of six-furlongers down at St. Asaph
then that could negotiate the distance in .15 flat, and
they couldn't see where a horse that they had never heard
of had a look-in with that kind. I held my ground, however,
and they said that when it was to come off they'd
throw a little bit of a bet at the bird, just because I
said so.\par

"A couple of days later Jodan's name showed up
among the entries for a six-furlong sprint, and I had another
chaw with his trainer.\par

"'He's good,' he told me. 'Stay with your hunch.
He ought to do.'\par

"The race was to be run on a Saturday. I looked up
my Washington friends and told them confidently what
Jodan was going to do with a bunch of the best three-quarter
runners in training. Four or five of them couldn't
help but give me the hoot on the proposition, and they
said they weren't going over to the track, anyhow—too
busy closing up the week's business, and so on. They
couldn't see where Jodan figured with the lot he was to
meet. I went around to the rest of these Washington
fellows on the Friday evening before the race and told
them again about Jodan. They, too, were all going to
be too busy with the Saturday wind-up of business to
take in the races that day, but five of them gave me \$10
each to put on Jodan for them. None of them had
any confidence in the thing, though.\par

"The Jodan race was the first on the card. There
were fourteen entries, and not a horse was scratched.
The track was deep in dust, and I knew then Jodan liked
that sort of going. It looked like a cinch. I knew that
the bookies would be dead to Jodan, but I didn't think
they'd take the liberties they did with him. The favorite
opened up at 2 to 1, and he was played down to 6 to 5
in no time. Then there were four or five shots in it ranging
from 3 to 1 to 15 to 1, when the rank outsiders were
written in all the way up to 150 to 1. Jodan, my mutt,
stowed away for a good thing, opened up at 100 to 1
and stuck there. I went out to the stable where Jodan
was quartered to find his trainer, but I couldn't dig
him up. He was mixed up with the bunch in the paddock
or in the stand. So I decided that it wasn't necessary
for me to see him, anyhow, before putting my
money on Jodan. I had seen him the night before, when
he whispered to me that Jodan was gorgeous, and that
he was going to play him to win, no matter if the books
laid 1000 to 1 against the horse.\par

"So I traipsed around to the ring to put down my
money and that of my friends on Jodan. As I say,
Jodan's price all over the ring was 100 to 1, and no
takers. I had the five tens the Washington chaps had
given me and the last fifty spot I had on earth in my
mitt, ready to shoot around and plant it in \$10 gobs on
Jodan before the price could be rubbed, thus standing
to win \$5000 for myself and \$5000 for the Washington
fellows, with my share out of their winnings for putting
them next. I was the very next man in line to plant my
first ten with one of the books, when I felt a hard pinch
on my right arm, and I wheeled around suddenly to
swat the duck that had given it to me. It was my friend,
the trainer of Jodan. He nodded me over to the little vacant
space.\par

"'You were just going to take some Jodan, weren't
you?' he asked me.\par

"'That's what,' said I. 'He'll turn the trick, won't
he?'\par

"'No,' he replied shortly. 'I've been trying to find
you for the last hour to tell you. The mutt's got another
twist during the night somehow or another, and now
it's about twice its right size. Stay off. He can't do
it. He's not limping much, but I can't see how he'll go
a quarter with such a leg. It'll be a miracle if that hard-luck
skate finishes at all.'\par

"This was a hard fall for me, I'm telling you that. I
had been building on it for one of my cinch hunch things,
and to hear that it had gone rank took the nerve out of
me. Of course, in a dismal kind of way, I was glad my
friend the trainer had put me next to the state of things
in time to keep me off the dead one for my whole fifty
and the fifty of my friends in Washington, but that
wasn't much salve for the hurt I got when he told me
that Jodan couldn't possibly do it. With Jodan out of it
I felt certain that the 6 to 5 favorite would come in all
alone, and so I put the whole bundle down that way
\$120 to \$100. It made me glum to think of the difference
between that and \$10,000 to \$100.\par

"Then I went up to the stand to see the lot file past
on their way to the post. My horse, the favorite, was
just a-prancing and looked to me like a 1 to 10 thing
with Jodan out. But my trainer chum had put me on
right. Jodan's knee was as big as your hat, and he had
his limp along with him. One of the stewards noticed
this and made a bit of talk about not allowing Jodan to
race, but when he was told that Jodan always went to
the post with a bum knee, even after his warming up,
he closed up and Jodan went around to the pump with
his field.\par

"They got off the first break. The people in the stand
were down on the favorite almost to a man, and the yelp
they let out when he shot to the lead from the first jump
was a heap noisy. My poor old Jodan plug was almost
left at the post, but his boy got him going all right, and
I was rather surprised to see him quickly join the rear
bunch. By this time, at the half, the favorite was just
buck-jumping five lengths out in front of the first division.
Then the hind ones began to move up, and I stood
by to see Jodan get shuffled out of it. But he didn't
shuffle. He passed right by the rear gang and nearing
the three-quarters he was at the saddle-girths of the front
division and going like a cup defender in half a gale.\par

"'You'll chuck that in a minute, my boy,' I thought,
with my mind on Jodan. 'Three-legged races look all
right on paper, but they don't go through.'\par

"I lost the colors when they turned into the stretch,
but I saw that the favorite was still a good two lengths
in front. The track was so deep in dust that I couldn't
make out the others until they were well into the stretch
for the lope to the wire. Then when they were all settled
down to their barrels in the flying yellow dust, I saw
one of the front divisionites behind the leader shoot out
around on the outside and bend down to it. Say, I closed
my lamps down tight. That horse coming on the outside
like a black devil, with his bit almost crunched into
flinders, was Jodan. I opened up my eyes when they were
about sixty yards from the wire. In the middle of the
whirlwind of dust I saw the favorite faltering, with
Jodan a neck away and going like as if his distance was
only a quarter of a mile and he a-covering it there in the
stretch. Then I pulled my glasses away from my head,
sat down, shut my eyes again and shook hands with death
for a few seconds while the Indians all around me were
howling 'Jodan!' 'Jodan!'\par

"'Jodan wins!' they yelled when the horses got under
the wire, and I opened up my eyes just in time to see
Jodan with open daylight between him and the favorite.
That was a three-legged miracle, all right. I was in a
daze, but I had a picture in my head of five fellows in
Washington that had treated me right waiting for the
race train to get in so that I could hand them each a
thousand. I couldn't stand for that, and I had too many
different kinds of heartbreak warping me out under my
vest to feel like trying to explain the thing to them.
So I walked over to Alexandria and caught the afternoon
train for Richmond, after leaving my bum string in
the hands of another trainer. From Richmond I went
on down to New Orleans, where I had some luck—never
enough luck, though, to square the game up with me
for that win of Jodan's, which made me feel old and
tired for a long time afterward.\par

"If I outlive those five Washington fellows, or they
take it into their lids to go to the Klondike together, maybe
I'll have another look around under the shadow of that
big dome yonder. But I don't want to meet them. Explaining's
too hard work, and the circumstances of that
St. Asaph happening, which occurred as I've spieled it,
were 'agin' me!"\par

\penalty-300%
\label{story-of-an-almost-combination}%
\hypertarget{story-of-an-almost-combination}{}%
\vspace*{50pt}\thispagestyle{empty}
{\noindent\interlinepenalty \@M\normalfont\Huge\bfseries%
STORY OF AN "ALMOST" COMBINATION.}

\unskip\vskip 40pt\nobreak

\vs{1}
\begin{verse}
{\vl {\noindent}

{\centering
{\itshape{It Paid \$2,000 to \$2, and Looked Like a Winner Until the Last Jump, But——}}
\endgraf}
\par}
\end{verse}

\vs{1}
{\noindent}
There was a period of prolonged, nerve-racking excitement
one afternoon last week in a demure and retiring
Harlem poolroom that doesn't draw any color line. A
colored sport was threatening to tear the place loose from
its foundations and to fire a volley over the ruins—in a
purely figurative sense, that is to say. Literally he didn't
commit any breach of the peace at all. But he had a combination
ticket in his clothes for a couple of hours that
practically made all the rest of the people in the place forget
what they were there for. He was as black as that
overworked one-spot of spades. He was known to his
envied intimates only as Mose, and the very large checked
suit of plaid that he wore had a certain cake-walk suggestiveness,
as did his huge red necktie, his patent leathers
with blue polka-dotted uppers, and his three large yellow
diamonds, two of them on his fingers and the other
screwed in the middle of his shirt bosom with crimson
horizontal bars. He was a "spote" all right.\par

He entered the poolroom alone, looked up at the board,
and then dug a bit of paper, obviously a telegram, out of
his Oxford cloth Newmarket overcoat. A man who was
rude enough to look over his shoulders saw that the telegram
was a night message and that it bore the New Orleans
date. It contained the names of five horses, with the
initials of the sender.\par

"He's a po'tuh on uh Pullman," vouchsafed the sport
to the privileged character who had looked over his shoulder
at the despatch. "An' he's uh babe, yo' heah me! He
knows 'em lak he knows uh blackin' brush. Ah's uh
gwine tuh mek uh combinashun on de hull five. De ticket
'll win in uh walk."\par

After sizing up the house betting on the New Orleans
races for a few minutes, he walked up to the counter
where the combination tickets exuded from the lightning
calculator. Just at that moment there was nothing doing
at the combination counter. The sport produced his telegram,
cleared his throat, and began.\par

"Ah's got de hull five babies," he said with a grin to the
ticket writer. "An' ah's uh gwine tuh tek 'em all tuh win.
Doan' want none o' 'em fo' place or show. Dey's all got
tuh come in all alone."\par

"Shoot 'em out," said the ticket writer.\par

The sport named the five horses that he knew were
going to win the New Orleans races. They were, in the
order of the races, Mint Sauce, Russell R., Deyo, Benneville
and Donna Rita.\par

The ticket writer executed his bit of lightning head
work, with frequent glances at the board to get the prices
on the runners, and then he looked up at the sport with a
grin.\par

"Huntin' for a hog killin', ain't you?" he asked.
"Goin' to put us out o' business? It figures a thousand to
one. How much do you want on it?"\par

"Two dolluhs," replied the sport and he passed up the
money. The ticket writer pencilled the names of the horses
down on the ticket, placed the figures "\$2,000 to \$2" at
the bottom of it, and handed the bit of pasteboard to the
sport with the remark:\par

"You're a good thing. Come again."\par

"Yo' all kin do yo' hollern' w'en de hosses run," was
the sport's good-natured reply, and then he went to the
extreme outer row of seats in the pool room and sat down
to wait for \$2,000 to accrue to him on an investment of
\$2.\par

Along toward 3 o'clock the betting came in on the first
race at New Orleans. The horse Mint Sauce that the
sport had in his combination ticket was the odds-on favorite,
although he had been at a good price in the house
betting. The queer crowd of players surged up to the
counters to put their money down on things they liked,
that figured all right in the dope books; but the sport kept
his seat. His speculation for the day was over. He was
simply waiting for his \$2 to grow to \$2,002.\par

Then they were off at New Orleans, as the telegrapher
announced with a bored air, electrifying the crowd into
silence. It was a six-furlong race, and there was nothing
to it but Mint Sauce all the way. At the three-quarters,
when the telegrapher announced that Mint Sauce was
third and just galloping, the sport leaned back in his seat
with an it's-all-over expression, snapped his fingers a
couple of times for luck, and said:\par

"It's uh cake-walk fo' dat baby. Ah'm on right so far."\par

"Mint Sauce wins by two lengths," announced the operator,
and the announcement was received with silence.
Poolroom crowds don't play favorites as a rule.\par

"Mah nex' is this heah Russell R.," said the sport,
gazing at his ticket again, "an' Russell R. he's dun got
tuh win. Ah feels uh leetle squeenchy uhbout he all, but
Russell R. he'll buck-jump in."\par

The betting came in on the race a few moments later,
and Russell R. was at a long price. Several horses in the
race were at much shorter prices. The sport didn't look
worried a little bit over this.\par

"Russell R. he's dun got tuh win," he said, and that
was all there was about it.\par

"Off at New Orleans," announced the weary looking
operator again, and then he began to call off the way the
race was being run. It looked bad for the sport's ticket
until the telegrapher had carried the nags along to the
three-quarter post and then Russell R., who hadn't been
anywhere, got his first call, joining the bunch as third at
that stage of the journey.\par

"Sadie Burnham in the stretch by a length!" announced
the telegrapher. "Lomond second by a length,
Russell R. third," and then the sport began to root for
his horse. He swayed back and forth in his wicker rocking
chair, moaning, "Come, yo' Russell hoss! Yo' heah
me uh-talkin', hoss—come, yo' Russell—or yo' doan' git
no oats—ketch him, yo' baby, an' yo' pa'll treat yo'
right"——\par

"Russell R. wins, by a head!" announced the telegrapher.\par

"Oh, yo' wahm thing, yo' Russell!" suppressedly exclaimed
the sport, his finger-snapping suddenly stopping
and an upturned crescent grin spreading over the whole
area of his chocolate countenance.\par

It seemed that some of the less important sports must
have been "riding" Russell R. too, for their exultant
"Uh-huhs!" rang around the room. The colored sport
dearly loves a long shot.\par

"De nex' on mah piece o' pas'e-boa'd," said the sport,
ransacking through his pockets again for his ticket, "is
dain'jus. Ah doan' lak dis heah hoss Deyo, but Ah ain't
uh-playin' whut Ah laks, but whut's dun sent tuh me. So
Deyo she's dun got tuh win, too."\par

It was after 4 o'clock by this time, and the poolroom
was filling up with young fellows turned loose from the
down-town offices. Many of these late arrivals had
straight tips in the form of telegrams on the third race at
New Orleans and they almost overwhelmed the ticket
writers. When the betting came in on that race Deyo was
at a long price, much longer than the house betting had
quoted the nag, and the sport looked a bit anxious over
this. His worried look disappeared, however, when the
second line of betting came in, showing that Deyo was
being backed down some on the New Orleans track.\par

"Dey's sumthin' uh-doin' on that mule," he said, and
the telegrapher began to call off the race. It was something
easy for Deyo, who beat the favorite by three
lengths. The sport didn't have to snap his fingers or sway
in his chair at all. Deyo was in front all the way. Three-fifths
of the \$2,000 to \$2 ticket was won.\par

By this time the sport was the cynosure of a good many
pairs of eyes. The possibilities of the ticket he had in his
pocket were whispered about, and a number of the real
things in the sport line edged over and asked to have a
look at the ticket.\par

"It's a alimpey-boolera," they said, and they rubbed the
back of it for luck. Then a lot of them went up to the
combination desk and got combination tickets for the remaining
two horses that appeared on the colored sport's
ticket. By the time the betting came in on the fourth race
it was known all over the room that the sport had a \$2,000
to \$2 ticket with three of the horses already over the plate.
The sport enjoyed it all with becoming modesty.\par

"Dis heah hoss, Benneville, will now step out an' run
seben fuhlongs fo' me," he said, referring to his ticket
again. "Ah doan' know mahse'f jes' how good dis heah
Benneville is jes' now, but dis is his day tuh win by uh
block."\par

Benneville came in an odds-on favorite, and won by
three open lengths. The sport again was relieved of the
necessity of rooting.\par

"Ah'n dun rode dat one mahse'f," he said grinning,
and he found himself in the middle of a crowd of sports
of his own color.\par

"Look uh-heah, nigguh, doan' yo' all remembuh me?"
a lot of them inquired of him as they crowded around him.\par

"Remembuh nothin'," said he impartially. "Ah doan'
mek it mah bizness tuh remembuh nobody."\par

"Hey, what does your ticket call for in the next?" was
a question that fifty men threw at him as he sat in state
in his wicker rocker.\par

"De nex' skate on de list," he replied, spelling out the
letters on his ticket, which was being rubbed a good deal
for luck by all hands within rubbing distance, "is de
maiuh Donna Rita. Ah wouldn't give \$2 fo' Donna Rita
mahse'f, de way she's bin un-runnin', but Donna Rita's
dun got tuh walk in all by huhse'f dis time," whereupon
he returned the ticket to his pocket as if it already represented
\$2,002.\par

The sport had got down Donna Rita into his combination
at a long price in the house betting. When the first
line of betting came in from New Orleans, however,
Donna Rita was seen to be the favorite for the race, with
a big field to beat.\par

"Donna Rita's lak gettin' money in uh lettuh," said the
sport, and every man in the room that heard these words
of wisdom from the lips of the man with the magical combination
ticket in his pocket, played Donna Rita to win.
So here was the sport, enthroned like any monarch of Dahomey,
with the crowd surging around him. One of the
white sports, waving a roll as big as his fist, elbowed his
way through the crowd surrounding the colored sport
and flatly offered him \$500 for his ticket, after looking at
it and seeing that Donna Rita, much the best horse in the
next race, had her name inscribed there. It was a temptation,
but the sport was game, and stood pat.\par

"Dis heah ticket ain't fo' sale," he said. "De two
thousan's good enough fo' this coon."\par

Another man offered him \$800 for his \$2 ticket. The
offer was declined. There wasn't a man in the crowd that
wasn't rooting for the sport's ticket to wind up all right,
and to make their rooting more effective they played
Donna Rita to win the last race almost to a man. The
less important sports were keeping close to their brother
in hue. They wanted to be in at the finish—perhaps to
help the sport to celebrate. At post time there was hardly
a man at the betting counters. They were all hovering
near the sport for luck.\par

"Off at New Orleans!" shouted the telegrapher, who
knew about the sport's ticket by this time, and there was
a note of unusual excitement in his voice as he called off
the race. "Donna Rita in the lead!"\par

"Oh, yo' babe, Donna!" shouted all the "spotes" in
unison, and "stay right theah, yo' nigguh!" shouted the
one particular sport.\par

"Donna Rita at the quarter by five lengths!" called out
the telegrapher, and the poolroom might have been taken
for an Emancipation Day festival. "Donna Rita at the
half by five lengths!"\par

"Ef yo' lubs yo' man, come uhlong!" moaned the sport
in ecstasy.\par

"Donna Rita at the three-quarters by three lengths,
Kisme second, Virgie O. third," droaned the operator.
"Donna Rita in the stretch by a head!"\par

The sport rocked to and fro and groaned.\par

"Virgie O. wins by a nose!" announced the telegrapher.\par

That settled the combination. The sport's followers fell
away from him like autumn leaves from wind-tortured
trees.\par

"They ain't nothin' in this horse-racin' game, is they?"
the frequenters of the poolroom said to one another as
they slouched out, and the grating tones of the cashiers
counting bills soon echoed through the deserted room.\par

\penalty-300%
\label{red-donnelly-s-streak-of-luck}%
\hypertarget{red-donnelly-s-streak-of-luck}{}%
\vspace*{50pt}\thispagestyle{empty}
{\noindent\interlinepenalty \@M\normalfont\Huge\bfseries%
"RED" DONNELLY'S STREAK OF LUCK.}

\unskip\vskip 40pt\nobreak

\vs{1}
\begin{verse}
{\vl {\noindent}

{\centering
{\itshape{He "Runs a Shoestring into a Tannery," and Then Gets the Cold Shoulder from the Lady Fortune.}}
\endgraf}
\par}
\end{verse}

\vs{1}
{\noindent}
A party of turfmen in Washington for the Benning
meeting were talking the other evening of the remarkable
streak of luck which has enabled Billy Barrick to run a
borrowed shoestring of \$200 up to an amount which is
now said to approximate \$100,000 in the last six weeks.\par

"Barrick's double-ended luck, both at faro bank and
horses," said one of the bookmakers in the party, "is a
whole lot out of the common. Luck is a full-bred sort of
an affair, and it does not often run along hybrid lines.
What I mean to say is that the man who has a huge run
of luck at one game almost invariably falls into the doldrums
and goes all to pieces when he switches to another
game. The luckiest men I ever knew on the turf, for example,
were the unluckiest card players, and most of them
stubbornly spent a good many thousands of their pony
winnings before they found this out. Barrick seems to
be an exception. He has got into the current, and he could
probably get away with the money at fan-tan or Cingalese
pool while he's in his present shape. I'm a bit afraid
of him just now myself, and when I see his commissioners
bearing down on my book I'm sorely tempted to rub the
whole slate until I get a chance to rubberneck and find
out what they're after. If I were dealing faro bank, so
weird has his luck at tiger-bucking been lately, too, that
I believe I'd make it a thirty-cent limit when I saw him
coming. But he's an exception, as I say. It's the man who
sticks to the one game that drives the swaggerest dog-cart
and wears the whitest gig-lamps in the long run.\par

"I remember a chap out in St. Louis who ran a shoestring
of five cents up to pretty close to six figures in the
summer of 1895. He bucked more games in doing it, too,
than Barrick has thus far, but he couldn't go a route, and
they ate him up when the whisky got into his head in
such quantities that he saw treble without having a focus
on anything. His name was Red Donnelly, and he had
charge of the bookmakers' paraphernalia in the betting
ring of the St. Louis fair grounds when the Lady Fortune
beamed upon that nickel of his and invited him to bask for
a time in her domain. He was a loose-jointed spraddle-shaped
sort of a young chap of 25 or so who had been
hanging around the St. Louis tracks from his early boyhood.
He learned so much about the horses that he could
never win anything on them when he played in the ten-cent
books made by the railbirds. He handicapped them
down to the sixteenth of a pound, and the horse that he
put his dime on consequently got beaten, as a rule, by a
tongue. He had been holding down the job of a dog-robber
for the bookmakers for two seasons before he struck
his lead on that nickel. He came out to the track one day,
early in June, 1895, with the solitary nickel reposing in the
depths of his trousers' pockets, salted there to pay his fare
back to the city. He got to pulling the five-cent piece out
of his clothes and looking at it longingly by the time the
first race was due. He wanted to get down on a race, but
there were no five-cent books. The bottom sum accepted
by the railbird books was a dime. Red strolled out to
the barns and got to pitching nickels with a pack of idle
stable boys. The luck was with him from the jump, and
when he accumulated a dollar in nickels he exhibited
symptoms of a man suffering from chilblains. His reason
for getting cold feet was that he had a good thing in the
fourth race, and by the time he had acquired the dollar
the betting had begun on the fourth race.\par

"Red hurtled himself into the ring with his dollar and
saw that the price offered against his good thing, the old
nag Hush, was 60 to 1. Donnelly needed a bundle of
cigarettes and a few drinks pretty badly, but he was
game when it came to sticking to his good things, and
he slapped his twenty nickels down on Hush with a bookmaker
he knew. He took good-naturedly the mocking
hoot which the booky gave him for handing in twenty
pieces of that kind of metal, and catapulted himself out
to the rail just as the horses went away from the post.
The race was really something silly for Hush, in the unwieldy
field of nineteen horses. Hush led all the way, and
pranced under the wire first in a big gallop, pulled double.
The boy had Hush up in his lap all the way.\par

"Red had some difficulty in collecting his \$61. The
bookmaker knew him well, knew of his taste for rum, and
knew also that few of Red's rare dollars ever found their
way to the humble shack of the man's infirm old Irish
mother.\par

"'I believe I'll just pinch this out on you, Red,' said
the booky to him, 'and pass it along to the old lady when
I go in to-night. It won't do you any good.'\par

"'Come to taw,' replied Red. 'I want to put thirty or
forty cents down on the next race. I got another good
thing in it.'\par

"The bookmaker reluctantly passed Donnelly the \$61.
Red carefully folded the dollar bill and tucked it into his
waistcoat pocket. Then he invested the \$60, in \$10 clips,
with six books, on Dorah Wood, in the next race, at 15 to
1. It was a canter for Dorah Wood, and Red knocked
the bookmakers silly—they all knew him well from his
working around the place—by socking it to six of them
for \$150 each. A committee of safety was immediately
formed around Donnelly, but he couldn't be held down.
He tossed a quart of wine under his waist-line, purchased
a package of cigarettes made in Turkey for forty
cents, and looked over his dope-book carefully. Then he
strolled into the ring and bet \$900 on Minnie Cee in the
last race. Minnie Cee was at 3 to 1, and it was something
ridiculous for her. She won on the bit, and Red was
\$3,660 to the good on that nickel that he had salted away
in his homespuns for the return trip to town.\par

"When Red turned up to collect, Barney Schreiber—he's
a big-hearted Barney—had him, as it were, by the
scruff of the neck. Barney announced to all of us that
he was going to collect for Donnelly, and what Barney
said went with us, for we all knew Red's propensities.
Donnelly put up a weak growl, but he knew 'way down
deep in him that Schreiber could and would take care
of the cash better than he could or would. Barney
pinched \$3,500 of the wad, inserted it in a separate compartment
of his wallet, and handed Red \$150.\par

"'I'll just let you have a little change, Red, said he,
'and if you think you can run that up into a tan-yard, go
ahead. But I'm a-going to handle this for you the right
way. You're not tied enough in your ways to have
such a vast sum on your person all at one and the same
time.'\par

"Donnelly didn't demur much. The \$150 was a huge
sum itself for him, and he, of course, knew that Schreiber
would do the right thing with the main bunch. As a
matter of fact, Barney deposited the \$3500 the next day
to the credit of Donnelly's old mother, and Schreiber
and the old woman were the only people who knew anything
about that end of it for a long time afterward.\par

"We all gibed and roasted Red about the delirium-tremens
finish we foresaw for him, and when he didn't
turn up at the track at all on the following day, necessitating
the turning of his dog-robbing work over to
another man, there was a lot of talk about the tremendous
barrel-house toot Red must have gone on down the
levee way. That's where we were camping out. When
we picked up the papers on turning out the following
morning we found a scare-head story in one of them
relating in great detail and elaborate diction how one Mr.
John S. Donnelly, a gentleman well known on the Western
turf, had swatted Ed McGuckin's faro bank, over in
East St. Louis, to the tune of \$16,000, playing steadily
without meals from 7 o'clock on the evening of Monday
until 11 o'clock on Wednesday night, when Ed
turned the box on him and announced that it was all off
for the present. We all shouted 'fake!' when we saw
that, but a couple of us hopped into a cab and crossed
over to McGuckin's place to see if there was anything
in the yarn. Well, there was everything in it. We found
Ed holding his fevered brow and mumbling deep, dark
things about damned vagabonds slipping into his layout
and running shoe tongues up into leather factories. We
expressed our sympathies with Ed, for which we came
perilously near being kicked, and then we went back to
St. Louis to hunt up Red. We went over the barrel-house
route with a fine-tooth comb, but no Donnelly.
Then we decided to drive out to his mother's little old
shack. Our route from the levee out there took us
through the down-town district, and we both saw Red
on the street at once. We drew up alongside the curb,
and called him. He was cold sober, and he had \$16,210
in bills in his inside waistcoat pocket. We asked him
where he was going, and he nodded in the direction of
the swellest tailoring establishment in St. Louis. We
went along with him, and it was one lovely sight to observe
the fabrics Red picked out wherewith to ornament
his long, lithe person. He ordered a dozen suits, and
then we went with him to the haberdasher's. He was
all for green and yellow neckties, pink-striped shirts,
and that sort, and we let him have his way. Then he became
sleepy. We threw it into him pretty hard about that
big bundle of money he had on him, and he finally consented
to come along to a bank with us and deposit
\$14,000 of it in his name. We tried to hold out for having
it put in his mother's name, but he wouldn't stand
for that. After leaving the bank Red's eagle eye caught
sight of the shiny things in a jeweler's window, and he
decided then and there that he couldn't go to sleep without
having the third finger of his left hand made conspicuous
by a three-karat blue-white stone, for which he
coughed \$500. That left him with about \$1500 in his
clothes, and we dragged him then into the cab and drove
out to his mother's little old shanty. The old lady had her
little talk with Barney Schreiber about the \$3500 by that
time, and the to-do she made over her 'bye Johnnie' was
worth the ride to see. When we told her about the other
bunch that Red had copped and that we had plunked it
into the bank for him, the quantities of corned beef and
cabbage which she threw into the pot for the dinner
which she wanted us to remain to share with her and her
phenomenal son were amazing.\par

"Well, Donnelly astonished us all for a couple of
weeks by his extraordinary conduct. He would ride
out to the track in a hack, with a gilt-stamped cigarette
in his face, attend to his job as usual around the betting-ring—that
is, he'd supervise, for he quickly accumulated
a staff of worshiping touts and hangers-on—and then
he'd go up into the grand-stand to exhibit his cake-walk
clothes and look at the races. He didn't put a bet down
on a horse for two weeks. He remained pretty sober
all the time, too. We joshed him about the frigid pedals
he had suddenly got, but he only passed along with the
remark: 'I'm letting 'em run for O'Flaherty. Nothin'
doin'.'\par

"We waited for the crash, but it didn't seem to come
on schedule time. One afternoon he called me aside and
showed me his bank-book. It showed an additional deposit
of \$5000, making the total \$19,000.\par

"'When did you pick up that new roll?' I asked
him.\par

"'Went up against the wheel at Terhune's last night,
and yanked it out in three hours,' he said.\par

"'When did you learn to play roulette?' I asked
him.\par

"'Last night,' he replied.\par

"Along toward the end of June Donnelly turned up
at the track one afternoon with a light in his eye. He
went out into the paddock and spent three-quarters of
an hour looking at a horse and by that time the third race
was due. Red came into the ring and spread \$1000
around on Madeira at 10 to 1. It was a maiden two-year-old
race, but Madeira romped in two lengths to the
good. That night Red, still moderately sober and
level-headed, had \$29,000 to his credit in the bank. We
began to figure with a new brand of dope on Donnelly's
game and to consider the possibility of his becoming a
real fixture. A lot of owners with bum skates tried to
work them off on Donnelly at big prices, but he only
passed them the cold-storage smirk. This gave us an
additional line of thinks with regard to what we thought
was his increasing shrewdness. Besides, you see, Red
began to be right good to us. He told us all very soberly
one afternoon that he had a good thing, but that
he didn't want to hurt his own ring, so he'd send his
money to the out-of-town poolrooms. The good thing
was David, who won the last race in a walk at 15 to 1,
and Red cleaned up \$15,000 on that.\par

"Right at this point, Schreiber and some other people
got at Donnelly and tried to induce him to either invest
a part of his money—he had almost \$50,000 then—in a
string of useful horses, to be put into the hands of a competent
trainer—or to have the whole bundle properly invested
in some sort of annuity, tie-up scheme whereby,
when Red's streak of luck fizzled out, he wouldn't have
to go back to buying cigarettes by the cent's worth. The
man was too bull-headed, though, to listen to anything
like this. He did, however, buy his old mother a fine
house and install her in it, and the old lady had stiff
black silk dresses and poppy-ornamented bonnets galore
in which to go to mass.\par

"Meanwhile Red was going up against all kinds of
games around town every night, and it honestly appeared
as if he couldn't lose. Craps, stud poker, draw,
wheel, red and black, mustang, bank—all seemed to be
right in Donnelly's mitt. A lot of us used to turn up
where he was bucking things every night, and, following
his play, we always got the good end of it. He didn't
know much about any of the games, and the idiotic
things we had often to do in order to consistently follow
his play made us gag, but nine times out of ten
them came out right. One man in our party, a bookmaker,
who determined to copper all of Red's play at
the different games, on the theory that Donnelly's luck
had to turn some time or another, almost went broke before
he came into the fold and quit coppering.\par

"All of this time Donnelly had simply been nibbling
at the red stuff. By the time his great luck was a month
old, however, the booze had nailed him, and he got to
throwing in the hooters early in the morning. A man
can't drink in the morning and hang on either to luck or
judgment. Red came into the ring palpably drunk one
afternoon and spread around \$20,000 on Strathmeath
at even money. None of us wanted to take the
money, for if ever there was a rank in-and-outer, that
horse was Strathmeath. But Red was insistent and
a bit ugly, and we accommodated him. Strathmeath ran
third, beaten out by two dogs. That night Donnelly
dropped \$20,000 more at faro. Then he didn't
go to bed for five nights, and at the end of that
time he had about \$6000 left. I never saw luck drop
away from a man like it did from Red Donnelly.
For instance, he was whacking at a bank one night,
stupefied with hooters of half rye and half absinthe, and
he shut one eye so he wouldn't see double and fixed it
on the nine spot. He played the nine open for \$100 a
clip, and lost it twelve straight times. The frowns of the
Lady Fortune got his nerve, and he began to play favorites
at the track. The favorites went down to inglorious
defeat, one after another, for days.\par

"Some of the right kind of people, including Schreiber,
got hold of Red when he had only the \$6000 left, landed
him in a fix-up ward, and sobered him up. When he
came out Donnelly was set up with an interest in an express
business. I don't believe he ever saw the inside
of the express office more than half dozen times, except
to draw what was coming to him. He was at the track
all the time the races lasted, and when the season closed
he put in his time down on the levee. He never had a
day's luck after his big streak up to the last hour of his
death, somewhat less than a year after they came his way
with a whoop and a rush.\par

"When the goddess smiles upon you, you want to
stroke her hair, chuck her under the chin and be good
to her, for she rarely acts amiable twice to a man who
treats her favors wantonly."\par

\penalty-300%
\label{and-red-beak-jim-took-the-tip}%
\hypertarget{and-red-beak-jim-took-the-tip}{}%
\vspace*{50pt}\thispagestyle{empty}
{\noindent\interlinepenalty \@M\normalfont\Huge\bfseries%
AND "RED BEAK JIM" TOOK THE TIP.}

\unskip\vskip 40pt\nobreak

\vs{1}
\begin{verse}
{\vl {\noindent}

{\centering
{\itshape{Plunge Made by a Hackman on the Suburban Handicap Won by Kinley Mack.}}
\endgraf}
\par}
\end{verse}

\vs{1}
{\noindent}
"We'll get Red Beak Jim to hike us down in his caloosh,"
said the main guy of the four. The four were job
holders in one of the New York city departments, and
they were talking about ways and means of reaching the
Sheepshead track for the Suburban.\par

"Good thing," said the three others. "Go on and ask
Jimmy for a figure, down and back, for the bunch. Hey,
and don't let him dicker you out o' your gilt teeth. Jimmy's
a robber."\par

So the main guy of the four sprinted after Red Beak
Jim. He found him with the major portion of his countenance
immersed in the collarette of an open-faced malt
magnum.\par

"Hey, Jim," said the main guy, "hitch 'em up and
bring 'em around about noon. Down to the Bay and back.
There's four of us. What d'ye say to the note for \$10 for
the job?"\par

Red Beak Jim removed the mammoth piece of glassware
from his face long enough to remark:\par

"Nothin' doin'."\par

"Ain't, hey?" said the main guy. "The old caloosh's
fallen apart at last, hey?"\par

Red Beak Jim sat the beer-glass down and wiped off his
mouth with the back of his coat-sleeve.\par

"It'll be jugglin' around when you're yelling for ice
at any old price a hunnered," said he. "Nope, I'm 'ngaged
f'r th' Bay."\par

"Say, you've got your fingers crossed or your suspenders,"
said the main guy. "Give you fifteen for the job."\par

"Goin' t' take three down," said Red Beak Jim. "Ten
a head. Sorry I didn't ask 'em fifteen. Trucks is chargin'
ten a head."\par

"Ten a head," said the main guy, sarcastically. "What
in, zinc money? Hey, pull around, Jim, or you'll lose a
wheel. Ten a head? Get away with that hasheesh. Give
us a figure."\par

"You've got it," replied Red Beak Jim. "Ten per,
round trip. I'm a good thing at that. But I'm 'ngaged."\par

"So's me little sister," said the main guy. "All right,
work your edge. What's ten a head to us, at that? Hey,
we got the baby to-day, Jim, and you want to put some
braces under that old caloosh. We'll have two ton o'
money coming back. Bring 'er around, then, at noon.
Say, you ought to get a pair o' knucks and a sandbag.
You're too good on the clutch to push a caloosh around.
Have 'er there prompt at noon, now, Jim."\par

"Sure," said Red Beak Jim, and he was there at noon,
all right, with the hack all varnished up and dusted off,
and the pair looking fit to reel off a mile in five minutes,
on the bit. The four were inside, stirring their pieces of
ice around with the spoons, when Red Beak Jim pulled
up. He jumped off the seat and stuck his head in the
door.\par

"At the pump, gents," said he.\par

They yanked him in to have one before the start, and
they all got him over into the dark corner. Then the main
guy addressed him.\par

"Jim," said the main guy, "we're handing this to you
because you're all right—from the heels down. On the
level, though, Jim, we pass this along to you because it's
right. It's prepared. It's a nightingale in the woods, and
it'll be singing when all the rest of 'em are still trying to
find out where the wire is. Horse of the century? Nix.
Not for these little Willies. The black, let 'er sleep wonder?
Not. We stay out there. The Whitney thing with
the Frenchy name? Hoot, mon. Pass this squad by.
Nope. We got it right, Jimmy. And we're handing you
the forty bucks now so's you can plant it right. Here's
the forty—and say, you want to remember that you're
paid, see? Well, you get over the fence somehow—let a
kid take care o' your two goats and the caloosh—and you
put the whole forty on Kinley Mack. See? Got that
chalked? You put the forty on Kinley Mack, and part o'
the two ton o' gilt we'll have on the come-back 'll belong to
you. Kinley Mack's going to stand 'em all on their heads
and twist 'em round. Don't say we didn't put you next.
Uneeda win. Well, you win. Nothing to it. Kinley Mack.
Ain't that right, you ducks?"\par

"That's right, all right," said the other three, all together.\par

Red Beak Jim emptied the flagon thoughtfully.\par

"I got mine at that game," said he finally. "They
made a bum o' me before you people was through playin'
jacks. They can run f'r Hogan. These"—salting away
the two twenties the main guy had handed him—"will do
f'r me. I don't want t' git rich fast, nohow. I'd booze meself
foolish. Much 'bliged, gents, but I can't see no Kinley
Macks or Billy Bryans, f'r that matter, wit' a spy-glass."\par

"All right," said the main guy, disgustedly. "But when
the ring's around Kinley Mack, and they're paying off the
wise people on him, you want to muffle the bleats you'll
have coming, see? Don't say we never dished you up a hot
one. You're a sport, Jimmy, and so's a tadpole. You'll
never butt in among the first six. All right. Come on,
you people."\par

They clinked the pieces of ice against the sides of their
glasses once more, and then they climbed into the hack
and were away in a row, to a good start.\par

At each of the seven places at which they stopped for
ice, with trimmings, on the way down to the Bay, they
announced to friends that they met that it was only going
to be a one horse race.\par

"Run on a fast track, hey?" said the main guy to
everybody he knew at the stops. "Say, that's his graft.
That's his main plant. A race-horse can run on any old
kind of a track. Say, you get tied up with this horse of
the century business and you smoke stogies for a few
months. Ethelbert, the horse of the century, hey? Say,
d'je ever happen to hear of Salvator and Tenny and Hanover
and Lamplighter and Henry of Navarre and Sir
Walter and Raceland and Hamburg and a few old two-dollar
mutts like that? Did, hey? Well, say, do they butt
in? Say, Hamburg could've run backward as fast as this
horse of the century that you people have all got the bug
about. Kinley Mack! Kinley Mack! Hey, fellers?"\par

"Thash ri'," said the other three, and then they climbed
into the hack again.\par

When they got down to the track entrance and alighted
the main guy of the four, still mindful of his duty toward
struggling fellow men, made a final appeal to Red Beak
Jim.\par

"Jim," said he, "how about taking our steer, hey?
This is the good thing o' the year. It's going to be a long
summer. Going to put that forty on Kinley Mack?"\par

"I'm goin' t' take a nap after I have a smoke," replied
Red Beak Jim, filling his pipe.\par

The four walked away with an air of disgust, while
Red Beak Jim grinned after them.\par

Each of the four had a one-hundred-dollar note wherewith
to back Kinley Mack off the boards. The temptations
of the first three races, however, collared them, and
when the slate went up for the Suburban they each had a
fifty-dollar note wherewith to play Kinley Mack, the good
thing. When the horses were at the post for the third
race, the main guy, who happened to be standing close
to the fence that separates the grand-stand crowd from
the people in the cheap field, saw Red Beak Jim, with
his hands in his pockets and his pipe in his mouth, leaning
against the rail. He called the hackman, and Red
Beak Jim approached the fence with a grin.\par

"Thought you'd get on, anyhow, hey?" said the main
guy.\par

"Naw, I jes' crep in t' see 'em run an' hear th' hard
losers tell how it was they lost," said Red Beak Jim.
"Nothin' doin' wit' me."\par

"Ain't going to put those forty on Kinley Mack, hey?"
asked the main guy.\par

"Not if I'm awake," said Red Beak Jim, and the main
guy walked away from the fence with an expression
of commiseration on his face.\par

The horses were still at the post for the third race
when the main guy was approached by a horseman he
knew. The horseman was chewing a straw. He looked
very wise.\par

"Cashed yet on Imp?" the horseman asked the main
guy.\par

"Hey?" asked the latter, bending his ear.\par

"Only a canter for that one," said the horseman, in
a low tone, temporarily removing the straw from his
face. "Just a little exercise gallop for the black filly."\par

"Say, is that right?" inquired the main guy. "Is she
so good as all that to-day?"\par

"Surest thing you know," said the horseman. "She'll
give 'em all a fifty-pound beating or I don't know a hoof
from a currycomb. I'm only spinning this along to the
people I've got some use for. That's the reason I dip it
up for you."\par

"But say," whispered the main guy of the four, "I
got it straight as a ramrod on Kinley Mack."\par

The horseman smiled benignly.\par

"On this track?" said he. "That one wouldn't beat
a fat man on this track. He wants slop and slush. I'm
only telling you, that's all. You splurge on Imp, and it'll
be all yours."\par

"I always was stuck on that darned old mare, anyhow,"
mused the main guy of the four, as he walked off
in search of the other three. "She sure can rip the air
when she's ripe. Got a thunder of a notion to switch
to her at that. That fellow ought to know. He's been
handling 'em long enough. Kinley Mack only a mudder,
hey? Had kind of a hunch that way myself, but I didn't
want to own up. Last week, before I got this Kinley
Mack thing, I was sure going to play Imp, and I'd feel
like a nickel's worth of lard if she'd go out and spread-eagle
'em now that I've got this Kinley Mack thing."\par

He stood still for a moment with his hands in his pockets,
oblivious of the jostling crowd, and then he slapped
his thigh.\par

"I've got the hunch—it's Imp!" he muttered.
"Lemme find the fellers and put 'em next."\par

He found the other three. They were putty when
the main guy told them what the horseman had said.
They'd always liked Imp, anyhow.\par

Their four fifty-dollar notes went on Imp straight,
when the slates went up. They all stood together and
rooted for the black mare when the horses got off. When
Kinley Mack romped in, an easy winner, they didn't say
anything at all. They didn't even look at one another.
They avoided one another's gaze, thrust their
hands deep into their pockets and studied the jockeys as
they dismounted. When the first numbness had passed
the main guy of the four led them to the bar and they
drank the longest one of the day in silence. They looked
up into their glasses as they twiddled their spoons, but
they didn't look at one another.\par

There was \$17 still left among the four—not enough
for any sort of celebration or doings when they got back
to town. So the main guy gathered up the \$17 in silence
and put it all on a horse at 10 to 1 in the fifth race, with
the idea of running the shoestring into a tannery. The
10 to 1 shot was never in the hunt at any stage of it,
and they were all out. Silently they wended their way
out of the gate.\par

Red Beak Jim was sitting on the seat of the hack, with
his legs crossed, smoking a pipe. He looked interested
when the four came along.\par

"Youse people must have all kinds," said he.\par

They climbed into the hack without a word.\par

"D'je play that one?" inquired Red Beak Jim, picking
up the lines.\par

"Ask me aunt," growled the main guy.\par

Red Beak Jim clucked at the horses, and they moved
off in good style.\par

The hackman pulled the horses up alongside the step
in front of the first roadhouse.\par

"Hey, don't get too glad all of a sudden," growled
the main guy to Red Beak Jim. "Who told you to do
that?"\par

Red Beak Jim disposed of the lines and stepped down
without making any reply, while the four watched him
gloomily. Then he grinned, hoisted up the right-hand
front flap of his livery coat, dug into his right-hand
trousers pocket and pulled out a wad about the size of a
healthy cantaloupe.\par

"I'll ask youse gents to split a couple o' quarts on me,"
said Red Beak Jim. "I got 8 to 1 f'r me forty."\par

They gazed at him and his wad with their jaws dropping.\par

"Did you play Kinley Mack?" they gurgled in unison.\par

"That's the one youse people said, ain't it?" inquired
Red Beak Jim. "I t'ought I'd take a little flyer on him,
jes' f'r luck."\par

\penalty-300%
\label{the-game-of-running-ringers}%
\hypertarget{the-game-of-running-ringers}{}%
\vspace*{50pt}\thispagestyle{empty}
{\noindent\interlinepenalty \@M\normalfont\Huge\bfseries%
THE GAME OF RUNNING "RINGERS."}

\unskip\vskip 40pt\nobreak

\vs{1}
\begin{verse}
{\vl {\noindent}

{\centering
{\itshape{And How He Got a Horseman Without Much of a Conscience into Hot Water.}}
\endgraf}
\par}
\end{verse}

\vs{1}
{\noindent}
"No Man alive can afford to lose the friendship even
of a yaller dog. Not even an ornery yaller dog can you
afford to have agin' you at any stage of the game. The
dog'll get back at you one time or another, sooner or
later, and take a mouthful or two out of you, if you
haven't had sense enough to keep him on your staff of
friends."\par

The man who used to make a business of putting ringers
over the plates at the outlaw race-tracks had passed
from the reflective to the confidential mood. Perhaps the
rings which he made on the cherry table with the bottom
of his glass suggested circular race-tracks to him. Perhaps
the prancing of the fox-terrier pup in the back
room made him think of horses kicking up at the post.
But, whatever the cause of it, his burst of confidence
was unusual, and the other men at the table listened to
him attentively.\par

"My yellow dog was a yellow man—that is, the one
I'm thinking about just now," he went on. "He took
a hunk out of me down at Alexander Island, Va., near
Washington, about five years ago. He had me out. All
he had to do was to count ten on me and take the pot, and
he knew it. He worked the edge. I didn't blame him a
bit then, and I don't now. But it was hard money to lose.
When I get hold of the right end of a bulge on a man that
I've got it in for, I don't hesitate to work it myself—but
I always feel a bit sorry for a man that I get up into a
corner, all the same. This yellow man felt sorry for me.
He showed it. He was about as sympathetic a yellow
man as ever I saw on the occasion I'm going to tell you
about. But he wouldn't let go, for all that. He needed
the money, of course, but then he wanted to get back at
me, too.\par

"'I'se dun got de aige on yo' all, boss,' he told me,
'an I'm sure a-gwine t' wuk it laik uh mean nigguh. But
yo' dun me dutty, Cap.'\par

"You see, I had employed this yellow man as a stable
hand when I first got my string of ringers together and
took them out. He was all right for the first few months
of the winter campaign, but then he began to get jagged
on me with a heap of regularity. He got mixed up with
that gin that they keep on hand in Maryland for the
Afro-American trade, and it spoiled him for me. He
was no use whatever after the gin took hold of him. I
warned him a lot, but it did no good. I was a little bit
afraid of the job, for he knew a good deal about my
string, but I finally decided that I'd have to take a chance
and fire him. I turned up at the track stable one morning—this
wasn't more'n a million miles from Baltimore—and
I found my yellow man Lem sulky and ugly drunk, and
the string chewing on their stalls. I gave him a boot
and a hist out of the stable and told him not to come
back.\par

"'This yellow man'll probably queer me,' I thought
at the time, 'but I can't go along playing 1000 to 1
shots like him for favorites. If he peaches—well, there
are other States besides Maryland.'\par

"I was rather surprised that he didn't come back when
he got sober. But, nope, he didn't come back at all. I
got another stableman and during the following week,
the last of the meeting, I pulled off three good painted
things with as good as 15 to 1 around two of 'em, without
yellow Lem turning up to pester me at all. I thought
of him a good deal. Every time I got one of my plugs
at the post I stood by to see the yellow man walk into
the judges' stand and give me away. I'll bet I lost ten
pounds worrying about that darkey and what he might
do during that last week in Maryland. I felt as light
as a snowball when I got my string out of that State
and over at the Alexander Island track, near Washington.
When I got 'em all safe over there, says I to myself,
'This yellow ex-man o' mine is probably back in Thompson
street, with his carcass full of gin by this time. So
I'll just cut out the worry about him.'\par

"Well, I started in at the preliminary work of pulling
off a real swell thing at Alexander Island. It was about
as easy to enter a horse down there as it is to go broke
up here, and I put the best one of my lot in the overnight
races for a week. I entered him as a half-breed from a
Warrenton farm—a maiden six-year-old. It went
through easy, the overnight entering did, and I began
to lay my horse up for a price. The horse had done a
mile in 1.40-1/2 and he had the whole bunch down at Alexander
Island outclassed by 212 pounds. The plug had
belonged to the best of the Western selling-plater division
as a three- and four-year-old and he had been in a few
stakes at that. I got him as a five-year-old and he surely
was a meal-ticket for me. He wasn't painted a bit—you
didn't have to dye 'em at Alexander Island. If Hanover
had been an outlaw you could have stuck him into any
old race down there and they'd never have got next.\par

"I had a boy along with the string who'd been chased
off the Western licensed tracks for funny work, and what
that boy didn't know about riding like as if his life
depended on his winning, and forty wraps on his mount
all the time, wasn't worth knowing. Say, he had six
separate and distinct bridle welts on both of his forearms
that he got in pulling horses. He was invaluable, that
boy. When we were out to win he never made anything
but a nose finish of it even if our horse was up against
the worst set of outlaw dray-plugs in training. Oh, that
boy knew his gait all right! I did the best I could to
keep him from going to Joliet for pocketpicking in Chicago
a couple o' years ago, but it was no use. He's still
doing his bit.\par

"Well, I had him sail this good nag of mine over the
course in seven races the first ten days of the meeting.
The horse was a bit too likely looking, and there was
only 5 to 1 against him in the first race. He finished
fourth. The boys in the ring quoted 8 to 1 around him
in No. 2 race, and he finished sixth in a field of seven.
And so on. He was in the ruck in most of the races,
and he finished the last two of the seven a rank last.
By that time you could have written your own ticket if you
wanted to play him, which is what I was waiting for.
My boy complained that during the last three races he
had all colors of trouble in holding the horse in.\par

"'You'd better open the watermelon quick,' said
he to me after the seventh race, 'or I'm liable to lose him
and win the next time out.'\par

"And so I had the pie counter all spread out for his
next time out. It was a six-furlong race, which was my
horse's distance. Two of the cracks of the outlaw brigade
were in the race, and they both opened up at even money.
Then one of 'em was played down to 1 to 2 on. It
was a twelve-horse race, and my nag opened up the rank
outsider with any amount of 100 to 1 quoted around him.
I didn't want to be too chesty and spoil my dough, and so
I only took \$50 worth of it, scattering it around in \$10
gobs. I reckoned that \$5000 would be a good-enough
pulldown on the race, and I didn't want to take any
chances on being shut out of the game down at Alexander
Island. I put a few of the boys I knew next to what was
going to happen, told 'em not to go it too strong or they'd
queer me, and they mixed up \$5 all over the ring on my
100 to 1 horse, that should have gone to the post at 1 to
100. They broke the price down to 30 to 1, but that
didn't make any difference to me, for I had picked up
all I wanted of the 100 to 1.\par

"When they went to the post I picked out a spot on
the rail some distance away from the grand stand to watch
the race. I felt pretty good. I knew it was going through.
My horse had worked the six furlongs in 1:16 flat the
afternoon before, and I knew that he was easy money.
The only thing I was afraid of was that he would get
away from the boy and beat the bunch by eight blocks,
thus bringing me into the judges' stand on suspicion. I
was thinking of all these things when I heard a voice behind
me.\par

"'Aftuhnoon, Cap,' said the voice. 'How's yo' all tuh-day?'\par

"I looked around. The voice belonged to Lem, my fired
yellow stable man. Lem was sober, and got up as if for a
cake-walk. He had business in his eye, too.\par

"'Hello, there,' says I, kind of coddingly. 'How're
you cutting it?'\par

"'Oh, tol'able, boss—tol'able,' he replied.\par

"'Where are you working?' I asked him.\par

"He smiled blandly in my teeth.\par

"'I'se a-wukkin' yo' all dis aftuhnoon, boss,' said he.
'But I ain't no hog. Jes' half o' de rake-down'll do me.
Mus' hev dat much, fo' sure. Jes' nachully need dat
much.'\par

"'What the devil are you talking about?' I asked him,
but I knew he had me where he wanted me.\par

"'Well, yo' see, boss, it's jes' dis-a-way,' he replied.
'I'se a-gwine tuh quit rubbin' dem down an' take tuh
speculashunin' m'sef. I'se a-gwine tuh staht fo' San Francisco
tuh see whut all I kin do with de bookies out da-a-way,
an' jes' nachully needs de coin tuh go on out an' begin
wuk on 'em. Dis yeah's uh good one yo' all's pullin'
down tuh-day, an' I was trailin' yo' w'en yo' all put yo'
bets down. Yo' stan's tuh win \$5,000 on de ole hoss, an'
yo'll win it. I'll take ha'f o' dat, boss, an' go on out tuh
de coast tracks with it.'\par

"I think I must have been looking pretty hard at that
yellow man when he slung me this spiel. Oh, he had me
all right. It was my looking at him so hard that made
him get off the rest of the speech:\par

"'I'se dun got de aidge on yo' all, boss, an' I'm sure
a-gwine tuh wuk it laik uh mean nigguh. But yo' dun
me dutty, Cap.'\par

"As I say, I knew he had me, but just out of curiosity
I shot this one at him:\par

"'S'pose, you yellow devil, that I don't cough up a red
of it? What then?'\par

"He grinned and rolled his eyes over toward the
judges' stand.\par

"'I'd jes' nachully be obleeged tuh do de bes' I could
fo' de proteckshun o' de spoht o' racin,' he replied.\par

"The horses were still making false breaks at the post
and it was too late for me to hop into the ring and lay
enough down to win \$2,500 for the yellow man and still
have \$5,000 to the good myself. It was a sore game, that,
but I had to stand for it.\par

"'All right,' I said to the darkey, 'you've turned this
trick and you'll get the \$2,500. But you want to go West
with it, as you say you are, or I'll get a night doctor or
two on your trail. Chop away from here and I'll see you
after the race.'\par

"'I knows yo' will, boss,' said the yellow man, giving
me that triumphant grin of his, and he turned and went
down the rail to take in the race. Race, did I say? Oh, it
wasn't a race. My horse got away from the post three
lengths to the bad, and he trailed after the bunch dismally
all the way around to the stretch turn, but I never had a
quake. I could see, if nobody else could, that my boy was
ripsawing the horse's mouth, and I knew it was all right.
At the stretch turn the boy let out a couple of links and the
nag joined the front bunch. The boy drew it fine, as I
had instructed him, and won by a short head, and it was
funny to see the wise guys from Washington who had
scattered all kinds of Government-earned money all over
the ring turning mental flipflaps of despair. I watched to
see if there'd be any holler about anything when the boy
weighed in, but there wasn't, and the race was confirmed
all right. I went around and did my own collecting, and
several of the poor devils of bookies had to go out of business
after the rest of the boys that I had put on to the
thing came along and cashed their tickets. I found my
yellow man waiting for me on the outside of the ring, and
when I got him into the shadow I gave up the \$2,500. I
saw that he got a ticket and started for San Francisco the
next day. I felt so sad when I heard a few months later
that in an attempt to learn how to smoke hop out there,
to add to his jag répertoire, he had died in a Chinese joint
after hitting up thirty-six pills. I felt so sad."\par

The ex-ringer operator was plunged in meditation for a
while, the others remaining sympathetically silent, and
then he resumed in another strain.\par

"Next to the worst jolt I ever got—and the worst was
the time down in Maryland when one of my plugs with
two whitewashed barrel spots and a whitewashed forehead
star got rained on at the post, practically out of a
clear sky, and the spots got washed out, and I had to get
out of the State of Maryland over fences—next to that
jolt, the way one of my boys threw it into me at a county
fair meeting in West Virginia was pretty bad. I had
tongue-hammered that kid pretty hard two or three times
at that meeting for winning when his mounts weren't due
to win and I didn't want 'em to win, and he got sulky. I
tried to coddle him up a bit, for I had a real good one to
pull off on the last day of the fair, and I thought I had
him all right on my staff again. The real good thing was
a horse of mine that I had entered in the final race, which
the jays down there called a mile race for the 1:55 running
class.' 1:55! I had a skate with me down there that
could just common canter a mile in 1:45, and he could
have done it in three seconds better if pinched at any time.
I had had the plug lose three or four races during the fair
meeting, and he wasn't as good as Chinese money in the
estimation of the West Virginians by the time the race
that he was going to win came around. My boy was to
have the mount, and our mutual confidence seemed to be
restored by the time the good thing was booked to happen.
But he had an ice-pick up his sleeve for me all the
time."\par

"'Didn't try with the horse, and lost, eh?' asked one
of the ex-ringer worker's listeners.\par

"'Oh, no, it wasn't that,' was the reply. The horse
won by a tongue, and the boy gave him a beautiful tight
ride to keep him from winning further off. But he put
every grafter that he knew, and he knew 'em all at the
fair meeting next to what was going to happen, and made
split terms with all of them. That is, he put 'em on, on
condition that he was to get half of each man's winnings
on the race. Now, I had figured on picking up \$8,000 or
\$10,000 easy on that good thing, and I had lain awake
nights making plans to meet possible hitches. It certainly
wasn't treating me right, the way that boy did. I thought
I'd get as good as 25 to 1, anyhow, at the first betting. I
intended to take a mess o' that and then wait for the betting
to go up, for I confidently expected, and had a right
to expect, that the nag's price, in view of what the farmers
down there thought of him, would go up to 50 or 100.\par

"When the betting on the race opened I was on hand
with my wad. Say, I couldn't get within twenty feet of a
one of the twelve bookies doing business. I never saw
such a scramble, even in the 50-cent field at Sheepshead.
Of course, I thought they were all getting aboard of the
favorite, and so I drew back, knowing that if they were
playing the favorite my plug would be going up in price
all the time. Then I noticed a lot of the educated money,
the coin of the grafters that I knew around the grounds,
going in, and I wondered if they were Rubes enough to
play a favorite in the last race on get-away day. So I
drew close to the bookies' stands—as close as I could get—and
then I found that they were all writing my horse's
name. Nothing but my horse. Not a horse in the race
but my horse. It was a staggerer, that was. Of course, I
thought of my miffed jockey right away, and I knew he
had done it. When I finally was able to get up to the
bookies, I found that my plug's price had been played
down from 20 to 1 to 9 to 10 on, and I was so disgusted
that I stayed off altogether, although I knew my horse
was going to win. He did win. The boy couldn't peach
because his rake-down had been too big, but he showed
me \$3,500 in bills an hour after the race, got off twenty
feet and told me all about it, and then bolted. I haven't
seen him since."\par

\penalty-300%
\label{experiences-of-a-verdant-bookmaker}%
\hypertarget{experiences-of-a-verdant-bookmaker}{}%
\vspace*{50pt}\thispagestyle{empty}
{\noindent\interlinepenalty \@M\normalfont\Huge\bfseries%
EXPERIENCES OF A VERDANT BOOKMAKER.}

\unskip\vskip 40pt\nobreak

\vs{1}
\begin{verse}
{\vl {\noindent}

{\centering
{\itshape{Wherein It Is Shown That, When There Is "Something Doing," a Bank-roll Is Liable to Be Wrecked.}}
\endgraf}
\par}
\end{verse}

\vs{1}
{\noindent}
"I heard somewhere the other day," said one of a party
of turfmen who were dining together after the McGovern-Erne
fight, "that Billy Thompson, the ex-Duke of
Gloucester, is trying to cook up some scheme whereby
the legal authorities of New Jersey 'll relent and permit
him to start the old Gloucester merry-go-round again.
I don't think he'll make it stick, if the story is true,
but if Gloucester ever is started again I know a man
who'd be very liable to burn the barns down some dark
night. I don't think he'd let the Gloucester mud-lark
and snow bird race-track operate while he lives.\par

"In 1880 this man I'm talking about—he had passed
up a good grocery business to play the races a year before—had
nursed together a wad of about six thousand
dollars, and this gave him a bad case of the Sandow
vest. He was so chesty over having all that money that
he concluded he'd try a whirl on the block. There was
only winter racing going on when he got that smoky
notion into his hat, and that was at Gloucester. As you
fellows know, they used to run 'em there in snow up
to the saddle pommels, and the plug that could make out
the best without going over the fence, or that didn't become
crazy from snow blindness, always yanked down
the money at Gloucester—that is, if he was meant to
win.\par

"This ex-sugar-and-tea guy was a dead verdant one
at the bookmaking game when he went on the block
at Gloucester, but he kept his ears open and his mouth
shut, and he had quite a streak of luck, besides, from
the go-off, so that at the end of his first week at laying
odds he found that he'd averaged a clean-up of about
\$200 a day. You couldn't see him then without sending
up your card, he was so vast and heap-much. He
was thinking of going down Dixieway to make a bid on
the Belle Meade farm, and, by the end of his third week
on the block, when he had run his \$6000 into a bit more
than \$10,000, he was probably the haughtiest gazabo on
this side of the Rocky Mountains.\par

"One day—it was at the beginning of his fourth week
at bookmaking—a duck who had a string of good ones—of
their kind—chasing the Gloucester will-o'-the-wisp
for the poolroom purses, invited himself to take dinner
with the ex-grocer with the streak of luck. After they
had stored the feed away at the high-riding bookmaker's
Philadelphia hotel, the man with the string leaned back
in his chair and sprung what he had in mind. He mentioned
the star sprinter of his string.\par

"'You know, of course,' said he confidentially, to the
ex-grocer, 'that that nag can eat up any horse down
here at three-quarters of a mile. He'd never be beaten
at that distance if we let him out every time he went to
the post to race. But, of course, if I'd let him win every
time out, there would never be any price on him. He'd
be a 1 to 20 shot every time he got a lead-pad on, and
I'm not going down the line on that kind of prices.
Neither am I running my string over at Gloucester for
hygienic reasons. Perceive?'\par

"The new bookie perceived.\par

"'Well,' this oily geezer went on, 'that horse is entered
in a six-furlong sprint to-morrow, as you know.
He'll probably be an even-money favorite. He'll lose.'\par

"'He will, hey?' said the new man on the block, suspicious
like. 'That's darned good of you to tell me.
But you're not telling me that for your health, either.
He's going to lose, eh?'\par

"'Yep, he'll lose,' repeated the smooth owner. 'Now,
you're a pretty nice young fellow, ain't you? I like you.
Understand?'\par

"'Um,' said the ex-grocer. 'What's your graft, anyhow?'\par

"'Well, as I say, that skate of mine is going to lose,'
said the confidential owner once more. 'Now, you see this
thousand-dollar William, don't you? Well, I want you to
take a thousand-dollars' worth of my horse to win
for my account, see, when you make your book on that
race. He may be as good as 2 to 1, but he's going to lose
anyhow. You see, I just want to pick up an honest dollar
or so. You take this \$1,000 of the suckers' money for
me on your book, and your reward 'll be in knowing
what's going to happen. You can hunch up the price, see?
Is it a go?'\par

"Now, this looked like a pretty good thing to the groceryman.
It looked like taking candy from a child. If
that owner's horse wasn't going to lose, it looked like a
cinch that he wasn't going to risk any thousand-dollar
bills on the game. So the new bookie told the owner that
he was on, took his \$1,000, and figured on the pounding
he was going to give the talent the next day. He chuckled
to himself when the other books only laid even money
against the sprinter when the betting on the race began
the next afternoon.\par

"'They wouldn't do a thing but fall over themselves
to lay a long price if they knew, like I do, that the favorite
is going to kerflop,' mused the ex-groceryman—he wailed
me the whole spiel afterward—and he laid 2 to 1 against
the sprinter's chances on his slate. The other bookies over
his way looked as if they thought he was wheely, but he
only exulted whole lots inside of him.\par

"'You are wise people,' he thought, 'but this is where
I get the big end of it.'\par

"Within three minutes after he had started his slate
he had taken in the horse owner's \$1,000 worth of his
horse at 2 to 1. The handicappers just battled to get at
his book at their figures. Said he to himself, 'I'll just
tap myself on this watermelon,' and by the time the horses
went to the post he had taken in \$5,000 of the public
money at 2 to 1 on that horse that was going to lose, and
he knew that he'd be just \$5,000 to the good.\par

"Of course you chaps are next. When the horses got
away the skate that the ex-grocer had laid his whole
\$1,000 against walked in on the bit, fifteen lengths to the
good in a buck-jump. He was under twenty wraps all
the way from the flag-fall.\par

"The new bookie paid out his \$10,000, bought a clay
pipe and an eight-cent package of punk tobacco, and went
out of business, and he's been out of business ever since.
It took him about a week to get contiguous to the fact
that the men who collected his \$10,000 were the smooth
owner's commissioners, but when he went gunning the
owner had removed his string from Gloucester, and was
taking a little winter cruise in a felucca in the Ægean
Sea. But if Gloucester ever starts up again, and there's a
conflagration, I'll know how it started."\par

"There's another chap that I know of who's been smoking
unfragrant tobacco in a pipe for a good many years
on account of an outlaw track deal," said one of the other
turfmen at the table, "but he wasn't a new man at the
game. He was an old-timer—so much of an old-timer
that it was up to him to know that, once having made a
tool of a man or a boy in the racing business, it is never
the part of wisdom to throw him overboard on the presumption
that he's a dead one. Turf followers, as you fellows
all know, have a habit of resurrecting themselves at
inopportune moments when it seems that they are so
deeply buried that they'll never struggle to the top of the
ground again, and when they do run a shoe-tongue into
a tan-yard they are more than liable to get hunk with
former pals who have cast them aside in the hour of adversity.
Now, it is a particularly dangerous thing for any
man connected with racing to do business with a jockey.
I never heard of a bit of jockey-tampering that didn't get
out sooner or later, to the disadvantage of the man that
did the corrupting. I guess we all know of cases in which
jockeys, after being ruled off for crooked work, have become
exacting pensioners on the hands of the men responsible
for their downfall for long stretches of years.
The story I have in mind is of a jockey who, while he
wasn't set down through following the directions of the
bookmaker he did business with, was treated with characteristic
meanness by the latter when he was up against it
owing to an accident; and the way this jock got even with
his former tamperer was unique.\par

"You all remember the boy Kelley? He wasn't exactly
a boy at the time this thing happened—he was a man of
twenty-two or so, which probably accounted for the fact
that when he was riding at Guttenberg he had most of the
other jockeys faded; give me a rider with a man's hand
on his shoulders every time for my horse. Now, the
morale of Guttenberg wasn't like unto that pervading a
theological institution, but Kelley the jock wasn't any
worse than his neighbors. He was like all the rest of the
people mixed up with the weird game at the Gut. It was
a poor jock at the Gut who didn't have a bookmaker on his
staff, and Kelley wasn't a poor jock by fifty good pounds
under the saddle. It used to be an off day with Kelley
when he didn't put up a ride in accordance with this bookmaker's
orders. All of the jocks at the Gut did similar
things, and they were stood for. The hectic flush of humiliation
didn't mantle the alabaster countenances of the
Gut stewards to any huge extent when the 1 to 5 shot was
beaten a furlong. Kelley was enabled to throw big money
into his bookie's satchel, because, being such a top-notch
rider of outlaws, most of his mounts went to the post favorites;
so that when he snatched a horse it meant the
good of the books, and of his bookmaker in particular, for
the latter would of course lay the longest price in their
judgment against one that he knew was going to run like
a mackerel along a dusty road. Kelley profited fairly well
at the hands of this bookmaker, and on his side he was
absolutely loyal in his crookedness. He invariably delivered
the goods. He had the knack of making it appear to
the people with the field glasses that he was riding like
a fiend, when in reality he had his horse pulled double,
and when he was following orders he could permit the
favorite under him to be beaten out by a tongue on the
wire in a way that would raise the hair of the folks in the
stand.\par

"Well, one day Kelley was dumped from a horse he
was riding when the track was slippery and broke his leg.
He had been improvident and extravagant, like most of
the jocks of that day, so that when the accident put him
on the flat of his back he found himself broke. What was
more natural than that he should send to the bookmaker
whose orders he had been following for a long time for
assistance? He wrote to the bookie and asked for the
loan of \$100. The bookmaker ignored the request. Then
the laid-up jockey sent a friend to the bookmaker. The
latter made some remark about not coughing up for the
oats and keep of dead ones—figuring, you see, that Kelley's
injuries were such that he wouldn't be able to get
back to the riding game until the close of the meeting. So
the jockey had to stave off doctors' and other bills as best
he could, and I guess that he set his teeth down pretty
hard and did some robust thinking while his leg was healing.\par

"A couple of months after this accident Kelley, somewhat
pale, turned up in the paddock at the Gut one morning
and announced that he was fit to ride again. His
services were immediately in demand, and Mike Daly got
him to ride his horse Gloster in the first race on the card.
Gloster was the best horse in the race and was certain to
be favorite. The bookie, who had used Kelley before his
accident and afterward turned him down, got to Kelley
by the underground process, through an agent, with the
inquiry as to whether a little business couldn't be done on
Gloster. Kelley, with all the good nature in life, sent word
that there could, certainly; that he could get Gloster
beaten by an eyelash.\par

"The betting opened and Gloster was the favorite all
over the ring at odds of 1 to 2 on. Then Kelley's bookmaker
began to shoot the price up—first to 3 to 5 on, then
to 4 to 5 on, then to even money, and then right up to 6
to 5 and even 7 to 5 against. The way that bookie hauled
in the money on Gloster was a caution. It seemed that
every plunger and casual bettor in the inclosure wanted a
piece of Gloster at Kelley's bookmaker's odds—all the rest
of the pencillers still held Gloster at 1 to 2 on—and the
bookmaker took in thousands of dollars on the horse.
When they were still whacking him with Gloster bets he
became somewhat nervous and sent his agent to Kelley
again for reassurance. Kelley told the agent again that
Gloster wasn't going to win.\par

"'He's taking in billions on Gloster,' said the agent to
Kelley.\par

"'Let him handle the whole mint on the nag,' replied
Kelley. 'Gloster will just about get the place—maybe.'\par

"In the meantime the judges, who occasionally made a
bluff at getting haughty and virtuous, got next to the big
odds that one bookmaker—Kelley's bookmaker—was
offering against Gloster, and, naturally enough, they became
suspicious. Five minutes before the horses were due
to go to the post, therefore, they called Kelley into the
stand and asked him squarely if there was anything doing
by which Gloster was going to get beat.\par

"'If Gloster doesn't win this race,' replied Kelley, 'you
can rule me off for life.'\par

"Kelley had put every man, woman, child and dog that
he knew at the track on to the fact that he was going to
win by a Philadelphia block on Gloster, and the bookmaker
who had turned him down when he was on the flat
of his back with a broken stilt in the middle of winter
got the play of all of them. Dollar bets and \$1,000 bets all
looked alike to the bookmaker. He took all the money that
came along without rubbing. He thought he had a corked-up
good thing.\par

"When the bugle sounded and the horses emerged
from the paddock, the bookmaker, with his glasses in his
hand, was leaning against the rail, and he looked up with
a grin to catch Kelley's eye as the jockey rode by on Gloster.
He caught Kelley's eye, but there was no responsive
grin. There was, instead, a dirty sneer on Kelley's drawn,
pale mug, and, as he caught sight of the leering bookie he
drew Gloster up for just an instant and spat viciously in
the direction of the man who had treated him with such
ingratitude.\par

"The bookmaker saw in that instant that he was
ditched. His face went white, and he clutched the rail, and
he was still digging his fingernails into the rail when, a
few minutes later, the victorious Gloster, who had won by
about half a furlong, was led into the paddock, with Kelley
walking alongside of him. When that bookie got
through paying off the Gloster bets he had taken in he
was out of business, and when the story of how it all came
about leaked out, there wasn't a man in the game that
didn't say that the bookie got all that was coming to him."\par

\penalty-300%
\label{the-man-who-knew-all-about-touts}%
\hypertarget{the-man-who-knew-all-about-touts}{}%
\vspace*{50pt}\thispagestyle{empty}
{\noindent\interlinepenalty \@M\normalfont\Huge\bfseries%
THE MAN WHO KNEW ALL ABOUT TOUTS.}

\unskip\vskip 40pt\nobreak

\vs{1}
\begin{verse}
{\vl {\noindent}

{\centering
{\itshape{And the Evaporation of His Resolution to Have Nothing to Do With Them.}}
\endgraf}
\par}
\end{verse}

\vs{1}
{\noindent}
"Touts," said Busyday, oracularly, to his companion
on a train bound for the Bay on Suburban day, "are the
derned nuisances of the racing game. You want to watch
out for them. If by chance you should get separated from
me in the crowd, don't you let any of the sharp-eyed, soft-voiced
ducks talk you into playing this or that one. Just
you stick to those selections I wrote out for you on that
piece of paper. They're the logical winners. A friend of
mine, whose brother is a bookmaker, handicapped 'em
for me, and I'm going to play every one of 'em myself.
That's the only way to win; stick to your selections, and
don't let yourself be touted. The man who listens to touts
smokes a pipe. Understand?"\par

"Uh, huh," replied Busyday's friend, who was from
Busyday's native town out West. He had never seen a
horse race in his life, whereas Busyday was an old-timer
and learned at the game, having seen three Handicaps and
two Suburbans ran.\par

"They make kind of a lukewarm effort to keep the
touts off the tracks," went on Busyday, disparagingly;
"but the touts are too smooth for 'em, and they're always
around, looking for good things like you, old man.
All you've got to do is just to flout 'em from the jump,
as soon as they edge up to you, and they'll shoo-fly instantly,
rather than take chances on being spotted by the
Pinkerton people. Tell 'em to go to the devil, that's all."\par

"Uh, huh," answered Busyday's friend and guest,
once more.\par

It came to pass that Busyday and his visiting townsman
were separated before they had got off the train.
The car was jammed, and in the confusion of getting
off they made their exits by different doors. Busyday
frantically yelled out his friend's name as soon as he
found himself alone on the platform, but, of course, he
got no reply. His friend was engulfed in the crowd.\par

"I s'pose I ought to have held hold of his hand, like
a fellow does when he takes his sister's kids out for a
walk," he reflected. "This is blasted mean luck from the
go-off. The touts'll get hold of him now, sure as
shootin', and they'll strip him. Good thing he's got his
ticket back to the little old slab of a town where we
used to play shinny together."\par

Busyday roamed around the grand-stand and the betting
ring for ten minutes before the slates went up
for the first race, trying to catch sight of his friend, but
it was no use. His townsman wasn't visible anywhere.
Then a sudden swirling and eddying in the betting ring
told him that the prices were up for the first race.\par

"I'll have to pass the old boy up until I get this bet
down," said Busyday to himself, pulling out of his pocket
the slip of paper that the handicapper had given him the
evening before. "Let's see, what one of 'em have I got
to win this? Oh, yes; Peaceful—good name, but it
doesn't sound as if a horse with a name like that could
run much. I'd rather have a horse called Lightning Express,
or Cyclone, or Helen Blazes, or something like
that, run for my money. S'pose, though, this handicapping
chap knows what he is doing, and so I'll just
put my first ten on Peaceful to win. Hey? How's
that?"\par

There was a soft, persuasive buzz right in Busyday's
ear.\par

"D'ye notice all the suckers breakin' their necks t'
land on that Peaceful dead one?" were the words that
formed the buzz.\par

Busyday jerked his head around suddenly, and he found
within four inches of his ear the countenance of a young-old
man with red hair, a freckled skin, and a pale-blue,
shifty eye.\par

"Dead one?" echoed Busyday, the red-haired, young-old
man smiling amiably in his face.\par

"Libster," said he of the pale-blue, shifty eye, looking
entirely disinterested. "Out-and-out libster. Crab. Run
about a dozen sprints, and still a merry maiden. And
look at the chancts th' mutt's had to win! Leads th'
percession into th' stretch every whirl, and then chucks
it. A proper dog, Cap. That's on the dead. Worst
quitter on th' grounds."\par

"Um," said Busyday, stroking his chin and wondering
why his handicapper had picked Peaceful.\par

"I got th' baby," buzzed the freckle-faced, young-old
man, after a silence.\par

"Hey?" asked Busyday.\par

"For a pipe," said the shifty-eyed one. "Say, I don't
git out o' me Waldorf bunk at 3 o'clock every mornin' for
me health."\par

"Is that so?" inquired Busyday, just for the sake
of saying something.\par

"Not on yer dinner pail," said the aged youth with the
shifty eye. "I light out fer th' tracks t' watch 'em at
their early mornin' works. I'm a railbird, all right, but
I know where th' dough is. I seen this baby that I'm
tellin' you about do the five-eighths in a minute flat th'
other mornin', an' if he ain't a moral fer this, here's my
lid an' you can eat it," whereupon the shifty-eyed one
removed his 50-cent straw hat and offered it to Busyday.\par

"What's the name of this wonder?" inquired Busyday,
trying to work up a superior smile.\par

The aged youth bent over, placed his mouth within a
quarter of an inch of Busyday's ear, and whispered:\par

"Stuart. He'll walk."\par

"Oh, well, then, I'll waste a ten-spot on Stuart," said
Busyday, trying to say it languidly, as if he didn't take
much stock in himself or anybody else. Then he plunged
into the vortex around one of the bookmakers' elevated
chairs, got his feet trod upon, his hat jammed down over
his eyes, and his ribs treated to an all-hands elbow massage,
and finally succeeded in passing up his ten-dollar
bill on Stuart to win.\par

"Stuart, thirty-five to ten," droned the bookmaker
to the sheet-writer, and then Busyday found himself
beaten to the outskirts of the crowd.\par

"You on?" he heard in his ear, and, turning, he saw
the freckle-faced one smiling up at him.\par

"Yep—dropped ten on it," replied Busyday. "Kind
o' liked Stuart myself when I saw him entered."\par

Then Busyday steered for the lawn to see the finish
of the race. He was trying to get some sense out of the
list of owners' colors on his program, so as to be able
to distinguish his horse as they raced under the wire,
when a calm man next to him, with a pair of field-glasses
to his eyes, mumbled:\par

"They're off!"\par

There was a big shout all around.\par

"Lady Uncas out in front," said the calm man coolly.
"She'll curl up. She seems to be staying, though, at
that. Nope, she's collared. Stuart's nailed her. He
walks," and the calm man put down his glasses as the
horses galloped past the sixteenth pole.\par

Stuart came in all alone, and Peaceful was back in the
ruck.\par

"I had my suspicions about that Stuart horse right
along," said Busyday to himself. He had never seen
the horse's name until the evening before. "Don't know
why, but I kind o' liked him. Probably because the
Stuart were a pretty swift bunch," and he chuckled to
himself over his humor as he made his way to the bookmaker's
line to cash.\par

"Somethin' easy—like findin' it, hey?" he heard
buzzed into his ear as soon as he put his foot into the
betting ring, and there was the old-faced young man,
grinning complaisantly up at him.\par

Busyday handed to the shifty-eyed one, who stuck to
him right up to the paying-off line, buzzing learnedly
all the time about the race just ran, a \$10 bill out of his
\$35 winning.\par

"Th' next," said the red-haired wiseacre of the rail
when Busyday had fought himself away from the cashing
crowd, "is what you might call a one-hoss race. A
one-hoss race, right."\par

"Lambent, of course?" said Busyday, looking at his
piece of paper with the selections on it. Lambent was his
handicapper's selection.\par

The freckle-faced screwed the whole left side of his
face up into one prodigious wink.\par

"Not this cage," said he. "Try the next. Lambent?"
and he put one large, white, freckled hand over his face,
as if to hide his confusion, and grinned through his fingers.\par

"Well, Lambent figures to win, doesn't she?" asked
Busyday weakly.\par

"Who, Lambent?" and the shifty-eyed smiled some
more. "I'm goin' t' match her in a sweepstakes against
me old aunt, and back me aunt off th' boards fer a hog-killin'.
There's on'y one in this. Skinch. You can tap
on it."\par

"Which one?" asked Busyday in a wabbly tone.\par

Again the aged youth bent over until his mouth was
within a quarter of an inch of Busyday's ear.\par

"Swiftmas," he replied. "Been saved up for a good
thing, right. If he don't buck-jump in, here's me lid,"
and once more he extended his half-dollar straw hat for
Busyday's mastication.\par

"Well," said Busyday to himself between his teeth
as he made his way through the jostling crowd to one
of the bookmakers' stands, "I guess I'm a weak and
erring brother, all right, but danged if I don't play that
redhead once more, anyhow," and he got \$40 for his
\$20 on Swiftmas to win. Swiftmas won by a head.\par

"They were too foxy t' win too far off," Busyday was
informed by means of a buzz in his ear, by this time well
known, as he was elbowing his way again to the cashing
line. "Boy drew it fine so's not t' spoil th' price next
time out."\par

The freckle-faced old youth got \$15 out of Busyday's
\$40 winning, and then he looked Busyday over carefully
and inquired:\par

"How about me?"\par

"You'll do," replied Busyday, candidly. "Name the
next."\par

"His Nibs, the Prince of Melbourne," whispered the
freckle-faced, and Busyday glanced at his handicapper's
selections. It was the Prince of Melbourne there, too.\par

"He can't lose," said the shifty-eyed. "Just a pleasant
airing fer him. Nothin' to it. W'en you put yer
coin down, you might as well stay right here so's t' be
foist in line. Put a bunch on."\par

"I've got some of their money," mused Busyday,
"and I won't pass it all back to 'em in a lump."\par

He got \$75 to \$30 on Prince of Melbourne to win,
bought three cigars for a dollar and a pint of wine, and
then suddenly wondered where his townsman was.\par

"No use trying to look him up, though," he reflected,
"in this jam of Indians. Poor old chap, I s'pose he's
smashed flatter'n a pancake by this time, without the price
of a bottle of pop," and he reproached himself a good
deal for not having hung on to his guest when they left
the train. He was aroused from his reflections by the
yowl, "They're off!" and by the time he got out to the
lawn the horses were coming down the stretch.\par

"His Princelets, with his mouth wide open," he
heard the crowd yell, and then his chest expanded, and
he muttered to himself: "I always did have a soft spot
for that derned old plug!" For the moment he forgot
that the Prince of Melbourne happened to be a two-year-old.\par

"Oh, w'en I pick up a good one as I go along I
like t' put me fren's on," buzzed the freckle-faced in
his ear, as he made for the paying-off line. Notwithstanding
the fact that the Prince of Melbourne's name appeared
on his handicapper's list of selections, Busyday
very cheerfully gave up one-third, or \$25 of his winnings,
on the two-year-old to the red-haired youth. The latter
soaked the bills away in his white-and-brown-striped
trousers, and then he remarked, in an offhand sort of
way:\par

"Well, this is where you pass me up, ain'd it, so?"\par

"Well," said Busyday, "I came down to play
Banastar, and I think I'll have to stay with that hunch, if
you're agreeable."\par

"Cert'nly," said the shifty-eyed, with an expression
more of sorrow than of anger on his lined face. "Go
ahead. Help yourself. Have all th' fun that's comin'
t' you."\par

"Why, what's the matter?" inquired Busyday.
"Ain't Banastar the play?"\par

"And he looks like a duck with a purty good top-knot
on him, at that," said the freckle-faced, dreamily, paying
no attention to Busyday's question, and apparently
addressing empty air.\par

"What's the matter with Banastar?" repeated Busyday.\par

"I'm not queerin' yer fun, Cap," went on the shifty-eyed.
"You come down wit' th' Banastar bug in yer
nut, like all the rest, and I'm not a-switchin' you."\par

"Look a-here," said Busyday, "what the dickens are
you giving us, anyhow? Don't you think Banastar'll
win the Suburban?"\par

"Cap," said the aged youth, spitting dryly and for the
first time looking Busyday squarely in the eye, "there's
a mare in this bunch that'll run things around all the
Banastars from here to Hoboken an' back. She kin fall
down, an' win. She kin take naps between poles an'
walk. She's a piperino, if ever one was pushed up fer
geezers to nibble at. But I'm not a-switchin' you, un'stand?"\par

"Mare, hey?" said Busyday, looking over his program.
"You mean that Imp?"\par

"Ain't it?" said the freckle-faced. "Well, I guess
yah. She win th' last time out with' 126 up, eatin' peanuts
down th' stretch, from a bunch purty near as good
as this. Banastar? Cap, I ain't no hog, an' you've
passed along what coin was a-comin' to me. I'll lay
you 2 t' 1 Banastar won't git one, two, t'ree."\par

"Dog-goned if I know what to do," mused Busyday.
"Here I've been shouting Banastar ever since the Handicap,
and I promised my wife faithfully that I'd play
Banastar. Say," addressing the freckle-faced, who stood
by sorrowfully regarding him, "is this Imp fast enough,
that's what I want to know? Won't Banastar beat her
on speed?"\par

The aged youth held up one thumb vertically and indicated
with the forefinger of his other hand.\par

"De Empire State Express," said he.\par

Then he held up his other thumb.\par

"Steam roller," said he. "Take yer pick."\par

Busyday made a sudden dive for a bookmaker's line.\par

"Which I may remark, in strict confidence," he said
to himself as he tugged at his wad and counted out five
twenty-dollar bills, "that there may be softer marks between
here and High Bridge than myself; but, confound
that freckle-faced tout's red head, I'm just a-going
to slide along with him and play Imp at that, Banastar
or no Banastar!" and ten seconds later the bookmaker
was taking Busyday's five twenties and droning out,
"Six hundred to \$100 on Imp to win."\par

Busyday was lighting the last of his three-for-fifty
cigars over in a corner of the betting ring when the well-known
buzz reached his ears again.\par

"On?" inquired the buzz. "Good and hard?"\par

"Yep," said Busyday. "Hundred."\par

Imp's win is turf history. As Busyday handed the
tout two crisp \$100 bills the freckle-faced remarked:\par

"An' you ain't th' on'y collect I make on this, Cap. I
got a hayseed on th' mare fer \$300, an' I had him on
all th' rest o' them good things, at that."\par

"Well, so long, Red," said Busyday. "I'm getting
back to town to dinner. Next time I come down I'll give
you my trade if I see you around."\par

Then Busyday went up into the stand to take a final
look around for his townsman. He didn't see him, and
he started for the gate. Just as he got outside the gate
he saw his fellow townsman and guest stepping into a
hack. His fellow townsman and guest looked pretty
jaunty, but Busyday didn't notice it.\par

"Hey, there, old man," he called after his friend, and
the latter looked around.\par

"Oh, here you are," said Busyday's friend, with an
expensive cigar stuck at an angle of forty-five degrees
in one corner of his mouth. "Trimmed?"\par

"Nope," said Busyday. "I landed on a few little
good things that occurred to me after I got to looking at
the program, and I win 'bout a thousand. Poor old jay,
I suppose they put you out o' business, eh?"\par

"Not by a long sight!" said his friend. "I ran into
a freckle-faced, red-headed duck as soon as I got in the
grounds. I lost that piece o' paper you gave me with the
whadyoucallem—selections—on it, and so I played what
this red-headed chap told me to. Copped out 'bout
\$2800, altogether. Had \$300 on Imp to win the big
race."\par

Then Busyday knew to whom the freckle-faced had referred
when he spoke of a hayseed.\par

\penalty-300%
\label{a-copper-lined-cinch-that-did-go-through}%
\hypertarget{a-copper-lined-cinch-that-did-go-through}{}%
\vspace*{50pt}\thispagestyle{empty}
{\noindent\interlinepenalty \@M\normalfont\Huge\bfseries%
A "COPPER-LINED CINCH" THAT DID GO THROUGH.}

\unskip\vskip 40pt\nobreak

\vs{1}
\begin{verse}
{\vl {\noindent}

{\centering
{\itshape{Narrative of the Red-Haired, Freckle-Faced Tout Who Had a Good Thing up His Sleeve.}}
\endgraf}
\par}
\end{verse}

\vs{1}
{\noindent}
When the first line of betting on the fifth race at
Gravesend was chalked up shortly after 4 o'clock in the
Harlem street poolroom on Wednesday afternoon last, the
red-haired, freckle-faced tout gave one swift glance at
the figures, clutched his armful of "dope" books and sped
over to a corner of the room where two flashy, well-fed
looking chaps sat tilted back in chairs, smoking and unconcernedly
waiting for the running of a race at Latonia
in which they had a good thing.\par

"Here's the soft spot o' your life," said the red-haired,
freckle-faced tout, pulling a chair up alongside the two
unconcerned-looking chaps. "This'll be like pullin' th'
milk teeth out o' a fox terrier's face. This is a real dill
pickle. Are you two comin' out into th' garden, Maud, or
are you goin' t' let this one get away from you."\par

"Back t' your dray," said one of the unconcerned-looking
chaps. "Another stiff, hey? T' your dray!"\par

The red-haired, freckle-faced tout pulled his chair closer
to them.\par

"But this is th' hand-made, copper-coiled mash," said
he, earnestly. "It's on'y onct in a while that you get them
people that lays th' figures out o' line like they are on this
one. This is th' mellow goods. Just send a few aces along
on it, that's all. It's 100 to 1."\par

"Now you stawp, Red!" said the other unconcerned-looking
man. "You stawp, you rude thing!"\par

"He'll come home on th' bit," said "Red." "Lemme
show you where he's been landin', an' you can see if he's
any 100 t' 1 toss. Lemme pass you th' line, an' if you
don't take none o' it, then I'm on a cattle boat by way o'
Glasgow," and the red-haired, freckle-faced tout opened
up one of his dope books and started to show the pair of
flashy looking chaps where Rolling Boer had finished in
his previous races.\par

"Go take a sail with yourself, Red," put in one of the
easy-looking chaps. "Nothin' doin'. Rolling Boer, hey?
Not with Fenian bonds, good when Ireland's free. Rolling
Boer, you say, Red? When did they get that one out
o' the cavalry? Rolling Boer, 'll still be jogging down the
stretch when you're in bed, Reddy. Say, it's a wonder you
don't dig up a live one 'casionally. Stop trekkin. Winter'll
be coming on soon, and you'll be nix the price of a doss.
Rolling Boer! To the woods!"\par

The red-haired tout mopped his face with a frayed blue
polka-dotted handkerchief.\par

"Sey, what's half a ten spot to you people?" he said in
a tone of entreaty. "The one you're waitin' f'r'll be 'bout
1 to 4 on, an' this is sunshine money, at 100 to 1. You people
know how they stan' them 1 to 4 things on their heads
out in Latonia. Say, take me spiel on this, won't you, f'r
a fi'muth? Look where he got off th' last time out, an'
where he finished! If you can't see him t' win, take th'
20 to 1 third. It'll be a shame t' spen' t' money—but take
it won't you?"\par

The two complaisant-looking chaps turned away from
the red-haired tout and began a conversation between
themselves. The tout looked very warm, and an expression
of despair crossed his weazened features. He mopped
his face again with his blue polka-dotted handkerchief
and slunk away. He sided up to one of the board-markers
and said, out of the corner of his mouth:\par

"Say, get an ace down on Rolling Boer f'r me, will
you? It's a skinch."\par

The board-marker grinned.\par

"I'm all out, Red," he replied. "Pushed me last ace
up on the last whizz, an' didn't get a whistle f'r it."\par

"This super's good f'r a deuce in any hock shop—I've
had it in f'r three," went on the red-haired tout, appealingly,
pulling out an old silver time-piece and trying to
pass it to the board-marker. "Lemme have a buck on it,
an' I'll pass you back five f'r it after th' ring's around
Rolling Boer. How's that?"\par

"I'm all t' th' gruel, didn't I tell you?" replied the man
with the chalk, with some asperity. "I got a ticker o' me
own. You're puffin' secon's, Red. Rolling Boer couldn't
beat me little sister skippin' rope."\par

The red-haired tout walked away with an expression
of deep misery on his face.\par

"They think they are wise t' th' ponies, hey?" he muttered.
"It's bean bag they ought t' be playin'!"\par

He dug a quarter, two dimes and a nickel out of his
change pocket and looked at the coins dismally.\par

"It's me feed coin," he mumbled, "but maybe I can
get some piker t' go along with f'r another four bits."\par

He walked over to a shabby-looking chap who was
slouching around with his hands in his pockets.\par

"Say, you got a bundle on you?" the red-haired tout
inquired of the shabby-looking man.\par

The shabby-looking man dug a fifty-cent piece out of
his left-hand waistcoat pocket.\par

"That's all I was huntin' f'r," said the tout, displaying
his coins. "Let's put th' two pieces t'gether an' nail 'em
f'r \$50 each."\par

"On what?" inquired the shabby-looking man without
any apparent interest whatsoever.\par

"On a pipe," said the red-haired tout. "Rolling Boer.
He'll make 'em dizzy and stroll in with his head a-swingin'
an' his tail a-swishin'. Do you come in with me f'r the
half?"\par

The shabby-looking man put his fifty-cent piece back in
his left-hand waistcoat pocket.\par

"You'll be fallin' out o' bed in a minute, Red," said the
shabby-looking man. "Not for me. I need the beers—ten
of 'em."\par

"Yes, you're a sport right, I think nix," said the red-haired
tout, walking gloomily away. "You're a dead
game, with the copper on."\par

His eagle eye caught sight of a fat man with some
three parts of a jag sitting at the "dope" table, alternately
puffing at a ravelled cigar and nodding sleepily.
This jagged man had on one side of his head a straw hat
that looked as if it had been rained on and then sat on.
The red-haired tout went over to him.\par

"Say, your lid's on the pork all right, ain't it?" he said
amiably to the jagged man. "Been scrappin' with a cable-car?"\par

"Fade away—fade away," said the jagged man, sleepily.
"Do a disappearing stunt."\par

"I'll tell you what I'll do with you," said the red-haired
tout, edging over confidentially to the jagged man. "I'll
pass you this cage o' mine—on'y bought it three days ago,
and coughed a two-spot f'r it—f'r that one o' yours an'
half a buck t' boot," and the red-haired tout removed the
pretty fair-looking straw hat he was wearing and pushed
it over to the jagged man. The jagged man took his ravelled
cigar from his mouth and grinned broadly.\par

"Say," he said to the red-haired tout, "you gimme th'
tizzy-wizzy—hones' yo do. Me wear a No. 2 lid? Say, do
your fadin' stunt—fade away."\par

The tout picked up his hat, put it on, and walked away.\par

"Now they've hammered Rolling Boer down to 80 to
1, hey?" he said, looking up at the second line of betting.
"B'jee, I'd climb a porch t' yank out a couple t' put on
that one."\par

He was disconsolately biting his nails and looking
around to see if there was any way out for him before the
bunch of two-year-olds at Gravesend went to the post.\par

"They're at the pump at Gravesend!" announced the
board-marker.\par

Just as the announcement was made, a little man with
a straw-colored mustache and a red, white and blue band
around his straw hat mounted the stairs, passed the spotter
sitting at the door with a nod, lit a fresh cigarette, and
walked up behind the red-haired tout.\par

"Thay, Red," he said, "what'th good in thith?"\par

The red-haired tout wheeled like a man who's been
touched on the shoulder by a deputy sheriff.\par

"You haven't got a minute!" he said, rapidly, to the
little man with the straw-colored mustache. "It's th' baby
o' th' year! Gimme three aces—two f'r you, an' one f'r
me, an' in four minutes from date you'll be lookin' over
th' sides of a balloon, chucking off ballast made out o'
money."\par

The lisping little man with the straw-colored mustache
smiled indulgently and pulled out a roll, from which he
stripped a five-dollar note.\par

"That'th the thmalletht I've got, Red," he said, handing
over the note to the tout. "Thay"——\par

He chopped off the question, however, for the tout
made two bounds for the money-taker's window.\par

"Three on Rolling Boer, T. L. M.!" he shouted, giving
the initials of the little man with the straw-colored mustache.
"Th' other two on th' same, just plain R-e-d, Red,
and both bets straight."\par

The man behind the desk grinned.\par

"High-ball mazuma for the house, Red," he said, twisting
his mustache. "That one ain't got a look-in."\par

The tout was back at the side of the little man with the
straw-colored mustache who believed in him just as the
operator sung out: "Off at Gravesend!"\par

"Thay, Red," said the tout's little man, "which one of
'em did you put thothe five"——\par

"Rolling Boer at the quarter by a head!" sang out the
operator.\par

"On that one!" said the red-haired tout, giving his
thigh a whack with his bundle of "dope" books. "It's a
pleasant outing for that one! He'll"——\par

"Rolling Boer in the stretch by a nose!" called out the
operator.\par

"Thay, he'll curl up, won't he, Red?" said the little
man at the tout's side, nervously. "Did you play him
straight or one, two, three"——\par

"Rolling Boer wins by a nose!" shouted the operator.\par

It was a bit too much for the red-haired tout. He didn't
have any words handy. So he slammed his "dope" books
down on a chair, pitched forward, turned a cart wheel,
and then walked around the room on his hands with his
coat hanging over his head, and a grin of indescribable
happiness all over his freckled features. The little man
with the straw-colored mustache who had believed in Red
followed the tout about the room.\par

"Thay, what do we win, Red?" he asked. "What
prithe wath that horth?"\par

"You yank out \$240, an' mine's \$160," said the red-haired
tout, getting on his feet again.\par

"Thay, Red, you're all right," said the red-haired tout's
benefactor, pumping him by both hands.\par

The two flashy-looking chaps who had first been tackled
by the tout on the Rolling Boer proposition now walked
up behind him with long faces.\par

"Say, Red, why didn't you pitch that at us a little
stronger, hey?"\par

"Get t'ell away from me, you pikers!" was the red-haired
tout's reply.\par

\penalty-300%
\label{he-coppered-his-wife-s-hunches}%
\hypertarget{he-coppered-his-wife-s-hunches}{}%
\vspace*{50pt}\thispagestyle{empty}
{\noindent\interlinepenalty \@M\normalfont\Huge\bfseries%
HE "COPPERED" HIS WIFE'S "HUNCHES."}

\unskip\vskip 40pt\nobreak

\vs{1}
\begin{verse}
{\vl {\noindent}

{\centering
{\itshape{Wherein It Is Shown That the Feminine Intuition Is Liable to Occasionally Slip a Cog.}}
\endgraf}
\par}
\end{verse}

\vs{1}
{\noindent}
"Yes, siree," said the man with the ravelled cigar and
the granulated eyelids who swung precariously from a
strap in a car of a returning Sheepshead Bay train the
other evening, "it certainly is funny about these here
hunches that women have, ain't it?"\par

"No," said the two seated men he was addressing.\par

"Certainly is queer what freaky ideas they get into
their heads," went on the man with the ravelled cigar, ignoring
the lack of encouragement extended to him. "And
when it comes to picking out good things on a race-track,
picking 'em out just on hunch, ain't they wonders, hey?"\par

"Nope," said the two men at whom he was directing
his conversation.\par

"It sure beats the Painted Post Silver Cornet Band
how they can stick a pin in a program with their eyes
shut and light on a 100 to 1 shot that wins a-blinking,"
continued the man with the granulated eyelids, tearing
two or three superfluous wrappers off his ravelled cigar.
"Their system beats the dope and the handicapping all to
shucks, don't it?"\par

"Nix," replied the two men in the seat.\par

"Never had such chance to size up the feminine hunch
as I did out at Morris Park 'bout six or seven years ago,"
went on the man with the eccentric cigar. "Told my wife
one night during the fall meeting at the park that I was
going to the races the next day, that a shoe clerk I knew
had told me about a good thing that was going to happen—he'd
got it from a trainer to whom he'd sold a pair of
shoes—and I was going after some of it.\par

"'Theophilus Nextdoor,' says she to me, 'how dare
you deliberately tell me that you are going to gamble your
money away, when I haven't a rag to my back and the
coal not yet put in!'\par

"'Can't help it, Clarissa,' says I, 'I've just naturally
got to invest \$50 on this good thing. I know it ain't right,
but I've got to do it, anyhow.'\par

"Then she let out on me, and we both got mad. I
tried to square it up with her the next morning, and at
the breakfast table I read her the names of the horses
that were going to run in the race in which I had the
good thing the shoe clerk had given me. When I came
to the name of a horse called Jodan, she dropped her
coffee cup with a clatter and stared at me.\par

"'Jodan,' said she. Isn't that short for Joseph
Daniel?'\par

"'Yes'm, I guess so,' I said, not knowing whether it
was or not, but anxious to stroke her the right way.\par

"'Is that the horse you are going to invest your money
on?' she asked me, breathlessly.\par

"'No, it's another one,' said I.\par

"'Well, you might just as well stay home, then,'
said she, positively. 'You'll lose your money. Jodan
will win. I dreamt all night last night of my Uncle Joseph
Daniel McGeachy, who was lost at sea when I was a
little bit of a thing, and if Jodan is short for Joseph
Daniel, as it must be, then Jodan will win.'\par

"'But that's plain superstition, and races ain't won
that way,' I said to her.\par

"'I don't care one bit, so I don't,' she said to me.
'You will simply be throwing your money away, and I
need so many things, if you invest it on any other horse
than Jodan.'\par

"I tried to argue with her, but it was no go. She told
me that her lost Uncle Joseph Daniel McGeachy had
once won a full-rigged ship race from Shanghai to Boston,
and was a pretty speedy old cuss in more ways than
one, and that any horse named after her Uncle Joseph
Daniel McGeachy couldn't lose. I told her that, while
I didn't know anything about this Jodan horse, I didn't
think he could beat the good thing my shoe-clerk friend
had given me, but she wouldn't listen to me. The last
thing she said to me before I left the house was:\par

"'If you are determined to be a horrid, vulgar, disgraceful
gambler, you play Jodan. You'll be sorry if
you don't.'\par

"Stubborn, when they get an idea into their heads,
women, ain't they?"\par

"No," said the two men in the seat near the strap-clutching
man with the ravelled cigar.\par

"Well, by jing, I got to thinking about my wife's
queer hunch on that Jodan horse on my way out to the
track, and the more I thought about it the weaker I became
on that good thing my shoe-clerk friend had given
me.\par

"'Women have got something away ahead of sense or
reason,' says I to myself on the train on the way out,
'and I sure would feel almighty cheap and no-account
if my wife happened to be right about her Uncle Joseph
Daniel McGeachy and this Jodan horse. I sure would.
I've got a good mind to put a little money on that Jodan
horse anyhow, derned if I haven't.'\par

"I was still undecided about it when I got out to the
track. That's the edge the bookmakers have got, ain't
it—the people that have real good things and then wabble
when it comes to sticking to them?"\par

"Nope," said the two men in the seat.\par

"Well, sir, when the prices were marked up for that
race in which I had the good thing, blamed if Jodan
wasn't chalked up at 100 to 1. My good thing horse
was the second choice at 5 to 1. I stood there looking
at the prices, getting pulled around and butted into,
and I had the dingedest time making up my mind what
I was going to do that you ever heard of in your life.\par

"'If my wife's hunch is right,' I thought, 'and that
Jodan horse wins at 100 to 1 without my playing him,
I'll never hear the last of it as long's I'm on top of the
ground. She'll be telling me morning, noon and night,
that she gave me a chance to win \$5000, and that I
didn't have enough gumption to take it. And if the
good thing my shoe-clerk friend gave me wins at 5 to 1,
I'll be sore on myself for throwing away a chance to
pick up \$250 if I don't play it.'\par

"I walked out onto the lawn so's I could have more
room to make up my mind. Then I wheeled around suddenly
and dived into the betting ring.\par

"'By cracky!' says I to myself, 'I'm doing this little
gamble myself, and, feminine hunch or no hunch, I'm
going to play that good thing my shoe-clerk friend gave
me, and nothing else.'\par

"So I went to the first bookmaker I saw and got a
\$250 to \$50 ticket on my good thing."\par

Here the man with the granulated lids sighed heavily
and looked genuinely distressed.\par

"Say, it's the dickens, ain't it," he said, after a pause,
"how these things happen?"\par

The two men in the seat to whom he had been
addressing his conversation exhibited a certain suppressed
interest as to the outcome.\par

"Of course Jodan just walked in that day, at 100 to
1?" said one of them finally, with a grin that clearly indicated
his belief that he had the result discounted.\par

The man with a ravelled cigar struck a match and lit
the same for the eighteenth time.\par

"Not on your zinc wedding did Jodan walk in!" he
said, puffing away without removing his eyes from the
match. "My good thing spread-eagled 'em from the
jump, and won, pulled up, by eight lengths. Jodan was
last. It sure is odd about these feminine hunches, ain't
it?"\par

"Blamed if it ain't," said one of the men in the seat.\par

"I carried a twelve-pound lobster home to my wife
that night and told her it was a fair replica of her Uncle
Joseph Daniel McGeachy horse, and she told me that she
just wouldn't believe that Jodan hadn't won until she
saw the paper the next morning, so there now! She
caved, though, when I uncovered the \$250 and told her
that she couldn't get that cerise-silk-lined tailor-made
dress quick enough to suit me, and she said that she
might have known that no horse named after her Uncle
Joseph Daniel McGeachy, who didn't have any more
luck than to go and get himself lost at sea, could win anything.\par

"Well, a month or so after that I went down to Washington
on a little matter of business, and took my wife
along with me. There was horse racing going on near
Washington then, at a track called St. Asaph, across the
Potomac in Virginia.\par

"'Clarissa,' said I to my wife one morning, after I'd
got all through with my business in Washington and was
ready to come back to New York, 'I think we'd better
stay over to-day and go to the races at St. Asaph. A man
that I met in the shooting gallery down the street gave
me a good thing last night, and I think I ought to see
to it. It's going to come off to-day.'\par

"Of course she told me again that I was going to
rack and ruin, and never would make anything of myself,
but I told her that I just naturally had to go over to
St. Asaph that day and play Jodan.\par

"'Jodan!' she almost screamed at me. 'Theophilus
Nextdoor, how can you have the hardihood to stand there
and tell me that you are going to waste your money on
that horrid beast, when both of us are absolutely in need
of new fall outfits?'\par

"I told her that I'd see to the fall outfits, but that
I sure couldn't get away from that Jodan good thing.\par

"'Why,' I said, don't you remember how wild you
were about this same Jodan horse only a little more than
a month ago?'\par

"'I just don't care one bit if I was,' she replied. 'I
know and you know that any horse named after my Uncle
Joseph Daniel McGeachy, who didn't have any more luck
than to go and get himself lost at sea, cannot win, and I
should think you would be ashamed of yourself to stand
there and tell me to my face,' etc., etc.\par

"Well, she wouldn't go along with me to the track
over at St. Asaph across the Potomac, and so I went
alone. The man I had met in the shooting gallery had
told me so earnestly about this Jodan horse that I couldn't
fail to be impressed by his words, and when I found
that my wife was so opposed to Jodan's chances was
more than ever determined to play him, for I'd learned
something about the nature of the feminine hunch, don't
you see?\par

"It like to've carried me off my feet when I saw the
price on the blackboards against Jodan. Jodan was
quoted at 150 to 1. The favorite was at 3 to 5 on, and all
of 'em, the whole fourteen in the race, were at shorter
prices than Jodan. I clutched the \$50 that I had intended
playing on Jodan, thinking that he'd be about
10 to 1 or something like that, and I just thought and
thought and thought over the thing.\par

"'By jimminy!' said I finally, after standing over
in a corner alone for a while, thinking, 'my wife may
be right about Jodan, and all that, but I came over here
to play Jodan, and I'm going to play him or just bust,
win or lose!'\par

"Then I went over to a bookmaker, got a \$1500 to
\$10 ticket on Jodan to win. 'Take that hay out of your
hair, pal,' the bookmaker said to me when I passed my
money over—and went up to the stand to see the race,
thinking all the time what a serious matter it is to take
a chance on playing against the feminine hunch.\par

"Jodan, after being practically left at the post, came out
of the clouds in the stretch, and won the derned old race
on the wire by a nose from the favorite, and when I
hired a rig and packed those \$1500 over to my wife the
way she warmed up to her one and only Theophilus was
sure a caution.\par

"The feminine hunch," concluded the man with the
ravelled cigar and the granulated eyelids, "is all right
when you copper it, but it won't do to play it open. Am
I right?"\par

"No," said the two men in the seat, and then the rush
to get off the train began.\par

\penalty-300%
\label{a-race-horse-that-paid-a-church-debt}%
\hypertarget{a-race-horse-that-paid-a-church-debt}{}%
\vspace*{50pt}\thispagestyle{empty}
{\noindent\interlinepenalty \@M\normalfont\Huge\bfseries%
A RACE HORSE THAT PAID A CHURCH DEBT.}

\unskip\vskip 40pt\nobreak

\vs{1}
\begin{verse}
{\vl {\noindent}

{\centering
{\itshape{He Was Thought to Be a No-Account Cripple, but He Proved Himself to Be "All Horse" When Called Upon.}}
\endgraf}
\par}
\end{verse}

\vs{1}
{\noindent}
"A friend of mine who came here from Chicago for
the Bennings meeting was telling me about that Jim
McCleevy mule," said an old-time owner of thoroughbreds
who is wintering a string of jumpers and breaking
a bunch of yearlings out at the Bennings track. "That
makes a queer story, and there are some strange things
connected with the thoroughbred game, at that. This
McCleevy horse wasn't worth a bag of moist peanuts at
the beginning of the present racing season. He couldn't
beat a fat man. He had never been in the money. He
was a legitimate thousand-to-one shot in any company.
He was the candidate for the shafts of a brick cart, when
by some odd chance he passed into the possession of a
nice young woman who was going to school somewhere
in the State of Iowa. The girl's uncle was mixed up
some way or another with the turf, and he bought the
McCleevy plug for a joke, paying a few dollars for
him. In a spirit of fun he wrote to his niece that he
had bought Jim McCleevy in her name, and that the
horse belonged to her and would be run in her interest.
The young woman didn't know the difference between
a race-horse and a chatelaine bag. She was an orphan,
and struggling to get an education for herself. Her
ambition was to take a course at a woman's college, but,
up to the time of this incident, which lasted throughout
the spring and summer, her hope of putting this ambition
over the plate was pretty shadowy, and it looked
like it was up to her to get a job teaching a country
school in order to support herself. But she wrote to
her uncle that she accepted the gift of the no-account
racer with gratitude, and inquired if the horse could
not trot right fast, for, if so, she might be able to dispose
of him to some well-to-do farmer in her neighborhood.\par

"Jim McCleevy was attached to the string of a good
trainer, who saw at once that the horse had been underestimated,
that he had been badly handled, and that it
would be worth the effort to try to make something of
him. He spent two or three weeks monkeying with the
skate and fixing him up, and then he sent him out one
morning with a lummux of a stable boy on his back and
put the watch on him. Jim McCleevy breezed a mile in
1:44, fighting for his head at the finish, and two days
later he was slapped into a selling race at a mile and a sixteenth,
with light weight, a bum apprentice lad up, and
all kinds of a price, for there were some good ones in
the race, which was at the Harlem track, in Chicago.
The girl's uncle scattered a few dollars around the ring
on the mutt, all three ways, and McCleevy came home
on the bit. That was the beginning of McCleevy. He
was put into a couple of races a week at a mile and
more, at the Harlem and Hawthorne tracks, during the
entire racing season at Chicago, and he won race after
race, no matter how they piled the weight penalties up
on him. When he didn't win he broke into the money,
and as there was always a good price on him, seeing that
almost every time he raced he was pitted against horses
that seemed to outclass him, the uncle of the girl who
owned him got some of the money every time. He
parleyed the money that he won for his niece on Jim
McCleevy's first race, and he got it back and a bunch
besides every time. The fame of Jim McCleevy spread
around Chicago, and a Chicago newspaper man went
down to Iowa to interview the young woman who owned
the horse. She told him, artlessly, that while she abhorred
gambling—well, she certainly did enjoy the prospect
of being enabled to complete her education. Her
uncle deposited between \$8000 and \$9000 in her name,
the amount he had won for her in purses and bets on
Jim McCleevy, at the wind-up of the racing season, and
the horse, which developed quite a bit of real class, still
belongs to her.\par

"Odd, isn't it, that an underestimated race-horse should
hop out and not only give a nice girl that had never so
much as has stroked his sleek neck a chance to fulfil her
ambition for an education, but win her a start in life that'll
probably make her one of the eligible girls in the State of
Iowa? But I recall a queerer one than that—how a cast-off
crab suddenly developed into a race-horse and paid off
a mortgage on a church.\par

"That happened out at Latonia four years ago. I was
racing a few of my own out there at the time, and saw the
affair from the beginning to the wind-up. I'll have to duck
giving the names, for the good man who profited by the
sudden development of the nag he accidentally became
possessed of is still the pastor of a flock that congregates
in a pretty little debt-free, brick and stone Roman Catholic
church on the outskirts of Cincinnati.\par

"There was an old trainer hanging around the Latonia
barns at that time who was in hard luck from a whole
lot of different points of view. I'd known him on the metropolitan
tracks years before, and he had been, in his day
of prosperity, a good fellow and a horse-wise man, if ever
one chewed a straw. When his health went back on him,
however, six or seven years ago, and he couldn't personally
attend to his work—he ran an open training stable—it
was all off with him. The strings that he had been
handling were taken away from him by the owners and
put in other hands, and he went up against the day of adversity
with a rattle. He had a few horses of his own, but
these proved worthless, and most of them were finally
taken away from him to pay feed bills. On top of it all he
developed locomotor ataxia, and when I got out to the Latonia
barns, four years ago, he could barely move around.
How he contrived to exist I don't know, but I guess the
boys chipped in a dollar or so every once in a while for
the old man. The only horse that he had left when I
reached Latonia with my little bunch was an old six-year-old
gelding that was a joke. Well, call him Caspar. The
mention of Caspar's name made even the stable-boy grin.
Caspar looked a good deal like Diggs, that camel horse
that's pulling down the purses now in New Orleans. He
was all out of shape, with a pair of knees on him each as
big as your hat; of all the bunged up, soured, chalky old
skates that ever I looked over, this Caspar gelding was the
limit. Yet he had been a pretty good two-year-old and a
more than fair three-year-old. He had won four races as
a two-year-old, and six as a three-year-old, but he was
campaigned and drummed a heap, and when the old man
shot him as a four-year-old Caspar could just walk, and
that's all. He was a cripple from every point of the compass.
He was chronically sour and sore, and he was as
vicious and ugly as the devil, into the bargain. He never
got anywhere near the money as a four and five-year-old,
and he hadn't been raced at all as a six-year-old, when I
first clapped an eye on his rheumatic old shape. But the
old man was a sentimentalist in his way, and he couldn't
stand the idea of selling a horse that he had taken care
of as a baby to some truck driver to be overworked and
abused. So he hung on to Caspar, fed him, nursed him
and took care of him generally, just as if the old plug was
making good for all of this attention. Caspar was a standing
gag around the Latonia stables.\par

"'Wait'll I joggle Caspar under the string by four
lengths in the Kentucky Derby!' a monkey-faced apprentice
jockey would say solemnly to the other kids, and
then they'd all holler.\par

"Well, about a month after I struck Latonia—it was
then getting on toward midsummer—the old trainer in
hard luck who owned Caspar took to his bunk, not to get
up any more. He only lasted two weeks. Two days before
he died he sent for an old Irish priest that he had
known for a number of years. The priest was the pastor
of that little brick and stone church on the outskirts of
Cincinnati that I spoke about. The old trainer had been a
good Catholic all his life, and he received the last offices
of his faith. Then he said to the priest:\par

"'Father, there's a crabbed, battered-up old dog of
mine over at Latonia that I'll make you a present of. He's
worth about one dollar and eighty cents, but he was a
good racing tool when he was young, and I've never felt
like turning him loose to hustle for himself. He's crippled
up some, but you might get him broken to harness, so that
he could haul your buggy around. I wish you'd take him
and see that he doesn't get the worst of it. Caspar was
pretty good to me a few times when I was up against it.'\par

"When the old man turns up his toes and dies the
kindly priest came over to the barns to see if he could get
any assistance in the way of putting our old hard-luck pal
under the ground. He got it, of course, and enough for a
tombstone besides. While he was at the stables the father
thought he might as well have a look at the piece of horse-flesh
that had been presented to him by the old man. So
one of the trainers escorted him to Caspar's stall.\par

"'Could he ever be made any good for driving purposes?'
the priest asked the trainer, who smiled.\par

"'He'd kick a piano-mover's truck into matchwood the
first clatter out of the box,' replied the trainer.\par

"'I'll just let him stay over here for awhile until I decide
what to do with him,' said the priest, and he went
back to Cincinnati and buried the old trainer.\par

"Well, a couple of mornings later a fresh stable-boy
who had just got a job in one of the barns put a bridle
and saddle on old Caspar and took him for a breeze
around the course just for fun. It was just at dawn, and
a lot of us trainers were watching the early morning work
of the horses. It struck me when Caspar passed by the
rail where I was standing that the old devil looked mighty
skittish, and was doing a lot of prancing for a hammered-to-death
skate, with bum knees and all sorts of other complaints.
About a minute later there was a yawp all along
the rail.\par

"'Get next to that old Caspar!' a lot of the trainers
shouted. I looked over toward the back-stretch, and there
was the old skate with his head down, eating up the
ground like a race-horse. We all jerked out our watches
just as he flashed by the five-furlong pole and put them
on him. It was amazing to see the old mutt make the turn
and come a-tearing down the stretch. If he didn't do that
five furlongs in 1:02, darn me. All of our watches told
the same story, and there was no mistake about it. When
he passed the judges' stand Caspar wanted to go right
ahead and work himself out, but we all hollered at the boy
to pull him up. The kid stopped the old gelding with
difficulty. Caspar wanted to run, and he had a mouth on him
as hard as nails.\par

"We got together and talked about Caspar. We were
dumbfounded, and didn't know what to make of that exhibition
of speed. Then a trainer who was, and still is,
noted throughout the country as the most skilful horse-patcher
that ever got into the game spoke up.\par

"'The old devil's just come back to himself, that's all
there is about it,' he said. 'There are a lot of sprints in his
old carcass yet. All he needs is some patching. If he'll
run like this work he's just done in five-furlong dashes,
there's a chance for a slaughter with him. I'm going to
ask the father to let me handle him and see if he can't be
oiled up.'\par

"The trainer went over to Cincinnati that same morning
and saw the priest.\par

"'Father,' said he, 'I don't want to get a man of your
cloth mixed up with the racing game, but I think I can
do something with that old racing tool, the old man bequeathed
to you.' Then he told the priest about Caspar's
phenomenal work that morning.\par

"'Bless me!' said the good man, 'I fear it would not
be seemly for me to'——\par

"'Oh, that end of it'll be all right, father,' said the
trainer. 'If I find I can do anything with the old rogue
I'll shoot him into a dash under my own colors, and you
won't be entangled with the thing a little bit. It won't
cost you anything to let me try him out, and if I find that
he'll do I'll get my end of it by putting down—er—uh—well.
I won't lose anything anyhow.'\par

"Well, when he left the kindly man of the cloth he had
the permission to see what could be done with old Caspar.
"'Let me know how you progress,' the priest had asked
him.\par

"The trainer seeing a chance to make a killing—and
we all vowed ourselves to secrecy about the matter—went
to old Caspar. He was a nag-patcher, as I say, from the
foot-hills, and the way he applied himself to the reduction
of Caspar's inflammations, and to the tonicking up in general
of the old beast, was a caution to grasshoppers. And
it came about that early morning's work of Caspar's
that had surprised us so was no flash in the pan at all. The
old 'possum had somehow or another recovered his speed
all of a sudden, in addition to a willingness to run, in spite
of his infirmities. At the end of two weeks Caspar, as
fine a bit of patched-work as you ever saw, was ready. The
trainer went over to Cincinnati and told the father so.\par

"'Well,' inquired the priest.\par

"'He's going to run in a five-furlong dash day after
to-morrow,' said the trainer. 'And he'll walk. It is a copper-riveted
cinch—er-uh—I mean, that is, Caspar will
win, you see. It'll be write your own ticket, too. Any
price. In fact when the gang sees his name among the
entries, they'll think it's a joke.'\par

"'My son,' said the father, with a certain twinkle lurking
in the corner of his eye, 'gaming is a demoralizing
passion. Nevertheless, if this animal, that came into my
possession by such odd chance, possesses sufficient speed
to—er'——\par

"'Oh, that's all right, father,' said the trainer and he
bolted for it.\par

"As the trainer had said to the priest, there was an
all-around chuckle the following afternoon when the entry
sheets were distributed and it was seen that Caspar
was in the five-furlong dash the next day. For a wonder,
not a word had got out about the patching job that had
been in progress on the old horse, nor about his remarkable
work. The stable lads and railbirds who were on kept
their heads closed and saved their nickels for the day of
Caspar's victory.\par

"Well, to curl this up some, the field that we confidently
expected Caspar to beat was made up of nine rattling
good sprinters—one of them was so good that his
price opened and closed at 4 to 5 on. Caspar was the rank
outsider at 150 to 1. We all got on at that figure, the
bookies giving us the laugh at first, and only a few of
them wise enough to rub when they suspected that there
was something doing. The trainers', railbirds', and stable-boys'
money that went in forced the old skate's price down
to 75 to 1 at post time. A number of us took small chunks
of 100 to 1 in the poolrooms in Cincinnati—wired our
commissions over. The old horse favored his left forefoot
a trifle in walking around to the starting pole, and that
worried us a bit, for he'd been all right on his pin the
night before. We didn't do any hedging, however, but
stood by to see what was going to happen. All of us, of
course, had enough down on him to finish third to pull us
out in case he couldn't get the big end of the money.\par

"It was a romp for Caspar. If I'd tell you the real
name of the horse you'd remember the race well. Caspar,
with a perfect incompetent of a jockey on his back, jumped
off in the lead, and was never headed, winning, pulled
double and to a walk, by three lengths. The bookies made
all colors of a howl over it, but their howls didn't go.
They had to cough. It was the biggest killing that bunch
of Latonia trainers, including myself, had ever made, and
there wasn't a stable boy on the grounds that didn't have
money to cremate for months afterward.\par

"After the race the trainer who had patched old Caspar
up for the hogslaughtering—he was close on to \$15,000
to the good, and he didn't have me skinned any, at that—hustled
over to the priest's house.\par

"'Father, the plug made monkeys of 'em,' is the way
he announced Caspar's victory.\par

"'Truly?' said the priest.\par

"'Monkeys,' repeated the trainer, and then he pulled
out a huge new wallet that he had bought on the way to
the priest's residence. He handed the wallet to the father.
'When I was here, a couple o' days ago,' said the trainer,
looking interestedly out of the window, 'I had along with
me a fifty-dollar bill that, feeling pretty prosperous that
morning, I intended to hand to you to be distributed
among the poor of the parish—used to be an acolyte and
serve mass myself, a good many years ago, when I
was a kid. Well, I forgot to pass you the fifty, you see,
and so I invested it in—er-uh—a little matter of speculation,
to your account, so that it amounts to—er-uh—well,
I understood there's a bit of a mortgage on your church,
you know."\par

"The priest opened the wallet and counted out seven
one thousands, one five hundred and one fifty-dollar bill.
The trainer had put the \$50 down on Caspar for the priest—without
the father's sanction or countenance, of course—at
150 to 1.\par

"'Well,' went on the trainer, anxious to talk so as to
save any questions as to the nature of his speculation, 'it
certainly would have done your heart good if you could
have seen that old nag cantering down the stretch'——\par

"'It did,' said the father, with a smile. 'It is no sin,
I conceive, for even a man of my cloth to watch noble
beasts battling for the supremacy, there being, I take it,
nothing cruel in such contests. I saw the race.'\par

"Old Caspar was wound up by that race. He went to
the paddock as sore as a boil, all of his old infirmities
breaking out with renewed strength, and he was turned
out to grass and died comfortably two years ago. If he
could have known, it might have cheered his declining
days to realize that he had paid off the mortgage on a nice
little brick and stone edifice of worship on the outskirts of
Cincinnati."\par

\penalty-300%
\label{a-seedy-sport-s-string-of-horses}%
\hypertarget{a-seedy-sport-s-string-of-horses}{}%
\vspace*{50pt}\thispagestyle{empty}
{\noindent\interlinepenalty \@M\normalfont\Huge\bfseries%
A SEEDY SPORT'S STRING OF HORSES.}

\unskip\vskip 40pt\nobreak

\vs{1}
\begin{verse}
{\vl {\noindent}

{\centering
{\itshape{How the Incredulity of a Lot of Bookmakers Was Turned Into Gasping Astonishment.}}
\endgraf}
\par}
\end{verse}

\vs{1}
{\noindent}
A mixed party of turf followers in Washington for
the Bennings meeting, and Washington men about town,
had a café talk the other night about some things that
have happened in former years on running tracks, legitimate
and outlaw, in this neighborhood.\par

"When the outlaw track over at Alexander Island,
across the Potomac, was running a few years back," said
a New York player, "I came down here from the wind-up
meeting in New York one fall to see if there was anything
in the game in these parts. Then, as now, I was
playing, and not laying. So this Alexander Island happening
that I'm going to tell you about didn't bother
me any, bad as it knocked a lot of the books.\par

"I got here before the Alexander meeting began. A
couple of days before the game was to be on, while I was
in the Pennsylvania avenue refreshment headquarters of
the boys who came here from New York and other tracks
to write the tickets, a seedy-looking chap, who looked as
if the elements had conspired to make him smoke a bum
pipe in the game of life for a long time previously, walked
in and edged around to the back room where the bookies
were figuring on the amount of fresh money they were
about to begin taking out of the national capital. The
tough-looking man had a horsey look and a horsey smell
about him, and as soon as I saw him I knew that he followed
'em in some kind of a hanger-on capacity. He
walked over to a table where a number of the bookmakers
were seated.\par

"'Say,' said he, leaning his hands on the table and
addressing the party in general, 'you people are sports,
ain't you?'\par

"The looks the bookies gave the shabby-looking man
were intended to convey to him the idea that they weren't
publicly posing as hot tamales, anyhow. The man got
no reply.\par

"'You're going to make books across the way, ain't
you?' the up-against-it-looking chap asked, with an inquiring
look all around.\par

"'Well, what if we are?' asked one of the bookies,
just for the good-natured sake of breaking the silence.\par

"'Well,' said the down-at-the-heel sport, 'I've got a
couple o' nags that have been running for the past six
weeks over at the Maryland outlaw. They haven't been
one, two, six in any race over there, and I've gone broke
paying entrance fees for 'em. Maybe they'll be able to
do better over across the way at Alexander. I want to
chuck 'em in a couple over there, anyhow, for luck. But
I owe \$30 feed bill to the Maryland outlaw people, and
I can't get my plugs away from there until the thirty's
paid. Now, you people are sports, and so'm I. What I
want to know is, will you people cough up the thirty
for me as a loan, so's I can get that pair o' mine down
here?'\par

"The bookies listened to the man with gradually increasing
smiles, and when he finished they gave him the
laugh in chorus.\par

"'Stop your kidding,' said one of them. 'I can get
all the outlaw racehorses I want for \$2 a head.'\par

"They all chipped in with a crack at the doleful-looking
sport, who appeared to be rather a guileless sort of
chap for a man with a short stable of racers.\par

"'They're a good pair, all right, and one of 'em's on
edge, too,' he persisted. 'He worked six furlongs in
1:21 flat a couple of days ago.'\par

"The bookies all looked at the man as if he were demented.\par

"'One twenty-one flat for a six-furlong route!' exclaimed
one of them. 'Why, look here, my friend, you're
not smoking hard enough to suppose you can win down
here with a skate that does well when he works six furlongs
in that time, are you? Don't you know that there's
a whole bunch over there now that can go that route in
1:16 or better?'\par

"'Well, they've got a chance, anyhow,' said the shabby
man. 'Do I get the \$30 to get 'em out o' hock?'\par

"The bookies all turned their faces the other way,
then, and when the man with the pair of hocked nags
saw that it wasn't any use he dug his hands into his
pockets disconsolately and shambled out.\par

"On the day that the meeting opened I saw the shabby
man in the betting ring. I was behind him when he
handed one of the bookies a \$5 bet on one of the horses
entered in the second race of the day. The bookmaker
had belonged to the party that gave the laugh to the
shabby man when he asked for the \$30.\par

"'Playing 'em, eh' said the bookie, smiling at the
run-down-looking man. 'Couldn't get your pair away
from the Maryland outlaw, I suppose.'\par

"'Yes, I dug up and got 'em out,' said the man.
'They're here now. The one you just gave me a ticket
on at \$100 to \$5 belongs to me.'\par

"'Oh, is that so?' asked the bookmaker. 'Well, I
hope you win. But you've got a couple of 3 to 5 shots
to beat, you know.'\par

"'I got a chance,' was all the man said, walking
away.\par

"I took a look at his horse, the rank outsider in the
race, when he went to the post with the others. He was
a six-year-old gelding, and he looked rank and broken
down. A boy that the shabby man had brought along
from the Maryland outlaw was on the horse. It was a
mile race, and the horse was twelfth in a field of twelve.
I saw the gloomy-looking, shabby man in the paddock
after the race superintending the rubbing down of his
nag. He seemed to be a whole lot in the dumps.\par

"The same horse was entered in the fourth race on
the next day's card. It was a field of crack outlaw performers,
and his horse was again the extreme outsider
at 40 to 1. I saw the shabby man walk around putting
down \$2 bets here and there on his plug, and I felt
sorry for him. The bookies simply smiled commiseratingly
at him. The hard-looking man's horse finished
ninth in a field of nine.\par

"'Why don't you cut it out?' asked one of the bookmakers
of the man with the tough appearance. 'You're
wasting your stake.'\par

"'I got a chance,' was the reply.\par

"The man got out his other horse on the following
day. He got 50 to 1 on him for the six-furlong race, and
his plug, another rank and no-account looker, finished
last. This was the horse that could work six furlongs
in 1:21. The seedy man's confidence in his pair of skates
seemed rather pathetic to me.\par

"After each of his horses had been in about half a
dozen races each, always finishing last, the both of them,
and the seedy man putting twos and fives down on them
right along until the bookies felt like not taking his
money, I thought he'd take a tumble and quit the game.
But on the eleventh day of the meeting his 'mile racer,'
the six-year-old gelding, was entered again. He went
to the post with a field composed of the cracks among
the outlaws. I happened to be close to the seedy man
when he went around according to his custom, putting
down small bets on his horse. He seemed to be rather
better fixed than usual that day, for he had quite a
bundle of fives with him.\par

"'What do I get on my horse?' he asked the first
bookie he struck.\par

"The layer grinned, for he knew there were eight or
ten good ones in the race, three or four of them quoted
around even money.\par

"'I've got 75 to 1 hung up about him, and all you
want of it,' said the bookie. 'You can write your own
ticket, in fact.'\par

"'Hundred to 1?' asked the seedy man.\par

"'Why, sure,' replied the bookmaker. And he took
\$5 of the 'owner's' money at 100 to 1. Just out of curiosity
I followed the seedy man in his tour of the books
and I saw him put down \$70 in \$5 bets on his horse to
win at 100 to 1. It struck me then that there was
to be something done on the seedy man's horse. But
I wasn't capping the bookies' game, and I've got
a fad for minding my own business, anyhow, and
so I kept off the race and went into the stand to watch
it. I had a hunch to play the seedy man's horse for a
good wad, but I reflected that if I got on and the good
thing went through the bookies 'ud be suspicious about
such a well-known player as I was being in on it, and
in the investigation the seedy man might be cut out, and
I didn't want to knock him. But I surely was a whole
lot interested in the way that race was to come out.\par

"I took a good look at the seedy man's horse as they
filed past the stand to the post. He looked much better
and pretty nippy at that for such a rancid outsider.
The same boy that had ridden the horse in his first race
at Alexander Island and landed him nowhere was up.
It was a mile race.\par

"The favorite, a horse called Walcott—4 to 5 on in
the betting—got off on the right foot with a jump and
started to tiptoe the field. At the quarter he led by three
lengths, with the second choice, a good outlaw named
Halcyon, beginning to set sail for him. The rest of the
field of thirteen were all strung out, the seedy man's
horse 'way in the ruck. But I kept my glasses on that
horse all the way, and I could see that at the half he was
under the devil's own pull. The boy had half a dozen
wraps on him and I felt then, even if the favorite was
still a good four lengths in the lead, and going easily,
that there was but one horse in the race, and that horse
the seedy man's. It was a watermelon just opening, but
I suppose I was the only man at the track that happened
to have got next to the game. The judges didn't observe,
of course, that the seedy owner's horse was under
twenty wraps, for they looked upon him as a dead one
and paid no attention to his running.\par

"At the far turn Walcott, the favorite, was still three
or four lengths in front, Halcyon, the No. 2 choice, having
fallen back, beaten out. They were all in a bunch
behind the leader, and all going mighty well at the
head of the stretch. All the time I had my glass focused
on the horse belonging to the shabby man. Walcott
seemed to be just galloping, as I say, at the head of the
stretch, when I saw the jockey suddenly sit down on
the shabby man's horse and start to ride a-horseback. It
was pretty, I tell you, to see that old six-year-old hop
out after the galloping favorite and chase him down the
stretch. The old horse, without a bit of whipping or
spurring—the boy had simply given him his head—pumped
up like an express engine, and the favorite was
taken out of his gallop and extended, under whip and
spur, before they were half way down the stretch. Passing
the stand, Walcott and the seedy man's horse were
nose and nose, the latter gaining at every jump. Walcott
was beaten a head on the wire by the rank outsider in a
pretty finish.\par

"The stewards had the seedy man in the stand immediately
and then called the boy up. It was an astonishing
reversal of form, and action seemed to be called for.
The seedy man's story was straight, however. He had
given his horse a half pint of whisky before the race and
he supposed that was responsible for the win. Doping
horses was all right at Alexander, and so the stewards
couldn't kick about that. The stewards touched upon
the ringer question, but the seedy man was such a simple
kind of duck, and his story was so connected about
past owners of his two horses and their life-long careers
on the outlaw tracks, that the stewards finally declared
the race all hunk and the bets stood.\par

"I saw the shabby man cash his \$70 worth of
100 to 1 tickets. He didn't gloat any over the bookies
who had grinned in his teeth before the race—just collected
his money quietly, saying: 'Well, I had a chance,
didn't I?' The bookies were confident that the seedy
man had a mighty valuable pair of ringers on his staff,
and that one of them had just won the mile race in the
beautiful, finely-drawn nose finish, but they couldn't
welch on their bets. With his \$7000 the seedy man took
his string of two away the next day.\par

"I ran across him last summer at the St. Louis Fair
Grounds' racing. He was no longer a seedy man. He
was covered with gig lamps, and he had it in every
pocket. Said I to him:\par

"'D'ye remember that neat 100 to I thing you pulled
off in Washington a few years ago? There was some
quality in that old outlaw of yours that got the money.'\par

"He looked at me with a broad grin.\par

"'Outlaw be damned,' said he. 'That horse was one
of the cracks out of the West, on licensed tracks. He
was a bit of paint. He had done a mile in 1:39-1/2 twice—round
miles—and he was as game as a wild turkey
egg. Me and my pardner pulled down \$20,000 or so,
running him as a ringer all over the country. I was
going to open my six-furlonger in Washington that time,
but \$7000 was enough. My six-furlonger was a crack
from Frisco. He was dyed, too. Six furlongs in 1:14
was a common canter for him. The Willie Wises back
in the East are not so many at that, are they?'"\par

\penalty-300%
\label{this-telegram-was-signed-just-bub}%
\hypertarget{this-telegram-was-signed-just-bub}{}%
\vspace*{50pt}\thispagestyle{empty}
{\noindent\interlinepenalty \@M\normalfont\Huge\bfseries%
THIS TELEGRAM WAS SIGNED JUST "BUB."}

\unskip\vskip 40pt\nobreak

\vs{1}
\begin{verse}
{\vl {\noindent}

{\centering
{\itshape{It Referred to Nothing Calculated to Disturb Domesticity, but It Came Near Wrecking a Happy Home.}}
\endgraf}
\par}
\end{verse}

\vs{1}
{\noindent}
When the senior partner of a young two-handed firm
of patent attorneys reached the firm's office in West
Broadway on Monday morning last his eye caught sight
of a telegram addressed to his junior partner on the latter's
desk. As the junior partner was in Washington
and wasn't due back in New York until 4 or 5 o'clock in
the afternoon, the senior partner opened the telegram.
It was a night message from St. Louis, and it read as
follows:\par

"Hammer Jim Conway. Punch him your limit. Don't
let anything scare you out. He's easy. Bub."\par

The senior partner scratched his head over this.\par

"Conway—Jim Conway," he muttered to himself.
"Now, who the dickens can Jim Conway be, I'd like to
know? We've got no client named Jim Conway, and
we're not fighting any infringement case in which a Mr.
Conway is the defendant. Darned funny telegram, this
is."\par

The senior partner turned the message upside down
and every which way, but the longer he looked at it
from various points of view the more puzzled he became.\par

"Mighty belligerent sort of an affair, too," he mused.
"Now, what has this Jim Conway done to my partner
that he needs to be punched for it? And who's this
Bub? Bub! That's a deuce of an undignified name for
a man to put on paper. Great Scott! I wonder if my
junior partner has gone in for prize fighting at that Jersey
athletic club he belongs to? Perhaps he's been
matched to box some fellow member named Jim Conway,
and this Bub chap down at St. Louis is wiring him encouragement.
Nope, that can't be right, either. My
junior partner has been taking on fat at an alarming rate
lately, so that he can't be training for a boxing contest."\par

He took a few turns up and down the office, holding
the telegram out at arm's length.\par

"I hope the boy don't get into a serious mix-up with
this Jim Conway fellow, whoever he is," he muttered
nervously. "I don't believe the lad has done anything
that he'd be ashamed to have me know about, and yet it's
blamed queer that he should be getting telegraphic despatches
from people by the name of Bub, urging him to
employ physical force for the subjugation of a chap with
such a Boweryesque sort of name as Jim Conway. The
question is, what's the boy done to Conway, or Conway
to him, that it should be necessary for one or both of
them to resort to fisticuffs? Now, if the boy were to get
mixed up in a brawl with this Conway there'd be the
deuce to pay. It 'ud get into the papers, and it might
have a serious effect upon our tidy and growing practice.
I wish that junior partner of mine were a bit more level-headed.
He's too clever and industrious and promising
to have anything whatsoever to do with folks who travel
under such names as Conway and Bub, and I'm going
to give him a mild little personally conducted talking to
when he gets back from Washington this afternoon.
Why, I wouldn't have him get into a street fight, or a
fight anywhere else for that matter, for big money—not
only for the sake of the firm, but for his own sake. He's
pretty handy with his maulies, and all that, but this fighting
business is not the thing for gentlemen, not by a long
shot. I just wish I could find out who this Conway duffer
is, anyhow."\par

The young woman who manipulates the typewriter for
the firm came in just then.\par

"By the way, Miss Bringlunch," the senior partner
said to her, "have we any person of the name of Jim
Conway on our list of correspondents?"\par

"No, sir," she promptly replied. "We've got a Conners,
Coleman, Coulter, Conneff, Curran—lots and lots
of C's—but no Conway."\par

"So I thought," said the senior partner. "Er—by the
way, did you ever happen to hear Mr. Barlock refer to
a person by the name of—er—Bub?"\par

The young woman smiled as she tied her black sateen
apron in the back.\par

"I've heard him call the newsboys who come into the
office with papers Bub," she replied.\par

"Er—yes, yes," murmured the senior partner, "so
have I. But this is a St. Louis Bub. Well, no matter."\par

The senior partner dived into the mass of papers on
his desk, but he couldn't get the bloodthirsty telegram
to his junior partner out of his mind. He was puzzling
over it still radiant when his junior partner's young
wife came along toward 11 o'clock in the morning. She
wanted to find out the exact hour her husband was due
back from Washington.\par

"He'll be here a little after 4, I guess," said the senior
partner. "Er—by the way, Mrs. Barlock, does Jack
number among his friends or acquaintances anybody by
the name of Jim Conway?"\par

"Jim Conway?" repeated the junior partner's wife,
with a finger at her lip. "Why, no, not that I know of.
I never heard him say anything about a Mr. Conway.
Why?"\par

"Oh, nothing," said the senior partner, in a constrained
sort of tone, putting away the message from St. Louis
for the fiftieth time.\par

The wife of the junior partner suddenly looked
alarmed.\par

"That telegram!" she gasped, noticing the senior
partner's furtive manner of slipping the despatch into his
pocket—"is anything wrong with Jack? Has the train
been wrecked? Has the"——\par

And she started to her feet in great agitation.\par

"Calm yourself, calm yourself," said the senior partner,
also rising and smiling reassuringly. "There's nothing
the matter. Train wrecked? Why, the idea! How
did you ever get such a notion"——\par

"But that telegram that you handle so mysteriously,"
said the junior partner's wife, not yet over her alarm.\par

"What telegram—this?" said the senior partner, taking
the night message from St. Louis from his pocket.
"Why, this is an ordinary—er—business telegram addressed
to Jack from St. Louis, and it's"——\par

"Let me see it, please, if it's for Jack," said the junior
partner's wife, holding out her neatly gloved hand, and
the senior partner could do nothing else but pass it over.\par

"'Hammer—Jim—Conway. Punch—him—your—limit.
Don't—let—anything—scare—you—out. He's
easy. {\scshape{Bub}}.'" the junior partner's wife read, slowly and
distinctly, her eyes widening at each sentence. "This,
then, is the Mr. Conway that you spoke of. Mr. Topknot,
what is the meaning of this? What in the world
is the"——\par

"You can search me," said the senior partner desperately.
"Er—that is, it's all as mysterious to me as
it apparently is to you. I've been bothering my head
about it all the morning. I wouldn't have worried you
by showing it to you, but as long as you asked to see
it, why, of course"——\par

And the senior partner coughed behind his hand and
looked dismal.\par

The junior partner's wife paced up and down the office
with the telegram in her hand.\par

"Why, it looks as if Jack had an enemy named Jim
Conway, and that he intended to fight him, doesn't it?"
she exclaimed beseechingly to the senior partner. "I'd
just like to know who this horrid, nasty ruffian who signs
himself Bub is, that's all. My Jack fighting a man with
such an awful, 'longshoremanish name as Jim Conway!
Why, that name sounds like the names of the roustabouts
we read of in the papers who attack their poor wives
with cotton hooks and throw burning lamps at them.
And goodness gracious sakes alive! the very idea of Jack
Barlock ever dreaming of lowering himself by getting
into difficulties with such—oh, I don't know what to
think of it all; indeed I don't!"\par

And she strode up and down the office again in great
agitation.\par

"Now, now, now," put in the senior partner comfortingly.
"We don't know anything about the contents
of the message, and it may be that this Mr. Conway is—er—why,
the fact is, come to think of it, it may be a
message in code. Jack's got a code of his own, you know,
and maybe he"——\par

The wife of the junior partner was looking at him
so suspiciously, however, that he couldn't go on. An expression
just a trifle harder than was exactly becoming
gradually stole into her face, and she walked over close
to where the senior partner sat in his revolving chair.\par

"Ah," she said in a hard tone, "I begin to see. You
are trying to cover up something—you men always stick
together in these affairs. It may be that this Mr. Conway
is married, and that Jack—great heavens! if I only
thought it! If I even dreamed that such a thing could
be—after all the sacrifices I've made for Jack—living
away from mama all this time—and"——\par

Then she reduced her handkerchief to a wad about
half an inch in diameter and began to dab at the corners
of her eyes.\par

"My dear girl," said the senior partner, "I give you
my solemn word that I know no more about that message,
nor about Mr. Conway, than you do. I never
heard of Mr. Conway in my life before I opened that
telegram. My dear Mrs. Barlock, I am sure you are exaggerating
the importance of this despatch. There is no
reasonable ground whatsoever upon which you can base
any—er—accusation against the boy, and, as I say, it is
possible—in fact, it's more than probable—that this message
is in Jack's private code, and that"——\par

"I—don't—believe—any—such—boo-hoo"——And
the lovely young matron began to rock herself to and
fro and to dab at her eyes unremittingly. "It's just as
plain as day that Jack has done some wrong to this poor
Mr. Conway, and this friend of Jack's in St. Louis, named
Bub, has heard that Mr. Conway is looking for Jack, and
he has sent him this telegram to warn him to be on his
guard—and—boo-hoo—who would ever dream that my
Jack would get himself involved in such an awful"——\par

Her feelings overcame her again at this point, and she
was unable to proceed.\par

"Mrs. Barlock," said her husband's senior partner,
severely, rising and confronting her, "I am surprised at
you—I am, indeed. I was certainly of the opinion that
in a matter of this sort you would at least give your
husband—a most considerate husband—the benefit of the
doubt; that you would at any rate give him an opportunity
to explain himself. How do we know what he
is to Conway or Conway to him?" And the senior partner,
growing eloquent, declaimed as if he were speaking
of Hecuba instead of the mysterious Conway. "Is it
not more than likely that you are doing him a grievous
wrong by even so much as imagining for a moment that
this extraordinary telegraphic communication from—er—this
Bub—person has any reference whatsoever to—er—uh—domestic
or family affairs? Wait until Jack returns,
my dear Mrs. Barlock, and I've not the least doubt
that he will explain everything to your entire satisfaction,
and"——\par

"Oh, yes, explanations—explanations!" exclaimed the
junior partner's wife, giving her eyes a final dab and rising.
"You'll telegraph him on the train to have some
sort of an explanation ready, and then he'll come in here
with a deeply aggrieved countenance—just as if he had
had no part at all in endeavoring to break up this poor
Mr. Conway's home and tell me hypocritically that I've
wronged him and all that. I know you horrid men and
the way you stand by each other through thick and thin,
no matter how wicked you know each other to be. I shall
be back here at 4 o'clock, when Jack is due, Mr. Topknot,
and notwithstanding the way he is treating me, if
there is any possible way I can prevent him from meeting
this Mr. Conway and having a disgraceful altercation
with him, I shall do it. And I promise you that
I shall be able to detect very easily whether he is telling
me the truth or not when I demand him to explain this
terrible business."\par

Saying which, the junior partner's wife pulled her veil
down and swept out of the office with the general air of
a deceived wife in a play.\par

"Huh! it'd naturally be thought I'd know enough
not to make such an egregious ass of myself as to show
her that telegram!" growled the senior partner to himself.
"There'll be all kinds of a bobbery around here
this afternoon, I suppose, and if this Conway matter
proves to be something that Barlock wouldn't want his
wife to know about—and I've no doubt now that it will
prove just that way, the young idiot!—why, he'll be
sulky with me, and there'll be little or no work done on
those new cases, and—oh, it's a devil of a mess all
around, that's what it is!"\par

For all of which, however, the senior partner had his
work to do, and he pitched in and was up to his ears
in it until about half-past 3, when the junior partner's
wife, with tightly pursed lips and an air of ominous calm,
arrived at the office with her mother, a handsome,
haughty, uncompromising-looking woman with a great
mass of white pompadour hair and an expression of unyielding
austerity. The junior partner's wife and her
mother replied to the senior partner's courteous greetings
with unusual stiffness, plainly indicating their joint belief
that he was in league with the absent junior partner
in his nefarious doings, or that he was at any rate attempting
to shield the young man.\par

"Shall I turn on the electric fan, madam?" the senior
partner politely asked the junior partner's wife's mother.\par

"I am quite cool enough, thank you," said the junior
partner's wife's mother, snappily.\par

"Shall I fetch you a glass of iced water?" he asked the
junior partner's wife.\par

"You are very kind, but I am not in the least thirsty,"
she replied in a tone which seemed to convey the idea
as plainly as words that she feared he might put something
in the water that wouldn't do her any good.\par

The senior partner turned to his work. Thus the three
sat in unbroken silence for fully fifteen minutes, when
the sound of a blustery, cheerful voice was heard in the
office boy's anteroom, and a few seconds later a tall, broad-shouldered,
frank-faced young man entered the office.
When he saw his wife he made for her with both arms
extended.\par

"Why, hello, there, Patsy!" he said. "I didn't know
you'd be waiting for me, or I'd have come a-running—why,
what's the matter here, anyhow?"\par

The junior partner's wife had shaken herself loose and
averted her face when her husband had attempted to
fold her in his arms. He stared at her for a moment,
and then he stared at his mother-in-law.\par

"What's up, mom?" he asked his wife's mother.
"What have I been and gone and done now, I'd like to
know? Did I leave the water running in the bathroom
before starting for Washington, or have you lost my
bull-pup again, that you all look so queer—or what the
deuce is it all about?"\par

Neither of the women vouchsafed him any reply, and
he turned to his senior partner.\par

"I say, Topknot, look here; are you in on this?" he
said to his senior partner, who was twiddling his thumbs
and looking very much confused. "Did I rob a bank in
my sleep last week, or have the papers come out and accused
me of being a member of the Ice Trust, or"——\par

"My boy," the senior partner interrupted, judiciously
rising and taking the mysterious telegram from the inside
pocket of his frock coat, "the telegraphic message which
I have in my hand, and which, I regret to say, I opened
this morning, knowing that you would not be back in New
York until late in the afternoon, has been the occasion,
owing to its somewhat mysterious contents, of the seeming"——\par

"Let's see it, Topknot," said the junior partner, reaching
for the telegram.\par

He spread it out and glanced over its two lines. By
the time he got through reading it he was in a frenzy of
excitement. He jerked his watch out and looked at it.\par

"I've just got time," he muttered to himself, hastily.
"I'll just about be able to make it. Patsy, you stay
here with your mother until I get back. I'll be back in
twenty minutes or half an hour. Tell you all about it
when I get back," and he was out of the office door and
down the steps like a boy breaking out of a little red
schoolhouse for recess.\par

A vacant cab happened to be passing just as he got
outside, and he hailed the driver and darted into the vehicle.\par

"Drive like the devil to ——'s!" he shouted to the
driver, and in something under three minutes he had
rushed into the upstairs poolroom about four blocks from
his office.\par

The second line of betting was in on the second race
at St. Louis, and the horse Jim Conway was the rank outsider
at 60 to 1. The junior partner crowded his way up
to the counter and laid down a ten-dollar note.\par

"Gimme Jim Conway," he said to the man behind the
counter.\par

"Conway, \$600 to \$10," said the money taker, and he
had no sooner finished the words than the instrument
began to click.\par

"They're off at St. Loo!" sang out the operator.
"Rushfields in the lead, Cathedral second." Pause.
"Cathedral at the quarter by two lengths, Rushfields
second." Pause. "Cathedral at the half by three lengths,
Rushfields second." Pause. "Cathedral at the three-quarters
by a length, Rushfields second." Pause. "Cathedral
in the stretch by a neck, Rushfields second by a
neck." Longer pause. "Jim Conway wins, easy, by
three lengths!"\par

"Whoopee-wow!" The yell went up from the long-shot
players in the room who had taken a chance on Jim
Conway.\par

The junior partner stood around with a broad grin on
his face while he waited for the race to be confirmed.
Then he collected, bounded downstairs, hailed another
cab, and in exactly seventeen minutes from the time he
had left his office he was back there again. He was
greeted with the same frigidity as characterized his original
welcome. He still wore his broad grin, and he
walked over to his desk, raised the lid, and began to dig
into his pockets. He produced first one fat roll of bills
and then another, and he slammed each roll down on his
desk as if it were so much shavings. His wife and his
wife's mother and his senior partner watched his performance
with open mouths, as did the office boy who
stood in the doorway. When the junior partner had
made a pyramid of bills on his desk about as big as a
fair-sized derby hat, he turned to his wife and asked her,
still grinning:\par

"Did you read this telegram, my dear?" holding the
message out in his hand.\par

"I certainly did," she replied, "and you would oblige
me greatly if you would"——\par

"And who do you think this Jim Conway was, Patsy?"
he interrupted.\par

"I hadn't the least idea in life," she replied, without
any sign of relenting, "nor have I at the present
moment. I intend, however, to find out who Mr. Conway is
at the earliest possible mo"——\par

The junior partner fell into a revolving chair, stuck
his legs out in front of him as far as they would reach,
and roared so that he must have been heard all over the
building. He roared so loud and long that the performance
was infectious, and his wife and his wife's
mother and his senior partner, notwithstanding the fact
had begun to dawn upon them that they were in a foolish
position, had to smile in spite of themselves. When
the junior partner was able to splutter he managed to
gasp his explanation in short sentences. Bub was a
friend of his in St. Louis who followed the races out
there, and who had promised to tip him off on the first
good thing at a long price that was to be put over the
plate at the St. Louis meeting. Bub had kept his promise,
and the junior partner was \$600 to the good. That
was all.\par

"And if you don't go out and corner the foulard dress
goods market to-morrow, Patsy," the junior partner concluded,
addressing his wife, "on the strength of what
our four-footed pal, Jim Conway, has done for us,
why"——\par

When they had gone, the office boy, in sweeping out
the office, picked up the telegram, that had slipped to
the floor while the junior partner was laughing.\par

"Now, w'y couldn't I ha' got a piece o' dat!" said the
office boy, disgustedly as he read the telegram. "I bin
pickin' dat skate ev'ry day f'r de las' two weeks, and I
knowed dis mornin' w'en I seen de St. Loo entries dat
he'd win in buck-jump."\par

\penalty-300%
\label{story-of-a-famous-pat-hand}%
\hypertarget{story-of-a-famous-pat-hand}{}%
\vspace*{50pt}\thispagestyle{empty}
{\noindent\interlinepenalty \@M\normalfont\Huge\bfseries%
STORY OF A FAMOUS PAT HAND.}

\unskip\vskip 40pt\nobreak

\vs{1}
\begin{verse}
{\vl {\noindent}

{\centering
{\itshape{A Game in New Orleans That Makes Modern "Big" Poker Games Seem Tiny by Comparison.}}
\endgraf}
\par}
\end{verse}

\vs{1}
{\noindent}
"The shrinkage in the value of poker winnings that
get talked about nowadays," said the New Orleans turfman
at the beach dinner, "is mournful, that's what it
is. A few days ago a man told me that So-and-so, a
gilded youth from up the State somewhere, had recently
swooped down upon a gentleman's poker club in New
York, and had removed himself from the scene of play,
after a five-hour séance, with \$8500 in winnings. The
man who told me this leaned back, after he had sprung
the \$8500 climax, and waited for my eyes to protrude.
He looked a bit miffed and sulky when they didn't protrude.\par

"'Why, durn it all,' said he, 'I believe you affect your
cold-blooded way of taking things. To see you twiddle
your thumbs a man 'ud suppose that you had no more
sense than to imagine that an \$8500 winning at a short
poker sitting was the most ordinary thing in the'——\par

"'Easy, easy,' I had to put in, for he was heating
himself unduly. Then, to bring him around to good nature
again and to convince him that I wasn't attitudinizing,
I was compelled to spend a half hour or so in unwinding
a bit of a reel of the days when there were poker giants
in this country. He wasn't quite willing, at the finish,
to acknowledge that the winner at draw of \$8500 was a
poker pigmy, but when I happened to mention the occasion
when Phil Cuthbert of St. James's parish dropped,
in a two-handed game at the St. Charles Hotel in New
Orleans, a little bundle of \$400,000"——\par

"He told you, of course, that you were smoking," interrupted
the New York man.\par

"No, he didn't. He asked me if it got into the New
Orleans papers. I told him that in 1868 the New Orleans
papers were too busy roasting the carpet-baggers to devote
any space to such a minor matter as a \$400,000
poker game at the St. Charles Hotel, where draw games
approximating that in size were generally going on at
any old hour of the day or night. There was some
rhetoric, I admit, in that 'approximating' statement, but
I wanted to set this New York man right. As a matter
of fact, a \$50,000 game of draw was not at all uncommon
in the St. Charles's private poker parlors. After
Phil Cuthbert had dropped that mound of \$400,000 on one
hand, the New Orleans papers did announce that Mr.
Philip Cuthbert, the well-known planter of St. James's
parish, was about to start on a gold-prospecting tour
in the mountains of Honduras; but they were generous
enough not to mention, if they knew it, that, with four
aces in his hand, he had lost \$400,000 to Mr. Joseph
Lescolette, shipper, of Havre, Pernambuco, and New
Orleans."\par

"Lost \$400,000 on a hand consisting of four aces, am
I to understand you said?" asked the New York man.\par

"The statement was to that general effect," replied the
New Orleans turfman.\par

"Suppose you just lead up to that gradually by telling
the story."\par

"Well, in order to do that, I've got to plead guilty to
having been a table arranger and sweep-out boy at the
St. Charles at the time the thing happened," said the
horseman from New Orleans. "However, having
achieved greatness since, I see no reason why I shouldn't
be willing to acknowledge that. Besides being table arranger
and sweep-out boy, it was one of the functions
of my job at the St. Charles to sort o' stand by, as sailor-men
say, when games were on in the private parlors,
and run errands for the gentlemen playing. There
was plenty of high poker play to be had at any of
the first-rate New Orleans clubs at that time—too much
of it, in fact, for the club games became so open, owing
to the too generous distribution of visitors' cards by the
club members that many of the high-playing men of the
town abandoned club poker playing altogether. When
they felt the hunch to get into a game of draw they adjourned
to the St. Charles, where, in the seclusion of a
private parlor, they enjoyed freedom from the neck-craning
gaze of onlookers, and freedom also from that
bane of the genuine lover of a game of draw, the chap
who stands behind one's chair and keeps up a running
commentary of approval or disapproval.\par

"Phil Cuthbert was a raiser of perique tobacco up in
St. James's parish, and he had besides several thousand
acres in cotton. His father, who died before the war
was well under way, was supposed to be worth from
\$2,000,000 to \$3,000,000, and it all went to his only son,
Phil. At the close of the war the estate had dwindled to
some \$800,000, and Phil started in to flatten it out still
more. It was the talk of Louisiana that he had taken
a \$250,000 crimp in the estate within two years after he
had entered upon it, and it had nearly all gone at cards.
He wasn't a dissipated man at all, but he just naturally
couldn't help but play poker, and he belonged to a family
of losers at poker. Before this big game that I'm going
to tell you about wound him up I'd frequently seen him
win as much as \$25,000 in a single night's play at the St.
Charles. Instead, though, of making a run for it for his
St. James's plantation when he made a winning like
this, he'd be back again with a party of more or less
solvent friends the very next night, and his winnings and
an amount equal thereto that was not velvet, but hard,
soil-wrung cash, would float out of his keeping into the
hands of his friends. Wherefore, to insert a tiny bit of
moralizing on the side, I want to say that your greatest
gambler is not the man who possesses the greatest amount
of skill in manipulating the cards, dice or wheel, but
the man who knows to a T when the psychological moment
arrives for him to quit, winner or loser.\par

"Joe Lescolette—called Joe familiarly because he was
under 40, a rounder of French nativity who loved Americans
and their nicknames and diminutives of good fellowship—was
probably the richest of the New Orleans
fruit importers at that time. His father before him had
had a line of South American and West Indian sailing
packets hauling fruit into New Orleans for the American
market, and Joe came into the whole business at the
old gentleman's death. To go a little ahead of the story,
Joe went to France at the outbreak of the Franco-Prussian
War in 1870, entered the French Army, and was
killed at Gravelotte. He wasn't a hectic flush gambler
during the few years that he kept his name pretty constantly
in the mouths of New Orleans folks on account
of his extravagances, but he was a scientific master of
the game of American draw, all the same, and, by the
same token, as nervy a little man in a game of cards,
or in any other affair of life, for the matter of that, as
ever came out of Gaul. He was the original subsidizer
of the French opera in New Orleans, by the way, and it
was at a performance of 'Aida' that Joe met Phil Cuthbert
on the night Phil struck the poker snag that wrecked
his estate. The two men were friends of some years'
standing, members of the same clubs, and they had had
various business dealings with each other besides. On
the night of the 'Aida' performance Cuthbert had just
struck town from his St. James plantation and he had
the poker light in his eye. Cuthbert met Joe Lescolette
in the smoking-room of the opera house during the final
intermission and slipped his arm through Lescolette's
and said:\par

"'Joe, I desire to accumulate, accrue and win a very
large portion of your currency, even unto half of your
kingdom, this night. There is too much conversation in
a game of four. Suppose, then, when the dying strains
of {\itshape{Rhadames}} are only echoes and this act is finished we
slit each other's weazens, pokerishly speaking, over at
the hotel.'\par

"Well, when they came I was the buttons in charge
of the parlor they selected for play. Much as they desired
solitude, they couldn't achieve it. About half a
dozen of their friends traipsed along with them, and took
one of the tables in the same parlor and went at a dinky
game of \$20 limit.\par

"I piled a couple of dozen of decks of cards within
easy reach of Cuthbert and the Frenchman, and, after
they had each taken two brandies and sodas apiece, talking
the while of everything else on earth besides poker,
they began to play. Both of them had their check-books
beside them on the table, and the bank was to keep itself,
as the saying goes. There was to be no limit. New Orleans
men who, in those days, were poker players of the
old time sort, didn't ever play with a limit. None of
them ever took advantage of this unwritten clause of the
game to raise an opponent a million of dollars or so, and
therefore out, but they played according to their means,
and if any of them was raised a bit too strong by a confident
opponent he only had to let out a word to have
the raise reduced. I don't suppose more absolutely on-the-level
poker was ever played in this country than the
game as enjoyed by men of wealth in New Orleans after
the close of the war.\par

"The white chips in this game between Lescolette and
Cuthbert were worth \$10, the reds \$25, the blues \$50,
and the yellows \$100. This was double the usual value
of the chips even in big games at the St. Charles, and I
could see that both men were out for it—in a perfectly
friendly and cordial way, of course, but out for it nevertheless.
Lescolette was a scientific, cool, all-around, percentage
player of poker. He had made a study of the
game just as he had made a study of the fruit trade, and
he had very little of the mercurial disposition of his
race. Withal, he was a generous man in the game, and
never took advantage of an opponent's overgrown confidence.
Cuthbert was an uneven player, not a cool-headed
man at all. He had no license to play cards for
big stakes under any circumstances. In the first place,
he drank too much over the game, and, in the second
place, he tried to play poker by intuition instead of by
mathematical calculation and the study of the other fellow's
forehead. He knew poker thoroughly, of course,
and he had flashes of genius at it, but in general, as I
look back to his work now, I'd call his poker ragged,
uneven, and unproductive.\par

"For all that, Cuthbert had Lescolette's checks to the
aggregate of nearly \$13,000 after a couple of hours'
play. The friends of the two men at the other table
knocked off to watch the play at the two-handed table.
Lescolette, while he showed no nervousness, indicated by
a somewhat deepened earnestness of manner that he didn't
relish being \$13,000 or anything like it in the hole. After
he had dashed off the check that put him that amount
out, he sent me to the café for a lunch, and the two men
and their friends spent an hour or so over the salads and
wines.\par

"'We'll resume, then?' said Lescolette, and they began
play again. It was about 1 o'clock in the morning.
Cuthbert had taken three pints of wine to wash down his
luncheon, and then a rather heavy swig of cognac. When
they resumed there was too much color in his cheeks for
a successful poker player. Lescolette had drunk only
Apollinaris.\par

"Cuthbert split open a new deck when play was resumed,
and riffled them rather uncertainly.\par

"'Damn a new deck of machine-burnished cards,' said
he. 'Joe, you limber them up and deal this hand.'\par

"Lescolette took the deck and riffled them for fully two
minutes. Then he spread them out all over the table,
tossed them about every which way for a bit, straightened
them together in a bunch, riffled them again, and passing
them over to Cuthbert for the cut, dished them out.\par

"Cuthbert was one of those poker players who pick
up their cards one by one. It is terribly bad form, that,
but Cuthbert, with his nervous disposition, was addicted
to it. He picked up his first card this time and said,
'Ah, a good beginning.' When he looked at his second
card, said he, 'Better yet.' He made no comment upon
his third card, but he flushed and gave a start that was
perceptible to every man in the room save Lescolette,
who was scanning his own hand. His fourth card took
the flush out of his cheeks and steadied him. He went
pale when he looked at it. He forgot to pick up his fifth
card until Lescolette, looking up, remarked: 'Phil, are
you strong enough to beat me with only four cards?'
Then Cuthbert picked up his fifth card mechanically.
It was a bad break, his leaving his fifth card untouched
until reminded of it. It announced, simply, that he
had pat fours. But he didn't seem to think of this.\par

"Cuthbert's \$50 anteing chip was in the middle of
the table. Lescolette looked at it for a second, and seemed
to be in more than one mind about playing or making
it a jack pot. He decided to play, and joggled in his blue
chip.\par

"'Suppose,' said Cuthbert, still pale but steady, 'we
make it \$100 more to play, Joe?'\par

"'Of course,' said Lescolette, and he shoved in a yellow
chip to match Cuthbert's.\par

"'How many?' asked Lescolette, ready to dish out
cards.\par

"'None,' said Cuthbert, who looked queer and unnatural
with his white countenance and glowing eyes.\par

"'So strong as that on the go-in?' said Lescolette,
elevating his eyebrows. 'You have me seined. I require
a card.' And he served himself with it.\par

"I pretended to have a bit of business to attend to
behind Cuthbert's chair, so I could glance at his hand.
He had four aces. I couldn't get behind Lescolette's
chair, for three of the players' friends were seated behind
him. Lescolette didn't make any sign either of elation
or disappointment when he looked at the card he
had drawn. He looked up for a bet, for it was up to
Cuthbert.\par

"'A thousand dollars, make it, Joe,' said Cuthbert.\par

"'Oh, I'm not in so deeply that I can't pull out of this
pot,' said Lescolette good-naturedly. 'However, seeing
it's you, your thousand is sighted, and it's \$5000 more.'\par

"This was precisely what Cuthbert wanted.\par

"'Now you're racing,' said he. 'Ten thousand more,
Joseph Marie.'\par

"Lescolette looked up at Cuthbert suddenly.\par

"'I say, Cuthbert,' said he, 'isn't this a bit tumultuous
and headlong, as it were?'\par

"'I don't see why you should consider it so, Joe,' replied
Cuthbert. 'I'm playing according to the value of
my hand. However, if it seems to strong, why'——\par

"'No, no, no,' put in Lescolette, quickly. 'I can stand
it, and I do not seek to have you lower any of your raises.
I simply was considering my own almost invincible
strength herein.'\par

"'I stood pat, and you drew a card, you know,' said
Cuthbert. 'I rarely bluff. You are to regard me as a
bit of an Atlas in this likewise. You see the \$10,000
raise?'\par

"'Surely' said Lescolette, 'and elevate it another
notch of \$10,000. Will one of you gentlemen'—addressing
the somewhat wrought-up group of lookers-on—'keep
track of this with a bit of a pencil?'\par

"One of the men in the group got out a note-book
and stood by to register the bets.\par

"'Having emerged from the narrow domain of chance
into the field of uncertainty,' said Cuthbert, 'I fear me
I'll have to make it still another \$10,000, Joe.'\par

"Lescolette, the more common-sense man of the two,
rested his hands on the table before him and reflected.\par

"'I don't think I want any more of this, Cuthbert,' he
said. 'There is now a great deal of money in the pot.
It would be idle for either one of us to say that we
could easily afford to lose our respective share in the
pot as it stands. And yet, I don't exactly feel like calling
you. I'm too well fixed. I haven't had such a hand
at poker since'——\par

"'That being the case,' said Cuthbert, interrupting,
'why not be a sportsman and play your string?'\par

"That remark nettled Lescolette just enough to hold
him in indefinitely. There was no more talk on his part.\par

"'Ten thousand more than you,' he said, short and
sharp.\par

"Then the friends of the two men began to mutter.\par

"'This is all very fine as an exhibition of gameness,'
they said, collectively, 'but there is a stopping point, or
should be.'\par

"When there was nearly \$275,000 in the pot both
Cuthbert and Lescolette pulled out their notebooks and
began to run over their bank accounts. Both found
that they had about tapped their supply of ready banked
cash. They wrote checks, payable to each other's order,
for their respective shares of the amount in the pot, and
then Cuthbert said:\par

"'Joe, I can't let down in this. I could never quite
forgive myself if I did. Appraise my St. James land.'\par

"Lescolette protested. He had often visited Cuthbert
at his beautiful St. James place. He protested hard. Yet
he wouldn't call.\par

"'Appraise the St. James land, Joe,' said Cuthbert
again. Lescolette declined to do it, and Cuthbert appealed
to one of his friends to do it.\par

"'I should say your St. James plantations are worth
close to \$250,000,' said this gentleman, unwillingly.\par

"'Very well,' said Cuthbert. 'Shall I say, Joe, that
those three squares of yours on Canal street are worth
the same amount?'\par

"Lescolette nodded gravely.\par

"'Rather more than they're worth, I should say,' he
remarked.\par

"'Well, they'll serve. I approximate their value,'
said Cuthbert, the flush back in his face again and his
eyes burning like coals. 'It is now my bet, is it not?
Joseph Marie, my St. James plantations, at their appraised
value of \$250,000, against these, your Canal
street property, if you elect—and we'll show down.'\par

"Lescolette nodded.\par

"'Old man,' said Cuthbert, then, 'you don't think
I play it low down upon you? I couldn't throw them
away, you fully understand? Joe, I've got four aces!'\par

"'Truly?' said Lescolette, inquiringly and quietly.
'Put them down, that we may see.'\par

"Cuthbert, confident then that he was the winner, nervously
placed his hand face up on the table. Lescolette
threw down, then, amid a very intense silence, the deuce
of hearts, face up. Next, he threw by the side of the
deuce the trey of hearts. Then the four of hearts. Then
the five of hearts. He halted then for a second.
Cuthbert was as haggard looking a man as I ever saw.
Lescolette threw down the six of hearts.\par

"Cuthbert simply said, 'All right, Joe,' walked over to
the sideboard, poured out a whopping big tumblerful
of brandy, gulped it down, and, with a murmured
'Good morning' (it was dawn) he walked unsteadily
out. That afternoon he made his St. James plantations
over to Lescolette, notwithstanding the latter's protests.
He had about \$20,000 out of the wreck of his estate. He
went to Honduras on a prospecting tour, found gold,
and died in a Tegucigalpa hut of the fever."\par

\penalty-300%
\label{great-luck-at-an-inopportune-time}%
\hypertarget{great-luck-at-an-inopportune-time}{}%
\vspace*{50pt}\thispagestyle{empty}
{\noindent\interlinepenalty \@M\normalfont\Huge\bfseries%
GREAT LUCK AT AN INOPPORTUNE TIME.}

\unskip\vskip 40pt\nobreak

\vs{1}
\begin{verse}
{\vl {\noindent}

{\centering
{\itshape{A Poker Game in Abilene, When Abilene Was Bad, in Which a Tenderfoot Came Near Crossing the "Divide."}}
\endgraf}
\par}
\end{verse}

\vs{1}
{\noindent}
"I had so much luck in a poker game I once sat into
that I've never played draw since," said a civil engineer
who helped to build several of the railroads west of the
Missouri. "It happened in Abilene in the summer of
'70. We had then pushed the road about eight miles to
the west of Abilene. You know what Abilene was in
'70. Dodge City was then a camp-meeting grove compared
with Abilene. The men belonging to our construction
gangs were a bad enough lot to make it worth any
man's while to go light on them, but they were cooing
doves alongside of the batch of evil devils who had thrown
the town of Abilene together in anticipation of the building
of the railroad. Before we got anywhere near Abilene
there was a pretty fair-sized and comfortably-filled
cemetery plotted out near the town. But when we got
close enough to Abilene to make it practicable for our
construction men to put in their spare time there, drinking
'sumac' whisky and playing cards, between knock-off
on Saturday afternoon and jump-in on Monday morning,
Joe Geddes, the pine-box undertaker of Abilene, had
more business than he could handle, working night and
day.\par

"From the time that we got ten miles this side of Abilene
until the rails were set twenty miles the other side of
it, we lost construction men so fast that the road's employing
agents in Leavenworth and Kansas City had trouble
in filling their places. Every Monday morning there
was a round-up of the dead and wounded in the whitewashed
calaboose and hospital in Abilene that reminded
the ex-soldier surveyors who were with me of their war
experiences. The construction men got the worst of it,
of course. While they were game enough men, their
weapons were their fists, their knives, and sometimes their
picks. But they were not up to the science of fine gun
work, whereas the Abileneites, composed chiefly of left-over
cowboys from the great Texas cattle-trail, whisky-dishers
from the slumped Colorado mining camps, and
tin-horners and desperadoes from everywhere, all knew
how to pump lead like lathers spitting nails.\par

"Although a pretty young man at that time, I was in
charge of the surveyors' gang. Most of the men in my
gang were experienced, taciturn chaps. The experiences
they had picked up in bad towns along other Western
lines they had helped to map out had taught them
the sense of steering clear of such towns and of sticking
to their tents. I don't suppose that a man of my gang
walked through the streets of Abilene when we brought
the road there—not because they were in any sense cowardly,
but because they had learned in the course of
years of frontiering that trouble, and a whole lot of it,
often overtakes men who are least in search of it in towns
like Abilene.\par

"These old-timers tried to talk me out of my determination
to have a look around in the town where so
many of the men of the construction gangs were being
killed off—for I wanted to see what thorough out-and-out
bad men looked like. They told me that if I ever
wanted to see my folks back East any more I'd better
not do any monkeying around in Abilene. But I knew it
all in those days, and so, without letting any of the men
in my gang know anything about it, I slipped over to the
chainmen's tents one night and roped in a couple of
them to handcar me down to Abilene. When we reached
the town I sent the chainmen back with the handcar,
telling them to return for me in the morning.\par

"Abilene rather surprised me at first. I at least expected
to have my hat shot off a few times in the course
of an hour's rambling around, and, in fact, I was prepared
to do a little impromptu dancing for the edification
of Abileneites, who enjoyed toying with strangers.
Nothing of the sort happened. Instead, the fellows
hanging around the whisky mills and the brace
faro layouts good-naturedly took me in hand and started
in to give me a good time. I was a breezy young chap,
you see, and able to hold my own in any public exhibition
of the swelled head I unquestionably possessed at
that time. Anyhow, things had not thoroughly warmed
up for the night when I fell in with the gang early in
the evening. It all looked so smooth and easy, and the
heavy-artilleried chaps that I ran into seemed so square
and peaceable that I drank a good deal more sagebrush
whisky than I had any right to drink or than I had ever
drank before.\par

"Around about midnight five of us, including Jim
Cathcart, a bad man who was hanged a few years later
for the murder of a Sheriff in Texas, pulled up at Toole
Kingsley's 'Kansas or Bust' saloon and faro bank. The
three other fellows I was with were outlawed cowboys,
although I didn't know it then, and even if I had it
wouldn't have made any difference in the shape I was in.
Cathcart suggested a game of draw. He had probably
noticed my good-sized wad of money, and I guess he
reckoned on getting it. I didn't have any more sense
than to agree, and, the other three chaps being willing,
of course, we went up to the second floor of Kingsley's
rum and faro honkatonk and waded in. When Cathcart
suggested the game I noticed that a tall, broad-shouldered,
very muscular-looking man, with long hair
and a heavy mustache, who was standing with his back
to the bar, eyed us pretty carefully, and at the time I
rather wondered what he meant by it, though I forgot
all about him five minutes later in the intensity of the
game.\par

"'Intense' is not the word to describe that game of
poker. I had been plugging along at the game of draw
more or less ever since I was a growing lad, and after
I had begun to shoulder an azimuth I had been an onlooker
at some mighty queer games. But I never saw
cards run the way they did that night. I was just about
a fair to middling poker player; certainly nothing extra,
although I was deft of hand and knew how to riffle cards
in a way to bluff fellows not acquainted with my comparative
inferiority as a poker player into the belief that
I was some pumpkins with the pasteboards. But, second-rate
player as I was, and something over two parts
loaded as I was, besides, in common with my four fellow-players,
the luck that I had from the very beginning
of the game was positively miraculous. None of the
other men had a half-skilletful of luck. It all came my
way. It was embarrassing for a while, but later on
it became dangerous; for I was a total stranger to these
four men and a good deal oilier in manners and speech
than they—a thing that was likely to excite suspicion
in towns like Abilene in those days, especially in the
minds of men steadily losing in a game of draw.\par

"Every man of the four persisted in giving me such
massive hands to play against the utterly no-account
hands they dished out to themselves that I didn't know
what to make of it. All four of them were reasonably
good poker players, but they were none of them short-carders—able
to stack a deck; and I had certainly never
sat into a squarer game of draw. But my own luck was
absolutely magical. Pat hands were given to me about
as often as pairs were served out to the other fellows.
Every time this happened, and one or more of my opponents
determined to find out if I was bluffing on my
pats, I laid down the hands with a little fear growing
within me; for after we had been playing for an hour
or so I noticed all four of 'em snatching glances at me
out of the tails of their eyes.\par

"After I had continued whacking all four of them
pretty hard on their own deals (rarely dealing myself a
hand worth anything) for a couple of hours, the luck took
a peculiar switch, although it stayed with me. I began
to get nothing whatever on the deals of the other fellows,
but on my own deals I fed myself hands that
actually smelt of brimstone, they were so weird and
inexplicable. One time I got four eights pat on my
own deal. I drew a card to give the impression that I
was either drawing to two pairs or bobbing to a straight
or flush, and won a corking pot. I was given some bad
looks for this. Ten minutes later, when it was my deal,
I was kind enough to give myself a pat full, kings up
on sevens, and, the whole four staying, I rapped them
again with all my might, although the chill of fear was
creeping over, in spite of the copious quantities of fiery
red liquor I was getting outside of along with the others.
Once the luck veered around this way, it seemed as if I
never got as much as ten high when the other fellows
dealt. So the only thing I could do was to drop my
hands and stay out on their deals. They were quick
to notice this, and it didn't improve my situation any,
either.\par

"This extraordinary luck jumped me on my own deal
only once after I had caught and played those two self-dealt
pat hands for all they were worth. The result was
that I was out of the game for quite a little while, none
of the other men serving me with hands fit to draw to.
Meanwhile the four of them played listlessly with me
out of it, for I had a good deal of the money of each, and
they wanted it back. I think all four of them had fully
decided in their own minds by this time that I was
crooked and were only waiting for a chance to nail me.\par

"I had the buck when it came my turn to deal again,
and so it was a jackpot. I was wishing myself well out
of it, and had cold feet, if ever a man did, though I was
afraid to say so with so much of my opponents' money in
my clothes. My hands probably trembled a little as I
dealt that round, and even this fact probably caused them
to suspect that I was monkeying with the deck and to
watch me narrowly. The man on my left opened the pot
for the size of it, and all stayed. When I picked up my
hand and saw that I had given myself a clean, pat flush,
ace on top, it made me pretty nervous, and before I stayed
I did a heap of considering.\par

"'The best thing you can do, young fellow,' said I to
myself, 'is to stay out of this jack altogether, or else
throw that straight of yours face up in the center of the
table, proving your squareness to these cutthroats, and
let them play the jack out among themselves. If you
don't do one of these things, you're going to get hurt in
just about three minutes.'\par

"Then I considered some more. Here I had a fine and
probably winning hand that I had come by perfectly on
the level, and it would be rank cowardice to throw it away,
and mighty poor poker, besides.\par

"'I'll be damned if I do any such thing just to convince
these chaps that I'm not a thief,' was my final conclusion;
and with that I made it twice the size of the
pot to draw cards. They all glowered I tell you what,
but they all stayed, every one of 'em. They not
only stayed, but they bet and raised each other like
the devil, and forced me to out-raise all of their raises
every time it came around to me.\par

"Jim Cathcart, whose beady eyes had been blazing ever
since I doubled the value of the pot to draw cards, was
as bad-looking a man as I want to see when, finally, the
man at my left called my last big raise. There had probably
been some signals in knee-rubbing under the table,
for the other two cowboys followed the lead of the first
and called me in turn. When it got around to Cathcart
he slammed his bundle of greenbacks into the pile with
an oath.\par

"'Podner,' said he, looking hard at me with his little
red eyes, 'some o' your work here to-night has been so
cut-an'-dried lookin' as to excite a whole lot of doubt
about your bein' on the level; an' if you happen to have
anythin' in that fist o' your'n this time that'll top these
here three aces o' mine, then, by hell, you havin' dealt this
mess yourself, there won't be no manner o' question but
that you're a damned proper crook.'\par

"Was I scared? Well, the hand just fell out of my
paw, face up on the table, I was so scared! I was so
paralyzed with fear that I simply couldn't move or say
a word, and, what's more, I'm not a particle ashamed to
own up to it. When the cards fell out of my hand Cathcart
reached over and spread them out with his left hand.\par

"'Well, by hell, you are a crook, ain't you?' he
snapped when he saw the value of the hand that beat his
own good one, and as he spoke he whipped out the big
gun on the right side of his belt. I was blind with terror,
and when I heard the loud report of a gun I gave it all up
and figured that I was already three-quarters of the way
over the Big Divide.\par

"When I opened my eyes a second later I saw Cathcart
staring at the door, his right arm hanging limp at
his side. His gun had fallen on the table without being
discharged, and his left arm was in the air. So were the
six arms of the other three men, and they also had their
eyes glued on the door. I wheeled around to look that
way myself. Standing quietly under the lintel of the
door, with his two big guns covering the five of us, was
the tall, broad-shouldered, long-haired man I had noticed
eyeing us before we started the game of poker.
The man was Wild Bill, Abilene's celebrated Marshal.
The shot I had heard when I had given the whole thing
up was from one of Wild Bill's unerring guns. It had
pinked Cathcart in the right shoulder just in the nick
of time, causing the gun with which he had intended to
shoot me to fall from his hand.\par

"'Slope for your camp, son,' said Wild Bill to me
quietly, still covering the four men. Well, for all I
know, he might be covering them yet. I do know,
though, that I was out of that room like a cat out of a
bag, and the way I cut for our camp, over the newly-laid
ties, eight miles away, was a warning to grasshoppers.\par

"It was while I was making this little journey, hitting
a high place only once in a while, that I came to the determination
that for a man who could not fight shy of
bull-head luck any better than I could, the game of draw
poker was altogether too exciting and spirit-ruffling for
health and peace of mind; and I haven't departed from
that determination down to the present moment of time."\par

\penalty-300%
\label{card-playing-on-ocean-steamers}%
\hypertarget{card-playing-on-ocean-steamers}{}%
\vspace*{50pt}\thispagestyle{empty}
{\noindent\interlinepenalty \@M\normalfont\Huge\bfseries%
CARD-PLAYING ON OCEAN STEAMERS.}

\unskip\vskip 40pt\nobreak

\vs{1}
\begin{verse}
{\vl {\noindent}

{\centering
{\itshape{Some of the Crafty Dodges Resorted to by the Professional Sharpers Who "Work the Liners."}}
\endgraf}
\par}
\end{verse}

\vs{1}
{\noindent}
An Englishman who travels a good deal was generalizing
at one of the clubs last night on the subject of
the card sharpers who devote themselves exclusively to
the ocean steamers.\par

"It's a marvel to me," he said, "that the American
steamship people, or the police, or somebody, can't drive
these sharpers off the American steamers. It's nothing
short of disgraceful. Must be something wrong
somewhere. Can't be collusion, I don't suppose, or"——\par

"Oh, come now, stow that, mate," said an American
who does a bit of traveling himself. "If they're not
worse, and more of them, on the English transatlantic
steamers, I'll turn British subject, take the Queen's
shilling, put on a red coat, and fight all the naked blacks
from Dahomey to"——\par

"Humbug! We don't fight naked blacks. We only
subdue them, that's all. Punitive expeditions, you know.
But about these card sharpers on the American ships.
Why, it's simply barbarous, you know, to permit them to
mingle with gentlemen as they do. And the worst of
it is, the cads get themselves up like gentlemen, so how's
a man to know"——\par

"Must have been hit yourself last trip over, old man,"
put in the American.\par

The Englishman got red and flustered, as Englishmen
will when compelled to admit that the universe is not
entirely an open book to them.\par

"Well, yes, I did," he admitted gamely. "Not very
hard, though. I think twenty guineas would about cover
it. But it wasn't the money so much. It was the way
the thing was done—positively beastly, I say. Man was
introduced to me on sailing day on the other side by an
American I know well. Good fellow, too. Man had
been introduced to him by somebody else, and so on, so
that it would take a Scotland Yard man to trace how he
came to know and rob most of us coming across. Worst
of it was, I myself presented the chap to any number of
fellows I knew on the ship, and all of 'em got bit more
or less, and all of 'em looked at me reproachfully when
it came out after we landed that the chap was a sharper,
just as I looked reproachfully at the man who"——\par

"Sort of endless chain, wasn't it?" put in the American.\par

"Well, if you want to put it that way," said the Englishman.
"And worse still, the man got my guineas
at my own game. If it had been poker, now, I wouldn't
have minded so much, for I never could master that queer
game, and I don't believe there's anything in it, anyhow.
But nap! Chap beat me clean at nap, that I've been
playing ever since I was at Harrow. Odd, too, that I
beat him easily at first and had all the luck, and was
probably fifty guineas ahead of him. Then suddenly the
luck changed, you see"——\par

The American smiled.\par

"What the deuce are you grinning at? The luck
changed, as I say, and, by Jove, the fellow positively
couldn't lose. If my daughter hadn't become ill on the
fourth day out, I dare say I might have lost quite a bit
of money, and"——\par

"Unquestionably you would have," put in the American.
"So that in one respect your daughter's illness—which
I trust was not serious—was really a blessing to
you. It's queer to me that no Englishman I have ever
met in ocean voyaging is able to perceive that when he
is playing at cards with a stranger who permits him to
win easily and heavily at first, it is time for him to make
his devoirs, more or less respectful, to the stranger, and
proceed to take a constitutional on the main deck, henceforth
abjuring cards with said stranger. Now, an
American is able to see into that game right away. If
he is playing with a friend, and the friend is a winner
from the go-off, as we say over here, all well and
good. The American voyager who is up to snuff puts
his friend's initial winnings down to the chances of the
game. But when he gets into a game with a stranger,
and the stranger simply shoves money from the outset
over to his side of the table—well, do you know what
the American of to-day does under those circumstances?
He simply awaits the moment when the luck begins to
change, and then he has an imperative appointment with
his wife in the cabin. He thus picks up quite a bit of
cigar money from a man who he instinctively knows is
a sharper."\par

"Fancy now," said the Englishman. "If I had only
known that"——\par

"But you didn't know, and, as I say, I never came
across the Englishman who did. Why, the ocean voyaging
card sharpers have become so well aware of this
little shrewd habit of American passengers with whom
they sit down to a game that of late years they have altogether
abandoned that old, old trick of permitting their
victims to win with ease at the outset. They only work
that trick nowadays on Englishmen. Fact is, I think
there ought to be a rule on all transatlantic steamships,
English and American, absolutely prohibiting British
subjects from playing cards at all aboard ship."\par

"Tommyrot!" said the Englishman.\par

"Not so much so as you might imagine," said the
American. "Of course, I don't mean that literally, and
yet I don't know but what, after all, it might be a good
thing. I have watched the wake of a steamer on the trip
across the Atlantic fifty-two times—that is, I have made
twenty-six round voyages—and I suppose that on these
voyages I have seen as many as a thousand men plucked
at cards. I will venture to assert that 80 per cent. of
them were Englishmen. So you will perceive there is
some justification for what I said about your countrymen
playing cards aboard ship.\par

"I've seen some clever men of your country badly done
by the ocean-going card sharpers, too. At the time your
Lord Lonsdale came to the United States—Violet Cameron
incident, you know—he was a pretty young man,
even if he did at that period of his life stand in urgent
need of a guardian with a heavy club. Well, amid the
newspaper uproar over his landing in this country with
the Cameron, the fact did not come out that Lonsdale
was plucked of \$12,000 on the trip over by Ned Turner,
one of the most notable of the older clique of steamship
sharpers. But it's a fact, all the same. I was not
only a board the steamer at the time, but I was one of
a number of men who endeavored to pound some sense
into young Lonsdale's head while the plucking was going
on. But he was a stubborn chap and would listen to no
one, and even when he was quite convinced that Turner
was a sharper, at the end of the voyage he stood for his
big loss like a little man, and became genuinely angry
at some of his English friends aboard who recommended
him to stop payment on the checks he had given Turner
to cover the greater portion of the plucking.\par

"I think Turner had it in mind to do Lonsdale when
he got aboard at Liverpool. Turner had been working
the ships for fifteen years, in spite of the efforts of the
steamship companies to keep him off their vessels, and at
this time he was a man of 40 or thereabouts. Lonsdale
was pretty liberal in the use of wine at this time, and
it was at the buffet that Turner, who was a fine-looking
insinuating and accomplished man, found young Lonsdale
on sailing day. The two men struck up a friendship
from the very first day of the voyage, and it was Lonsdale
himself who first suggested, as he afterward
acknowledged—for he was a manly fellow—the poker
game. Lonsdale had only recently learned the hands in
poker—which is about all any man ever learns about it,
if the truth were told—and he had the poker initiate's enthusiasm
for the game to an exaggerated extent. Before
going any further, I ought to say that Turner always
maintained afterward that in his play with Lonsdale he
was perfectly on the level.\par

"'The young fellow insisted on playing,' said Turner,
'and he couldn't play any more than my aunt in Connecticut.
I played with him, because that's my business. But
I didn't have to play crooked—and I don't admit that I
ever did play crooked, understand—to get his \$12,000.'\par

"Well, at any rate young Lonsdale and Turner started
the game on the first day out, and kept it going almost until
the steamer passed Fire Island. Of course Turner beat
him right along. He made no effort to let Lonsdale win
from him at first. He simply played poker and raked in
the young man's money and checks. A lot of us aboard
knew Turner, and those of us who had met Lonsdale
in England got him aside on the second day out and
diplomatically put it to him that he was engaged in a pretty
difficult encounter—that, in brief, Turner was a professional
player of cards. For our pains we were told
that we were too confoundedly officious, that he was
more than 7 years of age and knew what he was about,
and all the rest—you know the talk of a boy; and this
boy was flushed, too, you understand.\par

"At any rate, when the steamer was drawing near
this shore Lonsdale decided that he had had enough—not
that he would not have gone on playing for another seven
days, had the voyage been protracted to that extent, but
he had to get ready to land. Several of us were in the
card-room when the last hand was played. Turner won
the hand and Lonsdale scribbled a check on his American
banker for the amount the hand represented. Then he
looked up at Turner for a minute and said:\par

"'Some of my friends here estimate you a little unkindly,
Mr. Turner.'\par

"'How's that?' inquired Turner, looking not a whit
surprised.\par

"'Well,' said Lonsdale, 'they maintain that your skill
at cards affords you something better than a livelihood.'\par

"'I never denied that,' said Turner coolly.\par

"'In playing with me on this voyage you have employed
skill alone?'\par

"'At your suggestion, I have played draw poker with
you for seven days. I understand draw poker, and I
have \$12,000 of your money. Do you want it back?'\par

"You see, that was a magnificent bluff on Turner's
part. The young chap, he knew, would not welch.\par

"'Oh, if you choose to be insulting'——said Lonsdale,
flushing hotly, and he rose from the card-table and
left the room.\par

"Well, a couple of elderly Englishmen aboard who
knew Lonsdale and his father before him went to him
then and told him that it would be perfectly proper and
right for him to stop payment on the checks he had given
to Turner, who, they told him in so many words, was
nothing short of a swindler.\par

"'Mind your own damned business,' said Lonsdale.
'I'll do nothing of the sort,' and that was the end of it.
It must be confessed that you folks over there have a
wonderfully game fashion of sticking to a bad proposition;
but I, for one, think it is pure vanity. Turner was
kept off the ships of all the lines after that, and I don't
know what became of him.\par

"How they contrived to keep Turner off the ships unless
he really wished to remain off is something that I
can't explain, for it is simply a plain statement of fact
to say that the steamship companies have always found,
and probably always will find, it impossible to prevent
the card sharpers from running on their boats. They
have often tried it. They tried it on one notable occasion,
as I remember, with George McGarrahan, in 1881.
McGarrahan was the Nestor of the steamship card sharpers,
and all the steamship companies knew him. The
president of one of the most prominent transatlantic lines
sent for McGarrahan—who, by the way, has since died
in New York—and told him that he would not be permitted
to travel henceforth on the vessels of the line.\par

"'The deuce you say!' replied McGarrahan. 'How
are you going to stop me?'\par

"'Refuse to give you passage,' answered the president.\par

"'You will, will you?' said McGarrahan. 'Well, if
you do that, I'll get enough damages out of your line to
make it unnecessary for me ever to touch a card again
as long as I live.'\par

"His position was correct in law, as the president of
this line found out upon investigation. The steamship
company, you understand, is not the regulator of the
habits of its steamers' passengers. If the passengers
don't know any better than to play cards with sharpers,
that is their own lookout. And a steamship company
cannot decline to sell passage to a man because it claims
he is a short-card player. It devolves upon the company
to prove that the man is a card sharper, and the steamship
people know that this is practically impossible, for no
man who is done at cards by one of these men on an
ocean steamship is going to rise in his seat and make announcement
of the fact to the world.\par

"Observation tells me that there are not nearly so
many of these men on the ships now as formerly. The
short-card players who make a business of traveling have
found the trains much more profitable, since the officers
of the steamers got into the habit of going quietly among
the voyagers of a card-playing turn and warning them of
the danger of getting into games with such and such
men. That was the system, and a pretty effectual one,
too, adopted by the steamship companies to squelch the
ocean card sharpers. The result has been that the
sharper can now only make a general campaign of all the
big steamers—and the big steamers are the only steamers
they consider worth working—before the officers know
them, and then their game is dead practically. So that
they find it more profitable to take to the swell trains on
the swell runs, making the same trip rarely, and thus preventing
their countenances from getting too familiar to
the railroad people."\par

"How the deuce do you know all this?" inquired the
Englishman.\par

"Well," replied the American, "you may be pretty certain
that I haven't dreamed it. Besides, I figured it that
you required some consolation for the loss of your twenty
guineas. Didn't you?"\par

\penalty-300%
\label{this-dog-knew-the-game-of-poker}%
\hypertarget{this-dog-knew-the-game-of-poker}{}%
\vspace*{50pt}\thispagestyle{empty}
{\noindent\interlinepenalty \@M\normalfont\Huge\bfseries%
THIS DOG KNEW THE GAME OF POKER.}

\unskip\vskip 40pt\nobreak

\vs{1}
\begin{verse}
{\vl {\noindent}

{\centering
{\itshape{That, at Least, is What the Dog's Owner Claimed, and the Dog's Owner Ought to Know.}}
\endgraf}
\par}
\end{verse}

\vs{1}
{\noindent}
"For a fox terrier, that dog don't seem to know a
whole lot," said one of the men in the back room of an
uptown café.\par

The old fox terrier was burying his gray muzzle in
the lap of his master and wagging his stump of a tail
foolishly. His master was a squat, thin-faced man of the
all-aged class; that is, he might have been anywhere from
30 to 55 years of age. Running away from the corners
of his shrewd eyes were many tiny wrinkles. In his get-up
he looked like ready money. He lapped the dog's
clipped ears one over the other and looked reminiscent.\par

"Well," said he, replying to the other man's remark,
"I can't say that he does look dead wise and smooth to
the naked eye. He's not one of these here fresh sooner
dogs that wants to put you next to all he knows the first
clatter out o' the box. He's no trick mutt, anyhow. I
raised him from a pup, and I never taught him any of
the jay tricks that these pillow-raised, dog-cracker mutts
go through. What he don't know about standing up in
a corner and hopping over a cane and speaking for grub
and waltzing on his front feet and playing 'possum, and
all that kind o' dinky work, would fill a big book. But
if any of you people think you can give him any points
on the value of hands in a game of poker, then you need
a new dope cook, and that's which."\par

"Poker?" said another of the party, incredulously.
"Say, shoot it in light. Your yen-hok's overworked."\par

"That's what I said—poker," replied the fox terrier's
owner, firmly. "I'm putting you next now, because I
don't make it a business to do pals in a poker game. He's
the best poker dog on the American continent, that mutt.
Can't begin to figure on how many times he's won me
out, and for how much. He's sulked on me two or three
times at critical junctures in games of draw, and given
me the wrong tips, just to get square with me for something
or other, but that was when he was young and
sassy and disposed to work his edge on me. He's been
tipping me off right now for seven straight years, and—well,
I've got a dollar or two scattered around," and the
owner of the poker dog slowly pulled the tinfoil off a
25-cent cigar.\par

"Didn't have a bit o' trouble teaching him the game,
I suppose?" asked one of the men at the table.\par

"Well," replied the fox terrier's owner, striking a
match on his diamond-incrusted match safe, "I can't say
that teaching him the hands was altogether a snap. At
first he used to get the kings and jacks mixed once in
a while, and then he had a habit, when he was learning
the game, of getting the eights and tens twisted, too.
But I broke him of those defects after a while. It wasn't
so much trouble teaching him the value of the hands in
poker as it was to fix up a sign manual by which he could
express himself and tip me off on the hands held by the
other fellows. But patience was my long suit in teaching
that dog the game of poker, and in less than a year after
I showed him the first pack of cards he ever saw, he was
able to put me onto the worth of every hand around a
table without any of the marks falling to the scheme. His
method of communicating such information to me during
the progress of a game is a bit involved and intricate, and
we've got a lot of little code signs that would require too
much elaboration in the explaining, but I'll just give you
a little idea of the way the thing works.\par

"Suppose I'm sitting in a four-handed game. The dog
is nosing around the room, not in any ostentatious kind
of way and not getting himself noticed at all by the other
three in the game. A hand is dished out. The dog
noiselessly rubbernecks behind the chair of the first player
on his route. The first player, we'll say, has got a pair
of sevens, and I've got my eye on the dog. The dog
quietly gapes twice, to indicate that player No. 1 has a
pair, and then blinks both of his eyes seven times in
rapid succession. See? Of course I know then that No.
1 has only got a pair of bum sevens. I pretend to scan
my hand, while the dog quietly gets behind the chair of
player No. 2. We'll say No. 2 has three queens. The
dog passes his right paw over his right eye three times.
If it's three kings, left paw over his left eye three times.
If it's three bullets he puts his left paw at his nose and
holds it there for a second, and, if three jacks, his right
paw at his nose. Savvy? And so on. He's got the
whole manual and code worked out to a stretch finish. If
No. 3 has got a pat flush he closes his left eye and keeps
it closed until he sees I'm noticing him. If No. 3 has got
a pat full house he shuts up his right eye in the same
way.\par

"This, of course, is only preliminary and it only puts
me next to what the marks around the table have got in
their hands before the draw. If they're too well fixed for
me before the draw, of course I drop out of it there and
then. But if I've got a pretty good fist full myself and
am as good as any of 'em before the draw, why of course
I draw to my hand. Just as quick as all the fellows that
stay in pick up the cards they've drawn the dog does his
little act all over again and tips me off on those that have
filled their hands. Makes the game dead easy, don't it?
If I wanted to play the scheme to its limit, which would
be a fool trick and probably result in that dog getting
himself stuffed and mounted by some loser getting next
to his gag, I'd have too much money. But I never went
into it too heavy. I've let good things take coin off me so
fast that I almost got pneumonia, and me knowing all
the time just what they had in their hands. The Chinese
bluffs that some of 'em have put up, too! Of course I'd
only play off on 'em for a while, just long enough to
make them look on me as something easy, and then me
and the dog'd waltz in and chew their manes off close to
the hide.\par

"Yes, siree, that dog's been a sure enough meal ticket
for me for a long while. But, as I told you a while
back, he sulked on me two or three times and gave me
the wrong steer when he was young and perky and hot
over something or other, and I got hurt on these occasions,
for a fact. Remember one of those times particularly.
I'd been playing for several nights in succession
with three young jays of real estate men out in Minneapolis
and letting 'em take slathers of it off me just to
get them interested. All three of 'em had gobs of the
green and I figured on making 'em all move out to Seattle
or somewhere by the time me and the dog got through
with them. The mutt was only a two-year-old then, but
he was playing mighty fine poker, and these three Minneapolis
ducks looked like a fine clean-up. On the afternoon
of the fourth night that we got together in
the game I'd got hot over the mutt chewing one of my
hats all to pieces—fox terriers are worse than goats for
chewing things up—and I'd given him three or four good
raps over the side of the head. He didn't like this a little
bit—I could see that. He wouldn't have much to do with
me for the remainder of the afternoon and I couldn't con
him into becoming friendly again, either. He just
looked at me out of the tail of his eye, as much as to
say, 'I'm going to throw you the first chance I get,' but
of course I couldn't figure that he'd carry his sulkiness
into the game of draw that night, when I intended to
begin on my three good things and crimp up their wallets.\par

"That night I took the mutt with me, as usual, to the
house of one of the good things, where we played. I
couldn't get the dog to be very chummy with me, though,
even after spending a large part of the afternoon trying
to soft soap him. The licking I had given him still
rankled within him, but I figured that he would forget all
about it in the excitement of the game after we got going.
I was more than ever confident that he was all
right when he tipped me off right on the first dozen
rounds of hands, during which I picked out most of the
winnings.\par

"I dealt the thirteenth mess myself and when the two
beyond the ante man declined to stay I made it a jackpot,
having the buck. I caught three aces and the pot
looked nice for me, even without the mutt to joggle me
along. The man after the dealer opened it, the jay next
to him stayed and so did I, of course. The dealer stayed
with a rush and it looked like a nice, neat jack to win—for
it was a \$100 limit game and all of the three good things
thought they knew how to play poker. The dog tipped
me off that the man who opened the pot had three fours,
the chap next to him two pairs and the dealer a pair of
kings. I drew to my hand, of course, and when the guy
that opened the pot stood pat I said to myself, 'That's a
pretty cold bluff that duck's making, standing pat on his
three fours.' The mutt's tips told me, of course, that I
had 'em all topped and I just lay back and listened to
their bets, knocking heaps off my chip piles and raising
'em right along with all the confidence in the world.\par

"I commenced to admire that pot-opener with the three
fours who had stood pat for a bluff when he kept raising
it the limit. Between us we raised the other two out after
it had gone around a number of times, and then that
geezer with the three fours sat back to bluff me out, as
I thought. I wasn't a bit worried by the cool, confident
look on his mug, for I knew that that mutt of mine never
made any mistakes, and I knew that I had him beat.
When there was \$3,800 in the pot I got to the end of my
chips, and, as it was table stakes and we had arranged
that no more chips could be bought during the playing
of a hand, I called the pot opener, at the same time chucking
down my three bullets, and was fixing to haul in the
pot.\par

"'Hold on there a minute,' said the man with the three
fours—as I thought—when he saw me reaching for the
pot, 'I've got a nice pat straight, from one to five,' and
he showed the cards up in their order on the table.\par

"'The dust is yours,' said I, choking back a lot of
cuss words, and just then I looked behind the chair of
the winner and caught the eye of that dog. If there
wasn't a gleam of triumph in his eye, damme! He looked
square back at me for ten straight seconds, as much as
to say, 'You didn't think I'd dish you in the game, did
you?' and then he walked over in front of the fireplace,
plunked himself down, and that was the finish of that
four-handed game. I knew that I couldn't get any good
out of the dog for the rest of that night, and I did a sudden
watch-studying act, told the jays of a forgotten
engagement, and got out. I had expected to clean up about
\$10,000 out of those three jays, and durned if I didn't
quit more'n \$2,000 loser on account of that dog, for I had
only begun to win back what I had let them take away
from me when the mutt turned me down. The mutt followed
me back to the hotel with a sulky eye, as if he expected
to be clubbed for his little game of crooked steering,
but you can gamble that I cut out the clubbing so far
as he was concerned for good. I had won him back
inside of a week or so, and he never did me dirt on calling
the turn after that.\par

"Me and the dog were covering Kansas City, St. Louis,
Memphis, and that circuit about three years ago, taking
it off easy ones in comfortable hunks, when I stacked
up against a pretty wise one. It was in Knoxville, where
I had got together a playing squad of three young ones
that looked ripe for plucking. I got into 'em pretty fairly
after a week's work, and the mutt was in great form.
One of the good things—the one that I got into the hole
worse than any of the others—seemed to be taking a
great interest in the mutt after he had been stacking up,
a bad loser, against our game for ten days or so, but there
wasn't a pin-head of suspicion in his face. He just
seemed to like to watch the dog's rubber-necking antics,
and one night, when he was dropping slathers of it to
me, he studied the moves of the dog with unusual intentness.\par

"'You ought to teach that poodle how to play draw,'
said he to me, and I was beginning to fear he was getting
next. But he kept on looking as moon-faced and easy as
usual and losing right along, though I couldn't help noticing
how carefully he watched the moves of the mutt.\par

"The next night, when we again sat down at the game,
I again noticed that the young geezer had his eye on
the dog's moves behind the chairs. I also noticed that
he generally stayed when I fell out after the draw, and
that when he did stay, with me out, he very often took big
hunks out of the other two young fellows. I couldn't
quite get next to this, the duck looked such a Rube.
Finally a big jack came around, and I, only having eight
high, kept out of it. One of the other young fellows
opened the pot, the man next to him stayed, and the
moon-faced Rube, who had been watching my dog so
carefully, raised the both of 'em before the draw. It was
a good, stiff raise he gave 'em, at that. They stood it
and stayed in. They bet around for fifteen minutes, and
then the slob who had been studying the mutt was called
by both of them, and beat them both out with his queen
full on sixes. I thought that was kind o' queer, especially
in view of his earnest study of my poodle, and so
I got cold feet in order to have a chance to think the
thing over. Oddly enough, the moon-faced-looking dub
got cold feet at the same time, and was out on the street
with me a little while later. We had walked a block or
so, chinning, when he gives me a dig in the slats, and
says he, grinning:\par

"'Great dog, that, of yours.'\par

"I turned around and sized him up.\par

"'Pretty fair mutt,' said I.\par

"'Only thing about him is,' went on this soft-looking
guy that you wouldn't think knew the difference between
sand and slag, 'he wants to change his code. It took me
a week to get next to it, but I had it safe to-night, all
right. I'm only \$2,000 ahead on the night's play, which
makes me \$500 more than even. You want to teach the
mutt new business before some other duck that looks
as much like a dead one as I do comes along, tumbles to
the dog's wig-wag system, and does you out of a good
bundle. By the way,' he wound up, 'what kennel did
that one come from? Where's the rest of the litter? I'd
like to have a brother of him.' Queer how he got onto
the game, wasn't it?"\par

"Yes, very," replied the man who had doubted the fox
terrier's possession of any intelligence.\par

\penalty-300%
\label{wind-up-of-a-train-game-of-poker}%
\hypertarget{wind-up-of-a-train-game-of-poker}{}%
\vspace*{50pt}\thispagestyle{empty}
{\noindent\interlinepenalty \@M\normalfont\Huge\bfseries%
WIND-UP OF A TRAIN GAME OF POKER.}

\unskip\vskip 40pt\nobreak

\vs{1}
\begin{verse}
{\vl {\noindent}

{\centering
{\itshape{One of the Players Hadn't Long to Live, Anyhow, and So He Took a Hand for a Final Deal.}}
\endgraf}
\par}
\end{verse}

\vs{1}
{\noindent}
"I haven't played any cards on railroad trains, even
with friends, for the past seven years," said Joe Pinckney,
the Boston traveling man who sells bridges and
trestles in every land, at a New York hotel the other night,
"and it's more than certain that, for the remainder of my
string, I shall never again sit into a train game, whether
it's old maid, casino, whist or draw—especially draw. I
used to play cards most of the time when I was on the road
just to relieve the monotony of traveling. I don't recall
that it ever cost me much, for I generally broke even and
often a little ahead on a years' play. I very rarely sat
into a game in which all of the other players were strangers
to me, especially when the game was draw or something
else at so much a corner, and so I never got done
out of a cent.\par

"I know so many traveling men that a drummer friend
of mine has an even money bet with me that I won't be
able to board a single train, anywhere in this country, for
the space of a year, without my being greeted by some traveling
chap with whom I am acquainted, and he wins up to
date, though the bet was made more than eight months
ago. So that, when I used to be in the habit of playing
cards on the trains I always had some fellow or fellows on
the other side of the table that I knew to be on the level.
But I had an experience on a Western train seven years
ago that sort o' soured me on the train game; in fact,
that experience knocked a good deal of the poker enthusiasm
out of me, and since then, whenever I've got into a
game with friends or acquaintances in a hotel room, I've
sized them up pretty carefully to see if they were all
robust men. Maybe you don't understand what possible
connection there can be between physical robustness and
the game of American draw just now, but you'll understand
it when I tell you of this experience.\par

"In the spring of 1891 I got aboard the night train
of the 'Q,' Chicago to Denver. The train left Chicago
at 9 o'clock at that time. When I was seven years younger
than I am now I never sought a sleeper bunk until 1 or
2 in the morning, and when I found that there wasn't
a man on this sleeper with whom I had ever a bowing
acquaintance I felt a bit lonesome. I started through the
train to hunt up the news butcher to get from him a
bunch of traveling literature, and in the car ahead of
me I found Tom Danforth, the Michigan stove man, an
old traveling pal of mine. I sat down to have a talk with
Tom when along came George Dunwoody, the Chicago
perfumery man, who had also paralleled me a lot of times
on trips. Inside of four minutes I had pulled both of
'em back to my car and we had a game of cut-throat draw
under way in the smoking compartment. We started in
at quarter ante and dollar limit, but when I pulled 'way
ahead of of both of them within an hour or so and they
struck for dollar ante and five-dollar limit, I was agreeable.\par

"We were plugging along at this game, all three of
us going pretty slow, and both of them gradually getting
back the money I had won in the smaller game, when a
tall, very thin and very gaunt-looking young fellow of
about thirty entered the smoking compartment and
dropped into a seat with the air of a very tired man. I
sat facing the entrance to the compartment, and I thought
when I saw the man's emaciated condition and the two
bright spots on his cheekbones, 'Old man, you've pretty
nearly arrived at your finish, and if you're making for
Denver now I think you're a bit too late.' My two friends
didn't see the consumptive when he entered the room,
for their backs were turned to the door, but when, while
I was dealing the cards, the new arrival put his hand to
his mouth and gave a couple of short, hacking coughs,
Dunwoody turned around suddenly and looked at him.\par

"'Why, hello there, Fatty,' exclaimed Dunwoody, holding
out his hand to the emaciated man, 'where are you
going? Denver? Why, I thought you were there long
ago? Didn't I tell you last fall to go there or to Arizona
for the winter? D'ye mean to say that you've been
in Chicago all winter with that half a lung and that bark
o' yours? How are you now, anyhow, Fat?'\par

"The emaciated man smiled the weary smile of the
consumptive.\par

"'Oh, I'm all right, George,' he said, sort o' hanging
on to Dunwoody's hand. 'Going out to Denver to croak
this trip, I guess. Didn't want to go, but my people got
after me and they're chasing me out there. I wanted
them to let me stay in Chicago and make the finish there,
but they wouldn't stand for it. My mother and one of
my sisters are coming along after me next week.'\par

"'Finish? What are you giving us, Fatty?' asked
Dunwoody, good-naturedly, but not with a great amount
of belief in his own words, I imagine. 'You'll be selling
terra cotta tiles when the rest of us'll be wearing skull
caps and cloth shoes. Cut out the finish talk. You look
pretty husky, all right.'\par

"'Oh, I'm husky all right,' said the consumptive, with
another weary smile, and then he had another coughing
spell. When that was over Dunwoody introduced him
to us.\par

"'Ed, alias Fatty, Crowhurst,' was Dunwoody's way
of introducing him. 'Sells tiles, waterworks pipes and
conduits. Called Fatty because he's nearly six and a
half feet high, has never weighed more than thirty-seven
pounds (give or take a few), and has never since any one
knew him had more'n half a lung. Thinks he's sick, and
has laid himself on the shelf for over a year past. No
sicker than I am. Used to have the record west of the
Alleghanies for cigarette smoking. You've cut the cigarettes
out, haven't you, Fat?'\par

"For reply the consumptive pulled out a gold cigarette
case, extracted a cigarette therefrom and lit it. It was
a queer thing to see a man in his state of health smoking
a cigarette. Dunwoody's eyes stuck out over it.\par

"'Well, if you ain't a case of perambulating, lingering
suicide, Fatty, I never saw one,' said he to his friend.\par

"'It's all one,' was the reply. 'It's too much punishment
to give 'em up, and it wouldn't make any difference
anyhow.'\par

"I had meanwhile dished the hands out, and after my
two friends had drawn cards and I made a small bet they
threw up their hands.\par

"'Draw, eh?' said the emaciated man, addressing Dunwoody.
'How about making it four-handed?'\par

"'Oh, you'd better take it out in sleeping, Fat,' replied
Dunwoody. 'You look just a bit tired, and we're going
to make a night of it, most likely, with whisky trimmings.
You can't do that very well without hurting yourself, and
if you came in and we got into you you'd feel like playing
until you evened up, and 'ud get no rest. Better not
come in, Fat. Better hit your bunk for a long snooze.
We'll have breakfast together when they hitch on the
dining car at Council Bluffs.'\par

"'I haven't sat into a game of draw for a long while,'
said Dunwoody's friend, 'and I'd rather play than eat.'\par

"There was a bit of pathos in that remark, I thought,
and I kicked Dunwoody under the table.\par

"'Well, jump in then, Fatty,' said Dunwoody, and the
poor chap drew a chair up to the table with a look of
pleasure on his drawn, hollow face, with its two brightly
burning spots on the cheekbones.\par

"It soon became apparent that Dunwoody's fear about
our 'getting into' the consumptive didn't stand any show
whatever of being realized. The emaciated man was an
almighty good poker player, nervy, cool, and cautious,
and yet a good bit audacious at that. I caught him four-flushing
and bluffing on it several times, but he got my
money right along in the general play, all the same, and
after an hour's play he had the whole three of us on the
run. I was about \$100 to the rear, and Dunwoody and
Danforth had each contributed a bit more than that to the
consumptive's stack of chips. The fact was, he simply
outclassed the three of us as a poker player—and, by the
way, I wonder why it is that men that have got something
the matter with their lungs are invariably such rattling
good poker players? I've noticed this right along.
I never yet sat into a poker game with a man that had
consumption in one stage or another of it that he didn't
make me smoke a pipe for a spell. That would be a
good one to spring on some medical sharp for an explanation.\par

"By the time midnight came around Dunwoody's
friend with the pulmonary trouble had won about half as
much again from us, and Dunwoody began to look at his
watch nervously. The three of us were taking a little
nip at frequent intervals, just enough to brush the cobwebs
away, but the sick-looking man didn't touch a drop.
He smoked one cigarette after another, however, inhaling
the smoke into his shrunken lungs, and the sight made
all of us feel sorry, I guess, for the foolhardiness of the
man. Finally Dunwoody looked at his watch and then
raised his eyes and took a survey of the countenance of
the consumptive, which was overspread with a deep flush.
The consumptive's eyes were extraordinarily bright, too.\par

"'Fatty,' said Dunwoody, 'cash in and go to bed.
'You've had enough of this. Poker and 112 cigarettes
for a one-lunger bound for Colorado for his health! Cash
in and skip!'\par

"'No, I don't want to quit, George,' said the consumptive.
'I haven't had anything like enough yet. What's
more, I've got all of you fellows too much in the hole.
I only wanted to come in for the fun of it, anyhow, and
here I am with a lot of the coin of the three of you. I'll
just play on until this pay streak deserts me and give you
fellows a chance to win out.'\par

"When he finished saying this the man with the wasted
lungs had another violent spell of coughing and Dunwoody
looked worried. But he gave in.\par

"'All right, Fat,' he said, 'do as you derned please, but
I don't want to be boxing you up and shipping you back
to the lake front.'\par

"Then the game proceeded. I don't think any of us
felt exactly right, playing with a man who looked as if
his days were as short-numbered as a child's multiplication
table, but maybe the fact that he was such a comfortable
winner from us mitigated our sympathy for him
just a little bit. He kept on winning steadily for the next
hour, and about half past 1 in the morning there was a
good-sized jackpot. It went around half a dozen times,
all of us sweetening it for five every time the deal
passed, and finally, on the seventh deal, which was the
consumptive's, Danforth, who sat on his left, opened the
pot. I stayed, and so did Dunwoody. When it was up
to the dealer he nodded his head to indicate that he
would stay. We were all looking at him, and we noticed
that he had gone pale. It was noticeable after the deep
flush that had covered his face when he entered.\par

"Danforth took two cards. I drew honestly and to
my hand, which had a pair of kings in it, and I caught
another one. Dunwoody asked for three and then the
dealer put the deck down beside him.\par

"'How many is the dealer dishing himself?' we all
happened to ask in chorus.\par

"'None,' answered the sick man, who seemed to be
getting paler all the time.\par

"'Pat, hey, Fatty?' said Dunwoody. 'Must be pretty
well fixed, or, say, are you woozy enough to try a bluff on
this? You don't expect to bluff Danforth out of his own
pot?'\par

"The consumptive only smiled a wan smile.\par

"'Well, I hope you are well fixed,' went on Dunwoody,
'for it's your last hand. I'm going to send you to your
bunk as soon as I win this jack.'\par

"'The limit,' said Danforth, the pot-opener, skating
five white chips into the center.\par

"'Five more,' said I, putting the chips in.\par

"'I'll call both of you,' said Dunwoody, shoving ten
chips into the pile.\par

"It was up to Dunwoody's consumptive friend. He
opened his lips to speak and little dabs of blood appeared
at both corners of his mouth. His head fell back and
at the same time the cards in his hands fell face up on
the table. The hand was an ace high flush of diamonds.
Dunwoody was standing over him in an instant, and Danforth
and I both jumped up. Dunwoody wiped the blood
away from the man's mouth with his handkerchief and
then put the back of his hand on the man's face.\par

"'It's cold,' said Dunwoody, with a queer look.\par

"Then he placed his ear to his friend's heart. We
waited for him to look up with a good deal of suspense.
He raised his head after about thirty seconds.\par

"'Crowhurst's dead,' was all he said.\par

"Dunwoody telegraphed ahead for an undertaker to
meet the train at Omaha. He gathered up the cards, too,
and the chips.\par

"'Crowhurst won that pot,' he whispered to us. 'His
pat flush beat all of our threes.'\par

"Dunwoody was banker and he cashed all of the dead
man's chips. Then he took Crowhurst's body back from
Omaha to Chicago in a box. Dunwoody handed the \$580
the dead man had won from us to his mother, telling her
that her son had given him the money to keep for him
before turning into his sleeper bunk.\par

"That," concluded the man who sells bridges and trestles,
"is the reason I've cut card-playing on trains for
the past seven years."\par

\penalty-300%
\label{queer-pacific-coast-poker}%
\hypertarget{queer-pacific-coast-poker}{}%
\vspace*{50pt}\thispagestyle{empty}
{\noindent\interlinepenalty \@M\normalfont\Huge\bfseries%
QUEER PACIFIC COAST POKER.}

\unskip\vskip 40pt\nobreak

\vs{1}
\begin{verse}
{\vl {\noindent}

{\centering
{\itshape{When You Get into a Game of Draw in California It Is Well to Ascertain the Rules in Advance.}}
\endgraf}
\par}
\end{verse}

\vs{1}
{\noindent}
"Before sitting into a game of poker anywhere near
tidewater out on the Pacific coast you'll always find it a
pretty good scheme to make a few preliminary inquiries
of your fellow players as to the kind of poker you're expected
to mix up with," said a traveling man who had
recently returned to the East after a tour on the Slope.
"Because I neglected to do this myself on several occasions
I got into all sorts of embarrassing situations and
all colors of poker trouble all the way from Portland,
Ore., to San Diego, Cal., and the fellows with whom I
did little stunts at draw—all good people, business men
I met with through letters—put me down as the worst
jay in a game of cards that ever crossed the Rocky Mountains.
The folks out there think we're all jays back here,
anyhow, if for no other reason than that we haven't
enough brains to migrate in a body to the Pacific Slope,
but they complacently told me that I was the worst of
the species they had ever seen, simply because I couldn't
seem to get the hang of the queer old game they call poker
out in that country.\par

"The game they dub poker out there isn't poker at all,
in my opinion. It's a hybrid sort of affair, full of fancy
moves that must have been chucked into the original
game by early California vaqueros with such a taste for
embellishment that they had to tack gilt fringe on to their
pants and to encircle their hats with silver cable. Whatever
they call it, it's not American draw poker by a
darned sight. The kind of poker that I was raised on—the
real thing, the article of draw that we play on this
side of the Alleghanies—doesn't take any more account
of the joker, for instance, than it does of the card case;
but out in California they think a man's plumb blind crazy
if he registers a kick over having the joker in the deck.
I'd as lief play old maid or grab for corn-silk cigarettes
as play draw poker with the joker mixed up in it; but
out there I had to take the game as it was served up,
and, as between poker with a joker and no poker at
all, I, of course, accepted the lesser of the two evils and
played. But I got dumped on the game for about 2,000
miles of coast line, and that, too, by people who didn't
have to count themselves because they were so many at
the game. The trouble was that I played the game of draw
that I was brought up on and they played their crossbred
game, and the result was just about as queer as it
would be to see a baseball pitcher chucking up a Rugby
football to a cricket batsman with a fence picket in his
hands.\par

"I'll not forget my first run-in with this poker-joker
idea. This was my first visit to the slope, you know and,
although I'd often heard vaguely that young 'uns, playing
draw for beans or tin tags, once in a while shoved
the joker into the pack for the fun of the thing. I, of
course, never dreamed that rational adult human beings
in any quarter of the earth could have the nerve to inflict
such a dismal outrage upon the noble game of draw as
to slap the joker into a poker deck. But I found out different
the very first game of draw that I sat into out in
San Francisco.\par

"It was a four-handed game, and I was the only Eastern
man in the bunch. The other three fellows were
business men who belong to the Native Sons' organization,
which accounts for the weird brand of poker they
played. They played what was taught 'em in their youth
out there; didn't know any better, and thought, and no
doubt still think, that their game is right.\par

"I was banker, and dished up the first hand. It was
25 cents ante and \$5 limit. I gave myself two rattling
good pairs, kings up on tens. All of the other fellows
stayed, and the man on my right made it a couple of
dollars more to draw cards. This let two of 'em out of
it, but I thought my two pairs were good enough for a
\$2 raise, and so I played with the raiser. He drew one
card, and so, of course, did I. It was his bet, and he
came at me on the double with the limit. I'd caught another
king, and had as neat-looking a full house as a
man needs to have in any kind of a game.\par

"'Five more'n you,' said I, and we shuttled the limit
back and forth until we each had about \$50 in the pot.
Said I to myself, 'I've got you beat, my boy, for the
percentage of the game is 'way against your holding
fours against my full hand, especially on the first clatter
out of the box, and, even if you've filled those two pairs
of yours—which you probably haven't, for the percentage
is plumb against you—you certainly haven't got aces on
top.' Now, that was good poker reasoning, the kind of
reasoning that has kept me necktie and peanut money
ahead of the game anyway for twenty years or so, and
I gave him the raise-back just as often as he threw it
at me.\par

"'Finally,' said he, 'we are getting out of our depth
and beyond the breaker line, ain't we? I've got you
man-handled, but you junipers from the East never can
feel the hunch when you are licked, and so I'll skate in
my little five and call you.'\par

"We each had about \$80 in the pot then.\par

"I spread out my three royal gentlemen topping the
pair of tens, and was just about to make some good-natured
crack about getting a hoe to scoop in my winnings
on the first hand, when he spread out his hand and
raked in the pot with a smile. His hand consisted of a
pair of aces up on a pair of sixes and the joker.\par

"'What the dickens are you doing there?' I asked him
when he raked in the pot. 'Can't you see it's a misdeal?
I forgot to take the joker out of the deck.'\par

"'Misdeal nothing,' he said, still smiling. 'You had
a good hand all right, but aces beat kings, you know,
anywhere from Tuolume to Tucson.'\par

"'Yes,' said I, 'but you've only got aces up, and I've
got a full hand, kings up, and it's a misdeal, anyhow'——\par

"Well, they all looked at me like they thought I ought
to be in a lunatic asylum.\par

"'Misdeal?' said my friend who had swiped the pot.
'What the deuce are you giving us, anyhow? I caught
the joker on the draw, and it just filled my hand—three
aces and a pair of sixes. Don't an ace-full beat a king-full
in that desolate Atlantic coast region you hail from?'\par

"'You mean you call the joker an ace?' said I, the
thing beginning to dawn upon me.\par

"The three fellows gazed at me as if they were trying
to find out if I was drunk or not.\par

"'Why, do you mean to say,' said the man I had played
with, 'that you don't know that in poker the joker is
any old thing you choose to make it—that, when you get
it either on the deal or on the draw, you can call it anything
you want to call it to eke out a pair, flush, full house
or anything else? Tell you what, old man, you need
sleep. You've been working too hard. Turn in and
have a long night of it.'\par

"I couldn't help but laugh.\par

"'Well,' said I, 'you people may call this joker-jiggling
poker, but somehow or another it suggests tag and
I-spy and little girls singing "London Bridge is falling
down" to me. Why in the devil don't you play poker
with a pinochle deck and be done with it? Come on, and
we'll build card houses, or what's the matter with playing
casino for chalk or pin-wheels?'\par

"'Why, don't you benighted people back East use the
joker?'\par

"'Yes,' said I, 'we do. We always give the joker in
a new deck to babies in arms to cut their teeth on.'\par

"Another queer kink in the slope game of draw is
that straights don't go. I've been catching occasional
pat straights and drawing to 'em all my life, and I think
the straight is one of the prettiest plays in poker. In
playing straights, if the chap across the table draws one
card, you've got the fun of trying to figure out whether
he's drawing to a couple of pairs or bobbing to a straight
or a flush, and it's interesting work. If he stands pat,
it's up to you to determine by the mind-reading process
whether he's simply bluffing or actually has a pat straight
or full hand or flush in his paws.\par

"Well, out on the coast they've heard occasional rumors
of such things as straights being played somewhere
or another in the game of draw, but you won't meet one
coast man in a hundred that knows precisely what the
straight consists of and what the chances are of a man's
getting a pat straight or of filling a one-ended or double-ended
straight. As for playing straights, they've never
even dreamed of such an absurdity. I found that out in
the second game of draw I got into out there.\par

"It was in Portland, and another four-handed game,
the other three fellows being business men also. We
played along for a while without my running into any
snags sticking out of the coast game, and then I got on
the deal four cards that had in them the making of a
corking good straight, capable of being filled at either
end, from nine up to queen, so that either an eight or a
king on the draw would have fixed me all right. I decided
to draw to it just for luck, although all three of the
fellows were in and had stood a rise before the draw.
When I caught my king I was glad I had decided to draw
to my straight. A king-high straight is a pretty good mess
of cards in any man's game of draw as we know draw
back in these parts.\par

"There was a heap of betting on that round, and, of
course, with that clipper-built straight of mine, I wasn't
going to let any of 'em put it on me. I met every raise
and stuck so persistently and confidently that the whole
three of them began to regard me as the main guy so far
as that deal was concerned and look a bit afraid of me.
The last time I raised it they kind o' exchanged looks,
and the man at my left called me. The other two men
followed suit, and there was a general laying down of
hands. The man at my left had three eights, the fellow
next to him aces up on treys, and the man at my right
three sixes. I projected my right arm to sweep in the
good-sized pot after spreading out my king-high straight.\par

"'Hold up, there!' they all yelled at me at once.
'What's all this? What are you trying to do—hypnotize
us?' And the man who had laid down his three eights
made a reach for the pot.\par

"It was now my turn to think the whole three of
'em looney.\par

"'Is there so much smoke in here,' said I, 'that you
three people can't perceive that I've got a king-high
straight?'\par

"'Straight?' said the man with the three eights.
'Straight be damned! You've got one king up on nothing.
How old are you, anyhow—seven? Straight?
Listen to him!' And the three of 'em gave the hoarse
hoot in chorus. I asked 'em to get around me and pinch
me, because I wanted to find out if I was dreaming or
not, but they were too busy leaning back in their chairs
and roaring like so many wild asses of the woods to pay
any attention to me. That's what I got for not inquiring
beforehand into the kind of draw I stacked up against
in Portland.\par

"The next poker knock I got was down in Santa Barbara.
I got into a game of draw with three hotel clerks,
all good fellows, but all addicted to the nursery poker
they play out there, and again I forgot to nail 'em up
against the wall and make 'em exude information about
the kind of game they purposed playing. We got along
all right for an hour or so, and at the end of the time
I was comfortably well ahead of the game. It kind o'
tickled me, too, when I caught the joker on the draw
three or four times and beat 'em out on their own game—
which is a silly game, and about as brainy as bean-bag,
all the same. I also kept away from my inclination to
draw to straights, and, having made this much progress,
I really didn't think I was in for any more rude and costly
surprises in the game. That's where I did the leap-year
figuring.\par

"I gave myself a neat mess of clubs—four of them—with
the ace for a capstone. I have always been lucky
in bobbing to flushes, and this looked good. Two of the
other fellows drew two cards each, and the other man
asked for one. I gave myself another club, and tried to
look gloomy and depressed. An ace-high flush has always
been good enough for me on this side of the
continent, and I bet it for all it was worth. The three hotel
clerks evidently thought they were pretty well fixed, too,
and, although there was nothing frantic about the betting,
it was nice and smooth and even, and the pot grew in a
way that suited me down to the ground. When it got so
large on five-dollar raises as we thought it ought to be
there was a general suggestion for a call and a show-down.
Two of my fellow players had threes, small
ones, and the other two pairs that we wouldn't stay
with very long back in this neck of the woods. Well, I
flashed my ace-high flush of clubs on them, and was just
about to say something about easy money when the man
with the best threes scooped in the pot.\par

"'Must have left your specs at home, my boy,' said I,
thinking he was only fooling. 'Pass that pile over.'\par

"'For why?' said he.\par

"Then I looked him over and saw that he was serious.\par

"'For why?' I repeated. 'Well, the instructors at
whose feet I sat to learn what is learnable about the game
of draw poker always taught me to believe that a flush is
better than threes.'\par

"'Yes,' said he, 'but didn't you draw a card?'\par

"'What the devil difference does that make?' I inquired.\par

"'Oh,' said he patronizingly, 'I see you're a bit new
at the game. You see, you can't draw to flushes. You've
got to hold 'em pat.'\par

"Well, that was the worst jab I had yet received, but I
had to stand for it, on the 'do-as-the-Romans-do' principle.\par

"In San Diego I got into a game with some fellows
who were so warm that they wouldn't play anything but
jack-pots. At the start-off of the game—the first hand—none
of the four of us could open it. It went around
three times, and on the fourth deal I caught a pair of
queens. Two of the other fellows stayed. I caught another
queen, and played the hand for all it was worth.
When I was called I showed down my hand, and had 'em
both beat.\par

"'Foul hand,' said they. 'You didn't have openers,'
and they looked at me suspiciously.\par

"'The dickens you say!' said I. 'I went in with a
pair of queens and caught another one—there they are.'\par

"'But you needed aces,' said they, all at once. 'It
went around four times, and jack-pots are progressive, of
course. D'ye mean to say you didn't know that? Sorry,
old man, that we'll have to split the pot.'\par

"'Are they always progressive out here?' I asked.\par

"'Always,' they answered, and that settled it. The
pot was split."\par

\penalty-300%
\label{the-proper-time-to-get-cold-feet}%
\hypertarget{the-proper-time-to-get-cold-feet}{}%
\vspace*{50pt}\thispagestyle{empty}
{\noindent\interlinepenalty \@M\normalfont\Huge\bfseries%
THE PROPER TIME TO GET "COLD FEET."}

\unskip\vskip 40pt\nobreak

\vs{1}
\begin{verse}
{\vl {\noindent}

{\centering
{\itshape{Few Gamblers Perceive "the Psychological Moment" For Quitting Play and Retiring Rich.}}
\endgraf}
\par}
\end{verse}

\vs{1}
{\noindent}
An old man whose mind is still alert, and the movements
of whose tall, somewhat stooped body are as free
and spry as those of many a man fifty years his junior, is
Cole Martin, once the most famous faro dealer in this
country. He slipped the cards out of the box for the
statesmen with a penchant for gaming who lived in Washington
fifty, forty, and thirty years ago, when it was
deemed no disgrace for the strong men of the land to
try an occasional buck at the tiger, openly and above
board. Martin is now verging upon 80 years of age,
and even to the present generation of Washingtonians his
white-bearded countenance is very familiar. His age
does not tell upon him, and his commerce among men is
about as wide now, he says, as it was back in the fifties.
He had a great deal of money at one time in his career,
but most of it went by the board. He had the caution
to purchase an annuity for himself a good many years
ago, and upon this he lives comfortably. He has passed
most of his life in Washington, but before and after
the war of the rebellion he had adventures in many parts
of the United States where gaming was at its highest.
He is a mine of curious, first-hand information about
the statesmen-gamesters who were great figures in the
national life of the country before the war, and the local
newspaper have published many of his reminiscences of
this sort. He is not garrulous, but once he gets into his
stride and the company is congenial he talks well and
entertainingly. He was speaking recently of the case of
the well-known young American turf plunger who, after
having beaten the English racing game to the tune of
\$150,000 a few weeks ago, waded in so recklessly that,
only a short time later, he quit \$90,000 to the bad.\par

"Another example of the chance taker who has not
mastered the fine science of quitting," was his way of
summing it up. "That seems to be the most difficult
point in the gambling business—to know just the right
time to quit. Few men master it. I never did, myself.
I wish I had. Any fool can go on playing when he is
away ahead of his game, but it takes a man of unusual
strength of character, perception and foresight to knock
off when, after riding a high tide, he notices that it begins
to ebb. The scientists, I believe, talk of a 'psychological
moment.' I don't know of any business in
life in which the psychological moment plays a greater
part than it does in gambling. Most of this country's
old-time gamesters have died, as you know, very poor, or,
worse, poverty-stricken. I never hear of the death of
one of them leaving not enough money behind to have
his body put into the ground that I don't recall the time
when he had tens or hundreds of thousands. The gambler
by profession has many a psychological moment in
the course of his career, but he rarely takes advantages of
them. He goes on dabbling at a percentage that his common-sense
tells him is against him, and that he has only
temporarily beaten, and after a while he finds himself
broke; then he asks himself remorsefully why he didn't
break off when he was on top of the wave. I have known
a few professional gamblers who knew just when to quit.
Some of them are still alive, old men like myself, and
they are well fixed. Those of them who are dead left
good sums of money behind them.\par

"I once saw George Plantagenet, one of the best
known of the New Orleans gamblers before the war, win
\$60,000 in an afternoon's play at faro. This was in Memphis.
He cashed in and left the bank. After supper he
returned with all of the money and he began to buck
the king. He played it open every time and the king
lost eight straight times in two deals. That cost Plantagenet
\$20,000 of his winnings. The lid had been taken
off the game for him. When the dealer pulled out the
eighth straight losing king Plantagenet cashed in. He
was frank enough to admit that he had cold feet.\par

"'While freely acknowledging that I am more or
less of a d—d fool,' he said coolly, 'I strive for the reputation
of knowing when I've got enough, even of a good
thing. I quit. This is just my time to quit. If the box
were only depleting me gradually but surely I don't doubt
that I'd go until I was all up. But I can see legible handwriting
on the wall from as considerable a distance as
my neighbors, and when I'm on top, as I am now, well
and comfortably, and eight straight kings range themselves
against me on the left hand side of the layout,
that's the kind of a signal I'm waiting for, and I pass.
I'll bet any man on the side, just for a flyer, \$5,000 that
the next king out of the box wins, but no more faro.\par

"Frank Wooton, the proprietor of the layout, was
standing by when Plantagenet made this little talk.\par

"'You are wise in your generation, George,' said he.
'Now, it is about a 10 to 1 shot against the king losing
again. Consequently you can afford to give me at least
2 to 1 on that proposition. I'll bet you \$2,500 to \$5,000
that the king does lose the next time out.'\par

"'Taken,' said Plantagenet, covering Wooton's money,
and the crowd gathered round to watch the dealer riffle
the cards. The box was fully half out before a king
showed, and it showed on the losing side—nine straight.
Wooton pulled down the side bet.\par

"'Which I may remark,' said Plantagenet with the
greatest coolness, 'that this ninth consecutive lose of the
king simply confirms and makes good the hunch I had to
quit when it lost the eighth time. But I will go a bit
further to prove that my inspiration to quit is a proper
and sensible one. I will bet you \$1,000 that I can buck
your bank now with dummy chips representing all of
my winnings and the roll I originally started with, and
that, although I shall play as carefully and as cautiously
and as earnestly as I would did the dummy chips really
represent money, I shall lose every stack within two
hours.'\par

"Plantagenet and Wooton were old friends, and the
latter knew that Plantagenet would try to win with the
dummy chips even though he would be \$1,000 loser if
he did.\par

"'Go ahead and prove your case,' said Wooton, and
a dealer who was off duty was called upon to deal. Plantagenet
kept cases himself and played his own particular
system with all manner of care and effort. Wooton stood
by and saw that Plantagenet was playing his regular
game. Plantagenet's luck had deserted him, and he lost
two bets out of every three. It seemed impossible for
him to get down right, and he lost steadily. He had
played in his last stack in an hour and forty minutes
and Wooton hand him the \$1,000.\par

"'That's the way it would have been had I been playing
with money,' said Plantagenet, and Wooton agreed
with him. Plantagenet was one of the men who knew
when to quit, and when he died, with his grandchildren
around him, in the early seventies, he left more than
\$500,000 to be distributed among his heirs.\par

"Edmund Baker of Louisville, who was not a professional
gambler, but who outdid most of the famous
professional gamblers of the South in the late fifties in
the heaviness of his play when he felt in a winning humor,
was another man who knew when to quit. I saw
him win \$32,000 in one night at bank in the rooms of the
old Crescent City Club. Then he curled up all of a
sudden and cashed in. He wasn't a quitter in the ungenerous
sense, but he used to say that the little angel, supposed
by the sailors to sit aloft and watch out for Jack
Tar, had a habit of informing him, when he was bucking
another man's game, just the proper time to pass it
up and quit. It was a matter of pure hunch with him.
On this occasion Joe Randolph, a heavy player from
Virginia, twitted Baker a bit for not pressing his luck—for
quitting when he seemed to be winning four bets
out of five.\par

"'All right, Randolph,' said Baker after he had cashed
in. 'I'll let you make five \$10 bets in my behalf on the
deal now running and I'll bet you an even \$2,000 that I
(or you) lose four out of the five; this, just to show you
that my intuition about the proper time to lay off is
good.'\par

"Randolph took that bet, which was a good one, with
more than an even chance in his favor, and he lost, for
every one of the five bets lost. Baker would quit when
he was loser just as suddenly as he would when he was
away ahead of the game. I saw him lose over \$3,000 in
a four-handed poker game with friends in one of the
parlors of the old St. Charles Hotel between the hours
of 6 and 9 o'clock one evening. He had practically an
unlimited amount of money at his disposal, considering
the size of the game—\$200 limit—but he yawned and
pushed his chair back with the simple statement that it
wasn't his night. The next night he lost \$2,000 more
to the same three friends, and again he resumed his seat.
On the following night he was \$4,000 loser after four
hours' play, but he gave no sign of quitting.\par

"'Isn't it pretty near time for you to stretch your arms
and forsake us again, Baker?' asked one of his friends
in the game, jokingly.\par

"'No,' said Baker, 'I'm going to stay along to-night.
I'll begin to win soon, and then you can all stand by.'\par

"He began to win on the very next deal and at 2
o'clock in the morning he had not only retrieved his losses
on the week's play, but he had all the money in the crowd.
Baker was possessed of a species of intuition that was
something extraordinary. I don't know what else to call
it but intuition. I never saw him take a daring chance
that he did not win out on it—chances that no professional
gambler would dream of taking, and diametrically
opposed to all of the rules of percentage in games of
hazard. One night he walked into 'Don' Haskell's
Madrid Club in St. Louis—this was in the fall of '59—and
stood and watched a few deals out of the box at the
\$500-limit faro table. Then he reached over and bought
five yellow—\$100—chips from the dealer. He put them
all on the ace and coppered the card. The ace lost, and
the dealer put five yellow chips on the top of the original
five on the ace, and waited for Baker to haul them down.
Baker absent-mindedly made no move, to take the chips
until the dealer reminded him of them.\par

"'Let them stand, with the ace coppered,' said Baker.\par

"'But it's \$500 limit, Mr. Baker,' said the dealer.\par

"'Let it stand, Jack,' said 'Don' Haskell, coming up
behind Jack and addressing the dealer. 'Let it stand
as long as Mr. Baker wants to make play with the ace coppered,
and we'll see if we can't commit assault and battery
on his "intuition."'\par

"Baker nodded good-naturedly to Haskell and then
waited for the turns on the ace. The ace was only half
a dozen cards below, and it lost. The dealer ranged ten
more yellows beside Baker's pile.\par

"'Let them stand, ace coppered,' said Baker, scanning
the cases for a few deals back carelessly.\par

"'Don' Haskell nodded in the affirmative to the dealer
and the other players at the table neglected to put any
bets down in their interest in Baker's peculiar play. There
was only one more ace left in the box and it came out a
loser. The dealer stacked up twenty more yellows beside
Baker's pile—\$4000—and he and the proprietor waited for
Baker to haul them down. Baker leaned back and lit a
cigar, leaving the \$4000 in yellows to stand.\par

"'I'll leave them there, with the ace coppered, if you're
willing, "Don,"' he said quietly to Haskell.\par

"'The longer the better,' said Haskell, and the dealer
began to slip them out. The first ace was way down in
the center of the box, and Haskell looked a bit chagrined
when it came out a loser.\par

"'Eight thousand, eh?' he said, looking over the stack
of yellows on the coppered ace. 'One more whirl at it,
Baker—that'll be about all I can stand to-night if you take
it down.'\par

"The ace came out on the losing side again—a thing
that no professional gambler would have bet on had he
been offered 5 to 1 on the proposition—and Baker cashed
in \$16,000. He would have let it run again had Haskell
been able to stand it, but the 'Don' had enough. Baker
stood by and watched the ace come out a loser twice again
and then he put \$500 on it to win. It won and he took
the boat for New Orleans with \$16,500 of Haskell's
money. Three months later, when Frank Caxton, Ned
Ripley and Monk Terhune, a well-known New Orleans
trio of tiger buckers, broke the Madrid Club's bank roll
wide open, to the tune of \$100,000, Baker was the man
who started Haskell in business again.\par

"When I was dealing heavy games myself I used often
to have a sudden feeling that it was time for some strong
bucker on the other side of the table to cash in and quit,
but of course it was no part of my business to make any
such suggestions. I was dealing a game once in Washington,
in the winter of '66, when the outcast son of a rich
tobacco man of Richmond came along and whacked my
box for \$12,000 in a single night's play at \$200 limit.
I knew the young fellow pretty well, and I knew that
since his father had run him out of Richmond he had
had more than his share of hard luck. In fact, he had
often been hungry, and I had often given him a \$5 or
\$10 bill, being pretty flush myself just then. He had
started in on my box with a shoestring—where he got it
I don't know—and, as I say, he got me to the tune of
\$12,000 before I turned the box on him for the night.
The man in whose interest I was dealing was very wealthy
and a generous man. He knew the young chap's father.
He came to me after the young man had left with his
winnings and said:\par

"'You'd better hunt up that boy and tell him that he'd
better not play any more. He's had his run of luck, and
he's got enough to give himself a start. I don't want the
money back. If he handles it right it'll do him more
good than it would me. Just try to pound a bit of sense
into the lads' head.'\par

"That was a pretty square talk to come from the throat
of a man whose bank had been raided. I hunted the
young fellow up that morning and told him about it. He
was full of hifalutin' talk about wanting to give the proprietor
of the bank a chance and all that sort of thing.\par

"'He can take care of himself,' said I to the boy. 'He
knows your father, and I dare say he's clipped your
father's bank roll for a good deal more than \$12,000 on
occasions when your dad has visited Washington and
gone against the bank. Better array yourself in purple
and fine linen, keep sober, and go back to the Governor
in Richmond with a high head and a proper countenance.
That'll be better than walking into Richmond in need of
a Russian bath.'\par

"The fever was on the boy, though, and he couldn't
keep his promise to me to stop. He came in that night,
and in half an hour's play he ran his \$12,000 up to
\$15,000. I kicked him under the table then, as a sort of
final warning. He paid no attention to me, though.
Then he began to lose, and in three hours he was flat
broke. He went out with a wild light in his eye, and the
next morning he was found dead in his little boarding-house
room, with a bullet in his brain.\par

"It may be true, in the ordinary sense, that Providence
hates a quitter, but that doesn't apply to gambling. The
knowledge of when to get cold feet, and the gentle art of
doing the same, are valuable assets for any man who tries
to buck another man's game."\par

\penalty-300%
\label{cato-was-just-bound-to-play-poker}%
\hypertarget{cato-was-just-bound-to-play-poker}{}%
\vspace*{50pt}\thispagestyle{empty}
{\noindent\interlinepenalty \@M\normalfont\Huge\bfseries%
CATO WAS JUST BOUND TO PLAY POKER.}

\unskip\vskip 40pt\nobreak

\vs{1}
\begin{verse}
{\vl {\noindent}

{\centering
{\itshape{And They Got Him the Whole Length of the Missouri, Until He Went Against Another Game and Won Out.}}
\endgraf}
\par}
\end{verse}

\vs{1}
{\noindent}
"A man hunting for poker trouble could get a-plenty
of it on the Big Muddy stern-wheelers around the latter
sixties and the early seventies," said Joe Reilly of Sioux
City. "There weren't many regular poker sharks working
the Missouri River boats in those days like there were
on the Mississippi steamers, but just the same the men
that traveled on those weather-boarded, lop-sided old
sand-bar wagons on the Big Muddy all knew how to play
poker some, I'm a-telling you. Cato Bullman found this
out when he went up against a whole lot of different men's
games on the old 'Gen. W. T. Sherman' in 1872.\par

"Bullman was pardners with Nate Stillwater in running
a big general store in Yankton, and both of 'em were
making a mint of money at the time I'm going to tell you
about. They'd ha' made more, I guess, if Stillwater
hadn't drank too much whisky and Bullman hadn't played
too much poker. Now, all in all, Stillwater handled his
whisky pretty well, and at such times as he found it was
getting a half-Nelson on him he'd leave it off for a spell
and attend to business, so that his end of the dissipation
of the firm of Stillwater \& Bullman wasn't half as bad
as Cato's. Cato loved to play poker so much that he'd
knock right off in the middle of selling a bill of goods
to a gang of freighters to go off somewheres and sit in a
game. Now, this wouldn't have been so bad, even if it
was darned poor business policy, if Cato ever won. But
he never did. He had no license ever to touch a pack
of cards. In the first place, he was a yap at cards,
and any American kid that knew how to play old maid
could have hopped out of the back of a prairie schooner
and beaten Cato out of his boots at the game for money,
marbles or chalk. In the second place, Cato was a natural
born hoodoo. If he was drawing to three aces, and
the other fellow was taking five cards, the other fellow'd
beat Cato out and have plenty to space. So that it was
just about up to Cato to holler murder and take to the
brush whenever anybody flashed a pack of the pasteboards
on him. But he didn't see it this way. He went right on
playing poker and getting soaked for his share of the
profits of the firm. Cato appeared to be just stone-blind
to the fact that the foxy people that didn't do much of
anything else around Yankton except to play cards were
in a fair way to fix themselves with meal tickets for life
at his expense, and as he was pretty near seven foot high
and built in proportion, none of us felt like trying to kick
any sense into his fool head.\par

"Anyhow, in the summer of '72 Bullman started down
the river on the old 'Gen. W. T. Sherman' for St. Louis
to buy goods. He had \$10,000 in greenbacks along with
him. Before he went aboard the boat Stillwater, who
wasn't much more'n five foot high, ranged himself alongside
Cato's big carcass, and says he:\par

"'Cato, this here v'yage you're about to embark on is
a business trip and nothin' else. It ain't no jamboree
and it ain't no poker picnic. There's some smooth people
gits aboard these here mud ploughs down below at the
landings, and in their hands you'd be nothin' but a great
big moon-eyed jayhawker, which you are. So throughout
this here journey you'd best git 'way up on top o' the
boat and sit on a pile o' planks just abaft the pilot-house
and smoke your pipe. You're not to play no poker at all,
you hear me? When you git stuck on a sand-bar you can
fish over the side for bullhead catfish, but you don't play
no poker. If, when you git back here, I hear that you've
been playing poker, I'll mangle you up a heap; now you
hear me a-talkin'.'\par

"Cato reached down, picked up his partner by the
scruff of the neck, and held him out at arm's length.\par

"'I ain't a-goin' to play no poker, old man,' says he
to Stillwater. 'Won't touch no cards at all till I git back.
Kind o' lost my knack at the cards lately, anyhow,' as if he
ever had any knack at 'em. 'And you want to let the red-eye
alone while I'm gone, too,' Cato finished, and then
set his little partner down. Then Cato went aboard the
boat. As I was going along down to St. Louis myself,
Stillwater calls me aside and says to me:\par

"'Jest keep an eye on that big galoot on the way down,
and if he gits restless and shows an inclination to get tangled
up with a poker deck, jest bat him over the head
with a capstan bar.'\par

"But I wasn't making any rash promises like that.
Well, Cato was all right the first day out, and he followed
his pardner's instructions and sat around on deck
smoking his corn-cob pipe and feeling his big wallet occasionally.
He kept as far away as possible from the little
deck-house where a game was started going before the
boat pushed out into the stream, but the rattle of the chips
was bound to reach his ears occasionally. On the second
day some stockmen got aboard that Cato knew, and Cato
took a few drinks with 'em. Then they invited Cato
into a little game. Cato looked at me kind o' guilty like,
and then shook himself together like a man does that
says to himself, 'It's nobody's danged business but my
own.' So he sits into the game with the stockmen. They
were only going down a few landings, and when they got
off they had \$2000 of Cato's money. I never in my life
before or since saw such hoodoo luck as Cato had in that
game with those stockmen. He didn't get a pair more'n
once in a hundred hands, and if he did get a pair and happened
to better it in the draw he'd give a hoot that 'ud
wake up the owls ashore and then bet like an Ogallala
Sioux with four aces and a dirk knife. It was just simply
painful to watch Cato in that game, and no mistake.
When the stockmen got off some of them actually looked
so sorry for Cato that I kind o' thought they'd offer to give
him his money back. But they didn't.\par

"'I'm kind o' out o' luck lately,' says Cato to me after
the stockmen had got off with his \$2000, 'and I b'lieve
I'll just draw in now and wait for a hunch. No good
buckin' agin' a streak o' bad luck, is there?'\par

"Well, I told him that if my 10-year-old boy down in
Sioux City wasn't able to play poker any better than he,
Cato, could before he put on long trousers and suspenders
I'd send him up to a lumber camp until he became of age.
But Cato didn't pay any attention to me, and when an
awkward, overworked-looking man, dressed like a farmer,
got aboard a couple of landings below he struck up an
acquaintance with him. This farmer-like looking man
had a pretty keen pair of eyes in his head, as I noticed,
and he had besides that yokelly way of finding out
about other people's business. So it didn't take him
long to dig it out of Cato that Cato was going down to
St. Louis to buy a stock of goods. The three of us were
sitting on the hind rail, whittling, when this farmer-like
looking man turns to Cato and asks him:\par

"'Ever play key-ards?'\par

"Cato looked at me again and hesitated.\par

"'Oh, wunct in a while,' says he, finally, and in a pair
of minutes they were in the middle of a poker game. The
stranger asked me to sit in, of course, but I could see
that he wasn't over-anxious to have me in the game, and
I never played poker on steamboats, stern-wheel or side-wheel,
anyhow.\par

"Cato's hoodoo luck followed him right along in his
game with the overworked-looking man, who seemed to
me to have considerable of a job covering up a natural
sort of deftness he had in handling a pack. The two
played for three or four hours, the stranger announcing
occasionally that he was going to get off at the next landing,
so's to screen himself from the inference that he was
getting cold feet, probably. He was about \$1000 ahead
of Cato's game when the boat was nearing his landing.\par

"'Hev to make it a jackpot naow,' said he, when the
old stern-wheeler began to wheeze and snort a little preparatory
to stopping at the landing.\par

"He dealt the jackpot hand himself and each man had
\$100 in the center of the table. It was to be sweetened
for \$100 each time the deal passed. But it didn't pass.
Cato opened the pot for \$100 and his Reuben-looking
opponent stayed. The betting swayed back and forth
until each man had \$1000 up, and then the farmer-like
looking man called Cato. Cato had three eights. The
other man had three tens. The other man stuffed the
bills from the center of the table into his overalls, shook
Cato quite effusively by the hand, and went ashore.\par

"'Got enough?' says I to Cato when the old sandbar-bucker
was once again under way.\par

"'Say,' says he to me, 'ye can't never jedge a man by
his looks, can ye? That man knows a hull heap more'n
you'd think, don't he?'\par

"'Got enough, Cato?' I repeats, for I wanted to pin
him to the question in hand.\par

"'Well, I shorely am out o' luck, and no mistake,'
was as far as he would commit himself.\par

"The next day a man who looked like members of
Congress out my way used to look got aboard. He was
dress in a long black broadcloth coat and wore a big
black slouch hat, and he carried himself like a man that
amounted to a good deal. He was amiable in his manners,
though, and he hadn't been aboard more'n half an
hour before he happened to fall into talk with Cato. Cato
was a little sore about the loss of his \$4,000, but this
legislator-like looking man was so entertaining and
sprung so a lot of good stories over the jug of good stuff
which Cato brought out of his stateroom that Cato appeared
to forget his troubles for the time.\par

"'Monotonous work, this steamboat traveling, isn't
it?' says the statesmanlike-looking man to Cato after a
while. 'I've only four hours traveling to do, and yet
I've been dreading it for a week. What do you say to
a little game of dime-ante. You play, of course?'\par

"Cato scratched his chin.\par

"'Durned if b'lieve I can any more," said he ruefully,
and then, like the innocent big dogan that he was, he
tells his new friend how he has already lost \$4,000 on
the trip down, and that he feels like hanging on to his
remaining \$6,000.\par

"'Oh, but only a little dime-ante game, you know,'
says the man who looked like a member of Congress, and
his eyes opened up a bit, I noticed, at the mention of the
\$6,000.\par

"'O. K.,' says Cato. 'Jest to pass the time,' and down
they sat. I was asked in, but I told the statesmanlike-looking
man that I had left my specs up in Yankton and
therefore couldn't see the hands well enough to play.
Well, the dime-ante and the dollar limit that they started
in at lasted just until Cato got a whopping big hand,
which happened to be given to him by the man that looked
like an M. C.\par

"'Say,' says Cato then, looking a heap excited, 's'posin'
we jest take the limit off'n this here game, anyhow, fur
a little while?'\par

"'Why, certainly,' says his opponent genially, and
Cato walks right in and wins \$500 clean on that hand of
his. He gives me a look out o' the tail of his eye that
says, 'Well, what do you think of me now,' and the game
goes on.\par

"Well, the M. C.-looking man begins to win quite a
good deal then, and he, like the farmer-looking man,
brought the game to a jackpot finish as the boat approached
his getting-off place.\par

"'Fur how much?' inquired Cato, who was about
\$1,000 out already.\par

"'Oh, about \$50 and \$50 sweeteners,' said the man
across the table.\par

"'No, we won't, either,' says Cato. 'We'll each put
in \$1,000, an' no sweeteners. That's jest as good fur
you as 'tis fur me.'\par

"'Exactly,' says the distinguished looking man playing
with him, and Cato dealt the hands. Neither man
had openers. Then the other man dealt 'em. Cato opened
it on jacks up on treys, and caught another jack in
the draw. The boat snorted and wheezed preparatory to
being made fast. Cato bet a flat \$1,000 on his jack full,
and the M. C.-looking man, looking kind o' impatient to
get ashore, win or lose, calls him. Cato lays down his
jack full with a grin at me—and says his friends across
the table:\par

"'You do indeed, my friend, appear to labor under a
blanket of ill-fortune,' and he spreads out his four nines
and gathers in the pot. Then he hurries ashore, after
shaking the crestfallen Cato warmly by the hand.\par

"'Got \$3,000 left now, haven't you, Cato?' says I
then, for it began to look to me as if word had been
passed down the whole length of the Missouri River that
Cato Bullman was traveling on one of its steamboats with
money. 'Better let me keep that \$3,000 for you.'\par

"'No, I'm durned if I do,' says Cato. 'Might as well
lose it all now, devil take it,' and he gnawed on his fingernails,
thinking about what kind of a story he'd put up to
his partner, I guess, when he got back to Yankton broke.\par

"Well, Cato did lose it all, or close on to all of it. He
foregathered with a man that got aboard at Omaha, and
said he was a civil engineer for the Union Pacific Railroad.
The civil engineer got \$1,800 of Cato's greenbacks,
and then got off. Twenty miles below Omaha, at
a little handing, a gappy looking hog raiser that Cato had
met before climbed over the rail, and Cato thought he
saw a chance to recoup his drooping fortunes. The hog
raiser relieved Cato of \$1,000, and had an important engagement
to look at some fancy hogs at the next stop.
This left Cato with \$200.\par

"'Convinced that you're a damphool yet, Cato?'
says I.\par

"'Dang'd if I don't begin b'lieve I am,' he owns up.\par

"'How about those goods you were going to buy in
St. Louis?' I asked him.\par

"'I dunno,' he said, mournful like.\par

"Well, when we got to Leavenworth, Kan., the wheezy
old Sherman tied up for twenty-four hours for repairs to
the machinery. Cato was pretty gloomy. We went
ashore and put up at the old Planters' House. On the
night we struck Leavenworth I walked Cato around to
sort o' relieve his mind. We were strolling down Shawnee
street when we both saw a pretty much lighted up
place into which a lot of well-gotten up men were going.
When we came up to the place we heard the rattle of the
chips and click of the marble and the choppy talk of the
keno men, and then we saw that it was Col. Jennison's
famous Bon Ton gambling joint, running wide open and
full blast. Cato made for the door. I grabbed him by
the sleeve.\par

"'Come out o' that,' says I. 'You've only got \$200,
which won't more'n get you back to Yankton. Haven't
you been enough of an idiot already?'\par

"'I got a hunch,' says Cato, releasing himself from
me and starting again for the door.\par

"'Hunch!' says I, but he was already inside.\par

"Well, Cato goes up to the faro table where the big
men of the town seem to be playing bank, and says I to
myself, 'Joe, you'll have to dig up to send this crazy
man back to his pardner in Yankton.'\par

"Cato bought \$200 worth of chips, tapping himself,
and began. Gentlemen, he couldn't lose. He scattered
his chips over every card on the table, and he couldn't
lose. He won eight bets out of ten. He let his money
lie on cards four times over, and won every time. He
didn't use a copper, but played every card wide open.
There didn't seem to be a split in the box for Cato. In
less than twenty minutes he had won over \$3,000. There
was a \$500 limit on the game. Cato asked to have it
removed. When the limit was taken off, Cato made
three \$1,000 bets running, and won every one of them.
Then he came off his perch and got down to \$200 bets
again, playing 'em like a veteran, and just simply unable
to lose, gentlemen. The rest of the men at the table
quit playing just to watch Cato. Once in a while Cato'd
play the high card, just to see if his luck was holding.
The high card came out every time he did it. They
switched the dealer three times. They switched the lookout
half a dozen times. They tried different boxes.
They changed tables. They did everything. But, gentlemen,
Cato Bullman was playing faro, and he couldn't
lose. I was proud of the big duffer. In an hour he was
\$18,000 ahead of Col. Jennison's bank. They sent across
the way to get Col. Jennison who was playing a quiet
little game of poker in the Star of the West saloon. Col.
Jennison came over to the Bon Ton and sat down to handle
the box for Cato himself. Cato soaked Col. Jennison
every bit as hard as he had soaked all of Col. Jennison's
dealers. Col. Jennison was game, but, when at
the end of three hours, Cato was still going right ahead
winning like a cyclone, he turned the box over with this
little remark:\par

"'Gentlemen, the game is closed for the night.'\par

"When Cato cashed in he had just \$35,200. I took him
by the arm and walked him down to the hotel and got him
into his room. Cato went to the basin to wash his hands.
When he turned around to me again he looked into the
barrels of both my guns.\par

"'Cato,' says I, 'I'm sorry, but I'll just trouble you to
hand over every cent of that \$35,200 you've got, right
away now, darned quick, or I'll blow the whole top of
your head off.'\par

"Cato didn't demur a little bit. He plunked the
money down—most of it was in \$1,000 and \$500 bills—on
the table.\par

"'I don't suppose I've got enough sense to pack it
around, fur a fac',' said he.\par

"When we got to St. Louis I handed Cato \$10,000 to
buy his goods with, and expressed the \$23,200 to his address
in Yankton.\par

"'Well,' said his little pardner, Stillwater, when Cato
got back to Yankton, 's'long as you won, you big clod-hopper,
I don't s'pose I need to mangle you up none.
But if you had lost!'"\par

\penalty-300%
\label{finish-of-an-educated-red-man}%
\hypertarget{finish-of-an-educated-red-man}{}%
\vspace*{50pt}\thispagestyle{empty}
{\noindent\interlinepenalty \@M\normalfont\Huge\bfseries%
FINISH OF AN EDUCATED RED MAN.}

\unskip\vskip 40pt\nobreak

\vs{1}
\begin{verse}
{\vl {\noindent}

{\centering
{\itshape{He Was Too Handy with the Pasteboards, Wherefore He Arrived Prematurely in the "Happy Hunting Grounds."}}
\endgraf}
\par}
\end{verse}

\vs{1}
{\noindent}
"It happens more or less frequently," said a traveling
Inspector of Indian Agencies, "that an educated buck
Indian degenerates in the long run into a bad proposition.
I'm thinking particularly of an educated Oregon Indian,
about a three-quarter blood, who got the big-head so bad
after he had been polished off mentally back this way
that he never mixed up with his people when he returned
from the East. He was a Umatilla. He was
first sent to Carlisle, and when he had finished there he
was passed on to Johns Hopkins, in Baltimore, to take
the law course there. It was in view that he was to become
the attorney for his tribe upon the conclusion of his
Blackstone-thumbing. He squeezed through the law at
Johns Hopkins, and then he was told of the nice fat thing
that awaited him out among his own people. He turned
the proposition down cold. He said flatly that he had no
intention whatever of mixing up with his own bunch at all
any more. He likewise remarked that he knew his gait,
and that he intended to follow it.\par

"A couple of months after he quit Baltimore he turned
up at The Dalles in Western Oregon and settled down
to the career of a short poker player. Where he had
picked up the game it would be hard to say; but he certainly
was a daisy at it. There wasn't a kink in the game
that he didn't have the hang of. Now, The Dalles isn't
any bad man's camp; it is a very beautiful health resort
in the Cascade Mountains, on the south bank of the Columbia
River; there wasn't a hard character in the place
until this educated buck established his headquarters
there; and it suited his game to a T. He made it his
business to nail young tourists who didn't have any more
sense than to sit into a poker game with a stranger, much
less an Indian, and an educated Indian at that; and he
just stripped them in sets of fours for several years. He
was a splendid-looking buck and he dressed as men dress
who've got the money to tog themselves out right back
this way. When he was engaged in the act of getting
a new victim he knew how to throw much cordiality and
some grace into his manners; but ordinarily he was a
sulky, morose, bad Indian. 'Way down in the deeps
of him he was a rank coward, for he never tried to twist
his tentacles about a man who he thought would make a
stand, much less a scrap, upon discovering that he was
being done; he always picked out palpable lily-livers who
looked, to his shrewd eye, as if they would stand for anything
rather than mix it up with him.\par

"It did not take the square people of The Dalles long
to get next to the fact that this educated Indian, who had
coolly taken up his abode among them, was a cheat and a
swindler, and that his sole occupation consisted in fleecing
pulp-headed young tourists. They talked a great deal
of giving him the razzle-dazzle and chasing him out, but
somehow or other this suggestion never came to a head.
The men at The Dalles who had the interest of the place
at heart would point the swellerino buck out to young
strangers who looked as if they might be likely victims
of the Indian short-card fleecer, and tell the young goslings
just where and how the buck stood. It may sound
incredible, but even after being warned in this fashion
a whole lot of the young addlepates fell into the buck's
mesh and got themselves done to a proper turn by him.
They were able to take care of themselves, they would
reply chestily to their warners, and, just to prove it,
they'd take a hack at the Indian's game. When they got
through they'd be smoking punk tobacco in pipes while
the Indian would be blowing the smoke of perfectos in
their faces, and they'd stand for their craggy end of it
without a whistle. The buck was 6 feet 3 inches high
and weighed 235 pounds, and he looked like a macerator
from the high ridges. So he was never called by any of
his Dalles victims, even when they knew the details of
how they'd been plucked. One poor little devil of a rich
man's son from Omaha whimpered one night when the
Indian had removed about \$800 from him by dealing from
both ends and the middle of the deck, and he said to the
buck piteously:\par

"'I just hope you've played fair, that's all.'\par

"The Indian reached over and struck the pollywog
with all of his force on both sides of the face with his two
open palms, leaving the blood-red welt marks of his fingers
on the lamb's fair cheeks. The whining victim
drilled for his life up the hotel stairs to his room, and the
Indian looked after him sardonically. There wasn't a
man about that didn't know that the Indian had scandalously
cheated the lad, but not a one of them said a word.
There was a keen-eyed, big-framed, prematurely gray-haired
man, a stranger, standing at the hotel desk reading
a just-arrived letter, when the thing happened. His face
flushed angrily when he saw the burly Indian slap the
undersized fool of a boy, and he turned to the hotel clerk
and remarked:\par

"'Is this the real thing here? Does the gang stand
for that kind of work on the part of a mud-hided raw-meater?'
There was plenty of contempt in the way the
stranger spoke.\par

"The clerk shrugged his shoulders. 'We can't undertake
to cut in on any of the plays of our guests,' he replied.
'We just board and lodge 'em, that's all. If
they're jays enough to mix up with grafters, it's their
game, and we're not asking for any rake-off, one way or
the other.'\par

"The stranger muttered something about a chicken-livered
population, and strolled out. He took his train an
hour or so later.\par

"At certain seasons of the year, when there wasn't
must doing in his line at The Dalles, owing to periodical
scarcities of pluckable tourists, the Indian would hit up
Baker City, Pendleton, and other Oregon towns in search
of good things, and a couple of times a year he included
Olympia and Walla Walla in his itinerary. He sung
somewhat smaller in those places than he did at The
Dalles, but by keeping his eye skinned for men liable to
call the turn on him and working quietly he generally
succeeded in pulling apart at least one jelly-fish in each
of the towns he took in on these off-season tours.\par

"About three months after he had left the marks of
his fingers on the lamb's face at The Dalles—this was in
the fall of '92—he turned up one day at Walla Walla.
He strolled around the hotel corridors with an eye to
business, and along toward night he met with a young
fellow named Hellen, whose father, a wealthy Chicago
man, had recently foreclosed a mortgage on a big ranch
about sixty miles from Walla Walla. The son, a rather
raw young chap, had come out to look the ranch over,
and the Indian got next to him as soon as he struck the
town. The buck was an expert billiard player, and he
suggested a game of pin billiards to the young Hellen
chap. He played off on the youth, and soon got him to
betting on shots. After losing about a dozen \$5 bets
on shots, the Indian socked it to the young man from
Chicago by betting \$300 that he could execute a certain
difficult shot. It looked like board and lodging to the
young man that the Indian's \$300 would spin into his
clothes, so he put up \$300. The Indian made the shot
with consummate ease and took down the pot.\par

"'Fluke!' said young Hellen. 'I'll go you another
\$300.'\par

"The buck got this bunch, too, without half trying. It
would naturally be thought that the tenderfoot would
have smelt a rat by this time. But he didn't. He had
plenty of money, and probably he considered it piquant to
lose his coin to a swagger-looking, educated Indian. Anyhow,
the two were playing poker in the card-room of
Walla Walla's stag hotel half an hour later.\par

"There were plenty of men in that card-room who
knew that the Indian was a short-carder, but men out
that way aren't garrulous, and they pay a heap of attention
to the job of minding their own business. The
youth from Chicago was the merest mutt in the hands
of the Indian, and he lost from the jump. He would
stand pat on a full house, and the buck, drawing three
cards, would still beat him after sky-scraping betting.
A number of onlookers at the game may have seen the
little side-plays of the Indian, but they only grinned at
each other over the hopeless imbecility of the young man
from Chicago.\par

"Finally the Indian, perhaps losing some of his dexterity
from the drinks he was steadily absorbing, over-stepped
himself. He filled two pairs from the discard
and he did it clumsily. The young man with whom he
was playing saw the move.\par

"'I say, there,' said he, 'what are you doing there,
you know?' pointing to the discard. 'Didn't you—er—didn't
you make a mistake and take a card out of that
pile?'\par

"The Indian, who was about \$1,600 to the good, had
cold feet, anyhow, and so he threw his hand face downward
on the table and glared at the Chicago boy. The
Chicago boy quailed.\par

"'Er—well, maybe I made the mistake myself'—he
started to say, when a big voice cut in with:\par

"'No, you didn't son. You didn't make any mistake
at all. You're up against the real thing in the way of
a mud-skinned short-riffler, that's all.'\par

"A keen-eyed, big-framed, prematurely gray-haired
man was the speaker. As he spoke he reached down
from behind the Indian's chair and got two huge hands
around the buck's neck. The onlookers formed a clearing.
The Chicago youth got himself on the outskirts of
the bunch.\par

"'About three months ago,' said the keen-eyed man,
dragging the huge, half-choked Indian to his feet, 'I saw
you at The Dalles leave the prints of your dirty fingers
on the face of a little whiffet you had just fleeced. I
hankered then to confer a few personally conducted slaps
of my own make and manufacture on your coppery jowls,
but for some reason or other I passed the hanker up on
that occasion. Well, the slaps are coming to you now.
It's better late than never, and I'm going to slap you into
jerked beef just for luck.'\par

"The buck was finally up against the real thing, and
he knew it. I'll bet that his face was whiter than mine
is now when the big-framed man, who had the devil of
anger lurking in his eyes, suddenly loosed his right hand
from around the Indian's neck, and, still clutching him
by the left, swept the loose arm back for the momentum
and brought his heavy palm smack against the buck's left
cheek with a noise that sounded like the explosion of a
charge of blasting powder. The slap rattled the Indian's
teeth and made his big head joggle from side to side like
the head of an automaton. Clutching the Indian's throat
again then with his right hand, the big-framed man repeated
the slapping performance on the Indian's right
cheek with his left hand, and left a welt there that might
have been made by a cat-o'-nine tails. The buck was too
dazed, in the first place, by the suddenness of it all, to
make a move: in the second place, he was too cowardly.
The big-framed man—he was an expert mining engineer
from Nevada, and his name was Varus Pryor—slapped
the Indian's face, first with his right and then with his
left, for three minutes, with all his might, and then, getting
behind the buck, proceeded to slap him into the
street. With first one hand and then the other clutching
the collar of the Indian's coat, he slapped him out to the
front door of the hotel. Then he gave the buck the knee
in the small of the back, and hoisted him across the pavement
to the middle of the street, where the Indian spun
around and fell for a moment.\par

"'I don't care what the Indian Bureau says about it,'
said the keen-eyed man, standing in the doorway of the
hotel. 'God Almighty never intended that white men
should stand for such alligators as that copper-mugged
swindler, and'——\par

"'Stand clear, pard, he's going to plug you!' shouted
a man from a second-story window of the hotel.\par

"The Indian, pretending to be hurt, and only half
risen to his feet in the obscurity of the middle of the
street, had got his gun out, and the yell from the second
story reached Pryor just in time. As it was, the buck
planted a ball in the front door of the hotel, only two
inches above the big-framed man's head. By that time
Pryor's gun was working, and he drilled six holes forty-eight
hundredths of an inch in diameter plumb through
the swindling Umatilla's chest. Forty-five minutes later
he was acquitted by a coroner's jury on the grounds of
self-defense and justifiable homicide—a two-in-one verdict.\par

"This," concluded the traveling Inspector of Indian
Agencies, "was the finish of just one mentally-burnished
buck Indian, and I know of several others."\par

\penalty-300%
\label{the-uncertain-game-of-stud-poker}%
\hypertarget{the-uncertain-game-of-stud-poker}{}%
\vspace*{50pt}\thispagestyle{empty}
{\noindent\interlinepenalty \@M\normalfont\Huge\bfseries%
THE UNCERTAIN GAME OF STUD POKER.}

\unskip\vskip 40pt\nobreak

\vs{1}
\begin{verse}
{\vl {\noindent}

{\centering
{\itshape{Story of a Séance at Stud Between Two Oregon Contractors and the Close Finish Thereof.}}
\endgraf}
\par}
\end{verse}

\vs{1}
{\noindent}
"Somehow or another, I don't like the game of stud,"
said a Government contractor from Portland, Ore. "It's
too much of a strain to play stud. There are too many
heart-breaking and headache-producing possibilities attached
to the mysterious card the other fellow has got
in the hole. I'd rather take the chance of guessing what
all of his five cards are than to engage in the perspiring
business of trying to figure out the horrible possible value
of the one blind card, especially if the four cards he
has exposed are capable of being amplified into a hand of
the topper kind by the addition of that bit of pasteboard
in the pit. I can't get away from the impression that it's
like putting all of your money in one bet to play stud.
Now, there's a good deal to the game of draw besides
mere bluffing. In fact, bluffing is almost an obsolete feature
of the game among the experts at draw poker. The
man that plays his hand in draw will beat the bluffer every
time in year-in-and-year-out play.\par

"The folks out my way had the stud-poker fad pretty
badly about eight or ten years ago, but now they've
got back to their first love and stick pretty generally to
the game of California draw—which, by the way, is a
whole lot different game from the draw you people back
here play. For example, a man sprung a thing on me
last night that he called a pat straight. I had three aces,
but he said his pat straight topped me, and as he had his
gang with him, I had to look pleasant and let him rake
in the money. If a man out on the Slope were to talk
pat straight to a party of aborigines, they'd conduct him
to the Alcalde's calaboose and have him locked up to
await a commission's decision as to his responsibility.\par

"But to get back to the period when the stud-poker
fad got hold of us out in Oregon. I was a witness of a
heart-disease finish of a game of that kind a few years
back that caused me to decide that ordinary draw was
good enough for my money right along. It was right
after the big fire that ate up the best part of The Dalles
eight years ago. As soon as the building contractors of
Portland got word to the effect that The Dalles was being
licked up by the flames, they hopped aboard trains and
made for The Dalles with an eye to business. They knew
that The Dalles, which was chiefly a wooden layout before
the fire, would be immediately rebuilt in brick and
stone, and that the contractors who got on the scene of
ruin first would scoop in the bulk of the business. Two
of these contractors were—well, I'll have to side-step on
their names, for they're two of the most prominent citizens
out on the banks of the Willamette, and both of
'em walk up the middle aisle on Sunday as if they never
heard of such a thing as stud poker. Both of them are
Irishmen, which is why neither of 'em could see that he
was licked on this occasion.\par

"One of them, we'll say, was Dan Carmody, and the
other was Tim Feeney. Carmody got into The Dalles
a few hours ahead of Feeney, and he made those few
hours count. He went around to the business men of
The Dalles who had been wiped out by the fire and asked
them what they wanted with him. They hadn't burned
the wires up telegraphing for Carmody to come to them,
but Carmody about convinced them that they had done
just this thing, and he began making estimates for 'em
with pencil and pad. He corralled them in the one remaining
hall of the town and told them to go ahead and
just let him know what they wanted of him. Carmody's
cyclonic nerve appealed to their fancy, and they found
themselves juggling with the figures Carmody was putting
down on his pad. Three hours after Carmody struck
The Dalles from Portland he had in his inside coat pocket
rough drafts of contracts to build a new stone business
block, including a theater, and also to erect a large, ornate
hotel, the cost of both buildings to be not more than \$350,000.
Oh, Carmody was a hustler all right.\par

"He had an idea that his friend and business rival,
Tom Feeney, would be down on the next train from Portland,
and he went to the station to receive him. Sure
enough, Feeney stepped off the next incoming train. Carmody
had his thumbs in the armholes of his waistcoat
and a big cigar stuck aggravatingly in his teeth when
Feeney ran into him. Feeney's jaw fell.\par

"'When did you get in, Dan?' he asked Carmody.\par

"'Three hours ago,' replied Dan, with a grin.\par

"Feeney made a funny motion, as if to jump aboard a
train that was just pulling out for Portland, but he came
back to his cheerful rival and asked him:\par

"'Anything doing, Dan?'\par

"Carmody executed two very shifty jig steps in token
of his happiness, and then reassumed his dignity.\par

"'Well, I'll tell you how it is, Tim,' he said. 'These
people here are pretty badly chewed up, y' see. Now,
maybe they'll be wanting to rebuild a few chicken coops
and outhouses—I don't know but what they will. Now,
there's a chance for you, Tim.'\par

"Feeney didn't look very merry over this. Says he:
'Chicken coops, is it? And who's going to throw up the
new business building and the opera house, and the hotel,
and the like?'\par

"Carmody was laying for that question. He drew the
two rough contracts out of his pocket.\par

"' Looks as if I'm It over here, don't it, Tim?' he asked
Feeney, as the latter read over the two contracts with a
gloomy countenance. 'Nice work, hey? That's what you
get for monkeying around in bed all the morning, Tim.
Why don't you be like me, now? I never go to bed,' etc.
Carmody couldn't refrain from working that nice edge
of his, and strung the dismal-faced Feeney for keeps.
Feeney finally walked away, the picture of dejection, to
see if there were any crumbs to be picked up in the way
of rebuilding. He found, however, that all of the business
men that had not already been got by Carmody were disposed
to wait awhile for the disposition of insurance, and
he didn't get a smell of the rebuilding. He walked around
the still-smoking Dalles for the remainder of the day,
figuring on how much Carmody was going to make out of
his two big contracts. Carmody himself started in to open
wine by way of celebration, so that by the time the night
boat for Portland was ready to leave her slip he was pretty
comfortable. Both he and Feeney took the night boat and I
happened to be going down to Portland on the boat myself
that night. Feeney had taken the bowl himself a bit
during the day to assuage his depression over his lack of
success, and he was pretty mellow when the boat pulled
out. Carmody, with about a dozen quarts under his belt,
dug Feeney up as soon as he got aboard, and the two
walked up and down the main deck, arm in arm, Carmody
keeping up his merciless stringing of his friend.
Then Carmody heard the clatter of the chips in a \$10
limit game of stud that had already started in the card-room,
and suggested a two-handed game of stud to
Feeney, with some accommodating non-player to deal
the cards. Feeney was agreeable, and Carmody, seeing
that I wasn't mixing up with the game in the card-room,
asked me if I wouldn't dish 'em out for an hour or so of
stud between himself and Feeney. It was to be \$100
limit and \$10 ante. The two men didn't get up to the
\$100 limit at all until after they had played for half an
hour, and Carmody was \$600 or \$700 winner. Then
Feeney found himself with kings up on tens in front of
him and a card that he either liked or elected to bluff
on in the hole, while Carmody had three aces face up and
a card in the hole that he appeared to think a heap of,
judging from the way he bet.\par

"'These kings of mine,' said Feeney, with the transparent
air of a man making a win-out bluff, 'may not
look very pretty alongside those three bullets of yours,
Carmody, but they suit me, at that. You can have a peep
at the blind for \$100.'\par

"'I wouldn't think of paying so little money for the
privilege of gazing at such a good card as you think you've
got, Tim,' said Carmody. 'Now, having already got you
beat on the show-up, I guess I can afford to charge you
another \$100 for a glimpse of the other one-spot that I've
got in the pit.'\par

"This kind of talk went on for ten minutes, the two
men raising each other back at \$100 a clip until there was
\$3800 in the pot. Feeney talked and acted like a bluffer
all the time, but nevertheless Carmody began to suspect
that, after all, Tim might have something in the hole
to beat him. So when Carmody called Feeney's last
\$100 raise the latter knew that his friend with the contracts
in his pocket didn't have any four aces, and he just
scooped in the pot before he showed up what he had in
the hole. It was the third king, completing a nice full
hand, that Feeney had in the hole, and the money was his.
Carmody turned up a deuce, that he had tried to make
the bluff was another ace, and looked properly crestfallen.\par

"'For a Mulligan that knows so little about business as
you, Tim,' said Carmody, 'you've got a mighty crafty way
about you of making it appear that you're bluffing. We'll
try it again, and from now on I'll know that when you
look and talk like you're bluffing you've got the hand.'\par

"Both men had been ringing up the steward's boy a
good deal, during the progress of the game, and they
were not, therefore, any more sober than was necessary.
On the very next hand Feeney took a big hunk out of his
rival. He had three deuces face up and Carmody had
three jacks on top. Feeney began to bet \$100 with so
much natty confidence that Carmody decided that his
compatriot was adopting new tactics in bluffing, and, quite
naturally, with his three nice-looking jacks plainly in
sight, he not only stood every raise but raised back the
limit every time.\par

"'I figure it this way,' said Carmody, abstractedly to
himself, when there was nigh onto \$4000 in chips in the
center of the baize. 'This Harp from Connemara across
the table can't turn two of these tricks one right after
the other. The percentage of the game is against such
a thing as that. And he's just perky and sassy because
he thinks I'm on to his first exhibited system of bluffing.
Tim, another \$100, if you want to feast your Mulligan
blue eyes on this other knave of mine in the hole.'\par

"'And \$100,' said Feeney, with all the confidence in
life.\par

"Thus they went on for fully fifteen minutes, until the
proportions of the pot were really alarming, considering
that neither of the men was a millionaire or anything like
it. There was \$7200 in the middle of the table when
Carmody wilted. He attempted to put his wilt on philanthropic
grounds.\par

"'With a drink or two in you, Tim,' he said, 'you're an
incautious and unwise citizen for a man humping along
toward 60 years of age'—Feeney wasn't more than 48,
and didn't look that. 'And Mrs. Feeney's been telling
my wife for the past twelve years that she's aching to
have a look at the old sod, but that her man Tim considers
himself too poor for the journey. So I won't be
the means of casting gloom around your household, Tim.
I see your \$100, and what's the color of that cheap ten or
eight spot you've got in the hole?'\par

"Feeney turned over his fourth deuce and hauled down
the money. That sort o' took Carmody's nerve and he
had to have several big drinks of the hard stuff to set
him right again. While he was drinking Feeney took up
the end of the stringing that Carmody had abandoned.\par

"'How much do you figure you'll pull down from those
two contracts, Dan?' he asked his rival in business.\par

"'About \$75,000,' answered Carmody quickly, 'which
is just about \$75,000 more than The Dalles fire has been
worth to you, eh, Tim?'\par

"'What's the use of depleting the capital that you've
already got in bank?' asked Feeney, with a twinkle in
his eye. 'Just play me stud for those contracts. I'll
say they're worth \$60,000, and I'm good for that if I'm
good for a cent.'\par

"Carmody studied for a moment. He was already out
\$11,000 in this poker game, and he wanted that money
back. The idea of playing his contracts against Feeney's
hard cash rather appealed to his imagination, which was
not less active on account of the huge quantity of stuff
he had been drinking.\par

"'Well, I'll tell you what I'll do to give you a start in
life, Tim,' said Carmody finally. 'You've got my checks
for \$11,000. Supposing you call those two contracts worth
\$70,000, return me those checks for \$11,000, and say that
the two contracts I've got in my pocket are worth \$59,000
as they stand. Then I'll give you a chance to take as
big a fall out of the contracts as you think you can.'\par

"That idea suited Feeney to a T, and I stood by to
begin dealing again. The two contracts were pushed
into the center of the table by Carmody, and it was an
additional part of my business, besides dealing, to make
note of the changing value of the contracts as the game
progressed.\par

"Well, the game continued to go Feeney's way, and
Carmody just looked at his contracts as Feeney began
to edge them nearer and nearer to his end of the table.
Carmody, while he figured that the contracts were so
much velvet, didn't look happy when Feeney picked \$12,000
more out of them, leaving their value to Dan only
an approximate \$47,000, but he played on in the hope of
better luck. Finally a queer hand came around. Carmody
caught two queens, an eight and a seven. So did
Feeney. This thing made Carmody mad.\par

"'Of all the niggering out I ever saw,' he exclaimed,
'this is the worst. But it's about time I had the best of
it when it comes to pure bull-head luck.'\par

"So he bet the limit that he had a better card in the
hole than Feeney. Feeney came back at him every clip,
and when I interposed a remonstrance over the heftiness
of the game, expressing the opinion that both of them
would probably be sorry they had gone into the thing
so heavily when the gray dawn came around, they said
they knew they'd be sorry, and went right ahead.\par

"'This is surely the hottest case of a stand-off in a
deal in stud that I've seen yet,' said Feeney, 'and I
shouldn't be surprised if we had to split the pot when the
show-down comes. But I'm as good as you, Carmody,
on the four that show, and I'm with you all night if you're
going to keep it up that long.'\par

"When my tab of the shifting value of the contracts
showed that Carmody's interest therein was only an even
\$30,000, Carmody looked up at the ceiling of the card-room
and reflected.\par

"'Here,' he said, 'is where I get my contracts back
and break even, or where I have to go into partnership
with a slow-witted Irishman on those buildings at The
Dalles. Feeney, I call you.'\par

"Feeney turned over a six spot. Carmody's card in
the hole was a five. Feeney was the possessor of a half
interest in Carmody's fine contracts at The Dalles, and
that's how it happened that these two builders, who had
always gone it singly and alone, built up The Dalles in
partnership. They got along so well together at The Dalles
work that three years later they went into a general contracting
partnership and they've been getting rich ever
since. But it was their stud game on The Dalles boat
that induced me to conclude that old-fashioned draw
was good enough for me."\par

\penalty-300%
\label{this-man-won-too-often}%
\hypertarget{this-man-won-too-often}{}%
\vspace*{50pt}\thispagestyle{empty}
{\noindent\interlinepenalty \@M\normalfont\Huge\bfseries%
THIS MAN WON TOO OFTEN.}

\unskip\vskip 40pt\nobreak

\vs{1}
\begin{verse}
{\vl {\noindent}

{\centering
{\itshape{With the Result That His Clothes Finally Went into a Pot, and Fortune Scowled upon Him.}}
\endgraf}
\par}
\end{verse}

\vs{1}
{\noindent}
"When a man arrives at that pitch where he'll bet the
clothes off his back over a jackpot, it's about up to him
to let the game of draw alone, in my opinion," said a
traveling special agent of the Treasury Department.
"I'm talking about a game of draw that happened last
fall down in the Territory, on the south bank of the
Canadian River, in the Chickasaw country, between four
St. Louis men. They were on their annual hunting trip
down there. They were well-known business men of old
St. Loo, pals of a half a lifetime, and they had been after
bear, deer, feathered game, or any old thing shootable
down in the Territory every year together for more than
a decade. They always played poker on these outings,
too, and the bank president always got all the money.
The other three couldn't do anything whatever with the
bank president's brand of poker. They'd been digging
at him on these excursions for ten years, trying every
conceivable scheme to get his money, and even playing
in combination against him, but when it came time to
strike camp he always had all the money in the crowd,
owned all the camp fixtures, and served out smoking
tobacco to his three chums in a lordly way only when
he felt generous. It made 'em hot, but they had to accept
his alms if they wanted to smoke.\par

"The three of 'em determined when the party set out
from St. Louis in their special car last autumn that the
bank president wasn't going to come back from the hunting
trip with all the money, even if they had to leave his
bones to bleach on the banks of the Canadian. They declared
together that the bank president's sassiness for
the remainder of the year after eating them up at poker
down in the Territory was something unbearable, and
they didn't intend to stand for it any more.\par

"They played a little poker in their car on the trip
down from St. Louis, and this gave one of the three conspirators
a chance to get hold of the bank president's two
decks of cards. The conspirators carefully marked these
two decks of cards—marked 'em both just the same way—and
then, during the temporary absence of the bank
president in another part of the car, he elaborately explained
to his two companions in infamy how he had
done it, the three going over the bank president's two
decks in detail, so as to master the markings. Then the
two decks were returned furtively to the bank president's
grip, and the rest of the playing on the trip down was
done with ordinary packs. They never played big on
these journeys, anyhow, but reserved their stiff games for
the bad-weather days in camp.\par

"When they got to their point of debarkation on the
line, they left their car on a siding and struck out for
their regular camp, about seventy-five miles from the
railroad. They stuck to the bagging of pelts and antlers
for a week or so; then a threatening morning came along
and the bank president suggested poker.\par

"'What's the use?' they all demurred, eying the
bank president gloomily. 'You always get the whole
works, and then you're insufferable for the rest of the year.
We don't think you're on the level, anyhow.'\par

"'Oh, I'll give you all a chance this time,' said the
bank president, grinning. 'I won't be hard upon you.
Then, you see, the more you fellows play with me in the
game, why, the more you learn about poker, and I'm sure
the instruction you get helps you a lot in your games with
the dubs up in St. Loo. I'm noted, anyhow, for my generosity
in giving others the benefit of my wisdom.'\par

"'Well,' said the spokesman and arch-conspirator of
the three, 'we'll play a little game of table-stakes, but
checks don't go; this thing of the three of us writing
you checks that keep your large family in opulence for a
year is'——\par

"'All right, let it be table stakes,' replied the bank president
amiably. 'I'm not a man to take bread out of the
mouths of the impoverished,' and with more of such badinage
the game started.\par

"An ordinary deck was used at first—a deck out of
the satchel of the real estate man, the infamous member
of the conspiring trio who had marked the bank president's
cards. The bank president, as usual, had all of
the luck from the jump. He seemed to rake down every
pot. The three glared at him and made all sorts of insinuating
remarks about the phenomenal luck of the bank
president that had continued for a dozen years. The
bank president regarded them indulgently, and told them
they'd learn the elementary principles of the game after
they'd camped with him for another ten years or so.\par

"After an hour's play the bank president beat the real
estate man—the other two had dropped out—out of a stiff
jackpot with a pair of better threes, and the real estate
man simulated great rage and tore the deck of cards into
many pieces.\par

"'For heaven's sake, give us another deck!' he exclaimed,
passionately, with a furtive wink at his two companions
in crime.\par

"The bank president reached back of him, collared
his grip, and produced one of his decks with a bland
smile. They surely were scientifically marked, for this
bank president had an eye in his head, and he didn't get
next.\par

"'Well, we'll try one of my decks,' said the bank president.
'Of course, it'll be a shame to plug you with a
new musket—none of my decks has been riffled yet—but
maybe my unfamiliarity with the range of the fresh
gun'll give you all a show at me.' Oh, this bank president
was arrogant in victory, all right.\par

"Well, he wasn't one, two, three, from then on, of
course. It was done mighty well, and not so as to excite
the bank president's suspicions in the least, but he
found himself topped practically every time, and his face
grew long. He was quite heavily in the hole at the end
of an hour's play with his own deck.\par

"'Oh, we've got on to your bluffing style of play, that's
all,' said the real estate man complaisantly. 'You just
had us scared together for the past ten years, but you're
as clear a proposition now as a mountain creek. I always
thought you were more or less of a counterfeit and
a four-flusher, anyhow, didn't you, fellows?'\par

"Of course the other two thought so, too, and the bank
president's brow clouded as, time after time, after he had
bet hard on hands that looked to him to be worth every
dollar he ventured on them, he found himself topped, niggered
out. The real estate man increased the bank
president's worry by flashing a nine-high straight against
the financier's eight-high straight, and then the latter did
a card-tearing stunt himself. He ripped his deck into
ribbons with a running commentary of strong talk.\par

"'It must be a rank deck that'll permit of a set of
amateur skates like you fellows putting it on me,' he said.
Then he dug into his grip again and produced the other
'phony deck, his three companions warning him against
letting his angry passions rise, and so on.\par

"The three conspirators let the bank president pull
down a couple of sizable pots with this deck just for the
sake of enjoying his renewed impertinence, and then they
went at him good and hard. At the end of an hour
they had the bank president's supply of ready cash—about
\$500—badly wilted. He had only \$100 left when it came
around the real estate man's turn to dish out a jackpot
round. The bank president was under the gun, as they
say out there of the man who's to the left of the dealer
of a jackpot, and he cracked the pot open for the limit.
The other two stayed, and when it got up to the real estate
man he raised it the limit. This knocked his two
confederates out of it—as a matter of fact the arch-conspirator
winked them out of it—but the limit was just
what the bank president wanted with his four bullets.\par

"The bank president took one card with a crafty, I'll-make-him-think-I'm-four-flushing
expression of countenance.
The real estate man, with a queen-high sequence
flush of hearts remarked that the bunch he had was good
enough for him. Then they got to betting, and it was
no time at all before the bank president had done the
apology act with the remains of his \$500. He pulled
out a check-book then and was fumbling around for a
fountain pen when the real estate man called him down.\par

"'Not on your life,' he said. 'Agreement was that
checks don't go, you'll remember.'\par

"'But this hand'——the bank president started to say.\par

"'Makes no difference about that hand,' interrupted
the real estate man. 'Agreement was for table stakes.'\par

"'But, great Cæsar, man,' pleaded the bank president.
'I want to get some kind of a decent run for this hand.
Why, I'd bet the clothes right off my back on it.'\par

"'Well,' said the real estate man calmly, 'we didn't
make any stipulation about clothes and personal possessions,
and you can get the clothes off your back if you
want to. But no checks.'\par

"'Well,' said the bank president, peeling off a big solitaire
ring, 'this stone's worth \$400, and I'll raise you that
much.'\par

"'I see you,' said the real estate man. 'What else have
you got that I can raise against?'\par

"'Well,' replied the bank president, 'this watch is
worth \$300 and'——\par

"'Skate it in,' interrupted the real estate man. 'Raise
you \$300 then, your valuation of the ticker.'\par

"'Dog-gone the luck,' said the bank president, 'I don't
want to call you. I know I've got you beat. I'd be
willing to bet my corduroys, shoes and hat that I've got
you soaked, for'——\par

"'Rush 'em to the center, then,' calmly replied the real
estate man. 'Supposing I appraise the corduroys, shoes
and hat at \$50 for the bundle. That satisfactory?'\par

"'It's got to be,' replied the bank president mournfully.\par

"'All right, then, put 'em in the pot and I'll consider
that you've called me,' said the real estate man.\par

"The bank president stood up, peeled off his coat and
waistcoat and hunting breeches and dropped them on the
blanket that served for a table. Then he removed his
pair of high hunting shoes and placed them on top of the
clothes, and tossed his fore-and-aft cap on the heap. Then
he sat down in his underclothes, picked up his four aces,
and said:\par

"'Now, dern you, put down your little straight or full
and I'll show you what you're up against.'\par

"The wealthy depositors of the St. Louis bank of
which he was the head would have enjoyed seeing his
face when the real estate man calmly laid down his sequence
flush and hauled down the pot, togs and all, without
a word.\par

"'You're a good thing, ain't you?' said the other two,
who had been taking the play in with a positive knowledge
of how it was going to come out.\par

"The bank president looked pretty forlorn as the three
sat there and guyed him. Finally he stood up.\par

"'Well,' said he to the real estate man. 'I'll just write
you a check for the fifty you allowed on those togs of
mine,' and he started to reach for the clothes in order to
dress himself. The real estate man held the suit, shoes
and hat out of the bank president's reach.\par

"'These things ain't for sale,' he said. 'They'll all
just about fit me,' trying on the hat, 'and I guess I'll
just hang on to them as a sort of No. 2 outfit.'\par

"'But, great Scott, man!' exclaimed the bank president,
'don't you know that I haven't got another stitch
in camp—that that rig-out's the only one I brought from
the car?'\par

"'Too bad,' said the real estate man. 'You hadn't
ought to've skated the togs into the pot, then. Sorry,
old man, but honest, I really couldn't think of parting
with these things for any amount of money. I've only
got one suit along with me, too, and only one hat and
pair of shoes, and if they get wet what am I going to do?
Got to have a change, you know. I really feel very
deeply for you in your predicament, and so do the other
boys—don't you fellows?—but I need this outfit in my
business.'\par

"The other two men nodded their heads in grave endorsement
of this stand and the bank president frothed at
the mouth.\par

"'What the devil do you expect me to do, you blamed
idiot?' he shouted at the real estate man. 'Stand around
the tent and shiver, or cut across the trail in my underclothes
for the car to get another set of togs?'\par

"'I wish I could think of some plan to help you out,
old man,' answered the real estate man with commiseration
in his countenance, 'but I really couldn't think, under
any consideration, of giving up these things,' and he made
the suit, the shoes and the hat up into a neat bundle as
he spoke. Just then one of the other men, who had been
prowling outside, came running into the tent breathless.\par

"'Say, fellows,' he exclaimed, 'there's some fresh bear
tracks right over there in the clearing,' and he grabbed
his gun. So did the other two. The bank president
made as if to pick up his rifle, too, when his eye fell on
his lack of raiment. By that time the real estate man
was fifty yards from the tent, at a lope with the other two.\par

"'Hey, come back here, you confounded cut-throat!'
the financier yelled after the real estate man, who had
the bank president's clothes, shoes and hat slung in a
neat bundle over his shoulder. But the three men were
out of voice range in a jiffy.\par

"They came back, beaming, along toward nightfall,
with the pelts of two nice young black bears. They
found the bank president moping around, wrapped up in
a blanket and sulphurizing the air when they reached the
tent. Then they sat around him in a circle and expressed
their sincere sympathy with him and told him his
case was only one more instance of the awful evil of
gambling. After supper and a pipe they all turned in,
leaving the bank president still sulking and uttering terrible
maledictions under his breath.\par

"The real estate man and the other two went out early
the next morning—the bank president's clothes along with
them—and when they got back they found the blanketed
financier on the verge of apoplexy from sheer wrath. The
real estate man then made a great show of charity by giving
up the togs, and the bank president was in a state
of good-nature by the time camp was struck. The three
conspirators united in a letter of explanation, inclosing
all of their winnings, to the bank president when they
got back to St. Louis, and when the bank president got
the letter and his disgorged losings he was most tickled to
death and instantly became as perky and impudent as ever.\par

"'I knew you couldn't have done it if you'd played on
the square,' said he, the first time he met them. 'Wait
till next year, that's all.'"\par

\penalty-300%
\label{the-nerve-of-gamblers-at-critical-moments}%
\hypertarget{the-nerve-of-gamblers-at-critical-moments}{}%
\vspace*{50pt}\thispagestyle{empty}
{\noindent\interlinepenalty \@M\normalfont\Huge\bfseries%
THE NERVE OF GAMBLERS AT CRITICAL MOMENTS.}

\unskip\vskip 40pt\nobreak

\vs{1}
\begin{verse}
{\vl {\noindent}

{\centering
{\itshape{Wherein It Is Shown That It Is Easy Enough to Be Cool When Playing with Another Man's Money.}}
\endgraf}
\par}
\end{verse}

\vs{1}
{\noindent}
"I happen to know that a considerable number of the
most famous professional gamblers in this country made
their reputation with other men's money," said a Rocky
Mountain man of large experience. "These men have
had their names heralded far and wide as the stakers
of thousands, and even hundreds of thousands, upon the
turn of a card, and innumerable yarns have been spun as
to their cool, John Oakhurst-like manner of scooping in
a table full of money upon the smashing of a bank, or of
calmly lighting their cigars and strolling out when fortune
went against them. So far as the stories themselves
are concerned, some of them are undoubtedly right; but
all of them leave out the very essential fact that the men
were simply players of other men's money—'table touts,'
we call 'em out West. I suppose it is a reasonable proposition
that it is a whole lot easier to risk another man's
money at the table than it is to endanger your own. Of all
the men I am telling you about hardly a one had enough
luck at the tables to keep himself warm when putting up
his own coin; perhaps it was owing to the extreme caution
of their play under these conditions and the far greater
strain involved in the hazarding of their own money.
They could take another man's money—the money of a
man who probably did not know the difference between
00 and 33 in a wheel layout, but who could afford to
venture almost an unlimited amount of money on a game—and
in at least eight cases out of ten they could run
the initial stake into a pile that would mean for themselves
a rake-off or percentage of thousands or tens of
thousands; but in venturing their own money I have seen
few of them who were any good in the matter of keeping
their nerve under rein.\par

"Back in the sixties Tom Naseby was generally considered
the most dangerous man at a faro table on the
Pacific Slope. Bank after bank, from Portland to San
Diego, went to the wall under his system of play—or lack
of system, I ought to say—and at the end the San Francisco
banks shut him out altogether, so that he was compelled
to start a layout of his own. Among Naseby's
smashes that were famous on the coast was that of
breaking Byron McGregor's Kearny street institution to
the tune of \$150,000; of hitting up Tillottson's \$10,000
limit game in San Francisco for \$100,000 and closing the
doors, and of banging Ned Jordan's bank in Portland for
\$125,000, all within the space of three months. Yet
Naseby told me himself that on none of these plays was
he venturing a {\itshape{sou marqué}} of his own money—that it
had all been handed over to him, the initial stakes for each
big play, that is, by Ralston, the millionaire San Francisco
banker, who committed suicide. Out of each winning
Naseby of course got a big cut of the money, for
Ralston went into the thing for the sport of it and was a
very generous man. Naseby, who belonged to the tribe of
savers for a rainy day, hung onto these rolls. Naseby
played faro with just about as much skill as a Zulu wields
a war club, and he frankly confessed that his coups were
simply the result of unlimited confidence and unlimited
backing allied to bull-head luck.\par

"Frank Burbridge, the most famous poker player that
Portland has ever brought out, was another man who
made his reputation as a gambler upon the strength of
the vast winnings he hauled out upon stakes furnished by
wealthy men. Some of these rich backers of Burbridge
remained behind the screen and only received Frank's
reports as to how he made out in the games for which
they staked him, but others came out into the open and
sat alongside Burbridge when he was playing with their
money—not for the purpose of watching him, for he was
strictly on the level, but just for the fun of watching the
game. One of the big contractors for the building of the
Oregon Short Line, a man worth many millions of dollars,
was one of Burbridge's clients who liked to watch
the expert poker player play the hands. He was constantly
staking Burbridge for big games with dangerous
opponents. If Frank won, all right; he got most of the
money himself. If he lost, all right, too; the contractor
simply went into the thing for the mental distraction it
afforded him.\par

"I was a witness of one of those big games in which
Burbridge engaged with a stake furnished by the contractor.
It was played at the old Willamette House in
Portland, and it was a two-handed game. The other
player was a very wealthy Portland man who was said
to have made a big pot of money by simply making the
suggestion that he intended to parallel the Oregon Short
Line. This rich man thought he knew how to play poker
until his friend, the contractor of the Short Line who
was Burbridge's staker, put him up against the latter—partly
for the interest of watching the game, and partly,
perhaps, for other reasons. Anyhow, the Portland man
had a whole heap of an opinion of what he knew about
poker, and played the game incessantly for pastime. He
had never happened to sit in a game with Burbridge, and
Burbridge's backer finally suggested to the Portland man
that he have a try at what he could do with the man
who was known to be the most expert player of poker in
the Northwest.\par

"'Oh, he's a professional,' said the Portland man,
'and I don't play cards with professionals in a contest of
skill such as I see you want to make this. I play with
'em once in a while just to study their games, but not
for big money. I wouldn't trust them under such circumstances.'\par

"'Well, you trust me, I suppose, don't you?' said the
contractor.\par

"'Certainly,' was the reply.\par

"'All right, my friend,' said the contractor, 'I'd just
like to find out to satisfy my own curiosity how good you
can play poker. I don't amount to much at it myself,
and I don't think you're any better than I am. Very
well. You sit into a game with Burbridge, and I'll
deal all the hands myself, and sit by to see fair play—though
Burbridge plays just as fairly as I would myself
under the same circumstances. Does that proposition
suit you?'\par

"'Yes,' said the Portland man, 'I'd just like to give
Burbridge a whirl under those circumstances.'\par

"So the game was arranged. Four or five of us
were invited around to the old Willamette House to
look on while the game progressed. The two
men sat down to the game about 8 o'clock at night. The
Portland man—I will call him Tunwell, which is pretty
close to his right name—had occasionally met Burbridge,
who was a very smooth, urbane sort of chap of thirty,
and so they nodded good-naturedly to each other when
Tunwell came into the room. The contractor was on
hand with his check-book. The conditions were simply
that the contractor was to deal each of the hands, and
then retire from the table with the remainder of the deck
until the call for cards. Then he was to dish out what
cards were called for, and get away from the table again
until the hand was played. The rest of us were to sit
around, with the privilege of having peeps at the hands.
Tunwell was to have the privilege of asking the advice of
any of us as to proper plays, as Burbridge was to be permitted
to refer hands that heavily involved the contractor's
purse to the latter—not to seek advice, but simply to
inform him what he intended to do in the play. The
game was to be without limit, and the chips were worth
\$5, \$25, and \$50.\par

"So the game began. Tunwell soon proved himself
a pretty cool man. He didn't put up a stingy game, but
he simply had the proper sort of regard for the worth
of the cards the contractor dished out to him, and he
played them right, as we who were watching the game
and had a chance of seeing both hands soon discovered.
Two or three times in the early part of the game I, for
one, thought he was a bit overcautious, but in general
his line of play was away above the average. Tunwell
was a big, gray-eyed man of the type that is jammed
full of well-controlled nerve, and he held himself on this
night in additional check because he knew that he was up
against a hard proposition. The play at first didn't
amount to much—fifty or hundred-dollar bets occasionally—and
both men seemed to be sparring for information
on the style of each other's play. Tunwell finally decided
upon a bluff. He had a nine high, and he went up to
\$500 on it. Burbridge laid down. This was pretty good
for Tunwell, but he had the sense to show no exultation.
Now, after making a thing like that go through,
most men would keep on bluffing until called when on
steep and craggy ground, but Tunwell didn't. He resumed
the system of playing for what his hands
were worth. This he stuck to for half an hour or
so, when he was \$800 ahead of the game and then
he made another bluff on a pair of queens. Burbridge,
who had three aces, laid down, and Tunwell's pile was
amplified by \$1,000.\par

"'That was a cold bluff, Burbridge,' said Tunwell.\par

"'Oh, I don't think so,' said Burbridge. 'There was
too much confidence in your eye for that.' Which shows
that even a great poker player is as likely as anybody to
get mixed when it comes to studying eyes in a game.\par

"After a while Burbridge caught a pat full house, and
Tunwell filled a still better full hand. It was Tunwell's
bet, and he went \$1,000 on it. Burbridge laid down—wherein
it was plain to be seen that he was a man who
possessed that indefinable thing, the poker player's
'hunch.'\par

"Now, all these plays I'm telling you about were simply
part of the warming up. The two men were simply
studying each other. They didn't really begin to play
poker until two hours after they sat down.\par

"Then the contractor dealt Burbridge a promising set
of threes, and gave Tunwell a neat two pairs, with aces
on top. Tunwell filled with another ace, and Burbridge
got nothing worth mentioning in the draw, so that his
three nines didn't look very big to us against an ace full.
It was Burbridge's bet. He was one of those men who
lay their cards down on the table and look up at the ceiling
before making a bet.\par

"'Five thousand dollars,' said he finally, still looking
up at the ceiling reflectively, and the contractor, who had
seen Tunwell's draw, winced a bit.\par

"Tunwell looked at him pretty hard and scanned his
hand. He raised him \$5,000.\par

"'And \$5,000,' said Burbridge, quietly. Now, the
contractor was a pretty game sort of man, but we could
see that he felt badly over this.\par

"Then Tunwell laid down. Burbridge's bluff worked.
Of course, not until after the game did we tell him what
Tunwell held that time, and when we did he said:\par

"'I felt from the first, before I made a bet that he
had me beat—but the bigger a man's hand, the easier it is
to bluff him out of the money.' Queer remark, wasn't
it?\par

"Tunwell kept his nerve like a major after this heavy
fall, and we couldn't see the slightest sign of faltering
in his style of play. The game went back to the \$100
basis, and was comparatively uninteresting for an hour or
so. In the course of the play during this time Tunwell
caught four queens pat—a very remarkable thing—and
got 50 only out of the hands. But unlike what most
poker players would do under such circumstances, he
didn't throw down the hand face upward on the table
with an oath. He wasn't that kind of poker player.\par

"Just about midnight both men simultaneously decided
upon a bluff—and it's not often that men happen to do
this in a two-handed poker game; when they do, something
always drops. Both men stood pat. There wasn't
a pair in either hand. It was a choice experience to note
the offhand way with which Burbridge made the first
bet on this pat hand of his.\par

"'Ten thousand dollars,' said he, and his backer, the
contractor, went to the window, raised it, and poked his
head out for air.\par

"'Same, more than you,' said Tunwell, scanning his
hand as if it was the real thing.\par

"Burbridge raised him another \$10,000 and flicked a
bit of ashes off his collar. Now Tunwell felt that his
man was bluffing.\par

"'I call you,' said he.\par

"'Ace high,' said Burbridge.\par

"'Ace high here,' said Tunwell.\par

"'Queen next.'\par

"'Queen next here.'\par

"'Nine next.'\par

"'Nine next here.'\par

"'Six next.'\par

"Tunwell tossed his four that was next on to the table
face upward without the movement of an eyebrow.\par

"'Six wins the \$60,000,' said he, and the contractor
strolled back from the window.\par

"'Better luck next time, Tunwell,' said he, smiling,
while Burbridge drank a glass of water.\par

"'There isn't going to be any next time, my boy,' returned
Tunwell. 'I'm no hog.'"\par

\penalty-300%
\label{the-insidious-game-of-squeeze-spindle}%
\hypertarget{the-insidious-game-of-squeeze-spindle}{}%
\vspace*{50pt}\thispagestyle{empty}
{\noindent\interlinepenalty \@M\normalfont\Huge\bfseries%
THE INSIDIOUS GAME OF SQUEEZE-SPINDLE.}

\unskip\vskip 40pt\nobreak

\vs{1}
\begin{verse}
{\vl {\noindent}

{\centering
{\itshape{And How a Whirl at It Came Near Decimating the Population of a Section of the Indian Territory.}}
\endgraf}
\par}
\end{verse}

\vs{1}
{\noindent}
"I don't just recall the name of the cheerful worker
who invented that wise phrase, 'There's a sucker born
every minute, and they never die,' but whoever he was he
had something inside his head besides mayonnaise dressing,"
said a giant from the Indian Territory, when the
talk among a party of Westerners at a roadhouse the
other night switched around to sure-thing games and
cinch propositions. "I don't suppose there ever was yet a
sure-thing game rigged up that didn't get its quota of
nibblers, and even its occasional easy marks, who'd go up
against it with their whole rolls. I'm not speaking so
much now of brace games as I am of layouts that might
just as well have the words, 'You lose,' painted all over
'em, they're such obvious air-tights for the dealers. I
suppose we've all been up against brace faro. That's
something that a man can't heel himself against; the most
he can do when he gets next to it that two of 'em are
slipping out of the box at one and the same time is to
'stick up' the dealer at the business end of a .45—if he's
quick enough—accumulate all the money in sight, and
back toward the door.\par

"But a man who'll lay up alongside of a brace faro
layout or a brace wheel need not necessarily be sucker
enough to hand his dust over to a smooth duck who's
dealing a game that has all the scars, moles, tattoo marks
and other perfectly visible Bertillons of a dead open and
shut sure-thing layout. Yet I've seen men who were wise
in their own business—horse-rustling, for instance—go
broke against games that you'd think a ten-year-old would
size up correctly without the assistance of an X-ray apparatus.\par

"I'm thinking of the time that Jink McAtee, afterward
one of the foxiest horse-thieves who ever used an
upside-down brand in the Southwest, got interested in
squeeze-spindle in Guthrie. It was in Guthrie, in May,
1889, just after Oklahoma had been opened up, that the
two Reeves brothers, Bill and Al, and Arthur Pendleton
started an all-round layout in what was the first two-story
shack that had been thrown up in the town. The
two Reeves boys are still running the biggest layout
in Guthrie, but Pendleton is dead. The Reeves-Pendleton
brand of faro, as well as their keno, wheel, stud,
and other legitimate games, was perfectly on the level,
but in addition they had a few games in operation that
was plain cases to most of the patrons of the layout of
the sure-thing. The Reeves and Pendleton people didn't
club anybody into stacking up against their sure-thing
games. They just started 'em going, hired a man named
Gately to run 'em, and struck the attitude that if among
the sooners and boomers of Guthrie there was people
imbecile enough to want to hit up these sure-thing games,
it wasn't their funeral.\par

"The most alluring among these sure-thing games was
the outfit called the squeeze-spindle. You used to run
across a squeeze-spindle quite often down in the Southwest,
but so many of the dealers of that game got shot
up and slithered that it has sort o' passed out. It's a
lottery game ostensibly, where the player makes what the
dealer calls 'conditional' winnings, and the dealer has to
have the assistance of 'boosters' to throw confidence into
the suckers. It took a good con man to run a squeeze-spindle
game. The sucker would put up a hundred to
win five hundred; he'd cop the coin 'conditionally'—that
is to say, the arrow that flew around in the middle
of the box had to point to another number of the sucker's
selection before the money would be his to walk away
with, and in the event of the arrow pointing to the right
number the player would get twice the sum.\par

"Of course the arrow never went the sucker's way
twice hand-running, and equally, of course, it was a
game where the dealer got all of the money. The reason
it was called a squeeze-spindle was because the dealer
had only to squeeze a button beneath the table to stop
the arrow at any old point in its flight around the numbers
that he wanted to. When a sucker was up against
the game, a 'booster' would prance in with a big roll of
the house's money, treble it on a couple of straight turns
of the spindle, squeezed just his way by the dealer, and
then the sucker would conclude that it was only his lack
of capital that caused him to lose—just as the pin-head
who doubles on favorites at the races tries to convince
himself when's he's broke and smoking a punk pipe that
he'd have been able to put all the bookmakers out of business
if he'd just had the capital to keep on with his system.
Once in a great while a squeeze-spindle dealer
would let one of his good things get away with a bunch
of money, if he felt reasonably sure that the sucker would
come back at it with the coin later on; and thus the
ingenuous little fiction 'ud go around that So-and-So
had pasted a squeeze-spindle dealer for his whole roll, and
this would make business.\par

"Now, here was a game that you wouldn't think a
man with the sense he was born with would bet twenty
cents worth of zinc money on. But this man Gately, who
ran the squeeze-spindle for the Reeves-Pendleton layout
on a salary and commission basis, was a pretty smooth
gazzabo in his generation, and he landed the good things
with his layout right along, and often for sizeable money.
He was a quiet, red bearded chap, with a mighty convincing,
persuasive way about him, and a man who'd
put up a fight, too, in a corner. He had free rein in the
running of the squeeze-spindle and two or three other
sure-thing devices that formed a sort of side-show to
the main Reeves-Pendleton layout, and the proprietors
pretended that his outfit was really independent of their
plant—that Gately was simply renting space from them
and going it alone. But all Guthrie knew differently.\par

"Well, up against this squeeze-spindle plant goes this
here Jink McAtee that I started to tell you about. Jink
wasn't then known as a horse-thief. He had been a
sooner—he got in long before the trumpet call on a thoroughbred
Kentucky horse that he was afterward found
to have pinched out of a barn—and he had made a pretty
good thing out of the Guthrie corner lot that he had staked
off. He sold it three days after the dash for \$6000, and
then he laid back on his liquor with a whole lot of content.
He was a low forehead in looks and manners. He was
the veriest duffer in his attempts to make the Reeves-Pendleton
combination put up their shutters by attacking
their square games, and he lost over \$3000 of his corner-lot
money at their faro tables. He blew in another
couple of thousand of the bunch at the honkatonks
around town before his little beady eyes fell on Gately's
squeeze-spindle, and he perceived a chance to get all of
his money back in jig-time. Gately pointed it out to
him just how easy it was.\par

"Before McAtee put a dollar down on the spindle
Gately got Jink's eyes to popping by roping in a booster
who pulled \$3200 out of the squeeze-spindle in quicker
time than a cayuse could make two jumps, and when
Gately looked chagrined and sorrowful McAtee bit.
Gately knew his man pretty well, and he permitted Jink
to not only win \$1600 'conditionally,' right off the reel,
but he actually passed \$400 of Jink's winnings over to
him. Then he proceeded to wipe Jink out. When
McAtee was all trimmed up, Gately looked sad.\par

"'You didn't have quite enough along with you, McAtee,'
he said, shaking his head real mournfully. 'If
you'd had another \$200 to cover that \$1600 that you'd
won and left in the hole, why, you'd had me heading
for the Canadian River by this time.'\par

"McAtee ate this spiel of Gately's up as if it was so
much lunch on a counter, and went away filled with the
idea that there was riches in the squeeze-spindle if it was
hit right, and with enough money to back up the plays.
So he went to just eleven of his sooner friends and talked
squeeze-spindle to 'em. He put it to them just what a
good thing the squeeze-spindle was rightly hammered.
He told 'em how near he'd been to pulling out his losings,
and more besides, through the medium of Gately's
squeeze-spindle at the Reeves-Pendleton layout. They
took Jink's word for it, and they all joined the pool that
McAtee organized to smash that spindle. They got together
\$2600, and on the afternoon following Jink's play
they walked down to the Reeves-Pendleton plant in a
body. Each man had a rifle along with him. There
wasn't anything remarkable about that. During the first
year of Guthrie's existence every man carried a long-iron
over his arm. If twelve men, all with rifles, were to
line up in front of the Reeves-Pendleton layout in Guthrie
to-day there'd be good reason for the people inside to
suppose that they were going to be 'stuck up,' but there
was no reason to suppose anything of the kind when Jack
McAtee brought along his eleven subscribers to his
squeeze-spindle-smashing pool that afternoon. Gately
wasn't worried a little bit.\par

"'My friends is all got a interest in this, podner,' explained
Jink to Gately, 'and they come along jest t' see
th' play.'\par

"'Certainly,' said Gately, and then Jink and his bunch
began to get action on the spindle. It all went their
way at first. Gately didn't actually hand them any
money out, but he let 'em make 'conditional' wins until
they had their whole \$2600 on the layout. Another correct
twist of the arrow would enable Jink to double the
money; on the other hand, if the arrow didn't hit the
right number, Jink and his bunch only stood to lose, as
Gately explained, \$600 of their 'conditional' winnings.\par

"Now, the situation was one calculated to rattle almost
any man. Gately didn't intend that Jink or his twelve
stalkers with the long-irons should get away with any of
that money, and it shows that he was a man of nerve
in making up his mind to that idea. He intended to
get the \$2600 after a long series of plays, and then take
a chance on the Jink McAtee gang roaring and opening
up on him. That's what he intended to do. But he was
a bit rattled and stampeded over the intense way the
gang had of looking upon the plays, and that's how he
happened to make a mistake. He gave his button too
short a squeeze, and blamed if the arrow didn't stop at
precisely the number that stood to win Jink and his gang
\$2600 of the house's money, in addition to pulling down
the \$2600 they had in!\par

"Gately saw his mistake almost as soon as he had
made it, but a booster named Gilpin, who was watching
the play, was the quicker thinker of the two. He jumped
off a stool upon which he had been standing looking
over the heads of Jink's crowd, and yelled out:\par

"'Stand clear, there! Don't shoot!'\par

"It was a ruse. Nobody had any idea of shooting.
Jink and his gang were simply flooded with joy over their
winning. But when they heard Gilpin's warning, they
all jumped back, and that was Gately's chance to redeem
his bad break. He snatched up the \$5200—the rule of
the spindle game is that the dealer must show the same
amount of money the sucker has got in play, and Gately
had \$2600 of the house's money spread out—and back he
jumped through the door, which led out into an alley.
Jink and his crowd were stupefied. They stood stock still.
Gately had gone with their money and the house's money,
and they didn't think of taking after him. They figured
it that the house would make good, perhaps. Anyhow,
by the time they came to, Gately had mazed it through
the wilderness of shacks of which Guthrie was already
composed, and Bill Reeves had appeared on the scene.\par

"I had been with Bill in the main layout in the next
room, and we heard the shout of Gilpin. That's what
took us in there. Jink made his talk, which was a pretty
hot and threatening one, and he was backed up in it pretty
forcibly by all the rest of his gang.\par

"'Well, Gately jumped, that's all,' said Reeves. 'What
am I going to do about it?'\par

"'Hand over \$5200, quick,' said McAtee and some
others of his bunch.\par

"'I haven't got anything like that much money in the
place,' said Reeves. 'But I'll give you a check for it on
the bank down the way.'\par

"They demurred over the check proposition for awhile,
but they finally took Bill Reeves's check for \$5200.
While they were demurring, Bill Reeves had a chance to
scribble a note to the cashier of the bank, telling him not
to cash the check when it would be presented—to make
some excuse about not having just that amount of money
on hand, or something of that sort. Now, I didn't want
to be in that place at all just then, but there was no way
of my getting out. I had come into the room with Bill
Reeves, and I knew that if I tried to mosey away I'd
be called back; that they figured me to have some sort of
connection with the layout, which I didn't.\par

"Jink took the check and went over to the bank to
get the money. The cashier turned the check down on
the ground that he had just shipped most of the bank's
money to St. Louis. We knew that there was going to be
trouble and a whole lot of it when Jink got back from the
bank with that word, and I don't think any of us expected
to last much longer. Jink came a-loping back
from the bank, and when he came into the room and tore
up the check with appropriate remarks his gang all lined
up together, and we figured it that the shooting was going
to begin right then. When the whole situation looked
so squally that I had my eye on the nearest window to
drop out of, Arthur Pendleton popped into the room.\par

"'What's all this?' he yelled, for there was a lot of
clicking going on in the room. Jink and his gang thought
they saw a final chance of getting their money. So,
smoldering, they told the story to Pendleton. Pendleton
was a shrewd man, a forceful talker, and a diplomat
from away back.\par

"'All the money I've got, or that there is in the roll
just now,' he said, 'is \$600,' pulling the roll out of his
pocket. 'You are perfectly welcome to that. When
Gately comes back, or when you get him, as I wish you
would, you can have the rest that's coming to you out of
the roll he pinched.'\par

"Well, the \$600 looked like better than no bread to
Jink and his bunch, and they took it and went out after
Gately. It was getting along toward twilight. Reeves
and Pendleton figured it that Gately, in pulling down the
roll, had been acting in the interest of the house. They
hadn't the slightest notion that Gately had eloped with the
\$5200. They thought he'd plant the money, keep out of
sight for a few days until the Jink McAtee push could
be compromised with, and then come back.\par

"McAtee's gang beat up every shack in town thoroughly,
but there was no Gately. They whipped the
prairie for miles around, but they didn't spring Gately.
Gately had gone. The gang came back to the Reeves-Pendleton
layout, all of 'em pretty ugly. Pendleton got
them bunched, made a speech to them to the effect that if
Gately wasn't corralled within a week he'd make good the
whole amount coming to them out of his own pocket,
and soft-soaped them into accepting those terms. They
dispersed.\par

"When Gately didn't come back the next day, or give
any indication to his employers where he was, they got
worried.\par

"'I think Gately has drilled,' Pendleton said to me
that day. 'He's an Iowan, and there's going to be a big
conclave and tournament of firemen in Council Bluffs
next week. I'll bet Gately has made for Council Bluffs.
I'm going after him. Come along with me.'\par

"I told Pendleton that I hadn't anything to do with
the game, but I wasn't overlooking business propositions,
and when he offered me 50 per cent. of all the money
we might reclaim from Gately, I went with him. We
got onto Gately's trail in Council Bluffs, as Pendleton
had shrewdly guessed we might, but he had been tipped
off that we were after him, and he chased over to Omaha.
We were right after him, and he jumped for a town in
Southwestern Iowa called Red Oak. We were hot on
his trail, and we met up with him squarely next day in
Red Oak.\par

"'Let's have the money, Gately,' said Pendleton.\par

"'I'll pass you back the house bunch, \$2600,' said
Gately, 'but the rest of it I keep,' and he looked as if he
meant it, good and hard, at that.\par

"'How do you make that out a square deal?' asked
Pendleton.\par

"'Because,' replied Gately, pretty convincingly, 'it was
me that took the chance. I made a mistake, and stood
to lose the house's \$2600. If I hadn't taken a chance,
they'd have got the coin. If I'd have won their \$2600,
your shack would have been shot into a sieve, and me into
the bargain. It was a case of run. I had to do the running.
I earned the \$2600, and I hang on to it.'\par

"It struck me that this was pretty square talk, and I
told Pendleton so, and advised him to cut out any idea
of getting all the money back from Gately through the
medium of a gun-play. Gately handed out \$2600, and then
he told us how he had got away. He had struck across the
prairie for Mulhall, and some of the McAtee gang, in
scouring the country a-horseback, had not only been right
behind him, but they had passed him. He heard them
coming from behind, and he thought they had recognized
him in the twilight. He didn't dare to look back, but he
stooped down as if to tie his shoe, and looked at them
under his arm while in that stooping posture. They didn't
figure that the man they were after would be taking things
so leisurely as all that, and so they passed right by him
in the gathering gloom, a-hunting Gately. Gately got
to Mulhall, and took the first train up for Omaha.\par

"Before we got back to Guthrie, Jink McAtee and
several of his pals in the pool to smash the Gately squeeze-spindle
had been given the sudden chase by the United
States Deputy Marshals for some horse-rustling operation
of theirs that had just come to light, and when Jink
McAtee got shot full of slugs by a posse down in the
Brazos bottoms, three years later, the Reeves-Pendleton
layout still stood indebted to him in the sum of \$4600
with accrued interest, the balance that Jink and his push
did not pull down in their attempt to stampede a squeeze-spindle
layout."\par

\begin{container}
\vs{1}
{\noindent}
{\centering
――――
\endgraf}
\par
\end{container}

\vs{1}
\penalty-300%
\label{nine-splendid-novels-by-william-macleod-raine}%
\hypertarget{nine-splendid-novels-by-william-macleod-raine}{}%
\vskip 3.5ex
{\noindent\interlinepenalty \@M\normalfont\Large\bfseries%
{\noindent}
{\itshape{Nine Splendid Novels by}} WILLIAM MacLEOD RAINE}

\unskip\vskip 2.3ex\nobreak

\penalty-300%
\label{the-pirate-of-panama}%
\hypertarget{the-pirate-of-panama}{}%
\vskip 3.5ex
{\noindent\interlinepenalty \@M\normalfont\Large\bfseries%
{\noindent}
THE PIRATE OF PANAMA}

\unskip\vskip 2.3ex\nobreak

{\noindent}
A tale of old-time pirates and of modern love, hate and adventure. The
scene is laid in San Francisco on board {\itshape{The Argus}} and in Panama. A romantic
search for the lost pirate gold. An absorbing love-story runs through
the book.\par

{\itshape{12mo. Cloth, Jacket in Colors. Net \$1.25.}}\par

\penalty-300%
\label{the-vision-splendid}%
\hypertarget{the-vision-splendid}{}%
\vskip 3.5ex
{\noindent\interlinepenalty \@M\normalfont\Large\bfseries%
THE VISION SPLENDID}

\unskip\vskip 2.3ex\nobreak

{\noindent}
A powerful story in which a man of big ideas and fine ideals wars against
graft and corruption. A most satisfactory love affair terminates the story.\par

{\itshape{12mo, Cloth, Illustrated. Net \$1.25.}}\par

\penalty-300%
\label{crooked-trails-and-straight}%
\hypertarget{crooked-trails-and-straight}{}%
\vskip 3.5ex
{\noindent\interlinepenalty \@M\normalfont\Large\bfseries%
CROOKED TRAILS AND STRAIGHT}

\unskip\vskip 2.3ex\nobreak

{\noindent}
A story of Arizona; of swift-riding men and daring outlaws; of a bitter feud
between cattle-men and sheep-herders. The heroine is a most unusual woman
and her love-story reaches a culmination that is fittingly characteristic of the
great free West.\par

{\itshape{12mo, Cloth, Illustrated. Popular Edition 50 cents.}}\par

\penalty-300%
\label{brand-blotters}%
\hypertarget{brand-blotters}{}%
\vskip 3.5ex
{\noindent\interlinepenalty \@M\normalfont\Large\bfseries%
BRAND BLOTTERS}

\unskip\vskip 2.3ex\nobreak

{\noindent}
A story of the Cattle Range. This story brings out the turbid life of the
frontier with all its engaging dash and vigor with a charming love interest
running through its 320 pages.\par

{\itshape{12mo, Cloth, Illustrated. Jacket in Colors. Popular Edition 50 cents.}}\par

\penalty-300%
\label{mavericks}%
\hypertarget{mavericks}{}%
\vskip 3.5ex
{\noindent\interlinepenalty \@M\normalfont\Large\bfseries%
"MAVERICKS"}

\unskip\vskip 2.3ex\nobreak

{\noindent}
A tale of the western frontier, where the "rustler," whose depredations are
so keenly resented by the early settlers of the range, abounds. One of the
sweetest love stories ever told.\par

{\itshape{12mo, Cloth, Illustrated. Popular Edition, 50 cents.}}\par

\penalty-300%
\label{a-texas-ranger}%
\hypertarget{a-texas-ranger}{}%
\vskip 3.5ex
{\noindent\interlinepenalty \@M\normalfont\Large\bfseries%
A TEXAS RANGER}

\unskip\vskip 2.3ex\nobreak

{\noindent}
How a member of the most dauntless border police force carried law into
the mesquit, saved the life of an innocent man after a series of thrilling adventures,
followed a fugitive to Wyoming, and then passed through deadly peril
to ultimate happiness.\par

{\itshape{12mo, Cloth, Illustrated. Popular Edition, 50 cents.}}\par

\penalty-300%
\label{wyoming}%
\hypertarget{wyoming}{}%
\vskip 3.5ex
{\noindent\interlinepenalty \@M\normalfont\Large\bfseries%
WYOMING}

\unskip\vskip 2.3ex\nobreak

{\noindent}
In this vivid story of the outdoor West the author has captured the breezy
charm of "cattleland," and brings out the turbid life of the frontier with all
its engaging dash and vigor.\par

{\itshape{12mo, Cloth, Illustrated. Popular Edition, 50 cents.}}\par

\penalty-300%
\label{ridgway-of-montana}%
\hypertarget{ridgway-of-montana}{}%
\vskip 3.5ex
{\noindent\interlinepenalty \@M\normalfont\Large\bfseries%
RIDGWAY OF MONTANA}

\unskip\vskip 2.3ex\nobreak

{\noindent}
The scene is laid in the mining centers of Montana, where politics and mining
industries are the religion of the country. The political contest, the love
scene, and the fine character drawing give this story great strength and charm.\par

{\itshape{12mo, Cloth, Illustrated. Popular Edition, 50 cents.}}\par

\penalty-300%
\label{bucky-o-connor}%
\hypertarget{bucky-o-connor}{}%
\vskip 3.5ex
{\noindent\interlinepenalty \@M\normalfont\Large\bfseries%
BUCKY O'CONNOR}

\unskip\vskip 2.3ex\nobreak

{\noindent}
Every chapter teems with wholesome, stirring adventures, replete with the
dashing spirit of the border, told with dramatic dash and absorbing fascination
of style and plot.\par

{\itshape{12mo, Cloth, Illustrated. Popular Edition, 50 cents.}}\par

\begin{container}
\vs{1}
{\noindent}
{\centering
――――
\endgraf}
\par
\end{container}

\vs{1}
\penalty-300%
\label{three-splendid-books-by-alfred-henry-lewis}%
\hypertarget{three-splendid-books-by-alfred-henry-lewis}{}%
\vskip 3.5ex
{\noindent\interlinepenalty \@M\normalfont\Large\bfseries%
{\noindent}
THREE SPLENDID BOOKS BY ALFRED HENRY LEWIS}

\unskip\vskip 2.3ex\nobreak

\penalty-300%
\label{faro-nell-and-her-friends}%
\hypertarget{faro-nell-and-her-friends}{}%
\vskip 3.5ex
{\noindent\interlinepenalty \@M\normalfont\Large\bfseries%
{\noindent}
FARO NELL AND HER FRIENDS}

\unskip\vskip 2.3ex\nobreak

{\noindent}
A new story of "Wolfville" days—the best of all. It
pictures the fine comradeship, broad understanding and
simple loyalty of Faro Nell to her friends. Here we meet
again Old Monte, Dave Tutt, Cynthiana, Pet-Named
Original Sin, Dead Shot Baker, Doc Peets, Old Man Enright,
Dan Boggs, Texas and Black Jack, the rough-actioned,
good-hearted men and women who helped to
make this author famous as a teller of tales of Western
frontier life.\par

{\itshape{12mo. Cloth. Illustrated. Popular Edition. 50 Cents}}\par

\penalty-300%
\label{the-apaches-of-new-york}%
\hypertarget{the-apaches-of-new-york}{}%
\vskip 3.5ex
{\noindent\interlinepenalty \@M\normalfont\Large\bfseries%
THE APACHES OF NEW YORK}

\unskip\vskip 2.3ex\nobreak

{\noindent}
A truthful account of actual happenings in the underworld
of vice and crime in the metropolis, that gives an
appalling insight into the life of the New York criminal.
It contains intimate, inside information concerning the
gang fights and the gang tyranny that has since startled
the entire world. The book embraces twelve stories of
grim, dark facts secured directly from the lips of the
police and the gangsters themselves.\par

{\itshape{12mo. Cloth. Illustrated. Popular Edition. 50 Cents}}\par

\penalty-300%
\label{the-story-of-paul-jones}%
\hypertarget{the-story-of-paul-jones}{}%
\vskip 3.5ex
{\noindent\interlinepenalty \@M\normalfont\Large\bfseries%
THE STORY OF PAUL JONES}

\unskip\vskip 2.3ex\nobreak

{\noindent}
A wonderful historical romance. A story of the boyhood
and later life of that daring and intrepid sailor
whose remains are now in America. Thousands and tens
of thousands have read it and admired it. Many consider
it one of the best books Mr. Lewis has produced.\par

{\itshape{12mo. Cloth. Illustrated. Popular Edition. 50 Cents}}\par

\begin{container}
\vs{1}
{\noindent}
{\centering
――――
\endgraf}
\par
\end{container}

\vs{1}
\penalty-300%
\label{books-by-edward-marshall}%
\hypertarget{books-by-edward-marshall}{}%
\vskip 3.5ex
{\noindent\interlinepenalty \@M\normalfont\Large\bfseries%
{\noindent}
Books by Edward Marshall}

\unskip\vskip 2.3ex\nobreak

\penalty-300%
\label{batan-idyl-of-new-york}%
\hypertarget{batan-idyl-of-new-york}{}%
\vskip 3.5ex
{\noindent\interlinepenalty \@M\normalfont\Large\bfseries%
{\noindent}
BAT—An Idyl of New York}

\unskip\vskip 2.3ex\nobreak

{\noindent}
"The heroine has all the charm of Thackeray's Marchioness in
New York surroundings."—{\itshape{New York Sun.}} "It would be hard to
find a more charming, cheerful story."—{\itshape{New York Times.}} "Altogether
delightful."—{\itshape{Buffalo Express.}} "The comedy is delicious."—{\itshape{Sacramento
Union.}} "It is as wholesome and fresh as the breath
of springtime."—{\itshape{New Orleans Picayune.}} 12mo, cloth. Illustrated.
\$1.00 net.\par

\penalty-300%
\label{the-middle-wall}%
\hypertarget{the-middle-wall}{}%
\vskip 3.5ex
{\noindent\interlinepenalty \@M\normalfont\Large\bfseries%
THE MIDDLE WALL}

\unskip\vskip 2.3ex\nobreak

{\noindent}
{\itshape{The Albany Times-Union}} says of this story of the South African
diamond mines and adventures in London, on the sea and in
America: "As a story teller Mr. Marshall cannot be improved
upon, and whether one is looking for humor, philosophy, pathos,
wit, excitement, adventure or love, he will find what he seeks,
aplenty, in this capital tale." 12mo, cloth. Illustrated. 50 cents.\par

\begin{container}
\vs{1}
{\noindent}
{\centering
――――
\endgraf}
\par
\end{container}

\vs{1}
\penalty-300%
\label{books-novelized-from-great-plays}%
\hypertarget{books-novelized-from-great-plays}{}%
\vskip 3.5ex
{\noindent\interlinepenalty \@M\normalfont\Large\bfseries%
{\noindent}
{\itshape{BOOKS NOVELIZED FROM GREAT PLAYS}}}

\unskip\vskip 2.3ex\nobreak

\penalty-300%
\label{the-master-of-the-house}%
\hypertarget{the-master-of-the-house}{}%
\vskip 3.5ex
{\noindent\interlinepenalty \@M\normalfont\Large\bfseries%
{\noindent}
THE MASTER OF THE HOUSE}

\unskip\vskip 2.3ex\nobreak

{\noindent}
From the successful play of EDGAR JAMES. Embodying a wonderful
message to both husbands and wives, it tells how a determined
man, of dominating personality and iron will, leaves a faithful
wife for another woman. 12mo, cloth. Illustrated from scenes in
the play. Net \$1.25.\par

\penalty-300%
\label{the-writing-on-the-wall}%
\hypertarget{the-writing-on-the-wall}{}%
\vskip 3.5ex
{\noindent\interlinepenalty \@M\normalfont\Large\bfseries%
THE WRITING ON THE WALL}

\unskip\vskip 2.3ex\nobreak

{\noindent}
{\itshape{The Rocky Mountain News}}: "This novelization of OLGA NETHERSOLE'S
play tells of Trinity Church and its tenements. It is a
powerful, vital novel." 12mo, cloth. Illustrated. 50 cents.\par

\penalty-300%
\label{the-old-flute-player}%
\hypertarget{the-old-flute-player}{}%
\vskip 3.5ex
{\noindent\interlinepenalty \@M\normalfont\Large\bfseries%
THE OLD FLUTE PLAYER}

\unskip\vskip 2.3ex\nobreak

{\noindent}
Based on CHARLES T. DAZEY'S play, this story won the
friendship of the country very quickly. {\itshape{The Albany Times-Union}}:
"Charming enough to become a classic." 12mo, cloth. Illustrated.
50 cents.\par

\penalty-300%
\label{the-family}%
\hypertarget{the-family}{}%
\vskip 3.5ex
{\noindent\interlinepenalty \@M\normalfont\Large\bfseries%
THE FAMILY}

\unskip\vskip 2.3ex\nobreak

{\noindent}
Of this book (founded on the play by ROBERT HOBART DAVIS),
{\itshape{The Portland (Oregon) Journal}} said: "Nothing more powerful has
recently been put between the covers of a book." 12mo, cloth.
Illustrated. 50 cents.\par

\penalty-300%
\label{the-spendthrift}%
\hypertarget{the-spendthrift}{}%
\vskip 3.5ex
{\noindent\interlinepenalty \@M\normalfont\Large\bfseries%
THE SPENDTHRIFT}

\unskip\vskip 2.3ex\nobreak

{\noindent}
{\itshape{The Logansport (Ind.) Journal}}: "A tense story, founded on PORTER
EMERSON BROWNE'S play, is full of tremendous situations,
and preaches a great sermon." 12mo, cloth bound, with six illustrations
from scenes in the play. 50 cents.\par

\penalty-300%
\label{in-old-kentucky}%
\hypertarget{in-old-kentucky}{}%
\vskip 3.5ex
{\noindent\interlinepenalty \@M\normalfont\Large\bfseries%
IN OLD KENTUCKY}

\unskip\vskip 2.3ex\nobreak

{\noindent}
Based upon CHARLES T. DAZEY'S well-known play, which has
been listened to with thrilling interest by over seven million people.
"A new and powerful novel, fascinating in its rapid action. Its
touching story is told more elaborately and even more absorbingly
than it was upon the stage."—{\itshape{Nashville American.}} 12mo, cloth.
Illustrated. 50 cents.\par

\begin{container}
\vs{1}
{\noindent}
{\centering
――――
\endgraf}
\par
\end{container}

\vs{1}
\penalty-300%
\label{transcriber-s-notes}%
\hypertarget{transcriber-s-notes}{}%
\vskip 3.5ex
{\noindent\interlinepenalty \@M\normalfont\Large\bfseries%
{\noindent}
Transcriber's Notes:}

\unskip\vskip 2.3ex\nobreak

{\noindent}
Both "booky" and "bookie" used throughout text.\par

\label{pg-end-line}%
\hypertarget{pg-end-line}{}%
{}

\vs{5}
{\noindent}
*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK TAKING CHANCES ***\par

%
\backmatter
%

{}

\begin{english}
\begin{pgfooter_env}
\penalty-300%
\label{a-word-from-project-gutenberg}%
\hypertarget{a-word-from-project-gutenberg}{}%
\label{pg-footer}%
\hypertarget{pg-footer}{}%
\vspace*{50pt}\thispagestyle{empty}
{\noindent\interlinepenalty \@M\normalfont\Huge\bfseries%
A Word from Project Gutenberg}

\unskip\vskip 40pt\nobreak

{\noindent}
We will update this book if we find any errors.\par

This book can be found under: {https://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/37477}\par

Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no one
owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation (and
you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without
permission and without paying copyright royalties.  Special rules, set
forth in the General Terms of Use part of this license, apply to
copying and distributing Project Gutenberg™ electronic works to
protect the Project Gutenberg™ concept and trademark. Project
Gutenberg is a registered trademark, and may not be used if you charge
for the eBooks, unless you receive specific permission. If you do not
charge anything for copies of this eBook, complying with the rules is
very easy. You may use this eBook for nearly any purpose such as
creation of derivative works, reports, performances and research.
They may be modified and printed and given away – you may do
practically {\itshape{anything}} with public domain eBooks.  Redistribution is
subject to the trademark license, especially commercial
redistribution.\par{}

\penalty-300%
\label{the-full-project-gutenberg-license}%
\hypertarget{the-full-project-gutenberg-license}{}%
\label{project-gutenberg-license}%
\hypertarget{project-gutenberg-license}{}%
\vskip 3.5ex
{\noindent\interlinepenalty \@M\normalfont\Large\bfseries%
The Full Project Gutenberg License}

\unskip\vskip 2.3ex\nobreak

{\noindent}
{\itshape{Please read this before you distribute or use this work.}}\par

To protect the Project Gutenberg™ mission of promoting the free
distribution of electronic works, by using or distributing this work
(or any other work associated in any way with the phrase “Project
Gutenberg”), you agree to comply with all the terms of the Full
Project Gutenberg™ License available with this file or online at
{https://www.gutenberg.org/license}.\par

\penalty-300%
\label{section-1-general-terms-of-use-redistributing-project-gutenberg-electronic-works}%
\hypertarget{section-1-general-terms-of-use-redistributing-project-gutenberg-electronic-works}{}%
\vskip 3.25ex
{\noindent\interlinepenalty \@M\normalfont\large\bfseries%
Section 1. General Terms of Use \& Redistributing Project Gutenberg™ electronic works}

\unskip\vskip 1.5ex\nobreak

{\noindent}
{\bfseries{1.A.}} By reading or using any part of this Project Gutenberg™
electronic work, you indicate that you have read, understand, agree to
and accept all the terms of this license and intellectual property
(trademark/copyright) agreement. If you do not agree to abide by all
the terms of this agreement, you must cease using and return or
destroy all copies of Project Gutenberg™ electronic works in your
possession. If you paid a fee for obtaining a copy of or access to a
Project Gutenberg™ electronic work and you do not agree to be bound by
the terms of this agreement, you may obtain a refund from the person
or entity to whom you paid the fee as set forth in paragraph 1.E.8.\par

{\bfseries{1.B.}} “Project Gutenberg” is a registered trademark. It may only be
used on or associated in any way with an electronic work by people who
agree to be bound by the terms of this agreement. There are a few
things that you can do with most Project Gutenberg™ electronic works
even without complying with the full terms of this agreement. See
paragraph 1.C below. There are a lot of things you can do with Project
Gutenberg™ electronic works if you follow the terms of this agreement
and help preserve free future access to Project Gutenberg™ electronic
works. See paragraph 1.E below.\par

{\bfseries{1.C.}} The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation (“the
Foundation” or PGLAF), owns a compilation copyright in the collection
of Project Gutenberg™ electronic works. Nearly all the individual
works in the collection are in the public domain in the United
States. If an individual work is in the public domain in the United
States and you are located in the United States, we do not claim a
right to prevent you from copying, distributing, performing,
displaying or creating derivative works based on the work as long as
all references to Project Gutenberg are removed. Of course, we hope
that you will support the Project Gutenberg™ mission of promoting free
access to electronic works by freely sharing Project Gutenberg™ works
in compliance with the terms of this agreement for keeping the Project
Gutenberg™ name associated with the work. You can easily comply with
the terms of this agreement by keeping this work in the same format
with its attached full Project Gutenberg™ License when you share it
without charge with others.\par

{\bfseries{1.D.}} The copyright laws of the place where you are located also
govern what you can do with this work. Copyright laws in most
countries are in a constant state of change. If you are outside the
United States, check the laws of your country in addition to the terms
of this agreement before downloading, copying, displaying, performing,
distributing or creating derivative works based on this work or any
other Project Gutenberg™ work.  The Foundation makes no
representations concerning the copyright status of any work in any
country outside the United States.\par

{\bfseries{1.E.}} Unless you have removed all references to Project Gutenberg:\par

{\bfseries{1.E.1.}} The following sentence, with active links to, or other
immediate access to, the full Project Gutenberg™ License must appear
prominently whenever any copy of a Project Gutenberg™ work (any work
on which the phrase “Project Gutenberg” appears, or with which the
phrase “Project Gutenberg” is associated) is accessed, displayed,
performed, viewed, copied or distributed:\par

{\advance\leftskip\parindentamount{}\advance\rightskip\parindentamount{}
\vs{1}
{\noindent}
This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or
re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
with this eBook or online at {http://www.gutenberg.org}\par}

\vs{1}
{\noindent}
{\bfseries{1.E.2.}} If an individual Project Gutenberg™ electronic work is
derived from the public domain (does not contain a notice indicating
that it is posted with permission of the copyright holder), the work
can be copied and distributed to anyone in the United States without
paying any fees or charges. If you are redistributing or providing
access to a work with the phrase “Project Gutenberg” associated with
or appearing on the work, you must comply either with the requirements
of paragraphs 1.E.1 through 1.E.7 or obtain permission for the use of
the work and the Project Gutenberg™ trademark as set forth in
paragraphs 1.E.8 or 1.E.9.\par

{\bfseries{1.E.3.}} If an individual Project Gutenberg™ electronic work is
posted with the permission of the copyright holder, your use and
distribution must comply with both paragraphs 1.E.1 through 1.E.7 and
any additional terms imposed by the copyright holder. Additional terms
will be linked to the Project Gutenberg™ License for all works posted
with the permission of the copyright holder found at the beginning of
this work.\par

{\bfseries{1.E.4.}} Do not unlink or detach or remove the full Project
Gutenberg™ License terms from this work, or any files containing a
part of this work or any other work associated with Project
Gutenberg™.\par

{\bfseries{1.E.5.}} Do not copy, display, perform, distribute or redistribute
this electronic work, or any part of this electronic work, without
prominently displaying the sentence set forth in paragraph 1.E.1 with
active links or immediate access to the full terms of the Project
Gutenberg™ License.\par

{\bfseries{1.E.6.}} You may convert to and distribute this work in any binary,
compressed, marked up, nonproprietary or proprietary form, including
any word processing or hypertext form. However, if you provide access
to or distribute copies of a Project Gutenberg™ work in a format other
than “Plain Vanilla ASCII” or other format used in the official
version posted on the official Project Gutenberg™ web site
({http://www.gutenberg.org}), you must, at no additional cost, fee or
expense to the user, provide a copy, a means of exporting a copy, or a
means of obtaining a copy upon request, of the work in its original
“Plain Vanilla ASCII” or other form. Any alternate format must include
the full Project Gutenberg™ License as specified in paragraph 1.E.1.\par

{\bfseries{1.E.7.}} Do not charge a fee for access to, viewing, displaying,
performing, copying or distributing any Project Gutenberg™ works
unless you comply with paragraph 1.E.8 or 1.E.9.\par

{\bfseries{1.E.8.}} You may charge a reasonable fee for copies of or providing
access to or distributing Project Gutenberg™ electronic works provided
that\par

\begin{itemize}
\item[-] You pay a royalty fee of 20\% of the gross profits you derive from
the use of Project Gutenberg™ works calculated using the method you
already use to calculate your applicable taxes. The fee is owed to
the owner of the Project Gutenberg™ trademark, but he has agreed to
donate royalties under this paragraph to the Project Gutenberg
Literary Archive Foundation. Royalty payments must be paid within 60
days following each date on which you prepare (or are legally
required to prepare) your periodic tax returns. Royalty payments
should be clearly marked as such and sent to the Project Gutenberg
Literary Archive Foundation at the address specified in Section 4,
“Information about donations to the Project Gutenberg Literary
Archive Foundation.”\par

\item[-] You provide a full refund of any money paid by a user who notifies
you in writing (or by e-mail) within 30 days of receipt that s/he
does not agree to the terms of the full Project Gutenberg™
License. You must require such a user to return or destroy all
copies of the works possessed in a physical medium and discontinue
all use of and all access to other copies of Project Gutenberg™
works.\par

\item[-] You provide, in accordance with paragraph 1.F.3, a full refund of
any money paid for a work or a replacement copy, if a defect in the
electronic work is discovered and reported to you within 90 days of
receipt of the work.\par

\item[-] You comply with all other terms of this agreement for free
distribution of Project Gutenberg™ works.\par
\end{itemize}

{\bfseries{1.E.9.}} If you wish to charge a fee or distribute a Project
Gutenberg™ electronic work or group of works on different terms than
are set forth in this agreement, you must obtain permission in writing
from both the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation and
Michael Hart, the owner of the Project Gutenberg™ trademark. Contact
the Foundation as set forth in Section 3. below.\par

{\bfseries{1.F.}}\par

{\bfseries{1.F.1.}} Project Gutenberg volunteers and employees expend
considerable effort to identify, do copyright research on, transcribe
and proofread public domain works in creating the Project Gutenberg™
collection. Despite these efforts, Project Gutenberg™ electronic
works, and the medium on which they may be stored, may contain
“Defects,” such as, but not limited to, incomplete, inaccurate or
corrupt data, transcription errors, a copyright or other intellectual
property infringement, a defective or damaged disk or other medium, a
computer virus, or computer codes that damage or cannot be read by
your equipment.\par

{\bfseries{1.F.2.}} LIMITED WARRANTY, DISCLAIMER OF DAMAGES – Except for the
“Right of Replacement or Refund” described in paragraph 1.F.3, the
Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation, the owner of the
Project Gutenberg™ trademark, and any other party distributing a
Project Gutenberg™ electronic work under this agreement, disclaim all
liability to you for damages, costs and expenses, including legal
fees. YOU AGREE THAT YOU HAVE NO REMEDIES FOR NEGLIGENCE, STRICT
LIABILITY, BREACH OF WARRANTY OR BREACH OF CONTRACT EXCEPT THOSE
PROVIDED IN PARAGRAPH 1.F.3. YOU AGREE THAT THE FOUNDATION, THE
TRADEMARK OWNER, AND ANY DISTRIBUTOR UNDER THIS AGREEMENT WILL NOT BE
LIABLE TO YOU FOR ACTUAL, DIRECT, INDIRECT, CONSEQUENTIAL, PUNITIVE OR
INCIDENTAL DAMAGES EVEN IF YOU GIVE NOTICE OF THE POSSIBILITY OF SUCH
DAMAGE.\par

{\bfseries{1.F.3.}} LIMITED RIGHT OF REPLACEMENT OR REFUND – If you discover a
defect in this electronic work within 90 days of receiving it, you can
receive a refund of the money (if any) you paid for it by sending a
written explanation to the person you received the work from. If you
received the work on a physical medium, you must return the medium
with your written explanation. The person or entity that provided you
with the defective work may elect to provide a replacement copy in
lieu of a refund. If you received the work electronically, the person
or entity providing it to you may choose to give you a second
opportunity to receive the work electronically in lieu of a refund. If
the second copy is also defective, you may demand a refund in writing
without further opportunities to fix the problem.\par

{\bfseries{1.F.4.}} Except for the limited right of replacement or refund set
forth in paragraph 1.F.3, this work is provided to you ‘AS-IS,’ WITH
NO OTHER WARRANTIES OF ANY KIND, EXPRESS OR IMPLIED, INCLUDING BUT NOT
LIMITED TO WARRANTIES OF MERCHANTIBILITY OR FITNESS FOR ANY PURPOSE.\par

{\bfseries{1.F.5.}} Some states do not allow disclaimers of certain implied
warranties or the exclusion or limitation of certain types of
damages. If any disclaimer or limitation set forth in this agreement
violates the law of the state applicable to this agreement, the
agreement shall be interpreted to make the maximum disclaimer or
limitation permitted by the applicable state law. The invalidity or
unenforceability of any provision of this agreement shall not void the
remaining provisions.\par

{\bfseries{1.F.6.}} INDEMNITY – You agree to indemnify and hold the Foundation,
the trademark owner, any agent or employee of the Foundation, anyone
providing copies of Project Gutenberg™ electronic works in accordance
with this agreement, and any volunteers associated with the
production, promotion and distribution of Project Gutenberg™
electronic works, harmless from all liability, costs and expenses,
including legal fees, that arise directly or indirectly from any of
the following which you do or cause to occur: (a) distribution of this
or any Project Gutenberg™ work, (b) alteration, modification, or
additions or deletions to any Project Gutenberg™ work, and (c) any
Defect you cause.\par

\penalty-300%
\label{section-2-information-about-the-mission-of-project-gutenberg}%
\hypertarget{section-2-information-about-the-mission-of-project-gutenberg}{}%
\vskip 3.25ex
{\noindent\interlinepenalty \@M\normalfont\large\bfseries%
Section 2. Information about the Mission of Project Gutenberg™}

\unskip\vskip 1.5ex\nobreak

{\noindent}
Project Gutenberg™ is synonymous with the free distribution of
electronic works in formats readable by the widest variety of
computers including obsolete, old, middle-aged and new computers. It
exists because of the efforts of hundreds of volunteers and donations
from people in all walks of life.\par

Volunteers and financial support to provide volunteers with the
assistance they need, is critical to reaching Project Gutenberg™'s
goals and ensuring that the Project Gutenberg™ collection will remain
freely available for generations to come. In 2001, the Project
Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation was created to provide a secure
and permanent future for Project Gutenberg™ and future generations. To
learn more about the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation and
how your efforts and donations can help, see Sections 3 and 4 and the
Foundation web page at {http://www.pglaf.org} .\par

\penalty-300%
\label{section-3-information-about-the-project-gutenberg-literary-archive-foundation}%
\hypertarget{section-3-information-about-the-project-gutenberg-literary-archive-foundation}{}%
\vskip 3.25ex
{\noindent\interlinepenalty \@M\normalfont\large\bfseries%
Section 3. Information about the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation}

\unskip\vskip 1.5ex\nobreak

{\noindent}
The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation is a non profit
501(c)(3) educational corporation organized under the laws of the
state of Mississippi and granted tax exempt status by the Internal
Revenue Service. The Foundation's EIN or federal tax identification
number is 64-6221541. Its 501(c)(3) letter is posted at
{https://www.gutenberg.org/fundraising/pglaf} . Contributions to the
Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation are tax deductible to
the full extent permitted by U.S.  federal laws and your state's laws.\par

The Foundation's principal office is located at 4557 Melan Dr.
S. Fairbanks, AK, 99712., but its volunteers and employees are
scattered throughout numerous locations. Its business office is
located at 809 North 1500 West, Salt Lake City, UT 84116, (801)
596-1887, email {business@pglaf.org}. Email contact links and up to date
contact information can be found at the Foundation's web site and
official page at {http://www.pglaf.org}\par

For additional contact information:\par

{\advance\leftskip\parindentamount{}\advance\rightskip\parindentamount{}
\vs{1}
\begin{verse}
{\vl {\noindent}
Dr. Gregory B. Newby\par}
{\vl Chief Executive and Director\par}
{\vl {gbnewby@pglaf.org}\par}
\end{verse}
}

\vs{1}
\penalty-300%
\label{section-4-information-about-donations-to-the-project-gutenberg-literary-archive-foundation}%
\hypertarget{section-4-information-about-donations-to-the-project-gutenberg-literary-archive-foundation}{}%
\vskip 3.25ex
{\noindent\interlinepenalty \@M\normalfont\large\bfseries%
{\noindent}
Section 4. Information about Donations to the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation}

\unskip\vskip 1.5ex\nobreak

{\noindent}
Project Gutenberg™ depends upon and cannot survive without wide spread
public support and donations to carry out its mission of increasing
the number of public domain and licensed works that can be freely
distributed in machine readable form accessible by the widest array of
equipment including outdated equipment. Many small donations (\$1 to
\$5,000) are particularly important to maintaining tax exempt status
with the IRS.\par

The Foundation is committed to complying with the laws regulating
charities and charitable donations in all 50 states of the United
States. Compliance requirements are not uniform and it takes a
considerable effort, much paperwork and many fees to meet and keep up
with these requirements. We do not solicit donations in locations
where we have not received written confirmation of compliance. To SEND
DONATIONS or determine the status of compliance for any particular
state visit {https://www.gutenberg.org/fundraising/donate}\par

While we cannot and do not solicit contributions from states where we
have not met the solicitation requirements, we know of no prohibition
against accepting unsolicited donations from donors in such states who
approach us with offers to donate.\par

International donations are gratefully accepted, but we cannot make
any statements concerning tax treatment of donations received from
outside the United States. U.S. laws alone swamp our small staff.\par

Please check the Project Gutenberg Web pages for current donation
methods and addresses. Donations are accepted in a number of other
ways including checks, online payments and credit card donations. To
donate, please visit: {https://www.gutenberg.org/fundraising/donate}\par

\penalty-300%
\label{section-5-general-information-about-project-gutenberg-electronic-works}%
\hypertarget{section-5-general-information-about-project-gutenberg-electronic-works}{}%
\vskip 3.25ex
{\noindent\interlinepenalty \@M\normalfont\large\bfseries%
Section 5. General Information About Project Gutenberg™ electronic works.}

\unskip\vskip 1.5ex\nobreak

{\noindent}
Professor Michael S. Hart is the originator of the Project Gutenberg™
concept of a library of electronic works that could be freely shared
with anyone. For thirty years, he produced and distributed Project
Gutenberg™ eBooks with only a loose network of volunteer support.\par

Project Gutenberg™ eBooks are often created from several printed
editions, all of which are confirmed as Public Domain in the
U.S. unless a copyright notice is included. Thus, we do not
necessarily keep eBooks in compliance with any particular paper
edition.\par

Each eBook is in a subdirectory of the same number as the eBook's
eBook number, often in several formats including plain vanilla ASCII,
compressed (zipped), HTML and others.\par

Corrected {\itshape{editions}} of our eBooks replace the old file and take over
the old filename and etext number. The replaced older file is
renamed. {\itshape{Versions}} based on separate sources are treated as new
eBooks receiving new filenames and etext numbers.\par

Most people start at our Web site which has the main PG search
facility:\par

{\advance\leftskip\parindentamount{}\advance\rightskip\parindentamount{}
\vs{1}
{\noindent}
{http://www.gutenberg.org}\par}

\vs{1}
{\noindent}
This Web site includes information about Project Gutenberg™, including
how to make donations to the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive
Foundation, how to help produce our new eBooks, and how to subscribe
to our email newsletter to hear about new eBooks.\par
\end{pgfooter_env}
\end{english}
\bookmark[level=1,page=1]{CONTENTS}
\bookmark[level=2,dest=introductory-note]{INTRODUCTORY NOTE.}
\bookmark[level=2,dest=this-wiretapper-was-color-blind]{THIS WIRETAPPER WAS COLOR-BLIND.}
\bookmark[level=2,dest=whooping-a-race-horse-under-the-wire]{"WHOOPING" A RACE-HORSE UNDER THE WIRE.}
\bookmark[level=2,dest=just-like-finding-money]{JUST LIKE FINDING MONEY.}
\bookmark[level=2,dest=this-son-of-fonso-was-of-no-account]{THIS SON OF FONSO WAS OF NO ACCOUNT.}
\bookmark[level=2,dest=hard-luck-wail-of-an-old-time-trainer]{HARD-LUCK WAIL OF AN OLD-TIME TRAINER.}
\bookmark[level=2,dest=story-of-an-almost-combination]{STORY OF AN "ALMOST" COMBINATION.}
\bookmark[level=2,dest=red-donnelly-s-streak-of-luck]{"RED" DONNELLY'S STREAK OF LUCK.}
\bookmark[level=2,dest=and-red-beak-jim-took-the-tip]{AND "RED BEAK JIM" TOOK THE TIP.}
\bookmark[level=2,dest=the-game-of-running-ringers]{THE GAME OF RUNNING "RINGERS."}
\bookmark[level=2,dest=experiences-of-a-verdant-bookmaker]{EXPERIENCES OF A VERDANT BOOKMAKER.}
\bookmark[level=2,dest=the-man-who-knew-all-about-touts]{THE MAN WHO KNEW ALL ABOUT TOUTS.}
\bookmark[level=2,dest=a-copper-lined-cinch-that-did-go-through]{A "COPPER-LINED CINCH" THAT DID GO THROUGH.}
\bookmark[level=2,dest=he-coppered-his-wife-s-hunches]{HE "COPPERED" HIS WIFE'S "HUNCHES."}
\bookmark[level=2,dest=a-race-horse-that-paid-a-church-debt]{A RACE HORSE THAT PAID A CHURCH DEBT.}
\bookmark[level=2,dest=a-seedy-sport-s-string-of-horses]{A SEEDY SPORT'S STRING OF HORSES.}
\bookmark[level=2,dest=this-telegram-was-signed-just-bub]{THIS TELEGRAM WAS SIGNED JUST "BUB."}
\bookmark[level=2,dest=story-of-a-famous-pat-hand]{STORY OF A FAMOUS PAT HAND.}
\bookmark[level=2,dest=great-luck-at-an-inopportune-time]{GREAT LUCK AT AN INOPPORTUNE TIME.}
\bookmark[level=2,dest=card-playing-on-ocean-steamers]{CARD-PLAYING ON OCEAN STEAMERS.}
\bookmark[level=2,dest=this-dog-knew-the-game-of-poker]{THIS DOG KNEW THE GAME OF POKER.}
\bookmark[level=2,dest=wind-up-of-a-train-game-of-poker]{WIND-UP OF A TRAIN GAME OF POKER.}
\bookmark[level=2,dest=queer-pacific-coast-poker]{QUEER PACIFIC COAST POKER.}
\bookmark[level=2,dest=the-proper-time-to-get-cold-feet]{THE PROPER TIME TO GET "COLD FEET."}
\bookmark[level=2,dest=cato-was-just-bound-to-play-poker]{CATO WAS JUST BOUND TO PLAY POKER.}
\bookmark[level=2,dest=finish-of-an-educated-red-man]{FINISH OF AN EDUCATED RED MAN.}
\bookmark[level=2,dest=the-uncertain-game-of-stud-poker]{THE UNCERTAIN GAME OF STUD POKER.}
\bookmark[level=2,dest=this-man-won-too-often]{THIS MAN WON TOO OFTEN.}
\bookmark[level=2,dest=the-nerve-of-gamblers-at-critical-moments]{THE NERVE OF GAMBLERS AT CRITICAL MOMENTS.}
\bookmark[level=2,dest=the-insidious-game-of-squeeze-spindle]{THE INSIDIOUS GAME OF SQUEEZE-SPINDLE.}
\hbox{}
\end{document}

% Local Variables:
% mode: tex
% encoding: utf-8
% End:
